Buzztail
Member
Mara, Reading H&Hs words about your father brought me to tears. Men like that are too few. I am sorry for the both of you, the loss of a friend and Father.
RIP Bob Ward
RIP Bob Ward
A great hunter died several days ago may he RIP.
- Thread starter H&Hhunter
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Harley Quinn
Member
Mara and Greg,
Pretty touching story, sad and I am sorry for your loss. The end is similar to others who have been striken with that affliction, I have seen or heard of to many to name. I can understand those who are totally against the evil brew.
Bob looks like someone who's home I went to in the 70s he had a similar array of trophies, I was there for a party, was he ever in Los Angeles CA. area? Been so long ago I had forgotten about it until now. Was a time when I was recovering from some injuries/surgery (wonder if what they say is true about forgetting some bad times)? But this was really a nice location lots of people there to celebrate.
Mara thanks for the list. I'd like to again, give my condolances.
Kim, did he take his dog on this one? Hope all is well for him and the dog.
Regards,
Gary
Pretty touching story, sad and I am sorry for your loss. The end is similar to others who have been striken with that affliction, I have seen or heard of to many to name. I can understand those who are totally against the evil brew.
Bob looks like someone who's home I went to in the 70s he had a similar array of trophies, I was there for a party, was he ever in Los Angeles CA. area? Been so long ago I had forgotten about it until now. Was a time when I was recovering from some injuries/surgery (wonder if what they say is true about forgetting some bad times)? But this was really a nice location lots of people there to celebrate.
Mara thanks for the list. I'd like to again, give my condolances.
Kim, did he take his dog on this one? Hope all is well for him and the dog.
Regards,
Gary
1911NM
Member
Mara,
I would like to send my sympathy to you and your family. As I was talking with H&H earlier, I met your Dad on a few occasions, and really enjoyed listening to him. He is sorely missed by some of us, not only for who he was, but as a vanishing breed.
Robert Burnside
I would like to send my sympathy to you and your family. As I was talking with H&H earlier, I met your Dad on a few occasions, and really enjoyed listening to him. He is sorely missed by some of us, not only for who he was, but as a vanishing breed.
Robert Burnside
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Mara
Member
Thank you all for your words. I'd reply individually but either this forum isn't set up for that, or I'm an idiot and can't find how to do it 
To Robert Burnside (1911NM): Thank you, I appreciate that. I uploaded a photo of the old Sporting Goods House after I saw you guys trying to remember the name. I have more photos from inside the shop, I'll add as time allows. I really wish I could have gotten photos from when he owned the old Candelario's Trading Post, that was a happier time of life for him.
I don't know where I'll find the time for another project, but I'm thinking of doing a website in honor of my dad, so there could be one place for memories of him. You said it all: he was part of a vanishing breed.
To Gary (Harley Quinn):
Thank you, and yes...the end of any alcoholic's life is never pretty. I've appreciated that everything I've seen written about my dad (including H&H's post) has been very balanced and accurate. As I told H&H, I wouldn't want his entire life to be judged by his last few years, and yet I also wouldn't think it was right to ignore his alcoholism and what it did to him, especially in later years.
I will say...it's easier to talk to him now. And I do.
You asked if my dad was even in the LA area. Though I'm sure he visited that area, he never lived there. He was born in Clovis, CA (near Fresno, CA). Moved to Sedona, AZ for a few years after he and my mom divorced, then moved to Santa Fe, NM which would have been about 1969-70, and spent the rest of his life there.
To Buzztail: Thank you, Greg's words had that effect on me too. That's why I just had to reply and thank him.
Again, I want to thank everyone for their kind comments, and for making me feel welcomed in this forum. If anyone has the time and might be familiar with the scoring system/rankings that Safari International has (what they mean), I'd be happy to hear it.
To Robert Burnside (1911NM): Thank you, I appreciate that. I uploaded a photo of the old Sporting Goods House after I saw you guys trying to remember the name.
I have more photos from inside the shop, I'll add as time allows. I really wish I could have gotten photos from when he owned the old Candelario's Trading Post, that was a happier time of life for him.I don't know where I'll find the time for another project, but I'm thinking of doing a website in honor of my dad, so there could be one place for memories of him. You said it all: he was part of a vanishing breed.
