the icepick theory

Status
Not open for further replies.

icebones

Member
Joined
Feb 2, 2008
Messages
585
Location
You ain't from around here, KY
this is a term paper i wrote for my senor portfolio writing assignment.

funny thing is, my language teacher was a rabid anti-guner, but i have rabbit hunted with the principal on several occasions. this paper caused a few anti-gun teachers to raise hell, but i havent got into any trouble and this writing was even put into the local newspaper. the language teacher tryied repeatidly to pick it apart and re-word it for "errors". but i stood my ground
it puts my mind at rest. my school hasnt gone to the dark side yet...

sorry this is thing is friggin' long, but i wanted to put the whole piece in, just to get my point across.

----
The Ice Pick Effect
In today’s world nothing is made clear for the average person. In order to understand all the fancy talk of the news, media, politics and courts across America you need a Bachelor’s degree in criminal justice. One the most controversial and debated to topic in America is the 2nd amendment. As stated in the U.S. Constitution the 2nd amendment follows as “A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a Free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed” The 2nd amendment covers, believe it or not two topics. During the time the bill of rights were written we had no army, no military. So the militia is defined as a sort of makeshift army composed of any willing man of age, it also states plain as day: the right of the people to keep and bear arms shall not be infringed. Not just the police, not the military, not just the government, but the average person, the citizen.

Guns, I don’t care if you love ’em or hate ’em, these are the facts, strait, with no fancy talk or twisted myths or biased opinions. And for the record, “gun” is a generic term, it is not correct or fitting. They are called firearms. It would be like calling bacteria or viruses “germs” It makes a person look less intelligent to use a generic term.
I hate the way you hear about a shooting on the news, people raving about a “crazed madman with a machine gun” all you hear about firearms from the media is the negative stuff (just like the war in Iraq). You see people claiming to be professionals sitting in a big comfy sofa on some news show and arguing about what type of firearm should be banned just because of how it looks or how it works. I’d bet money they haven’t handled a firearm in their life. I grow tired or hearing some people saying something like “if there was no “guns” there wouldn’t be any violence.” Wrong. Since Great Britain decided to ban firearms the crime rate in Britain has skyrocketed, according to BBC News in 1998 crime rate rose by 40% two years after the firearm bans. In America according to the ATF, the number of privately owned firearms rose to roughly 35 million firearms from 1990 to 2000, and consequently the crime rate fell by almost 37%. Also the A.T.F. (Bureau of alcohol, tobacco and firearms) stated that dealers sell almost 4 millions firearms to private and law abiding citizens each year. If this continues, a criminal’s life in America will become very dangerous indeed. But lets say that for a moment all of the firearms in the entire world were to disappear. What would stop the criminals from using knives, baseball bats, crowbars and the thousands of other household objects as weapons? These criminals would prey on the small and weak. I also find it ironic that some of the big “important” people like politicians and celebrities, like Bill Brady, Hillary Clinton, New York mayor Michel Bloomberg and Ted Kennedy, think that no common person should have a firearm, yet they surround themselves with well armed bodyguards and sometimes even military troops. Have I got you thinking yet? Or what about the people who say that just having a firearm around makes you more likely to get shot, by your own weapon. I admit there is no cure for stupidity or ignorance but a little common sense and safety goes a long way. In fact a few years past the Clinton Justice Department (an anti-gun group) “produced” a study stating that---“guns are three out of ten times more likely to kill you than help you” If that were true then three out of ten people I know would have been killed or injured by a firearm. But, yet we still remain unscathed. Sounds like their numbers were flawed a bit don’t you think?

