Laid down the law on my anti-gun girlfriend...success!

jlbraun · May 15, 2006, 06:29 PM

Long story short, the girl has been shooting but did not want me owning guns for a variety of irrational / emotional reasons. Rational reasoning in all other forms failed.

"It's for protection." -> "Get a baseball bat."
"It's enjoyable." -> "So take up golf."
"You know, this area has almost 3 times the national average of rapes per capita."->"I can take care of myself, a gun wouldn't help anyway."
"It's for political reasons (a relative of mine was in a concentration camp)." ->"well, my family was run off their farm in the old country, and a lot of them got shot, that doesn't mean I go out and buy a gun."

So I said: "Here it is. I didn't want to being this up but this is how it stands. I feel that you're intruding on my personal boundaries by insisting that I get rid of my firearm. We've dated for awhile, so I can tell you the following. If I just met a hypothetical woman and she said 'It's the guns or me' as you just did, for a variety of reasons I would say that she didn't respect or trust me, and I'd show her the door. Please don't make me answer that question if the woman is you, because I don't think you'd like the answer. I understand that you are scared of guns, but recognize that that falls under your personal boundaries and owning guns falls into mine. I love you."

...and what do you know, she said, "OK. Even if we move in together, it's still outside of my boundaries to insist that you get rid of the gun. The relationship is more important to me. I'm still scared of guns though."

Huzzah!

cavman · May 15, 2006, 06:32 PM

Outstanding!
Give yourself a gold star!

1 old 0311 · May 15, 2006, 06:33 PM

Like breaking a horse, or raising a child...............Take it SLOW and easy.

Kevin

cowboybobb693 · May 15, 2006, 06:35 PM

BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nice to see someone else besides me has enough cajones to lay down the law to their girlfriend/wife etc.. Some folks just bring up tired old arguments about being anti-gun and they should really open up their eyes to the real world.
I'm just grateful that my wife LOVES guns and is a great shot.

Anthony · May 15, 2006, 06:35 PM

Nice to see a guy with balls in this "men holding their wives' purse and shaving below the neck because their girl told them to" kinda world we're living in!

Henry Bowman · May 15, 2006, 06:39 PM

Quote:

and shaving below the neck because their girl told them to

Now that's just plain messed up.

'Card · May 15, 2006, 06:39 PM

Your description of what you said sounds a lot better than what I thought it was going to after reading the thread title.

Just take it slowly and don't rub her face in it. She'll come around.

jlbraun · May 15, 2006, 07:01 PM

Quote:

Your description of what you said sounds a lot better than what I thought it was going to after reading the thread title.

Just take it slowly and don't rub her face in it. She'll come around.

For me, that WAS laying down the law.

I don't plan on rubbing it in, I've learned a lot about myself, guns, and her in the past few months.

Ala Dan · May 15, 2006, 07:04 PM

better yet, two gold stars~!

Matt King · May 15, 2006, 07:22 PM

Good job!!!

jlbraun · May 15, 2006, 07:41 PM

I also didn't want to drag it out over months or years. "First, I brought the slide in the house. A few months later, I brought the frame into the house..."

Rich K · May 15, 2006, 07:45 PM

Good job. Sounds like you two are on the right track.

Henry Bowman · May 15, 2006, 07:45 PM

Now to address CCW.

Silver Bullet · May 15, 2006, 07:59 PM

Quote:

Nice to see a guy with balls in this "men holding their wives' purse

Hey ... I hold my wife's purse when she goes into public restrooms. If anyone were to call me on it, I'd just tell them it's an ammunition bag.

Silver Bullet · May 15, 2006, 08:02 PM

Quote:

I understand that you are scared of guns, but recognize that that falls under your personal boundaries and owning guns falls into mine. I love you.

That ... was freaking brilliant !

rangermonroe · May 15, 2006, 08:17 PM

All that it will take for her to "come around" is something going bump in the night

, and she'll realize how comforting that hunk of steel can be.

Instant convert.

Tom Servo · May 15, 2006, 09:12 PM

Keep this up, and she'll end up out shooting you at the range in six months...

lamazza · May 15, 2006, 09:18 PM

Until you get her shooting and until she 'believes' this issue will not die. Women have a way of placating for the moment but their agenda is NEVER forgotten.

Standing Wolf · May 15, 2006, 09:18 PM

There's nothing like a shortage of people, so no need to waste time on the irrational.

jlbraun · May 15, 2006, 09:25 PM

Quote:

Until you get her shooting and until she 'believes' this issue will not die. Women have a way of placating for the moment but their agenda is NEVER forgotten.