To Gary (Harley Quinn):
Thank you, and yes...the end of any alcoholic's life is never pretty. I've appreciated that everything I've seen written about my dad (including H&H's post) has been very balanced and accurate. As I told H&H, I wouldn't want his entire life to be judged by his last few years, and yet I also wouldn't think it was right to ignore his alcoholism and what it did to him, especially in later years.
I will say...it's easier to talk to him now. And I do.
You asked if my dad was even in the LA area. Though I'm sure he visited that area, he never lived there. He was born in Clovis, CA (near Fresno, CA). Moved to Sedona, AZ for a few years after he and my mom divorced, then moved to Santa Fe, NM which would have been about 1969-70, and spent the rest of his life there.
To Buzztail: Thank you, Greg's words had that effect on me too. That's why I just had to reply and thank him.
Again, I want to thank everyone for their kind comments, and for making me feel welcomed in this forum. If anyone has the time and might be familiar with the scoring system/rankings that Safari International has (what they mean), I'd be happy to hear it.
Harley Quinn
Member
Mara,
Thank you for answering my message. Clovis CA is not far from where I am at now (I am south of Sacramento) I raised Staffordshire Terriers and other breeds that are considered the "Pitbull" that you read about so much it seems. Clovis is a location that is pretty famous in its hey day of dog fighting.
Now it seems like the grusome attraction is all around. I never was involved in it (fighting dogs) But the reason I mention it is I doubt I would know about the name Clovis if it was not for the famous breeders who lived in that area of town and made a big name for themselves in days of old.
The dogs are one of my real "loves" they are similar to a person like your Dad was in his desire to take on the dangerous hunting he did in his life, very hard to understand these dogs and the like for constant battle at the drop of a leash...
I am glad that you are still able to talk to him via your prayers and still hold a place in your heart for him, it is best for you to be able to handle that way.
I have had quite a bit of loss in my life of others that were near and dear. Some stories are best forgotten and the good times remembered...
God Bless.
Gary
Thank you for answering my message. Clovis CA is not far from where I am at now (I am south of Sacramento) I raised Staffordshire Terriers and other breeds that are considered the "Pitbull" that you read about so much it seems. Clovis is a location that is pretty famous in its hey day of dog fighting.
Now it seems like the grusome attraction is all around. I never was involved in it (fighting dogs) But the reason I mention it is I doubt I would know about the name Clovis if it was not for the famous breeders who lived in that area of town and made a big name for themselves in days of old.
The dogs are one of my real "loves" they are similar to a person like your Dad was in his desire to take on the dangerous hunting he did in his life, very hard to understand these dogs and the like for constant battle at the drop of a leash...
I am glad that you are still able to talk to him via your prayers and still hold a place in your heart for him, it is best for you to be able to handle that way.
I have had quite a bit of loss in my life of others that were near and dear. Some stories are best forgotten and the good times remembered...
God Bless.
Gary
Mara
Member
Hi Gary (Harley Quinn):
Hey, you're practically my neighbor. I'm just east of Sacramento, in Roseville.
I never knew that Clovis had any affiliation with dog fighting, I always knew it as a farming/agricultural community. In the last 10 years or so it's become a lot like Carmel is, but when I was little it was very rural and different.
One of my better (and first) memories was being in a field helping my grandparents and dad pick cotton when I was 3 years old. I was the perfect choice to pick cotton since I had little fingers (you'll know what I mean if you've even seen the thorny spikes on a cotton "flower"!).
That's it, in a nutshell... God bless you too.
Hey, you're practically my neighbor. I'm just east of Sacramento, in Roseville.
I never knew that Clovis had any affiliation with dog fighting, I always knew it as a farming/agricultural community. In the last 10 years or so it's become a lot like Carmel is, but when I was little it was very rural and different.
One of my better (and first) memories was being in a field helping my grandparents and dad pick cotton when I was 3 years old. I was the perfect choice to pick cotton since I had little fingers (you'll know what I mean if you've even seen the thorny spikes on a cotton "flower"!).
That's it, in a nutshell... God bless you too.
Mara
Member
Thank you John.
Oh...I noticed after I hit 'send' that you're an administrator. Can I ask...did I do something wrong in my first post? (#19 in the thread, I think). I logged back in to reply to a couple comments, and saw a "thumbs down" icon on my post, but I wasn't able to find why it might be there.