The mere presence of a firearm means a solid and dependable source of security and defense. Sure a home security system or more cops out on the street can make you safer but a good firearm by your nightstand makes for a very comforting feeling. Besides, when the electricity goes out or the phone lines are down the security system also fails, and you can call the police, if you’re prepared you may also have a cell phone. Even if you manage to call the police it takes minutes for the authorities to respond to a call. What are you going to do with a criminal inside your house with the police still minutes away? According to the National Safety Council, firearms are used approximately 2.5 million times a year by law-abiding citizens for self-defense. And in most of those cases a citizen simply brandishing a firearm is enough to scare off a would-be robber, mugger, rapist or killer. It sickens me to live in a country that allows some of its elected officials to erode away our right keep firearms in our homes. The “ice pick effect” I have developed, is a theory that the anti-gun crowd will not try to take away all firearms at once. It can’t be done. Instead that will chip away at our freedoms. For example, they will first ban those .50 caliber rifles because they are “too big” then handguns “because they can not be used for hunting most types of game” then high capacity magazines “because you don’t need more than a few shots” then semi-automatic firearms “because they don’t serve a practical purpose” then firearms that are larger than a certain caliber “because they are too powerful” This is akin to chipping away at a block of ice with an ice-pick. Before you know it all guns are banned “because of some ridiculous reason” It also pains me to see how many people that own firearms are misinformed. For example an “assault rifle” is classified by the ATF as a fully automatic military weapon, and like all other fully automatic weapons can only be legally purchased through a licensed dealer, even then you need to pass a back-ground check and you must obtain a special license. The ATF also has restrictions for suppressors (or silencers, as sometimes they are incorrectly called), rifles with barrels shorter than 16’’ and shotguns with barrels shorter than 18’’. To avoid confusing people, a fully-automatic and a semi-automatic weapon are two completely different things and are not to be confused with each other. A full-auto weapon fires as long as the trigger is held in, a semi-auto fires one shot with each pull of the trigger and requires the trigger to be released in order to fire again. Simi auto firearms are widely used for hunting, target shooting and competition. They serve a practical purpose and they must not be put down or banned because of how they operate. Nor should a firearm be banned due to its physical and cosmetic appearance. This is the case when dealing with sporter type rifles such as AR-15 style rifle that simply look like military weapons. They are not “machine guns” and they are strictly semi automatic in operation and its design is purely cosmetic in appearance..

The sporter rifle case can be strengthened by looking at the case involving the shootout in North Hollywood California on February 28 1997. As two armed bank robbers try to escape they are literally spraying police with illegally obtained fully automatic weapons. To make matters worse, the body armor they have, also illegally obtained stops the return police fire from relatively low powered handguns. As the battle rages on two police officers race to a local, civilian owned gun shop and acquire two AR-15 .223 caliber rifles and ammunition, given to them by the store owner. Armed with rifles now capable of defeating the armor worn by the robbers, the police and SWAT teams wound one suspect which later dies, while the other shoots himself. Thankfully no officers or bystanders are killed. It is very possible that if the AR-15 rifles used by the police had been banned, or the store itself had not been there because of “gun bans” the shootout could have been much worse

As I stated above the mere presence of a firearm is a deterrent to crime. A wise man once said that history repeats itself. Just think if the 6 million Jews that Hitler and the Nazi party slaughtered during the holocaust in WW2 had been armed. 6 million armed people fighting for their lives against a fanatical military dictatorship is indeed a force to be reckoned with. Or the 800,000 people massacred in Rwanda. They weren’t killed with firearms, but with knives, machetes, gardening tools and other common objects. If those souls that were lost in the holocaust and the genocide had been armed they might have lived. Or think if the pilots on the aircraft involved in the 9/11 terrorist attacks on the Twin Towers and the Pentagon has been armed. Thousands of innocent lives would have been saved and a war would have been prevented. Training pilots on the use of firearms for defense and arming them would certainly help prevent future hijack attempts by terrorists. True that some criminals use firearms, but do we need more laws restricting firearms that will only hurt the law-abiding citizen but will go completely ignored by that criminal? No. That’s why they are criminals; they do not obey the law. Do you think the criminals in Britain handed in their firearms when they were banned, No they didn’t. We need to be tougher on the psychos and nut-cases that commit these heinous crimes. And even then the firearms used by these thugs are procured by illegal street buys or from theft. We need to make it impossible for criminals to get their hands on weapons. An autocratic iron-fisted dictatorship style of a government that tries to oppress and control its people fears nothing more than an armed public. It’s like a black freed slave one said in the novel Freedom Road. His name was Howard Fast. At a dinner table talking with some of the other guests they get into the topic of slavery. At one point Howard Fast says “Take a man who got a gun, you want to enslave him, you got to take that gun away.” That phrase can’t put things any clearer. The people of countries such as North Korea where the government controls their daily lives are denied firearms. Do you see a trend here?

Sure there are a few accidents and sadly people do get accidentally hurt with firearms. I can only stress how important safety and responsibility is when handling a firearm. But that number is small compared to other deaths. According to the National Safety Council, Injury Facts: 2003 Edition, Deaths from heart disease for 2003 was 710,760 people, 553,091 deaths from cancer, over 250,000 from stroke and respiratory arrest and over 43,000 people died in vehicle accidents. A total of 776 people died as the direct result of firearm accidents. Please note that I didn’t add in the number of people that died as a result of crime and homicide. This statistic is purely based on accidental deaths. It would be nice if no one died as a result of firearm accidents, it would also be good if no one died in car crashes or cancer either. As I said, safety, responsibility and common sense are paramount when shooting, hunting or participating in any other activity involving firearms.

