Telling wife how many guns you actually own

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I came into our marriage with guns, she knew that up front. After 26 years I don't know if my wife knows the exact gun tally, I don't think she cares that much. Guns are not her thing but we have shot together and will again.

We also have separate accounts and we each have a general idea of how much is in each, we share the bills based on the percentage each brings home. Major purchases are well discussed, if they fall into the "extra" or "toy" category that comes out of the account of the receiver, this includes automobiles. I never hide a gun purchase, she never complains about a gun purchase.

Happy wife, happy life...... Unless she loves horses. :D
 
Sure, Tell the Wife !

RetiredUSNChief said:
If my wife wanted to know, then I'd tell my wife.

However, if I do not agree with her reasoning, I'll tell her that, as well.

Married life isn't about always agreeing and getting along together. That's a pipe dream and that pipe isn't packed with tobacco.

Marriage, contrary to popular belief amongst the young/idealistic, isn't something that "just works out". It's something that requires hard work if both people are to truly make good on the vows they exchanged to "blah, blah, blah, 'til death do you part".

I've told my wife many times over the years that I did not marry her because we agreed on everything and I look to her as the balance in my life that keeps me on an even keel because of that.

All that said...there are also boundaries in marriages, too, and each marriage is different that way. Unless there can actually be demonstrated that there is something harmful to the marriage, sometimes one partner just needs to bite the bullet. What's harmful to the marriage needs to be settled between the couple and varies somewhat.

There is a matter of respect here on the part of both of you. You need to respect her concerns about your guns AND she needs to respect who you are and what guns mean to you. There's a level of maturity required for this.

Sometimes both people just need to agree to disagree and move on without dwelling on matters any further.


And quite frankly, if my wife ever used a phrase like "You're placing guns before me. You make me feel like I can't trust you because you don't want to tell me when you buy a gun. If it makes me feel comfortable, why does it matter?" it would flip the "give a darn" switch off for me. It could be about anything, not just guns.

Why?

Because it's manipulative and a guilt trip and I don't do either of those things. My wife was quite aware of this long before we married because it was a major issue in my first marriage.

How did my wife deal with me on some things that I didn't like? In her own, everloving words:

"Get over it."

Wise woman, my wife.

;)
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Hey Chief! You have 'um good medicine.

I am at the stage of my (our) lives, that she says, "I don't know what to do with all of these things, if (should be "when") something happens to you." She has a good point. She is not being unfeeling. I have no doubt she loves me, but what would she do?

I told her I had a book showing description, & serial #, with value and dated, and where the book is. I was truthful, as I always try to be.:)
 
I won't tell you what I think you should do. What I will do, is tell you is that in my life, my wife is in charge of keeping a spreadsheet with a description of the guns with serial numbers so that we can track them for insurance purposes.

She also owns eight of the guns herself, shoots action pistol, and helps the local gun club with the "Women's Introduction to Pistols" class 2x a year. Best of luck to you...
 
When my wife and I got married one of the few things I sorted out before the vows was my 'car' situation. When she moved in there were 7 cars on my property, in various states of (dis) repair, and she was fine with it. She was fine with it because I had told her ' I'm a car guy, I will always have a few cars around. I will make sure the bills are paid and you have a car that's reliable, but after that I'm buying parts and/or more cars.'

I tell you that because it is a similar experience but not involving guns, and because in both my wifes and my previous marriages had been plagued by fights over cars. You need to address this now no matter if its a control issue or a gun issue or a finance issue, or you WILL need that attorney.

My advice is just tell her about your purchases, all of them, not just guns. (that's because I think a wife marries you wallet and all). Just make sure she knows your not going to stop buying gun stuff.

My wifes advice is to sit her down and find out what the REAL issue is, she seems to think its not about the guns at all and there is a storm brewing.

BTW my wife is happy I got into guns as they don't take up as much space :)
 
Why don't you trust your wife?

If you did trust her, you'd have no problem telling her how many you have and when you buy one.
 
Weeeelll, sounds like mine when I got married. She put up with my habit because she loved the rest of me. Then after many years of marriage and trips to the range with me to keep me company (never touched one), I got a C&R and bought my first rifle under permit (an Ishapore 2A). So I was reassembling it one day after it had been a bucket of parts and springs and I asked: "So I'm being serious, I'm not making fun, because I really want to know. What part, what spring, what screw takes it from being a bucket of junk and makes it evil and gives it a personality? Because I don't understand it." Her little squirrel ran in it's cage and she said "Uh, it's just a machine".

Fast forward about 6 months, getting ready for a trip to the range: "You know, you have a standing invitation anytime you want to go and shoot with me." Her: "Well I feel like I don't know anything and I will hurt somebody or embarass myself." Me: "Oh, if you really would like to try it, we can do gun kindergarten. Everybody starts from the same place." Went to the range, rented a .22 revolver. Started with gun safety, stance, grip, sight picture, trigger control, skip drill, big target, short range, LOTS of positive encouragement at every baby step. Came home from the range and she is sitting there on the sofa with a puzzled look on her face. I said: "What's up?" She: "I had lots of fun, but there's this voice in my head telling me I wasn't raised this way so I'm not supposed to enjoy this." I said:"Tell that voice to shut up or you will miss out on a lot of fun in life."

