Dad's Dementia

[red rick]

My dad has been dealing with dementia for about 10 years now . He is now in the later stages of the disease . This is such a sad disease , it took a man that could do and fix most anything , to a man that can't hardly walk or talk now . He gets very mad at my stepmom for no reason now . Last week when I was visiting after I cut the grass , every time she would speak , he would just puff up shake and make a fist . He did that about 4 times while I was there . When I went over there yesterday I asked if she wanted me to take the guns out of the house .

While I was cutting the grass she told me that she put them in the garage and to take them with me . I cleaned them up a little last night . No telling when he last shot them , the outside was clean but no oil on them , the barrels had not been cleaned since he last shot them .

My brother has his left handed 1100 ( he is right handed but shoots left handed ) and is .22 revolver , I forgot what brand , I think it is a old H&R .

The revolver is a S&W 36 , pinned barrel .
The shotgun is a Stevens 311C 12ga. , I haven't found the serial number on it yet , it must be on the receiver somewhere under the barrel .

 

[Arizona_Mike]

Generally the demented loose interest in guns (shootings by elderly are extraordinarily rare despite so many with dementia having access) but your mother is probably the best judge in this situation.

You basically loose the person that was with dementia and the new person is not always pleasant. Pray for both of them.

Mike

 

[red rick]

I doubt he would even know how to load a gun .

He is still very happy to see me , I am thankful for that . I can see it in is face and smile , even though he really can't talk or comprehend things .

Thanks for prayers , Arizona .

 

[Shaq]

I doubt he would even know how to load a gun .

He is still very happy to see me , I am thankful for that . I can see it in is face and smile , even though he really can't talk or comprehend things .

Thanks for prayers , Arizona .

Perhaps you're right about him not being able to load a gun. Perhaps you're mistaken. He probably has moments of clarity, as most people with dementia do. But if he is allowed access, you would be betting your stepmom's life on your being right. Not a good bet, IMO; stakes are too high.

 

[230RN]

The shotgun may not have a serial number if it was manufactured prior to GCA 1968. The same thing may pertain if he has any old .22 rifles or other long guns.

The revolver looks like it has recessed chambers. That, with the pinned barrel, may command a premium if sold.

That problem with dementia is a sad one, and probably not uncommon. I sympathize.

Terry, 230RN

 

[red rick]

Nope no recessed chambers , just pinned barrel .

 

[Ryanxia]

Have had multiple family members with alzehemiers and the mental diseases are definitely very difficult to deal with. At least with things like cancer you can still share memories with them and laughs but losing cognitive abilities is a whole different ball game. Make sure his guns get a good home.

 

[bikerdoc]

Im glad you took posession of the guns.
Dementia kills memory from present backwards, so it could be possible that he would remember how to use them
It is admirable that your mom has been able to take care of him this long but it appears the anger exhinited may indicate it is time to find a facility for him.
They are better equipted to deal with the care needed 24/7
God bless and stay safe.

 

[red rick]

I am not going to sell them . I will pass them down to one of his grandkids when I am gone . The grandkid that I think will mostly keep them , I am not sure my son would want or keep them .

 

[Howard Roark]

My family is in the situation. My brother took our dad's guns a few months ago. It's tough watching a man that you looked up to for your whole life waste and wither away.

 

[red rick]

I feel for you Howard , I know exactly how you feel . My dad has always been my hero . He was a badass man , strong even now . He put the gas cap on his leaf blower and I had to open it with channel lock pliers and I have never been called weak , I use to be a gym rat . He use to play a game , where he would shake hands with someone and tell them to give him all they got , then he would tighten his grip until they gave .

 

[Bullseye]

My father suffered from Dementia and he was a miserable person before it took hold. Later as it progressed he became child-like. Your story brings back memories.
He wanted a battery for his watch, that's all he wanted as it stopped so I said we would go get one. He insisted on holding the battery. When we got to the store, no battery anywhere. He felt so bad but I got what I thought it looked like and lucky for us it was the right one.
It was amazing how that made him happy to have a working watch.
Another time we were all cutting the grass, my brother on the John Deere and me with the self propelled mower. My dad just standing there and I knew he loved to cut the grass. So I asked if he wanted to run the mower I was running and he smiled like a little kid.
I had to tell him how it worked ( it was his mower, but he had no clue ) and off he went, this way and that, wherever it went he followed it with a big smile.
So whatever made him happy was all that mattered. In the end he knew I was there for him and knew who I was but had no idea who my mother was.
Odd, you mention guns, he was a depressed guy at the onset and had a single shot Mossberg around the house for home defense and a few high brass shells.
I asked my mother if I could take it out of the house for fear he would consider suicide.
So I ended up with that. It didn't have any sentimental value. The Red Ryder BB gun was more important than that but both are gone now.
Your guns you have are pretty nice. Try not to emotionally connect them to your fathers illness. I shot a lot of bunnies and pheasants with a 311 double many years ago and a 36 is on my short list. Two fine guns.
Try to find where your dad's smile is. He might have one in him yet.
It was just a couple days back that my dad passed 15 years ago, just before 9-11 attacks.
My world changed in more than a couple ways back then.