So, now it is the time to make a decision, stand up for our 2nd amendment rights or face the wraith of anti-gun politicians who want us to be defenseless and weak against criminals and those who want to slowly pick away at our freedoms, a tiny bit at a time, until nothing is left. Firearm can’t be banned simply because of cosmetic reasons, or it looks like an military weapon, or because it is “too powerful” or simply because it can hold a certain number or rounds in its magazine. We don’t need more gun laws; we need more common sense and an end to the brainwashing by the anti-gun media. Seemingly harmless groups such as Violence Policy Center, the AHSA, PETA, the Hand Gun Free America Center to Prevent Handgun Violence, and even the Million Mom March are groups with antigun agendas. Also many news channels and media producers such as CNN are also anti-gun. Funny what’s in a name isn’t it? I hope you found this article very enlightening on a subject many people fill with lies and distorted facts. Here’s to the right of the individual to keep and bear arms. For the sake of the future, prosperity and the satiability of our country and our Democratic government I hope my “ice-pick” theory turns out to be wrong. God bless America.
---
 
if you want, copy and print this out, post it up, hand it out, edit it, add in your own stuff.

i dont care, just get the word out.
there are too many people out there who dont own guns, but yet, they arent anti-gun.
what you might call "fence riders"

ignorence it truly dangerous, spread the knowlege and spread the truth.
 
PLEASE tell me that you don't go to Mercer County High... PLEASE...

Didn't read the whole thing - not completely sure, at least from the first paragraph or two, what it is all about... summarization is good.

Score (first two paragraphs): Two comma splices, one misspelling, and at least one missing period. Your teacher needs to get spanked for letting you get away with that.

And don't even get me started over the first line of your post:

this is a term paper i wrote for my senor portfolio writing assignment.

Communication skills, with the written word foremost, are our strongest tool in the battle to regain, and keep, our rights.

Si, Senor?

Now, go apologize to your "language" teacher, and ask him/her to point out each error in the construction of the document. Refrain from politics. Just construction. Learn from your errors.
 
True, the topic is a good wrong. The writing though is less than strong. Your paragraph topics drift and I can't tell what the overall point is. That's the way I see it from a technical point of view.
 
ignorence it truly dangerous

How ironically well-said.

If you make mistakes like this, it will cost you all credibility, it doesn't matter how well thought out your argument is. Spell check, grammar check, and punctuation check, and all by hand.

The next writing problem that will kill any good points you make is the use of "casual," unprofessional language and phrasing. Here are a few examples:

no fancy talk or twisted myths or biased opinions.

And for the record

You see people claiming to be professionals sitting in a big comfy sofa on some news show

But lets say that for a moment

And that's just from half of one paragraph. Things like that make the author seem either immature, vitriolic, or condescending, thus alienating your audience and defeating your arguments before they're even made. Tone can make or break a piece of writing. Don't try to entertain or seem clever in a serious piece of writing, and don't write like everything you're saying is accepted fact. Write well, and write professionally, and the reader will assume this for you.

Summarization, as Bogie said, and focus are a good thing. Your writing has a spontaneous feel to it, and not in a good way. There isn't a linear logic path, and many irrelevant points are presented. Editing your work instead of just proof-reading it - actually making significant phrasing and organizational changes, not just checking for errors - will help a great deal with this.

Once you work on the above points you'll start to get a really good, convincing piece of activist writing.

Don't feel bad about all the criticism, though. Your heart's in the right place and you're still in high school. A good college will do wonders for your writing, critical thinking, and argument formation skills. It sure did for mine.
 
The “ice pick effect” I have developed, is a theory that the anti-gun crowd will not try to take away all firearms at once. It can’t be done. Instead that will chip away at our freedoms. For example, they will first ban those .50 caliber rifles because they are “too big” then handguns “because they can not be used for hunting most types of game” then high capacity magazines “because you don’t need more than a few shots” then semi-automatic firearms “because they don’t serve a practical purpose” then firearms that are larger than a certain caliber “because they are too powerful” This is akin to chipping away at a block of ice with an ice-pick.

Also be wary of unintentional lying through grandiose wording. A good example is above. You didn't develop the "icepick theory" you just gave a name to a school of thought that's been floating around the gun community for god knows how long.

Also double check your facts and statistics. Some of the ones you mentioned seemed pretty dubious.
 
And to add...

The first paragraph needs to be both a "hook" and a summary. You need to catch your reader, so he won't let go, and you need to tell him what you're going to tell him.

Then you tell him. Block it out a little beforehand. Computers are great for this - you can do an outline, and then back up and fill in the blanks. Cite as you go, as seen in publications like the American Rifleman.