Wasn't my intent to be off-topic or step on any toes, and I'm sorry if I did so.
Oh...I noticed after I hit 'send' that you're an administrator. Can I ask...did I do something wrong in my first post? (#19 in the thread, I think). I logged back in to reply to a couple comments, and saw a "thumbs down" icon on my post, but I wasn't able to find why it might be there.
Wasn't my intent to be off-topic or step on any toes, and I'm sorry if I did so.
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OP
OP
- Joined
- Jan 28, 2003
- Messages
- 13,341
Mara,
That is a little icon selection from the bottom of the post page menu. My guess is that you hit it by accident. Nobody can put those into your posts that I am aware of.
I just got back from Texas. The hunting was great. I'll get in touch with you soon I've got to go to Korea tomorrow and will be back Sunday. I will have a few free moments after that.
Greg
That is a little icon selection from the bottom of the post page menu. My guess is that you hit it by accident. Nobody can put those into your posts that I am aware of.
I just got back from Texas. The hunting was great. I'll get in touch with you soon I've got to go to Korea tomorrow and will be back Sunday. I will have a few free moments after that.
Greg
Don Gwinn
Moderator Emeritus
Putting the thumbs-down into your post means, basically, that that's what you'd be doing in in real life. It's supposed to let you make gestures in a way that comes across on a text forum.
Most people don't bother with it; it's too cutesy to be very expressive. I didn't even notice that you did it.
Your dad sounds like he was larger than life in his way. I'm sorry he's gone.
Most people don't bother with it; it's too cutesy to be very expressive. I didn't even notice that you did it.
Your dad sounds like he was larger than life in his way. I'm sorry he's gone.
Mara, I interpreted your "thumbs down" icon to mean you weren't going to bother a man on a hunting trip. Regardless, I have removed it from post #21.
This thread is about a great hunter, and so is entirely on-topic. As long as you don't insult anyone or cuss I'm pretty sure you'll never step on any toes. Again, we're glad you're here.
Regards,
John
Regardless, I have removed it from post #21.This thread is about a great hunter, and so is entirely on-topic. As long as you don't insult anyone or cuss I'm pretty sure you'll never step on any toes.
Again, we're glad you're here.Regards,
John
Grizzly Adams
Member
Mara, H&H and the rest of the hunting and shooting world, sorry for the loss.
Mara, the name Bob Ward rang a bell but I couldn't place it until I went to you gallery and saw his picture. I remember seeing him in the hunting magazines and reading his articles. I still have those magazines and will have to dig them out and re-read the stories. Good luck to you and I'm sure Ol' Bob loved you very much. We men make some stupid mistakes in our lives. GOD BLESS.
Mara, the name Bob Ward rang a bell but I couldn't place it until I went to you gallery and saw his picture. I remember seeing him in the hunting magazines and reading his articles. I still have those magazines and will have to dig them out and re-read the stories. Good luck to you and I'm sure Ol' Bob loved you very much. We men make some stupid mistakes in our lives. GOD BLESS.
Mara
Member
@ H&Hhunter:Hunting in Korea? dang, dude! No worries, you're welcome to contact me whenever it's convenient for you, when you get back. My life's been upside down the last couple weeks and I lost track of time. Just happened to think about this thread and checked back...it seems sometimes I receive new post notifications, sometimes I don't. Just like a box of chocolates...lol
@ Don Gwinn: Thank you, and I agree about the cutsey little thumbs up/down/smileys. I've never used 'um in any forum...so I just assumed a mod was sending a message to me. H&Hhunter probably pegged it, I just wasn't paying attention and clicked it by accident. Or dad did it to mess with me
Dad was very much larger than life. Very hard to describe to my friends who never met him.
@ JShirley: Thank you so much for the editing. I guess I'm too used to tech forums where "rating" threads and comments is common, and people aren't very welcoming of newbies.
I giggled when I read this forum's rules, the one that said "If you won't say it in front of your dear old grandma, don't say it here." Spoken like a man who never met my grandma! Thank you for the heads up, and the welcome.
@ Grizzly Adams: Thank you. I'm glad the photos helped (to remember).
You still have them? I would love copies, if it's not too much trouble. For some reason dad didn't think of sending me copies...maybe he didn't think I'd be interested, I'm not sure.