True that. However, if her "agenda" comes up again and she tries to force it on me, I think that I've made it clear that she knows where the door is. I think my willingness to "go hard" on this helped.

I'll get her shooting soon enough.

**rbernie** · May 15, 2006, 09:38 PM

Don't push her on shooting...

You took the right approach by showing her that each of us has the right to our own boundaries. You asked her to respect yours. You need to do the same.

BigRobT · May 15, 2006, 11:32 PM

I might not recommend "pushing" her on shooting, but it wouldn't hurt to train, explain and introduce her to guns. Once she sees that they are no more dangerous than the person using it, she'll come around, maybe.

Lennyjoe · May 15, 2006, 11:34 PM

Good job.

I would of said something like; "Accept me and my guns or don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya"!

Pilgrim · May 15, 2006, 11:54 PM

I think you did incredibly well in addressing an area that eventually every relationship/marriage will get to.

My ex-PMS in the early days of our marriage pulled the "If you don't do this I'm leaving" gambit. I told her, "There's the front door. Don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out."

She went in to a 'fhit sit hissy' and said, "Do you really want me to leave?"

I told her, "No, but there is nothing I can do to make you stay if you want to leave. However, if I surrender to your ultimatum I will never have any life of my own in this marriage."

She calmed down and never pulled that stunt again.

Pilgrim

jibjab · May 16, 2006, 12:05 AM

My wife(not then) realized there was something amiss when Rose O'donall gave Tom Selleck a hard time for being pro gun on her show. God I love my wife. She realized there was something wrong with the anti-bias towards firearms in the media

Then she joined the NRA while not owning a gun , now she has many to choose from

May 15, 2006, 06:29 PM	#1
jlbraun Member Join Date: December 29, 2005 Posts: 2,200	Laid down the law on my anti-gun girlfriend...success! Long story short, the girl has been shooting but did not want me owning guns for a variety of irrational / emotional reasons. Rational reasoning in all other forms failed. "It's for protection." -> "Get a baseball bat." "It's enjoyable." -> "So take up golf." "You know, this area has almost 3 times the national average of rapes per capita."->"I can take care of myself, a gun wouldn't help anyway." "It's for political reasons (a relative of mine was in a concentration camp)." ->"well, my family was run off their farm in the old country, and a lot of them got shot, that doesn't mean I go out and buy a gun." So I said: "Here it is. I didn't want to being this up but this is how it stands. I feel that you're intruding on my personal boundaries by insisting that I get rid of my firearm. We've dated for awhile, so I can tell you the following. If I just met a hypothetical woman and she said 'It's the guns or me' as you just did, for a variety of reasons I would say that she didn't respect or trust me, and I'd show her the door. Please don't make me answer that question if the woman is you, because I don't think you'd like the answer. I understand that you are scared of guns, but recognize that that falls under your personal boundaries and owning guns falls into mine. I love you." ...and what do you know, she said, "OK. Even if we move in together, it's still outside of my boundaries to insist that you get rid of the gun. The relationship is more important to me. I'm still scared of guns though." Huzzah!

May 15, 2006, 06:35 PM	#5
Anthony Member Join Date: December 26, 2002 Posts: 563	Nice to see a guy with balls in this "men holding their wives' purse and shaving below the neck because their girl told them to" kinda world we're living in! __________________ - Anthony "Before all else, be armed." - Niccolo Machiavelli

May 15, 2006, 06:39 PM	#7
'Card Member Join Date: February 20, 2006 Location: Raleigh, NC Posts: 1,506	Your description of what you said sounds a lot better than what I thought it was going to after reading the thread title. Just take it slowly and don't rub her face in it. She'll come around. __________________ "Life is very short, please investigate it closely." - Siddhārtha Gautama (Gautama Buddha)

May 15, 2006, 07:04 PM	#9
Ala Dan Member Join Date: December 24, 2002 Location: The Very Hot, Humid, And Muggy South Posts: 11,395	better yet, two gold stars~! __________________ Best Wishes, Ala Dan, The Gun Man Life Member N.R.A. since Sept. 9th, 1975 The High Road.org Member #149

May 15, 2006, 07:45 PM	#13
Henry Bowman Senior Member Join Date: December 30, 2002 Location: Cincinnati, Ohio Posts: 6,718	Now to address CCW. __________________ Send lawyers, guns, and money . . .

May 15, 2006, 06:32 PM	#2
cavman Member Join Date: December 16, 2005 Location: Germantown,MD Posts: 669	Outstanding! Give yourself a gold star!

