are some people just victims no matter what?

[coylh]

She sounds content with the way she's living her life.

 

[gunsmith]

people like your GF are lying to themselves

I've met folks like that all to often they avoid all confrontation to the point of letting themselves be taken advantage of.
It's like that Timmy Treadwell guy who used to say things like "I consider it an honor to be eaten by a Grizzly, I would never even fight back, I don't need a gun in Grizzly country" etc.

yet as he died (it's on audio) he screamed for his GF to fight the bear (she got eaten too) he screamed in agony as he died & only on his painful death throes did he realize he was lying to him self & to her.

My ex GF would tell bums that were bothering us that I was going to pepper spray them & get them riled up & I was packing illegaly it was annoying as heck.

get rid of her pal! she might cost you your life!

 

[gunsmith]

there is an audio tape

from a 911 call that I heard...the women calls 911 as some guy knocks down her door and kills the 911 caller as she asked him... who are you? ...what do you wan't...why are you doing... then the tape ends in screams of agony.

 

[BRASSM]

Re: Victims

I'm originally from New York City. It is inhabited by Sheeple. Most of the people I knew there were potential victims. Sure they had street smarts and knew where not to go. But the liberal mindset of 'If I'm nice to them, they'll be nice to me' prevailed. I'm not a nice guy, I'm a polite, civil gentleman with fangs. When civil breakdown hits that area the wolves come out. I've tryed time after time to explain.:banghead: But it is an excercise in futility. You can only influence one persons actions. I influenced my action by taking Horace Greelys advice. I am in the west. I've noticed all the bastions of liberalism out here have a similar sheeple mentality. Face it liberalism has neutered our society. I hate to sound cynical, but most people have a big influence on their fate. I do not intend to be an unarmed sheep facing a wolf.

 

[mbs357]

I've always been the nice and polite type.
When people verbally annoy me (like they did in HS), I just casually talked to them, sometimes throwing in witty comments.
I always thought that if they had laid their hands on me I would rip out some jugulars or perform a flawless monkey stealing peach, but it never came to that.

 

[ceetee]

It depends on what your own personal values are, and where she stands in the hierarchy. I've seen this more than once: A female friend would be getting unwanted attention from a guy that just doesn't understand what "I'm not interested" means. All it would take was a quick "She's with me" from myself or another male to send Casanova packing. Usually with his tail between his legs.

If she's worth that effort once in a while, then she's worth it. If she's not, then she's not.

My wife and I were watching a horror movie a while back; all blood 'n' guts. At one point, I commented, "That's a bad way to die."

She replied, "There's no such thing as 'a good way'."

I answered her with the best that my limited philosophical ability will allow. "Sure there is. If the crazed meth-heads started banging down our door right now, while you're calling 9-1-1, I'd be defending you, and our kids. 12 ga to start, then .40 cal, then .357, in that order. If I should die in that defense, as long as my attempts were successful, and my family remained unharmed, I would consider that not necessarily 'a bad way to die.'

"Likewise, if I were to die in defense of any other thing I hold dear, then I'd probably consider that as good a way to die as any other. After all, everybody has to die eventually. The trick is to make your life (while you lived) worth something; to leave the world a better place than when you came in."

It's all in your values. What do you hold dear?

 

[doc jake]

Are we not looking at this problem from the wrong direction ? This lady's outlook on personal safety is a "learned" one. Nobody is born with out the idea of self preservation. It is therefore a simple case of "relearning" to take responciblity for her own life.

At the moment she is in what we in the United Kingdom call PC school (liberal to you colonals) Most of these collages are heavely into asertiveness training. Get her to take an assertive course so that she can say no to her fellow students, on the grounds that "they" are misguided and need help with their social skills.

Think of it as learning to swim, start her in the paddling pool before you enter her for the olimpic 100m free style. After all isnt that what sites like this are for ? to educate the sheep into becoming sheepdogs. would be very intrested in seeing how this situation develops, some good learning oppertunitys for all of us on this one.

As to the question to move on or stay with her if i had the answer to questions like that i would be making a living as an adult trainer.

 

[Bob F.]

See:
http://www.thehighroad.org/showthread.php?t=167172

 

[KriegHund]

are some people just victims no matter what?

In the sense that some people are raised to be victims, yes.

Its very sad.

 

[lamazza]

Everybody is born with the natural instinct of self preservation if she is 'allowing unwanted attention' then perhaps the attention is not unwanted. I think that deep inside you know what the real problem is...It is sometimes hard to really get to know someone and sometimes even harder to accept what you find. I have been in relationships with women who were madly in love with me and others who were just going through the motions... I fear that your concern has less to do with her bodily harm and maybe alittle bit more about why she is letting people in where only you belong. I truly do not mean to be insulting, I just think you need to take serious stock about how strong your love relationship is.

 

[marklbucla]

A friend sounds a lot like your girlfriend. She seriously thinks that she can throw books fast enough to deliver the same stopping power as a .45ACP. Yeah, for real.

I don't think I've seen it mentioned before, but what if you were to have children? Would she be able to protect them and set a good example? Do you feel confident that she'd be able to take any action necessary to protect the young 'uns? It's one thing to be a pacifist and not care enough about your own life to fight, but what about for a loved one?

 

[strambo]

The book "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin DeGraw deals extensively with this issue (women not being assertive when they should be to save themselves). It's a very good book for women to read. Kinda academic for guys because we aren't really targeted the way women are. The author is a bit anti-gun, but I feel that doesn't invalidate the excellent advice the book has to offer.

