Dad's Dementia

My parents died under different circumstances many years ago. They were both in their 70s.

When they died, it hit hard of course. I likened it to the death of an immortal...after all, that's how we view our parents as we grow up, right? We never really consider the fact thay they will someday die until one day reality hits us and their mortality finally sinks in.

I grieved, of course. But in the process of greiving, I realized I had no regrets. Not because I didn't feel the pain of their passing (which I most certainly did), but because I realized my parents had gotten everything out of life that they ever wanted.

They built a home together...raised five children to adulthood. Knew several grandchildren. Perservered over innumerable challenges from their births in the early 1920s to their deaths in the 1990s. Were never a burden to others and always helped family and friends. They loved and were loved.

When it all boils down, you can't get much more out of life than that, really.

If you can say the same about your parents, then you'll come to understand that your mourning for them is rooted in all that was good about them and the pain you feel is because they touched your life and the lives of so many others in a very special way. And that's really a happy, healthy thing.

It seems too many people have regrets around their parents deaths. Perhaps some of those are real and perhaps some are just lingering feelings of self doubts and guilt.

Me? I have no regrets. How, and why, should I when my parents acheived their dreams? I should be so blessed when my own time comes.

I suspect this may be true for you, as well.

My prayers for you and yours.

Let's hope and pray that God and the medical community find a cure for
this type of illness. Too many of us have seen our loved ones live for a
long time with it before passing away.

Zeke

Prayers for you and your family. My mother had dementia, and survived longer than my father, stepmother, and both of my wife's parents. It kills the victim and wounds everyone they know and love.

My grandfather passed away this year as well. He had a more mild form of dementia but it still made it hard for everyone. The most difficult part for us was that his dementia began to affect his ability to swallow food. Eventually he became too weak to get around and couldn't eat food anymore. He passed this last April. He was a WWII veteran and the most gentle man I ever knew. I will be praying for your family.

Sounds like a good man raised a son in the same image.

My prayers with you and your family.

I can give you first hand experience on what I have seen. I had to put my Mom, who is 96 yrs old, into a Nursing home with a "Memory Care Unit", in June of this year. It was a tough call, but she could no longer live alone or with us, but to get more to your situation, my uncle who had been a gun guy all his life, from a Marine DI, to a Gunsmith, got that dreaded Alzheimers which started as Dementia when he came down to FL for my wedding.
I knew it when he pulled me to the side and told me he was getting rid of all of his guns. At first it didn't dawn n me until I started to access his behavior over time, and realized he had been repeating himself even more than normal.He had a lot of guns, being the Treasurer of his Club on Long Island, New York. So he realized it and made arrangements to sell off his collection to the guys in the club. He just wanted a 38 for his wife to use in the house should she need it. Once it got to a certain point, he too had to go into a facility, there is no way around it unless you have a hundred thousand dollars a year to provide constant care.
I know my moms is 9 thousand per month.
So he knew and being a very disiplined guy, he took steps to avoid the burden of leaving a hundred guns around for his wife to try and figure out what to do with.
He told me of his friend, the local Police Cheif, who had passed and they were still finding guns 2 years later, hidden in the roof beams.
When it's time you will know, they just can''t function anymore. Even the simple tasks are impossile and they have no recollection of what you just said seconds before, let alone Showering and eating. It's a nightmare disease, something we should be spending Billions in research instead of worrying about Climate Change, or Space.
He will forget everything at some point and it won't be an issue sorry to say. In the meantime just see if you can either remove the ammo, or take out the firing pins.

We had to put mom in a memory care center earlier this year. At 7,000 a month it didn't take long to blow though her resources. I worry about this. Grandma and Grandpa on one side developed dementia, my grandmother on the other side developed it also.

I wonder which of my siblings will get it and who will have to take responsibility, I hope at least one of us is able to. I'm surprised that this malady doesn't get more attention, it has to be more expensive to care for than cancer.

It is so sad to lose someone while they are living and find that when death comes it is a blessing of sorts. I think I'd rather have a coronary in a deer blind myself.