Then you tell him what you just told him. Wrap it up, summarize again, and rehash the high points. Close on a positive, persuasive, note.

There's a good chance you're angry right now. Tough. You can either get mad, or you can get better. Your choice, and you're making it right now. Make the right one.

My credentials:

B.A. in Public Relations/Mass Communication
Army Journalist
20 years experience in technical writing, training, communication and printing industries
 
Well Icebones, you have been torn asunder by the intellectuals of THR, I spotted a couple of spelling mistakes myself even.

Since I left school in 1950 (UK) at age 15, higher education meant in part then, a school on a hill, however, every kid in my class (45 of them) could read and write, I am sure in most Schools in the US of A this 100% reading skills can not be claimed.

I like your thought pattern, keep up the good work, and keep your guns.
 
The first paragraph needs to be both a "hook" and a summary.

Don't feel bad about all the criticism, though. Your heart's in the right place and you're still in high school. A good college will do wonders for your writing, critical thinking, and argument formation skills. It sure did for mine.

I agree.
 
Politics, in general, is a difficult subject to write on given that a great number of your audience will likely have their minds already made up.

Your writing will be much like a boat that leaks. Your audience's skepticism is the water rushing in and every argument you make is your attempt to repair the leaks. In real life a boat can sink in a matter of minutes. Your boat, too, can sink if you don't work fast enough to repair the leaks. If you fail to engage or keep your audience's interest, or if you alienate your audience, the water will continue to rush in and your boat will sink.

While statistics have their place, people generally distrust statistics and especially statistics given in a political context. Not only do people distrust statistics, but a writing full of percentages and references to studies will likely bore your audience. You must maintain their interest throughout your writing. You must be engaging.

To be engaging, your paragraphs must flow from one to another and be easy to read. As Bogie and The Wiry Irishman said, poor structure, poor grammar, and poor spelling can defeat your arguments before they're even made. Blocking out your paragraphs and making an outline are good tools to insure your arguments flow from one to another.

For the context of your writing to be engaging, you can tug on their heart strings through stories of honest citizens who have been wronged by the very policy you're writing against. You could appeal to your audience's common sense by describing human nature and how difficult it is, if not impossible, to legislate morality or the alter behavior through laws. You can recount past experience with similar failed policy.

For example, write about a shop owner or home owner in Louisiana after hurricane Katrina who had his firearm confiscated by the very authorities who couldn't maintain order. Write about how difficult is was for that same shop owner or home owner to get his property back from authorities and how some citizens had to seek legal help from an attorney to have their property returned. End the story writing on the disfunction of the very authorities who citizens were suppose to trust for their safety.

As another example, you could write about the failures in the past to legislate morality such as alcohol prohibition, prohibition on marijuana and other drugs, prohibition on prostitution, etc. Billions of dollars, if not trillions, have been spent on American's "prohibitions," and fighting the black markets created by those prohibitions, but never has a prohibition changed American for the better.

Be very wary to not alienate your audience. We on this forum frequently point out the scare tactics used my the anti-gun-owner crowd. Those same scare tactics are just as harmful to your own writing. As The Wiry Irishman said, be wary of grandiose wording and dubious facts and statistics. Try not to make fun of "the liberals," the "anti-gun media," CNN, or other individuals or organizations who your audience may like or currently agree with. Don't be condescending.

Remember, your goal is to convince those who currently disagree with you to agree with you.

As the The Wiry Irishman said, your heart is in the right place. Continue to improve your writing skills and continue to fight the good fight.
 
first I compliment you on your pick of subject, then I will say that obviously some of the respondents above have some professional writing experience that shows in the critique of your report and you should follow their recommendations.
good luck to you and thumbs up!:D
 
seems i put the old un-edited copy.

i assure you, the copy that was printed in the paper was edited and spell checked.

what you see above is the rough writing. my bad for all the mistakes.
 
I really like your arguments but I feel like you are missing one crucial, fundamental argument.
Here's my take at it:

Disarming the civilian goes against everything that this country was founded on and stands for and is anti-American. Anti-gunners are anti-American and they do not even realize it.

America, the land of the free, was founded on principles that the government is by the people and for the people, not above the people. The founding fathers wanted to ensure that the people would never be at the mercy of the government and tried to make sure that the right of the people to keep and bear arms would not be infringed. In the inevitability (yes its is inevitable) that the government would have to be overthrown, the people would have the tools necessary to evoke a speedy revolt and prevent an otherwise oppressive government from maintaining power.

Firearms were the tools that the patriots used to create this great nation and need to be continually used to defend the country from within and from without.

Feel free to use it in your paper, if you so desire. A person claiming to be an American can't really argue with it.
 