God bless you, too. I know he did...he just never knew how to show it, and I know that frustrated him (even if he didn't think I noticed, I did). In fact, I have a story about my dad you (and others here) might enjoy.
When I was a teenager. something bad was done to me. The person was caught, arrested and it went to trial. Dad and his then wife Andi came (to California) for the trial, along with my mom and step-dad.
After the verdict was read and the person was found guilty, we were all, of course, relieved. We were all standing in the hallway of the courthouse talking about the verdict, etc. Now it's important to know this was in the 70's, and the world was different. This could never happen today...but as we stood there, dad had Andi open her purse and show me something.
They had brought a gun to the courthouse...in case the person was found not guilty.
Yes, it's strange way of looking at it, but that was a single moment in my life where I knew my dad loved me...and was showing me...in his own way.
@ Don Gwinn: Thank you, and I agree about the cutsey little thumbs up/down/smileys. I've never used 'um in any forum...so I just assumed a mod was sending a message to me. H&Hhunter probably pegged it, I just wasn't paying attention and clicked it by accident. Or dad did it to mess with me
Dad was very much larger than life. Very hard to describe to my friends who never met him.
@ JShirley: Thank you so much for the editing. I guess I'm too used to tech forums where "rating" threads and comments is common, and people aren't very welcoming of newbies.
I giggled when I read this forum's rules, the one that said "If you won't say it in front of your dear old grandma, don't say it here." Spoken like a man who never met my grandma!
Thank you for the heads up, and the welcome.@ Grizzly Adams: Thank you. I'm glad the photos helped (to remember).
You still have them? I would love copies, if it's not too much trouble. For some reason dad didn't think of sending me copies...maybe he didn't think I'd be interested, I'm not sure.
God bless you, too. I know he did...he just never knew how to show it, and I know that frustrated him (even if he didn't think I noticed, I did). In fact, I have a story about my dad you (and others here) might enjoy.
When I was a teenager. something bad was done to me. The person was caught, arrested and it went to trial. Dad and his then wife Andi came (to California) for the trial, along with my mom and step-dad.
After the verdict was read and the person was found guilty, we were all, of course, relieved. We were all standing in the hallway of the courthouse talking about the verdict, etc. Now it's important to know this was in the 70's, and the world was different. This could never happen today...but as we stood there, dad had Andi open her purse and show me something.
They had brought a gun to the courthouse...in case the person was found not guilty.
Yes, it's strange way of looking at it, but that was a single moment in my life where I knew my dad loved me...and was showing me...in his own way.
Harley Quinn
Member
That is very good analogy and thank you for sharing, some folks are like that and have a very strong way of showing it, as in lack of fear and personal worry.
(I am reading a book right now about a man called "Spanish Jack" he was a Cherokee (chickamaugas) a very determined (stubborn) man in the days of 1840/50 circa, indian warring and his own war that he carried on dispite what others thought).
I'd say that kind of grit was what your father was made of.
Regards,
Gary
Mara
Member
Thank you, Gary. Yep, those traits of "Spanish Jack" sound very familiar...
1911NM
Member
Mara,
Thank you for spending time with us on this board, and for being able to post what pictures you have. There were happier times for many of us, leaning on a gun counter, or in a chair propped on the back legs talking about hunts. You have helped some us also smile through the heartache. Best wishes to you.
Robert Burnside
By the way, I was on business in Albuquerque last week, and drove up to Sante Fe. Just had to see the site of Bob's shop one more time.
Thank you for spending time with us on this board, and for being able to post what pictures you have. There were happier times for many of us, leaning on a gun counter, or in a chair propped on the back legs talking about hunts. You have helped some us also smile through the heartache. Best wishes to you.
Robert Burnside
By the way, I was on business in Albuquerque last week, and drove up to Sante Fe. Just had to see the site of Bob's shop one more time.
Mara
Member
Hi Robert,
Thank you for the sentiment, it;s very kind of you...but it is *I* who should be thanking all of *you* guys. Your kind words and memories of my dad have helped in ways you may never fully realize...but you have.
I have a lot of wonderful friends of my own who have been very supportive during this time, but none of them knew my dad...certainly not the way some of the gentlemen in here did. Some of you got to see a side of my dad I never did, and I love hearing about it, even if I wouldn't know an Ibex from a Rocky Mountain sheep
Without going into any unnecessary detail, let's say I've learned this:
A death brings out the worst in a family, but the best in friends.