Fast forward to today: She shoots a .357 mag revolver and keeps hers available for defense. She also owns a .22 rifle, and a 20 ga Semi shotgun. She shoots pistol, rifle, trap, and a little skeet. She burns through about 5000 rounds of pistol ammo a year and is constantly saying: "We have Saturday off together, wanna go to the range."

Just my story.
 
I'm a lucky man. My wife likes the shooting sports. I quit counting HER guns after about dozen or so. But more to the point , NO SECRETS in a lasting relationship. Interests don't always need to be shared, but info about those "interests" should never be withheld./QUOTE]

My situation, and sentiments as well.
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Gun Master said:
Hey Chief! You have 'um good medicine.

I am at the stage of my (our) lives, that she says, "I don't know what to do with all of these things, if (should be "when") something happens to you." She has a good point. She is not being unfeeling. I have no doubt she loves me, but what would she do?

I told her I had a book showing description, & serial #, with value and dated, and where the book is. I was truthful, as I always try to be.:)
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Therein lies the need for a will, my friend! Put it all in writing and be done with it. Then it's all about executing the will when you're gone, neat and simple.

:)
 
My wife loves to shoot as well. She knows how many guns I/we have. (I think ;) ) I don't always tell her RIGHT AWAY when I get another one - but eventually I do. Sometimes I find a good deal on a gun when we are kinda financially strapped - so I wait awhile til times are better to let her know. I also recently bought one and purposely didn't tell her as I wanted to see if she noticed I was carrying it. Went out several times and she never noticed. So I figure it is definitely concealed well enough that nobody would know...
 
Mine did look in the safe once and saw a recently acquired Mosin Nagant M44 and asked where that came from. I said "Well it's a long story but I guess over the winter the M91/30 and the M39 made friends. . ." She got a good laugh out of that and rolled her eyes.
 
Even if I know it will upset my wife when I buy a gun I tell her. I just figure it's best to keep everything out in the open. If she gets mad about anything then she lets me know. We work it out & get past it. As long as everything else is taken care of she doesn't really mess with me about it. The last gun I bought she asked, "why do you need that?" I told her I didn't need it I wanted it. She didn't say another word about it.
 
If it's just a matter of collecting things and spending money, that's a game my wife wouldn't want to start with me.

We have a 400 square foot storage area...and it's PACKED full of junk. If I were to pull every item of mine out of that storage area, you wouldn't notice a bit of difference.

When it comes to collecting junk (and the money that goes into it), we both know who is the master of that and it ain't me.

:)
 
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My wife does not know how many firearms I own. I don't either for that matter. I also don't know how much ammo I have, how many fishing rods, how many power tools, and so forth that I own. The number doesn't matter unless you are really struggling financially and she feels your firearm or hobby interests are more important to you than the common interest (aka her).

It will get worse with children. At that point, you will be selling off stuff and putting everything under lock and key because "they're dangerous".

She needs to believe that the common interest is more important to you than your personal interests. This can only happen through discussions, example, and time together. She may feel better once she is working as well. Or it will provide the security she needs to end the marriage if things don't change quickly.
 
Lots of good discussion here. You are young. No kids. At this stage she needs to know and hiding things won't help. My advise is to be honest and take it slow as far as accumulating a large collection at this time. The investment factor is important. Due to inflation you will hardly ever lose money on a good firearm. Make it clear that if things get tight you can cash out a gun or two. Most women have tons of clothes and jewelry. As her what kind of return she will get on anything else you own if you have to sell it to raise money. I am in a totally different situation than you and love it. Been married for 37 years. Kids grown and gone. We also keep separate finances. Wife has no clue as to what I own. Don't ask don't tell is my plan. She asks I tell her. Hardly ever asks. Knows I have a lot of guns and that they are an asset when I am gone. Have that all covered. Living with another person is and will always be a challenge. Good luck!
 
My wife knows exactly how many guns I own because she has had a hand in buying most of them. I know how many diamond rings and earrings she has too because I bought them.
This is the second marriage for both of us and we know honesty is the best policy. Both of our names are on the checking account and if we can afford it we get what we want and neither one of us complains.

To the OP, I think your wife is just trying to find something to get upset about. Tell her the truth and get it over with, then go on with your life. She will get over it or she won't. That is up to her.
 
My guess ( I don't know either of you, so it's just a guess) - It is not about the guns. It is about trust, being open & trusting your spouse enough to " play all your cards face up", & maybe about how a marriage should become more about sharing & less about " mine & yours", maybe a little about score keeping if the balance of " stuff" is a little lopsided.
A judge will probably split everything right down the middle if it gets to that. If you care about this person, open up & find out what the real issue is before it goes that far.
 
