Aikibiker
Member
***Second try***
As 6 am rolled around I was just getting into bed after spending waaaaay to much time on the internet. Shortly after turning the light off and resting my head on the pillow I heard something that sounded distinctly like a man's voice coming through my closed window. Opening my bloodshot eyes I saw that the motion light on the side of my house had come on and the light was spilling past the blinds.
I so wanted to ignore it and go to bed, but visions of predawn home invasions were dancing in my head so I (tactically) peeked out the window to see if it was my neighbor leaving for work. Nope it wasn't him, and there was a strange bicycle I did not recognize before in his driveway. Warning lights started to go off in my fatigued brain. Carefully (and tactically) surveying the rest of the scene before me I noticed that my neighbor's gate into his backyard was open and that the neighborhood dogs were barking.
Well, I can take a hint, something is going on. Since this is a good neighborhood and the everyone tries to watch out for each other I decided to take a closer look at the backyard next door. I grabbed my USP 45c and a maglight and made my way to the back door. I stepped through and into my back yard playing the flashlight into my neighbors yard figuring it was some kids messing around. Or more likely my sleep deprived mind was playing tricks on me.
Imagine my surprise when my light started reflecting off a vest similar to what bicyclists and road workers wear. And then that vest started to move.
*Folks let me take a moment to tell you that situations like this are not good for the blood pressure, not at all. The only things I can think of off the top of my head that is more stressful is crashing a motorcycle and asking that cute girl that sat two rows over in homeroom to go on a date.*
I advanced towards the moving reflection (and the cover of a very large planter full of dirt) calling out "Who's there?" in what I hope was a very manly and authoritarian voice.
As the figure moved out of the gloom and more fully into the beam of my light I heard a voice call my first name. Boy was I ever relieved to recognize my neighbor's (drunk) uncle. The guy is a little weird but I don't think he means any harm.
Turns out the gentleman had forgotten something while doing yardwork and had decided (after a night of drinking I am sure) to come look for it at 6 in the morning while it is still dark out.
He started coming closer and I at that moment realized I still had a loaded gun in my hand. Before he could see my pistol I put it behind my back and put the safety on it. Problem averted right? I will just wish him a good night and go back inside.
Of course this wasn't to be. The gentleman asked if he could borrow my flashlight to look for whatever it was he had forgotten (I never quite figured out what that was) I hedged and hawed and finally used a bit of sleight of hand I have picked up to slip the pistol into the pocket of my shorts while he was distracted by me shining the light in his face again accidentally.
Ladies and gentlemen on The High Road, do you have any idea how heavy a loaded USP45c really is? Especially when it is in the pocket of a pair of very lightweight sleep shorts? Keeping my dignity took some serious juggling.
While I was trying desperately to keep my pants on the gentleman was coming closer to the gate. I decided to be nice and walk over towards the to pass him the light. So that he can complete his search without walking anyone up and I can go back inside to my nice warm bed.
Did I mention I just grabbed the pistol and the flashlight when I hopped out of bed to check on the strange goings on next door? Well, let me tell you that was all I grabbed.
I feel it also incumbent to mention that I have dogs too. Actually they are my mom's. Their shelties. Cute little yappers with above average intelligence for dogs. They also poop all over the yard.
I assume you can guess what happened next.
I'll spell it out anyway. Catharsis is supposed to be healthy after all.
I ended up standing in the freezing predawn cold, desperately holding up my shorts, with one foot in a pile of dog poop, while a drunk man wondered through my neighbor's yard with my flashlight.
I assume he found what he was looking for because he eventually handed me back my light and wished me a good night as he wondered back towards his bicycle.
You would think that would be enough. But oh no there was one more indignity for me. As I went back to the house I decided it would be counter productive to clean my soiled foot off with the hose and then traipse back through the mine field my mother's dogs had so cunningly laid out.
"No," I thought to myself, "I'll just get in the house and then crawl on my knees to the shower to clean myself off without messing up the carpet."
As I set about my labor I came across the dog that had made the pile that so offended my poor right foot.
Did you know that shelties can grin? They are quite good at conveying their emotions, and this one was telling me just how amused she was with the whole situation and the interesting smell I had discovered.
I have never wanted to kill a dog more in my life.
The moral of this story is: If you are going to go check out a bump in the night, get dressed first.
I'm off to bed. I foolish now, I can't wait to see how I feel after a few hours sleep.
I've really got to leave this mall ninja tactical stuff to Skunkabilly.
