Help with ‘disabling’ two guns

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Labguy47 said:
You better hope no one breaks in....I would be pissed if I went for my gun and it had the firing pin removed when it was needed against a push in robbery. Quite common as of late. You would never forgive yourself. If he never goes near them then just let them be. Taking out the firing pins of both is super easy.
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Take the firing pins, not the guns. My dad went through dementia, but never fully lost his memory before passing.

One of the last things he told me before passing away, was that he wanted my brother in law to have his 16 gauge. That was maybe a week before he passed at home.
I remember that vividly, because when my mom's parents passed, my uncles got all the firearms (some got 2 or 3), but my dad (and the other son-in-law) didn't get any. He never spoke about that, never bitched. He was quiet that way, with family. But despite his dementia, it became clear to me that he also never forgot that snub, and didn't want to do the same thing to his own son in law.
BTW, that 16 gauge was the oldest gun he had, the only one he had from his childhood.

And for further evidence to go ahead and disable the guns: one of our neighbors developed Alzheimers, in the 80's when I was a teen. We had moved there in 72. One day, we saw the police at his driveway- he had a shotgun, was clearly demented, and confused and angry about "all these strangers" around his house (including his own son). They had a standoff for awhile, before getting him to put the gun down.
Yeah, a person might be super-pissed if they felt threatened and discovered their guns don't work... but that's better than him shooting a neighbor or son he had forgotten.
 
Another alternative might be to take the guns and put a (good) gun lock on them, or lock them in a gun box or safe... and secure the keys someplace safe. This would allow the person's prized possessions to still be there (but not readily available to the person or to anyone else).

This is a very important thread -- as would be a similar discussion about what to do when someone who is suicidal or facing very tough times and could become suicidal -- has access to a gun. It is hard to intervene, hard to ask "the authorities" what to do, too... but this is something that people who know and like guns may need to figure out. I think in almost all cases it is better to take action to reduce the threat and risk upsetting someone, than to not take action and risk a far worse outcome.

Thanks to the OP for sharing this situation, and to others for good responses. Made me think about this topic, which I hadn't seen in any other gun forums.
 
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Very sorry for your issue.
It brings back unpleasant memories.
He was as much a friend as a parent in my adult years.
Watching a parent decline is just heart wrenching.
I miss him. :(

My Dad had a sawed off 12 ga.
I snuck it out of the house when he was gone.
He never asked or complained about it.
Infact I don't think he ever noticed it being missing.
 
Hondo 60 said:
Very sorry for your issue.
It brings back unpleasant memories.
He was as much a friend as a parent in my adult years.
Watching a parent decline is just heart wrenching.
I miss him. :(

My Dad had a sawed off 12 ga.
I snuck it out of the house when he was gone.
He never asked or complained about it.
Infact I don't think he ever noticed it being missing.
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Always better safe than sorry no matter the feedback.
 
When my father in law descended into dementia, nobody wanted to hurt his feelings or deal with the frustration of taking his guns away. Then my mother in law came home one night and he pulled a pistol on her because he didn't recognize her and thought she was a home invader. He held her at gunpoint, demanding that she tell him what she had done with his wife. She was able to flee the house and call the police to disarm him. Thankfully, he didn't have a round chambered or she might be dead now. Or he could have been shot by the cops when they responded to the incident. Either way, this was totally avoidable if someone had just showed the courage to do the right thing.

Dealing with dementia really sucks! It's hard on everybody involved. I wish I had been there to "be the bad guy" when nobody who lived near him had the spine to do what needed to be done. They all took the easy road and it almost cost my MIL her life. Do the hard, necessary, grown-up thing that needs to be done. Make the decision to avoid a tragedy, not an uncomfortable conversation. It will hurt, but it's the right thing to do. Good luck!
 