Dad's "last" wake (since he had 3 already! lol!) will be in late August, near Santa Fe. Anyone who is able to be there is welcomed.
Thank you for the sentiment, it;s very kind of you...but it is *I* who should be thanking all of *you* guys. Your kind words and memories of my dad have helped in ways you may never fully realize...but you have.
I have a lot of wonderful friends of my own who have been very supportive during this time, but none of them knew my dad...certainly not the way some of the gentlemen in here did. Some of you got to see a side of my dad I never did, and I love hearing about it, even if I wouldn't know an Ibex from a Rocky Mountain sheep
Without going into any unnecessary detail, let's say I've learned this:
A death brings out the worst in a family, but the best in friends.
Dad's "last" wake (since he had 3 already! lol!) will be in late August, near Santa Fe. Anyone who is able to be there is welcomed.
Grizzly Adams
Member
Mara,
I haven't forgotten your request. It takes sometime to go through over 40 years of boxes of magazines, but I am still looking. Hope they didn't get discarded or something. My son took some home with him and his basement flooded. But I'll continue to look thru what I have.
I haven't forgotten your request. It takes sometime to go through over 40 years of boxes of magazines, but I am still looking. Hope they didn't get discarded or something. My son took some home with him and his basement flooded. But I'll continue to look thru what I have.
Mara
Member
Hey Grizzly,
No worries. It takes as long as it takes. I know how it is trying to find something like that, much less finding the time to look.
That's why I've only uploaded just a few photos of dad so far...I'm in the process of moving from a house I've lived at for 11 years. How does a person collect so much "stuff"? lol This move has been in the works for a couple of years, and I thought I was going to be moving last summer (the California housing market had other ideas).
A year ago I started packing up all non-essentials, which included all my family photos. They're all in a plastic bin in the garage, and not very easy to get to. And not organized once you do get to them. Organizing the photos has always been one of those "when I have time" projects that's so far not gotten done.
It would be nice if I could go through the photos in the next few months, I'm *hoping* to do a website for dad, and have it done before his wake in late August. A place with photos of him from various times in his life, his hunting trophies/awards, his businesses, etc.
I think he would have liked that. He was with my "computer stuff" as I was with his hunting. Just because I didn't understand it, didn't stop me from being amazed and proud.
Anyway, thank you for taking the time to look for those articles, I appreciate that. If you find them and they're in good enough condition, I could scan them in and add them to the website. Or even if I knew the name of the magazine, I wonder if I could contact the publishers and they might have back issues? It's a thought.
No worries. It takes as long as it takes. I know how it is trying to find something like that, much less finding the time to look.
That's why I've only uploaded just a few photos of dad so far...I'm in the process of moving from a house I've lived at for 11 years. How does a person collect so much "stuff"? lol This move has been in the works for a couple of years, and I thought I was going to be moving last summer (the California housing market had other ideas).
A year ago I started packing up all non-essentials, which included all my family photos. They're all in a plastic bin in the garage, and not very easy to get to. And not organized once you do get to them. Organizing the photos has always been one of those "when I have time" projects that's so far not gotten done.
It would be nice if I could go through the photos in the next few months, I'm *hoping* to do a website for dad, and have it done before his wake in late August. A place with photos of him from various times in his life, his hunting trophies/awards, his businesses, etc.
I think he would have liked that. He was with my "computer stuff" as I was with his hunting. Just because I didn't understand it, didn't stop me from being amazed and proud.
Anyway, thank you for taking the time to look for those articles, I appreciate that. If you find them and they're in good enough condition, I could scan them in and add them to the website. Or even if I knew the name of the magazine, I wonder if I could contact the publishers and they might have back issues? It's a thought.
xring44
Member
Mara, having just read this thread from beginning to end I feel a kinship to your father. He experienced what most of us only dreamed of. Restraints we place on ourselves in the form of jobs or family prevent most of us from experiencing the life he lead. Failed marriages always seemed to push us away from family and back to the safety of something we understand better, hunting.
He lived in a time when some men found it difficult to express "love" in the traditional sense, my father, like yours, seemed to express his love much the same as your father did, usually to others he associated with, but never directly.