As 6 am rolled around I was just getting into bed after spending waaaaay to much time on the internet. Shortly after turning the light off and resting my head on the pillow I heard something that sounded distinctly like a man's voice coming through my closed window. Opening my bloodshot eyes I saw that the motion light on the side of my house had come on and the light was spilling past the blinds.
I so wanted to ignore it and go to bed, but visions of predawn home invasions were dancing in my head so I (tactically) peeked out the window to see if it was my neighbor leaving for work. Nope it wasn't him, and there was a strange bicycle I did not recognize before in his driveway. Warning lights started to go off in my fatigued brain. Carefully (and tactically) surveying the rest of the scene before me I noticed that my neighbor's gate into his backyard was open and that the neighborhood dogs were barking.
Well, I can take a hint, something is going on. Since this is a good neighborhood and the everyone tries to watch out for each other I decided to take a closer look at the backyard next door. I grabbed my USP 45c and a maglight and made my way to the back door. I stepped through and into my back yard playing the flashlight into my neighbors yard figuring it was some kids messing around. Or more likely my sleep deprived mind was playing tricks on me.
Imagine my surprise when my light started reflecting off a vest similar to what bicyclists and road workers wear. And then that vest started to move.
*Folks let me take a moment to tell you that situations like this are not good for the blood pressure, not at all. The only things I can think of off the top of my head that is more stressful is crashing a motorcycle and asking that cute girl that sat two rows over in homeroom to go on a date.*
I advanced towards the moving reflection (and the cover of a very large planter full of dirt) calling out "Who's there?" in what I hope was a very manly and authoritarian voice.
As the figure moved out of the gloom and more fully into the beam of my light I heard a voice call my first name. Boy was I ever relieved to recognize my neighbor's (drunk) uncle. The guy is a little weird but I don't think he means any harm.
Turns out the gentleman had forgotten something while doing yardwork and had decided (after a night of drinking I am sure) to come look for it at 6 in the morning while it is still dark out.
He started coming closer and I at that moment realized I still had a loaded gun in my hand. Before he could see my pistol I put it behind my back and put the safety on it. Problem averted right? I will just wish him a good night and go back inside.
Of course this wasn't to be. The gentleman asked if he could borrow my flashlight to look for whatever it was he had forgotten (I never quite figured out what that was) I hedged and hawed and finally used a bit of sleight of hand I have picked up to slip the pistol into the pocket of my shorts while he was distracted by me shining the light in his face again accidentally.
Ladies and gentlemen on The High Road, do you have any idea how heavy a loaded USP45c really is? Especially when it is in the pocket of a pair of very lightweight sleep shorts? Keeping my dignity took some serious juggling.
While I was trying desperately to keep my pants on the gentleman was coming closer to the gate. I decided to be nice and walk over towards the to pass him the light. So that he can complete his search without walking anyone up and I can go back inside to my nice warm bed.
Did I mention I just grabbed the pistol and the flashlight when I hopped out of bed to check on the strange goings on next door? Well, let me tell you that was all I grabbed.
I feel it also incumbent to mention that I have dogs too. Actually they are my mom's. Their shelties. Cute little yappers with above average intelligence for dogs. They also poop all over the yard.
I assume you can guess what happened next.
I'll spell it out anyway. Catharsis is supposed to be healthy after all.
I ended up standing in the freezing predawn cold, desperately holding up my shorts, with one foot in a pile of dog poop, while a drunk man wondered through my neighbor's yard with my flashlight.
I assume he found what he was looking for because he eventually handed me back my light and wished me a good night as he wondered back towards his bicycle.
You would think that would be enough. But oh no there was one more indignity for me. As I went back to the house I decided it would be counter productive to clean my soiled foot off with the hose and then traipse back through the mine field my mother's dogs had so cunningly laid out.
"No," I thought to myself, "I'll just get in the house and then crawl on my knees to the shower to clean myself off without messing up the carpet."
As I set about my labor I came across the dog that had made the pile that so offended my poor right foot.
Did you know that shelties can grin? They are quite good at conveying their emotions, and this one was telling me just how amused she was with the whole situation and the interesting smell I had discovered.
I have never wanted to kill a dog more in my life.
The moral of this story is: If you are going to go check out a bump in the night, get dressed first.
I'm off to bed. I foolish now, I can't wait to see how I feel after a few hours sleep.
I've really got to leave this mall ninja tactical stuff to Skunkabilly.
)