My wife and I have been married for 37 years, both had been married before. Kids all grown and gone, just 2 dogs to help keep us sane. My wife knew before we married, that I had guns, didn't know what kind, rifle, revolver, etc, didn't care. One thing we've done from the start, always be honest, never lie to the other, don't hide a thing from the other mate. I'm retired, she's worked about 20 years of our marriage, now working part time, we share bank account, no problems there. If she wants something, clothing wise, she gets it, same for me. We both share a fun thing about Vegas, if winnings gotten, its yours, unless a huge amount won, but thats never happened. It has been known the last 2 times out there, that the penny slots have been very kind to me, $2195 the first time, $3500 the last time. This money goes towards my ammo, reloading items, has also provided a couple of nice revolvers from a local pawn, she knew about both of them. The only thing she's said since I got those revolvers, "Can we go to the range when it gets warmer?" My point : You need to stop the hiding of things you buy, you'll get caught, you'll never live it down, and one other thing, "You'll have to look that guy in the eyes every morning when you shave and brush your teeth !" Resolve it, or you'll lose it !
 
Kalashinkovkid, you asked a question. I am 64 years old, been married 3 times, here's my answer to your specific question
If you're spouse wanted to know whenever you bought a new gun for the reasons my wife stated, even if you've agreed to have separate checking accounts as long as mutual expenses are paid for, you make sure all needs are provided for, and you give to the other person liberally, would you also provide this information?
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ANSWER: Yes, absolutely.

However: put me on the list of members who said "get a lawyer". If Cupcake has issues that serious with anything you do, sooner or later it's gonna go from guns to whatever else it is you do that makes her think you don't love her better than anything else in the whole wide world.

Question for you is, how much of this silliness can you take? For me, it's turned out that I can hold my breath a long, long, time!

And be nice, even when it hurts. Especially when it hurts. Or be prepared to lose everything and move a long way away.

Perhaps a testosterone-reducing medication might help.
 
Suggestion. Rent a small offsite storage locker. Make sure it is a secure, well attended, clean facility. Should have lights and heat, possibly water if available. Insulate rented locker well. Make positively sure that no flooding or moisture problems exist with location. Buy umbrella insurance policy to protect any and all contents of locker. Install maximum security locks and cameras. Add a few pieces of comfortable furniture for use when in locker.
PUT WIFE IN LOCKER! We all deserve our own space! Keep firearm collection safely at residence would suggest a safe to prevent theft.
Let me know how this works out, have similar issue, and looking at many options.
 
THE QUESTION: If you're spouse wanted to know whenever you bought a new gun for the reasons my wife stated (don't know those reasons as I skipped to the Question as the OP suggested), even if you've agreed to have separate checking accounts as long as mutual expenses are paid for, you make sure all needs are provided for, and you give to the other person liberally, would you also provide this information?
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Yes I would.

I see this as another in a series of My-Wife-Hates-Guns Cautionary Tales. Guys, before you decide to marry a particular young lady you really should determine her opinions/feelings on key subjects; kids, religion, smoking, drinking, guns, etc.
 
Your wife is your partner. There should be no secrets between you two. While she may be uncomfortable around guns, that doesn't mean she can prevent you from owning them. It's your job to safely and patiently educate her. You may need to buy a less 'scary' gun to help her start shooting. Once she understands that a gun = a tool and becomes a bit more comfortable, then you can get her to understand that no matter what a gun looks like it is the same, a tool.
The worst thing you can do is lie or use disambiguation. If she can't trust you, she won't trust you. And let me tell you that losing her trust is probably the worst thing you can lose. Ultimately this is your problem to resolve.
 
Telling wife how many guns you actually own

Kathy and I were married 24 years ago, we dated for 3 years. Kathy is not shooter. She does own a Walther PPK in .380 she will on occasion shoot and is familiar with the .45 used as a house gun but simply does not share the love of guns that I have. Her idea of a great day at the range with me is reading a good book. :) This is the second marriage for both of us and I had children from a previous marriage. My children are grown with children of their own. When the grandchildren were small she was animate that when they visited all guns were put up until they got older and understood guns.

She really has no interest in how many guns I own anymore than I have an interest in how many figurines she owns. She knows where the gun safe is and where the gun inventory is but really has no interest in my gun room or the contents. Her figurines reside in curio cabinets throughout the house. I have no clue what they are.

We both retired this past year and if I want to buy a gun or her something the only unwritten standing rule seems to be if something cost in excess of a grand we do tell each other. We are fortunate with our finances and far from destitute. If I happen to check out to the big range in the sky she knows who gets what and how to disposition my guns.

We have things we enjoy and share but guns is not one of them. Should she after all the years get curious she can open the safe and see what is in there beyond her jewelery and our important papers. Actually should she ever decide to do that I would much appreciate it if she would tell me how many guns I actually own because short of looking at the inventory list I don't have a clue. I do know I have one more than I had yesterday morning at this time because I bought one yesterday.

Ron
 
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