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I am not sure that it is a peaceful or forthright thing to mislead someone you care for in their lost times - I am not sure that I could do that, I would not want that done to me.
Someone you care for gets told straight up; you are ill and the guns are going - it does not matter if they understand - anger, feelings, resentment, confusion, etc do not matter anymore - brutal honesty does, these things get worked out in a loving family.
A mind that no longer works properly still deserve dignity especially if you care for them. Take charge and tell them like it is, the caring and love will prevail; in the end, that is the only way that everyone gets to live with themselves.
 
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You have a good strategy. But your tactics need refinement.

Bedside manner is not just about hospital stays.

The torture of not understanding compounded with "brutal honesty" sounds like punishment for advanced age.

When children don't understand we explain in a way that can, or we do what is right and leave them out of it.

Truth and lies are a hard thing for some.

Not for me.

When the time comes, unfortunately it does in my blood, I will take them out for a cleaning and they will be gone.

And I will lie about it till the end.

Because I love my Dad.

In his last time I want him "blissfully ignorant". Not angry, or resentful.

It may seem wrong. It will weigh my heart.
I'll carry on...

When my time comes I hope to have been rid of my accumulation, save one.

I hope my son takes it, "for cleaning". Without letting me know, yet again, my brain sucks.
Like I did for my Grandfather.

I love that rifle.

My heart is broken for you, @ExAgoradzo.

Go forward. You are the good in this.
 
yeah, we went through this with my dad, a WWII vet.

You are doing the right thing.

Also, look around and be careful about any knives he might have. My sister stayed overnight with my dad a lot and one night he was clearly having a bad dream so she went into the room and called his name and he woke up and whipped out a wicked sharp military knife he had honed to a razor and stuffed under his mattress!!!

Imagine if the nurse had come in and he had done that or worse!!!

Good luck. I thought the previous poster who said leaving the guns there might result in a situation where the police ended up shooting him made a good point, but I agree with you I would sure as heck AT LEAST remove firing pins.

Good luck.
 
Spats McGee said:
@ExAgoradzo, first of all, let me say how sorry I am that you're going through this. I've been there & done that, and it downright stinks. There's no easy path through. With that said, I like this idea:

I don't know how far along into dementia your dad is, but he may or may not remember that you have them. If so, "Oh, yeah, Dad. I have those and I'll bring them by tomorrow . . . " Come tomorrow, he may or may not remember that you have them. I know you're not supposed to lie, but it may be the only way to keep peace. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck.
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This is spot on. When we had to take my Father-in-law's guns away for the same reason ( he was a retired deputy sheriff), my wife would argue with him all day about why we had to do it. I would just say "Sure Pop, we'll bring 'em next visit" and he'd be happy and go on to something else. It's all in his best interest.
 
Lots of good advice here. Flying with checked firearms is easy, btw. You are a good son going through something no one should have too. Bless you and your parents.
 
My sincere thoughts with you. You are doing the right thing.

My 93 year old grandfather just took his own life last weekend. We had removed the guns when my grandmother had started to suffer advanced dementia and my grandfather could no longer see or hear well enough to distinguish family from foe. He protested. We caved. He was a WWII vet and had the right to keep a gun.

Last Saturday in a fit of despair due to becoming oxygen dependant and not progressing enough to receive a heart surgery as well as feeling he was a burden on us, he barricaded himself in his room and used a .22 snub nose to end his life.

I have not read the autopsy and do not want to, but i cleaned the blood out of the carpet and threw away the bed. I do not think he went "lights out" like my mom thinks he did.

Its tough to know when to make the call. Had we stuck to ours, I probably wouldnt be carrying around a fired casing from his 21 gun salute in my pocket that the Honor Guard picked up off the ground and handed to me.

Strength be with you.
 
I am getting ready to deal with this as my 76 yr old father is showing signs of dementia, very early symptoms. I don't want to leave Mom defenseless so I will probably leave a revolver at the house where she knows where it is located. She physically can't operate a semi-auto pistol. I dread that day...
 