May 15, 2006, 06:33 PM	#3
1 old 0311 Member Join Date: June 26, 2005 Location: Planet Earth Posts: 2,662	Like breaking a horse, or raising a child...............Take it SLOW and easy. Kevin

May 15, 2006, 06:35 PM	#4
cowboybobb693 Member Join Date: February 26, 2005 Location: Lincoln,Texas Posts: 120	BRAVO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Nice to see someone else besides me has enough cajones to lay down the law to their girlfriend/wife etc.. Some folks just bring up tired old arguments about being anti-gun and they should really open up their eyes to the real world. I'm just grateful that my wife LOVES guns and is a great shot.

May 15, 2006, 07:22 PM	#10
Matt King Member Join Date: April 17, 2006 Location: USA Posts: 1,152	Good job!!!

May 15, 2006, 07:41 PM	#11
jlbraun Member Join Date: December 29, 2005 Posts: 2,200	I also didn't want to drag it out over months or years. "First, I brought the slide in the house. A few months later, I brought the frame into the house..."

May 15, 2006, 07:45 PM	#12
Rich K Member Join Date: August 24, 2004 Location: SE Michigan Posts: 552	Good job. Sounds like you two are on the right track.

May 15, 2006, 08:17 PM	#16
rangermonroe Member Join Date: January 30, 2006 Location: savannah, ga Posts: 250	Well played! All that it will take for her to "come around" is something going bump in the night , and she'll realize how comforting that hunk of steel can be. Instant convert.

May 15, 2006, 09:12 PM	#17
Tom Servo Member Join Date: April 25, 2004 Location: The hilly SE Posts: 1,315	Keep this up, and she'll end up out shooting you at the range in six months... __________________ "I believe in .44 Special the way some folks believe in Elvis." --Michael Bane

May 15, 2006, 09:18 PM	#18
lamazza Member Join Date: November 21, 2005 Location: Wisconsin Posts: 1,060	Until you get her shooting and until she 'believes' this issue will not die. Women have a way of placating for the moment but their agenda is NEVER forgotten. __________________ Those who make peaceful revolution impossible make violent revolution inevitable

May 15, 2006, 09:18 PM	#19
Standing Wolf Member Join Date: December 24, 2002 Location: Colorado Posts: 23,224	There's nothing like a shortage of people, so no need to waste time on the irrational. __________________ No tyrant should ever be allowed to die a natural death.

May 15, 2006, 09:38 PM	#21
rbernie Moderator Join Date: January 21, 2004 Location: Plain Ol', Texas Posts: 12,069	Don't push her on shooting... You took the right approach by showing her that each of us has the right to our own boundaries. You asked her to respect yours. You need to do the same. __________________ A conclusion is not a destination, it's simply a convenient place to stop thinking. Reading a thing doesn't automatically make it so; repeating it doesn't necessarily make it any truer. If you live in Texas - become a member of the Texas State Rifle Association.

May 15, 2006, 11:32 PM	#22
BigRobT Member Join Date: December 11, 2005 Location: North Central Texas Posts: 398	I might not recommend "pushing" her on shooting, but it wouldn't hurt to train, explain and introduce her to guns. Once she sees that they are no more dangerous than the person using it, she'll come around, maybe. __________________ A government big enough to give you everything you want is big enough to take everything you have. - Barry Goldwater We must destroy and rid ourselves of the "Nanny State" mentality.- BigRobT

May 15, 2006, 11:34 PM	#23
Lennyjoe Member Join Date: December 25, 2002 Location: Behind the lines in Maryland Posts: 5,334	Good job. I would of said something like; "Accept me and my guns or don't let the door hit ya where the good Lord split ya"!

May 15, 2006, 11:54 PM	#24
Pilgrim Member Join Date: December 25, 2002 Location: Idaho, escaped from the PDRK. Posts: 2,942	I think you did incredibly well in addressing an area that eventually every relationship/marriage will get to. My ex-PMS in the early days of our marriage pulled the "If you don't do this I'm leaving" gambit. I told her, "There's the front door. Don't let the door hit you on the ass on the way out." She went in to a 'fhit sit hissy' and said, "Do you really want me to leave?" I told her, "No, but there is nothing I can do to make you stay if you want to leave. However, if I surrender to your ultimatum I will never have any life of my own in this marriage." She calmed down and never pulled that stunt again. Pilgrim

May 16, 2006, 12:05 AM	#25
jibjab Member Join Date: August 19, 2005 Location: Oregon Posts: 1,384	My wife(not then) realized there was something amiss when Rose O'donall gave Tom Selleck a hard time for being pro gun on her show. God I love my wife. She realized there was something wrong with the anti-bias towards firearms in the media Then she joined the NRA while not owning a gun , now she has many to choose from

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