I find your posts very touching, the obvious admiration for the father who wasn't there for many of your lifes "moments" But at the same time knowing that if the occasion called for it, he would be there. Your ability to forgive his weakness's and even idolize him speaks volumes about yourself. I suspect that he is very proud of you. May he rest in peace.
He lived in a time when some men found it difficult to express "love" in the traditional sense, my father, like yours, seemed to express his love much the same as your father did, usually to others he associated with, but never directly.
I find your posts very touching, the obvious admiration for the father who wasn't there for many of your lifes "moments" But at the same time knowing that if the occasion called for it, he would be there. Your ability to forgive his weakness's and even idolize him speaks volumes about yourself. I suspect that he is very proud of you. May he rest in peace.
Mara
Member
xring44,
Thank you for your kind words. For some reason, I've found your comments hardest to reply to. You were nothing but supportive and you didn't say anything wrong...and yet this is my 3rd attempt in 2 days at a reply. Forgive me if I come across as "preachy", I'm trying very hard *not* to be. If I end up coming across that way, then please bear with me. And if this seems a bit disjointed, it's because I wrote some of this yesterday, and some tonight. I'm sorry it ended up so long...and so emo.
I just found out a couple of days ago my ex-husband died. He was very much like my dad (probably why dad couldn't stand him! lol), and I'm seeing the choices they both made in how they lived, and the consequences of those choices. They both died alone and broke...and by "broke" I mean more than just an absence of money.
I always admired my dad's spirit, and how there was only ONE way to do anything, and that was "Bob's way." And yet, that part of why he's not here, and right at this moment I'm pretty angry at him for that. For being that way, for refusing help that was offered and offered again to him. For smoking even though he was on oxygen, for not buying food and yet always finding the money to buy booze, for not taking care of himself....and mostly, for giving up. I'm firmly convinced that what killed him is he simply ran out of anything to live for. I know that anger is a normal part of grief, so for once in my life, I'm being completely normal.
The end of his life didn't need to be like it was. And yet, even still, I gotta admire him for going out "his way." He was a complex man, and brought out conflicting feelings in anyone who was close to him.
He did at that. I know for a fact his experiences in Africa alone were legendary, even if some of them were not the sort of stories a *daughter* wants to hear. I just fast-forward my brain through those parts.
As much as I want to honor my father's memory and look at the good he did in his life and his amazing accomplishments, I think it's important to point out that he died broke and alone, and there were reasons for that. Aside from being my dad, he was a great man who led an incredible life. But all choices in life have a price.
In his final years, I think he would have given almost anything to have some of those "restraints" you spoke of.
He was lucky (or rather, he chose well and was upfront with them from the beginning) in that all of his wives were VERY understanding of who he was, and what was important to him. There was never a question that when he wanted to go hunting, he went. In fact when I hear stories about husbands having to plead with their wives so they can go hunting, it's so foreign to me, because that's not how I was raised. In fact, it's something good I learned from his example...never be with someone who doesn't accept who you are, or who tries to stop you from doing what makes you happy. I'll bet my dad never even knew he'd taught me that
He was always a good provider (until the very end of his life), so money was never an issue, and for the part of his life that he worked as a hunting guide, he got to do both and his hunting skills provided for his family. Although he was a good provider, he was also a workaholic...and *always* took on more than he could handle. I believe that was part of the reason so many of his businesses failed, because he simply stretched himself too thin. I see that in myself too, and am trying to "correct it" before it's too late.
Yeah, that time after my brother died and I came to visit dad in Santa Fe, I couldn't believe so many people were telling me how proud he was of me
From what I saw, he was a good father to the boys, his 3 sons from his 4th (and last) marriage. He was raising his second family at the same time I was raising my son. I was the first child, and just like making pancakes the first one is always "practice." He was very involved in raising the boys, and very active in their lives. I can understand it was easier with boys, because they had "guy stuff" in common.
One of my few regrets is that I never got to know the "hunter" side of him except through others. There was a time, many years ago, when he asked me to go on a hunt with him (while he was working as a guide) and be the camp cook. I was honored that he would ask me, but it just wasn't a good time in my life...I had other family and financial responsibilities, and I put those first.
I try very hard to see him as more than just my father, but for the man he was, and for the life he led. There's a saying that goes something like "Learn from the mistakes of others, because you'll never live long enough to make them all yourself." My dad taught me a lot by example, both good and bad. In looking back at his life, I'm so much like him in some ways it's spooky. In other respects, we couldn't be more different.