When my dad had trouble recognizing us and said things like, "I sure miss your mother," when she was in the other room, we just took the guns out of the house. (Mom doesn't like guns a bit.) Dad never missed them. His decline was shockingly rapid, and hip replacement surgery sent him to a nursing home. He ended up with a blood infection, and we lost him in '99.

I understand your situation, and you have my respect and sympathy.
 
Elm Creek Smith said:
When my dad had trouble recognizing us and said things like, "I sure miss your mother," when she was in the other room, we just took the guns out of the house. (Mom doesn't like guns a bit.) Dad never missed them. His decline was shockingly rapid, and hip replacement surgery sent him to a nursing home. He ended up with a blood infection, and we lost him in '99.

I understand your situation, and you have my respect and sympathy.
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I feel your pain my grandparent pa was same way. I watched him pass away. He always kept firearms ready. Keep them locked up. For there safety as well as yours.
 
Just went thru the same problem recently with my parents. I was fortunate, in that I worked at a group home with a Dementia Ward. You should simply remove the guns. When he asks, (if he asks) have an answer ready, be evasive, downright lie. Others are right, he may never notice they are gone, or he may forget he ever asked, and keep asking for them again and again. If it's Alzheimers, (the most common, by far)he will never remember things, from minute to minute, then have sudden periods, where he snaps back to total clarity.

You may want to start also removing other dangerous implements, razors, scissors, utility knives, etc. Also, be very careful to be sure he is always escorted, when going outside. Your family really needs to discuss all this with a RN or Dementia Specialist.

Example: Him-"Where's Ellie? She was just here."{actually, ten years gone}
You-"Pops, she went to visit her sister, in Ohio,(wherever whatever relative lived) for a couple of days. " (If you tell him she's gone, again, he'll relive the train wreck of her passing, every time you tell him, like it just happened; when he's having a lucid period, he'll just know) Try to be ready with evasive responses, and be patient.

The unfortunate down side is it will get worse, as it does, the firearms will probably fade, as an issue, over time. Be evasive, reassuring,
they trained us to "take the journey" with the patients, as, in a way, you are now a guide, into their not so comfortable new world.
It helps to evade bad news, distract him, when you can, reassure him, when you can't, and keep your personal expectations of any memory retention very low.

Distractions-use food, hobbies, TV, newspapers, jigsaw puzzles, and books, a cup of coffee or tea, and a sit-down many times does the trick.
 
Dibbs said:
Just went thru the same problem recently with my parents. I was fortunate, in that I worked at a group home with a Dementia Ward. You should simply remove the guns. When he asks, (if he asks) have an answer ready, be evasive, downright lie. Others are right, he may never notice they are gone, or he may forget he ever asked, and keep asking for them again and again. If it's Alzheimers, (the most common, by far)he will never remember things, from minute to minute, then have sudden periods, where he snaps back to total clarity.

You may want to start also removing other dangerous implements, razors, scissors, utility knives, etc. Also, be very careful to be sure he is always escorted, when going outside. Your family really needs to discuss all this with a RN or Dementia Specialist.

Example: Him-"Where's Ellie? She was just here."{actually, ten years gone}
You-"Pops, she went to visit her sister, in Ohio,(wherever whatever relative lived) for a couple of days. " (If you tell him she's gone, again, he'll relive the train wreck of her passing, every time you tell him, like it just happened; when he's having a lucid period, he'll just know) Try to be ready with evasive responses, and be patient.

The unfortunate down side is it will get worse, as it does, the firearms will probably fade, as an issue, over time. Be evasive, reassuring,
they trained us to "take the journey" with the patients, as, in a way, you are now a guide, into their not so comfortable new world.
It helps to evade bad news, distract him, when you can, reassure him, when you can't, and keep your personal expectations of any memory retention very low.

Distractions-use food, hobbies, TV, newspapers, jigsaw puzzles, and books, a cup of coffee or tea, and a sit-down many times does the trick.
Click to expand...
My mom (93) is in this journey now. This is excellent advice ^^^^
 
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