People are living longer now, and this really never happened before. When we were kids Grandma lived maybe into her 80's. But now if you get past that hump at 75-80, it seems like they drift right into the mid 90's if not more like my other aunt who I mentioned. 103 is just too old when you can't reason or remember anything. The medical profession has been able to fix the Heart problems that used to kill people in their sleep, with better diagnostic equiptment and early testing of the labs, but have done little to nothing about the mental state of American seniors,and young people also, which we talk about every time there is a shooting.
How can we prepare for these incidents when we don't know what their mental capacity is? When a person knows or thinks that they are going to lose their gun rights if they seek mental help, we all know they aren't going to expose themselves for fear of losing their guns. It's a slippery slope, which falls upon the kids and other family members to navigate. Fortunately my uncle had a disipline that prepared him for this before it became a runaway train, because at the end he was angry most times, because he could no longer do simple things like even brush his teeth, tie his shoe, this from a man who led hundreds of men every day, it's horrible to go out that way.That and Cancer need more money spent on them until we get a handle on it, and everything else can wait. Once this effects your family you see it for what it is.It seems like one or the other is sure to get most seniors when realistically they could and should live their last 5 or 10 years happy with the family instead of in the hospital.
And it's the short term memory that goes first, I can speak to my mom for ten minutes before I realize she is someware else, they get good at pretending. Hang in there, maybe this President will designate the funds for more research.

Alzheimer's is a terrible disease. My father in law was an agronomist and university professor. Also a WW2 AAF veteran. He realized that something was happening to him and before the disease progressed very far, he brought me into a spare bedroom in his house and gave me a .22 rifle and .410 shotgun that he wanted to be sure that I got. The only two guns that he owned.
He lived for several years with the disease and unfortunatey towards the end did not remember any of his family or friends.

red rick said:

Dad died tonight , he is out of his agony now .

Some people have movie stars as their hero . I can honestly say my dad has always been my hero . He lived his life the cowboy way .

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So sorry for your loss.

red rick said:

Thank you so much . We had a nice funeral service today .

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Rick, sorry for your loss. Mom is 82 and we are dealing with it as best we can, just a sad terrible disease...

The hardest floor to handle as a volunteer for Indiana Veterans Home is Pyle 3 which is the dementia ward. Seeing these men and women physically healthy yet betrayed by their own minds is the most heartbreaking duty anyone can experience. About a year ago an elderly woman and her son was on the elevator leaving when one of the attendants ask her why she put herself through the misery of trying to communicate with her older son that was in the last stages. Her reply was soft and without rancor and still brings tears to my eyes... "He may have forgotten he is this man's brother and my son but we have not." In my mind, this describes the disease's effect as well as anything.

I'm 73, I truly pray I never acquire this. Not for my sake, I wouldn't know the difference, but for my wife and 2 daughters sake. I would never wish to put them thru it!

What advice can the board offer to We Crusty Bachelors?
I have no spouse or relatives to trouble with my eventual decline but I have close friends approaching family. I am sure they would be supportive but they have their own elders to worry about.
A wish to be like the Wonderful One-Hoss Shay is not enough to work with.

Jim,
Apoint one to be power of atty to make decisions and run finances, and ultimately check on you in a facility.

My mother and her mother both succumb to dementia. I don't wish it on my worst enemy. Mom would get out and wander off in the middle of the night in her nightgown and get lost and be picked up by the police. We had to put her in a nursing home shortly after a few episodes like this.

bikerdoc said:

Jim,
Apoint one to be power of atty to make decisions and run finances, and ultimately check on you in a facility.

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Got one of those, need to see if they are still willing. Goes back to The Incident of 2010 reported in these pages.

Jim Watson said:

What advice can the board offer to We Crusty Bachelors?
I have no spouse or relatives to trouble with my eventual decline but I have close friends approaching family. I am sure they would be supportive but they have their own elders to worry about.
A wish to be like the Wonderful One-Hoss Shay is not enough to work with.

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My advice- peel off some of the crust and get involved in something... The church, little league... Whatever suits your fancy. This has (among others) the benefit of keeping your mind sharp and gaining the respect of your community at large. Going back to my experience at IVH Pyle 3 90 percent of the residents have not had a family or friend visit or concern since they have been there. The four that do visit... one is a brother, one a pastor, one a childhood friend and the last a man that openly admits if not for the resident he would be dead or in jail. The last has a wonderful phrase that as long as he has a biscuit the resident has half.

One of the many lessons volunteering teaches is you get out of life what you put into it. Sit down with a friend you can trust and voice your concerns, take a nephew or niece hunting or find one of the next generation willing to let you teach your skills. Pray to merciful God and the Saints the time never comes but make sure your story is told now in case the time comes that it is locked inside you with no way to tell it and no one to tell it to.