Dad had a tremendous potential for greatness....greatness that was never fully realized because of his addictions. And yet, what he accomplished despite them, is just as amazing. I don't blame him at all for his addictions, because to be an alcoholic isn't a choice. But to refuse any sort of treatment, again and again and again...is. In his final years he alienated almost everyone who was close to him, because the alcohol had pickled his brain. He didn't chose to be that way, I know that, but the fact is...he was.
I never did learn to fire a shotgun without getting knocked on my behind. If he's in heaven and has memories of this life....I hope he keeps that one of me. I can imagine him and my brother Shawn together, laughing that I shoot like a girl.
Thank you for your kind words. For some reason, I've found your comments hardest to reply to. You were nothing but supportive and you didn't say anything wrong...and yet this is my 3rd attempt in 2 days at a reply. Forgive me if I come across as "preachy", I'm trying very hard *not* to be. If I end up coming across that way, then please bear with me. And if this seems a bit disjointed, it's because I wrote some of this yesterday, and some tonight. I'm sorry it ended up so long...and so emo.
I just found out a couple of days ago my ex-husband died. He was very much like my dad (probably why dad couldn't stand him! lol), and I'm seeing the choices they both made in how they lived, and the consequences of those choices. They both died alone and broke...and by "broke" I mean more than just an absence of money.
I always admired my dad's spirit, and how there was only ONE way to do anything, and that was "Bob's way." And yet, that part of why he's not here, and right at this moment I'm pretty angry at him for that. For being that way, for refusing help that was offered and offered again to him. For smoking even though he was on oxygen, for not buying food and yet always finding the money to buy booze, for not taking care of himself....and mostly, for giving up. I'm firmly convinced that what killed him is he simply ran out of anything to live for. I know that anger is a normal part of grief, so for once in my life, I'm being completely normal.
The end of his life didn't need to be like it was. And yet, even still, I gotta admire him for going out "his way." He was a complex man, and brought out conflicting feelings in anyone who was close to him.
He did at that. I know for a fact his experiences in Africa alone were legendary, even if some of them were not the sort of stories a *daughter* wants to hear. I just fast-forward my brain through those parts.
As much as I want to honor my father's memory and look at the good he did in his life and his amazing accomplishments, I think it's important to point out that he died broke and alone, and there were reasons for that. Aside from being my dad, he was a great man who led an incredible life. But all choices in life have a price.
In his final years, I think he would have given almost anything to have some of those "restraints" you spoke of.
He was lucky (or rather, he chose well and was upfront with them from the beginning) in that all of his wives were VERY understanding of who he was, and what was important to him. There was never a question that when he wanted to go hunting, he went. In fact when I hear stories about husbands having to plead with their wives so they can go hunting, it's so foreign to me, because that's not how I was raised. In fact, it's something good I learned from his example...never be with someone who doesn't accept who you are, or who tries to stop you from doing what makes you happy. I'll bet my dad never even knew he'd taught me that
He was always a good provider (until the very end of his life), so money was never an issue, and for the part of his life that he worked as a hunting guide, he got to do both and his hunting skills provided for his family. Although he was a good provider, he was also a workaholic...and *always* took on more than he could handle. I believe that was part of the reason so many of his businesses failed, because he simply stretched himself too thin. I see that in myself too, and am trying to "correct it" before it's too late.
Yeah, that time after my brother died and I came to visit dad in Santa Fe, I couldn't believe so many people were telling me how proud he was of me
From what I saw, he was a good father to the boys, his 3 sons from his 4th (and last) marriage. He was raising his second family at the same time I was raising my son. I was the first child, and just like making pancakes the first one is always "practice."
He was very involved in raising the boys, and very active in their lives. I can understand it was easier with boys, because they had "guy stuff" in common. One of my few regrets is that I never got to know the "hunter" side of him except through others. There was a time, many years ago, when he asked me to go on a hunt with him (while he was working as a guide) and be the camp cook. I was honored that he would ask me, but it just wasn't a good time in my life...I had other family and financial responsibilities, and I put those first.
I try very hard to see him as more than just my father, but for the man he was, and for the life he led. There's a saying that goes something like "Learn from the mistakes of others, because you'll never live long enough to make them all yourself." My dad taught me a lot by example, both good and bad. In looking back at his life, I'm so much like him in some ways it's spooky. In other respects, we couldn't be more different.
