There are things you've said that worry me that at times, you're no more safe than he is:
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But he does other things. He often leaves the safety off on his gun when shooting. It’s just not a habit like it is for me to put the safety on. Especially when shooting clays. Like for example, if he lets me shoot his gun , he’ll hand it to me with the safety off. When I return it with the safety on, he will always pull the trigger and no bangy because he didn’t assume the safety to be on and didn’t check. Does the same when we are shooting 22 rifles.
If you were to hand a fellow shooter a loaded shotgun on any of our clays ranges, safety on or not, you'd be permanently banned. You want to let someone shoot your gun, or vice-versa, that's okay, but you hand it to them unloaded and action open. So far as I am concerned that's the only way to hand any kind of firearm to someone else under any circumstance, and I teach basic handgun, rifle and shotgun classes.
So in this instance he showed me his loaded carry gun, I unloaded it, checked it out, loaded it back and handed it back in the same condition it was handed to me in. He pointed it and bang. No one was hurt. He did have it pointed in a safe direction. He said he thought I unloaded it and was just going to dry fire. So trying to duck the blame and put it on me.
Goes back to what I just mentioned; you NEVER hand a loaded firearm to anyone, under any circumstances. He should unload the carry gun before he hands it to you to look at, and you hand it back to him the same way, and with the action open. That is basic firearm safety.
I’ve seen him have his finger on the trigger when readjusting the grip on a cocked single action. Muzzle was pointed upwards. On the range. I mentioned it and he got huffy. I’ve seen him do the same thing with his off hand over the cylinder gap.... that would have sucked for him.
The burned hand teaches best about fire.
I’ve tried to mention things here and there and he always gets defensive. He was in the air force. He says I was safe enough in the AF and now I’m not safe I guess. He goes to an indoor range and he must be safe enough for them? Maybe they ain’t got high standards.
I got intimately acquainted with the USAF Combat Arms section of the base I was stationed at during Desert Storm, and let me tell you, the standards couldn't have been any higher or stricter. What did your friend do in the AF? Generally, base security and the police forces are the only guys who routinely use firearms, unless they're Spec Ops guys. I don't see him being any of those, if he was so cavalier about gun safety in the military. Even non-combatants have to take a basic rifle and handgun course and qualify in the AF; I was a Flight Nurse, technically a noncombatant, but our instructors were very strict about safety and would crawl all over anyone who muzzle flashed someone after being told not to.
How best to approach this?
Thanks for reading. Prayer and advice welcomed here.
As for the rest of what you posted about him, friend or not, I'd never put myself into a situation where I was with him when he is armed. I would not allow him in my house, or on my property when he was armed, and if he is too obtuse or his pride is wounded, too bad. Better his pride than you or a loved one.
Go take a safety class together!
Amen