 

[JWF III]

I don't have anything gun related to add, that's already been covered. I'm going through it with my mom as well. Thoughts and prayers for him and the entire family. It's roughest on the loved ones.

Wyman

 

[red rick]

All of your stories hit home with me , they sound so much like what my dad is like now .

Bullseye, I did the same thing with my dad once this year while I was cutting the grass , when he would come outside and watch me , he doesn't do that now . He has a 2 acre lot and I think his neighbor has the same . The next thing I know he was all the way in the far end of the neighbors yard cutting their grass . I went over and got him and showed him where he was and to turn when he got to the clothesline . Here he comes again right back in the neighbors yard .

At the beginning of this year he could start and cut the grass , then he forgot how to start it . About a month ago I had the lawnmower parked outside while I was doing something else . I saw him looking at the mower , then he got on it and started it right up and drove it and parked it perfect in the garage .

 

[gbran]

My dad is 83 and in great mental and physical health. I am very fortunate for this. Sorry your dad has the problem.

 

[AlexanderA]

I had to deal with this with my mother. She started showing clear signs of dementia at age 82, and finally died at age 96. It was a long, hard road for the family. Although guns were not an issue in her case, we had to take away her car keys, control over her bank accounts, etc. You do what you have to do, even if the person makes a stink about it. In our experience, the sense of judgement is the first thing to go, even before the person's memory. That makes the person vulnerable to all sorts of scams, and they do all sorts of "crazy" things. The sooner a competent guardian or caregiver can be arranged, the better.

I might add that most of the person's friends are likely to be in the same age cohort, and therefore may be dealing with dementia issues themselves. Do not trust a friend of the same age with the person's care, or control of his money. We learned this the hard way. (This could even be an issue with a spouse.)

 

[GAF]

http://www.upi.com/Health_News/2016...r-Alzheimers-disease-treatment/9711470920741/

Do a search on mefenamic acid and alzheimer's.

Hope this helps someone.

 

[RetiredUSNChief]

Tough as these times may be on family, this is the time when family should pull together. So many do not.

It's easy, for example, for couples to make it through the "for better, for richer, and in health" times, but it's really the "for worse, for poorer, and in sickness" times that really count and make "love" have meaning.

Sounds like you guys are thinking ahead and working to care for Dad. That's a mark of a strong family. Keep it up.

Best of luck in his remaining years.

 

[slumlord44]

My sympathy to you and your situation. Anger is normal with people in that situation. They are mad because they know something is wrong but don't know what to do about it. I get mad at myself when I can't remember things. Gets frustrating and I don't have his problems yet.

 

[hso]

RR,

My sympathy for your family and your dad. When parents become too affected by disease to allow firearms to be safely kept at home we are often reluctant to decide to secure them on or off site when it may be the best decision. Good for you and your step mom for making such a difficult decision.

 

[red rick]

Thanks for all of the kind words and sharing your own experiences with me , it helps .

 

[Arizona_Mike]

In some states, more if certain people get their way, the type of "transfers" we are discussing in this thread would not be legal.

Mike

 

[entropy]

You can't bet on that, though. Getting them out was the right thing to do. My Grandpa offhandedly said, " I don't want to be around any more, not like this". The guns were gone from the house the next day.

 

[vaupet]

Hi there, sad story, wish you strength throug the process.

I lost my dad last year, at the age of 77 , 17 years after the first signs of alzheimer.
The depersonification one goes trough can't be immagined by someone who is not close to a victim.
My mam did take care of my dad, at their own home, until the very last day.
In our case it was a little bit different, my dad, having a bit of a temper, never wanted guns around the house, and when he got ill, he realy turned in to a 'lamb'.
There realy is no telling what will happen, but the person do changes.

I know for sure that they day i get this diagnose will be the first time one of my 9mm barrels wil be pointed at a real person. It will be in my back yard, under my walnut three.

Not to be too pessimist, last month I met Ragnar Skanaker, 4 time olypic medalist, who came over from Sweden to open our new shop and to autograph his new book.
Ragnar, aged 82, is still competing. In his last world cup final, air pistol, sydney 2004, he already was 70 y old.

 

[red rick]

Dad died tonight , he is out of his agony now .

Some people have movie stars as their hero . I can honestly say my dad has always been my hero . He lived his life the cowboy way .