Dad had a tremendous potential for greatness....greatness that was never fully realized because of his addictions. And yet, what he accomplished despite them, is just as amazing. I don't blame him at all for his addictions, because to be an alcoholic isn't a choice. But to refuse any sort of treatment, again and again and again...is. In his final years he alienated almost everyone who was close to him, because the alcohol had pickled his brain. He didn't chose to be that way, I know that, but the fact is...he was.
I never did learn to fire a shotgun without getting knocked on my behind. If he's in heaven and has memories of this life....I hope he keeps that one of me. I can imagine him and my brother Shawn together, laughing that I shoot like a girl.
xring44
Member
I can relate to your fathers demons, I'm not addicted to anything except cigarettes, and I am hopelessly adicted to them. Hours spent in the woods, mostly alone, gives a man ample time to think of his shortcomings. Sometimes, instead of the peace we went to find in the game fields, we spend too much time thinking of what might have been, the loves lost, the failures of marriages, the loss of watching our children grow up, and realize what a terrible price we paid for the freedoms we enjoyed in the wilds.
I have a daughter that I spent very little time with from the time she was about 8 or 9 years of age until she was grown, I worked away from home for 25 years, sometimes for 8 or 9 months at a time, then only be home a few days and on the road again. It was not a profession that was kind to marriages. I now have a grand daughter that is "almost" grown. Everytime I look at my grand daughter I realize just what I missed with my own daughter.
I've been single for the last 12 years, I'll also die alone, my choice. My lifestyle, although not as facinating as your fathers closely paralleled his.
I, like your father, smoke too much, and seldom eat anything thats good for me. Most of my meals are from some local greasy spoon resturant, and I also relate to his refusing to "try" to do something good for himself. Its as if its our own way of punishing ourselves for our shortcomings. Our failures, if you will. I make no pretense of knowing your fathers thoughts, only those that wander through my mind as I watch the flickering light of a campfire.
I can only hope that my daughter trys to understand me and the life I lead as you have your fathers.
I have a daughter that I spent very little time with from the time she was about 8 or 9 years of age until she was grown, I worked away from home for 25 years, sometimes for 8 or 9 months at a time, then only be home a few days and on the road again. It was not a profession that was kind to marriages. I now have a grand daughter that is "almost" grown. Everytime I look at my grand daughter I realize just what I missed with my own daughter.
I've been single for the last 12 years, I'll also die alone, my choice. My lifestyle, although not as facinating as your fathers closely paralleled his.
I, like your father, smoke too much, and seldom eat anything thats good for me. Most of my meals are from some local greasy spoon resturant, and I also relate to his refusing to "try" to do something good for himself. Its as if its our own way of punishing ourselves for our shortcomings. Our failures, if you will. I make no pretense of knowing your fathers thoughts, only those that wander through my mind as I watch the flickering light of a campfire.
I can only hope that my daughter trys to understand me and the life I lead as you have your fathers.
Mara
Member
@ xring44:
Must be why I like roadtrips so much, they are when I do my best thinking.
A few well-chosen words...can heal years of distance and doubt. I'm just sayin'...it's an idea. A few kind words work miracles.
You may very well have already talked to your daughter, but ya know...might be something that could be said again? For your sake as well as hers. I know my dad had regrets, and searched for a way to make right what could never be made right. A few kind words would have done it.
Your mileage may vary, of course, but there might be good results from a good heart-to-heart with your daughter. If it doesn't turn out well...you can always blame me
And thank you...for sharing your point of view with me. Your words were appreciated.
Must be why I like roadtrips so much, they are when I do my best thinking.
A few well-chosen words...can heal years of distance and doubt. I'm just sayin'...it's an idea.
A few kind words work miracles.You may very well have already talked to your daughter, but ya know...might be something that could be said again? For your sake as well as hers. I know my dad had regrets, and searched for a way to make right what could never be made right. A few kind words would have done it.
Your mileage may vary, of course, but there might be good results from a good heart-to-heart with your daughter. If it doesn't turn out well...you can always blame me
And thank you...for sharing your point of view with me. Your words were appreciated.
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Rich K
Member
A fine tribute to a fine hunter. God Bless.
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