 

[spacemanspiff]

Am I coward if I let things go on as they are, and she gets assaulted or threatened or whatever and all I can say is "Well, you could've put a stop to this long ago but chose not to..."??

no you are not a coward. if the situation was that your GF asked you to intervene and you didnt because the other guys were scary, thats cowardice.

i think you're on the right path. you seem to realize that this relationship may cause more harm than good, to yourself and to your GF.

unfortunately, there are many who only feel good about themselves if they are being abused in some form. to them, such abuse is evidence that someone cares about them, and it doesnt matter that they are only cared about enough for someone to hurt them.

you need to talk to your GF and discuss what she would stand up for and fight over. would she stand up to protect you? if she has a baby with you, will she stand up and be protective?


consider this in the concept of darwinism. if we (who are adamant about standing up for what is right, and able/willing to defend our lives and that of others, putting ourselves in harms way if need be) seek out people who are like us, and raise offspring in our footsteps, eventually the weak-willed and easily-trampled-upon will disappear from our midst.

 

[Werewolf]

Everybody is born with the natural instinct of self preservation...

In nature that is true. The stupid, the weak, those without the natural instinct to survive die and more often than not they don't breed.

In human society the stupid, the weak, those without the natural instinct to survive are a protected group and have been for at least 300 years or so in the more civilized parts of humanity. They do live to breed and their numbers grow and grow and grow.

In my 53 years I've met quite a few folks without the instinct to survive and with just one exception the lack of that instinct mattered not one whit. They just keep truckin' along in a blind fog of protection. They aren't called sheep for nothin'...

if she is 'allowing unwanted attention' then perhaps the attention is not unwanted.

Perhaps but not likely. Some people are just plain incapable of perceiving a threat. Whether it's because the trait has been bred out or civilized out is really irrelevant. Some folks just need protecting. Some folk just Gump their way thru life in condition white.

 

[svtruth]

Marklbucla

+1
I always find the motherly defensive love of pax on this forum and Springmom on TFL to be very moving. Who do you want protecting your children, a tabby cat or a mother tiger?

 

[bearmgc]

Its true that some people are raised to be victims, but as adulthood arrives with awful experiences, the self respecting person will learn otherwise. Some people have no boundaries, and choose to be dependant on others. If GF is not indicating to scumballs that she does not want their attention, then she is giving them mixed messages. Maybe she just plain out likes attention. Some people deliberately put themselves in harms way for the rescuing , that tells them they're worth it. You could easily get caught in the middle. This is a bad situation, start walking.

 

[XDn00b101]

she says that she is simply unable to be a bitch and give them the hint that she's taken, and doesn't want to be emailed and called and pestered for dates and attention.

Now half of me says I should rush to her defense, find whatever guy is currently hounding her (right now it's some guy in her Bio class), and tell him that I'm going to be wiping the floor with his spleen if he doesn't back off. But the other half wonders why I should fight her fight, why I should risk myself, for this. She's an adult and can make the conscious choice of whether to allow herself to be a victim again...

I don't understand this. So many women out there. If she doesn't respect you enough to tell people she's taken, then why stay with her? Now lets reverse the situation. Lets pretend you let girls flirt with you all the time, and never said you where involved, she would probably feel cheated on. Ditch her and get one who will respect you equally.

 

[MDG1976]

Move on. You're supposed to be her boyfreind, not her bodygaurd.

 

[Jiggz]

My mother is a professional victim, she did had a very bad childhood and I believe it is her way of denial. I am ashamed to admit that I used to think like her about life. I've always liked guns but wasnt allowed to have one or even touch one. I bought my first gun went I turned 18 and have decided to give up the victim mentality. She still doesn't approve of my guns and the fact that I carry on a daily basis. I'm 21 years old and understand the real world more than her. I could talk to her all day long and all of the facts and logic in the world wont change her mind. I just can't understand why I am able to see reality so much clearly while she cannot. I feel sorry for my mother and others like her. I'm under the opinion that people like this cannot be changed no matter what.

 

[Strings]

The girl I dated before I met my wife was like this: couldn't tell someone gveing unwanted attention "buzz off". And wouldn't let me confront said guys about it. I finally woke up about it, and got out...

>In order for me to fight someone for my wife, I'd have to stop HER from hurting them first.<

Heh... my wife's a sweet, loving person. Likes helping people, is good to animals, all that jazz. And would drop a hammer on someone with less remorse than me, sleeping quite soundly that night. Any who doubt, ask Monkeyleg: he's talked to her at a couple gunshows...

 

[The_Antibubba]

Some are always victims if you prey on them early enough

I dated "her" for almost twelve years. She was bright, funny, warm-and she was molested by her father from an early age. Some people never get to learn to defend themselves, because the very people who are supposed to teach them are the ones who are harming them most.

Secondly, a lot of these victims feel enormous guilt-they shouldn't, because they had no control over what happened, but that's the way it comes out. And because of their guilt, they come to feel as if the deserve to be victims over and over.

To get help, to get over all of this and move on, it takes more courage than most of ever need to have. Victimhood is passive. You don't have to do anything but be there and bear it. But failure is active-you tried but you weren't good enough. You've never been good enough, and you will never succeed at anything! Denial is easier than facing your inadequacies.

I really loved her, and I really thought she'd come around. But she didn't. She couldn't. I hope she's okay.

It permanently cured me of "Shepherding", though; wanting an equal is a sure sign of maturity.


PM me if you want.