I kind of know the shame that you feel , just not the pain . When I bought my first semi automatic pistol many years ago I was going to disassemble it late one night because I had trouble reassembling it the first time . It was a 1911 . Well it was so late that I changed my mind . I had racked it with a loaded magazine . When I decided not to disassemble it , I pulled the trigger to let the hammer down . That was also something that I was taught growing up not to do . I read not ride the hammer and dry firing was ok , so I pulled the trigger . Luckily it was pointed at the floor , but I felt the air go by my bare foot . I thought that I was dreaming at 3:00am in the morning . Then I thought the police were going to come any minute , our houses were so close to each other . So I opened the windows to get the smell and smoke out . I had dropped the pistol on the sofa when it fired . I went to get it and I saw the hammer cocked again and I was afraid to pick it up and unload it . I finally got my courage up , fearing the police were going to be here any minute and I dropped the magazine and racked the slide to unload it . I don’t remember now if I pulled the trigger afterwards or if I road the hammer down with my thumb to lower the hammer . I put the pistol up and the police never showed up . I was afraid to touch that pistol for a long time after that . I still feel the shame of my careless negligence discharge . I just hope that it made me more safety conscious and it will never happen again . I write this so that anyone else reading this might can learn from my mistake . The only thing that I did halfway right that night was have the pistol pointed in a direction that no one could get hurt when it fired . If I would have been pointing it down the hall , it possibly would have penetrated the neighbors house killing or injuring one of their kids or them . Thanks for posting your story here OP , someone less experienced and young could learn from reading this thread and be more careful ( WHERE ) the muzzle is pointed and DOUBLE and TRIPLE checking that the firearm IS NOT LOADED .