Wow. Tough room. The High Road, home to 50,000 gun lovers and English majors. :neener:

Just kidding. I have noticed we gun-folk do seem to be anal retentive perfectionists though, for the most part. wonder if theres something to that?

Ok, on with class. Sorry for interupting.:D
 
Good message. Not so good paper, from a technical standpoint. Pro-2A writers are on some sort of high horse from the beginning, it seems, and it shows. It damages the paper in whole.

You can't make the assumption and draw a conclusion that the 2A is individual in a paper. It is your job to prove it.

this 100% reading skills can not be claimed.

More irony.
 
The problem is that a lot of us have writing skills that just won't cut it... Yet we persist in trying to use them.

You can have a great point to make, but if you can't communicate... Well, it's like showing up for a CMP match toting your trusty Daisy Red Ryder...
 
The only thing I can add is don't crap on the media, then quote their figures to back up your point on something else.

You start what should be your third paragraph complaining about the media, it's twisted myths and biased opinions, then quote the BBC News on crime rate increase due to banning guns.

What you're saying to the reader is "you can't trust the media when they are anti-gun but you can when they are pro-gun because it supports my arguement".

It makes you lose credability when you do that. Honestly, I stopped reading there.
 
Here I am wishing I was as perfect as others when it comes to spreading the word. :D
icebones, good on ya. Some valuable points contained in all of the above posts, methinks and a good beginning point on your road to political ponderings vis a vis the Bill o' Rights.

Perhaps "Term Papers" have evolved since I matriculated into a different formulation of ideas, but then I haven't taken a formal collegiate class in about 30 years or so and not knowing the posted assignment, will not offer critique, other than to ask, "Did it make anyone pause to think differently or challenge your supposition?"

Also, I would offer this unsolicited opinion, "The 2nd is only one enumerated right, no more or less important than the others. All of which can be considered to be standing on shaky legs, in todays world." While we here at THR tend to focus on the 2nd alone, please keep all of the BOR's in mind, perhaps noting that while one gives "tooth to the fight", without the others in conjunction, freedom and liberty as we know it, is simply a sham. (I should also note that the 2nd does not confer rights upon the citizens, but rather limits the Congressional powers over a pre-existing natural right... a fact often overlooked by, oh, say 99% of the populace... maybe 98%, I don't know.)

Still and all... "icepick theory", eh? Sounds dangerous, but probably no more so than "whittling away on the Tree of Liberty with a Gov't sponsored pen knife" and yours is much more concise.

Keep writing icebones. Keep 'em thinking. You'll only get better. Read essays by Gottlieb, Kates, Kopel, Snyder, etc.
 
How many of the 6 million Jews were able to fight? Kids, old, infirm? Hyperbole isn't the strong point for an argument.

Wraith = ghost

strait ?

Many more

As an educator - if you want to do a political rant - you should be letter perfect in your prose.

Second, there is legitimate scholarship on the issues you mentioned. You just generated an opinion piece. What evidence do you give that a ban on weapon type X would not make us safe or would make us safer? The sources are out there.

You wrong about the North Hollywood shoot-out, the fight was not resolved with the guns from the store.

See my point. If I were an anti - I could take this paper apart or you in a debate.
 
I have noticed we gun-folk do seem to be anal retentive perfectionists though, for the most part. wonder if theres something to that?

Ok, on with class. Sorry for interupting
*ahem* "Interrupting."

:D
 
When you are arguing for keeping instruments of deadly force and that they are not detrimental to society, being a touch anal in your prose is a good thing.
 
icebones said:
What would stop the criminals from using knives, baseball bats, crowbars

One of the debating tools I like to use is "turnabout." Using that, it often uncovers some misconceptions we have in clinging to our postulates.

For example, what's stopping me from using a crowbar on an agressor in self-defense? Heck, I had stilettos in 1964 that would still lay open a felon.

Conversely, I do not own a plasma rifle. However, I use the tools and warning devices within my reach to provide safety and security.

To me, the real debate is simply a variation on the theme we always have as the good guys. That being, how do we keep our country and our families free from tyrants and aggressors?

There were no M-16A2's in colonial times. Frankly, we toppled the British with weapons I wouldn't use today on a squirrel hunt. To be sure, unless our smoke pole is made with a barrel derived from old horseshoe nails, we have little actual experience with the implements of The Framers.

It's the man not the metal. Always has been, always will be.

Giving a hoplophobe a plasma rifle is simply a waste of ionized gas and electricity.
 
There's a very good reason your teacher "tryed" to pick apart your essay. That would be a first draft acceptable for a sophomore, and definitely not acceptable as a final draft for a senior.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top