MeekandMild
Member
- Joined
- Dec 25, 2002
- Messages
- 1,877
This one is both political AND gun related. It is actually a couple of years old but thought to catch it on its way around the internet again.
Old Guys
Author Unkown, but if you do know please
tell me so I can give him credit.
If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those
responsible for killing thousands of innocent people in New York City
and Washington, D.C. But, I'm over 55 now and the Armed Forces say
I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to
join the military. They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of
sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys.
You shouldn't be able to join until you're at least 35. For starters:
Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old
guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more
than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky
soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll
complain them into submission. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!"
"Where's the remote control?"
An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war
until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old
guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the
time he's 35 and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and
M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly.
An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys get up
early (to pee). If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans
because we'd probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank,
and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to
getting screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food. We've
also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles. We like them
almost better than naps. They could lighten up on the obstacle
course, however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot
wall with rope hanging over the side , nor did I ever do any pushups
after training. I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give
me...er...one." And the running part is kind of a waste of energy.
I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning
to shave. To actually carry on a conversation. To wear pants without
the top of the butt crack showing and the boxer shorts sticking out.
To learn that a pierced tongue catches food particles. And that a
200-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an
eardrum. All great reasons to keep our sons at home and to learn a
little more about life before sending them off to a possible death.
Let us old guys track down those dirty, rotten cowards who attacked
our hearts on September 11. The last thing the enemy would want to
see right now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.
Old Guys
Author Unkown, but if you do know please
tell me so I can give him credit.
If I could, I'd enlist today and help my country track down those
responsible for killing thousands of innocent people in New York City
and Washington, D.C. But, I'm over 55 now and the Armed Forces say
I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 35 to
join the military. They've got the whole thing backwards. Instead of
sending 18-year-olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys.
You shouldn't be able to join until you're at least 35. For starters:
Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old
guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more
than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.
Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky
soldier is a dangerous soldier. If we can't kill the enemy we'll
complain them into submission. "My back hurts!" "I'm hungry!"
"Where's the remote control?"
An 18-year-old hasn't had a legal beer yet and you shouldn't go to war
until you're at least old enough to legally drink. An average old
guy, on the other hand, has consumed 126,000 gallons of beer by the
time he's 35 and a jaunt through the desert heat with a backpack and
M-60 would do wonders for the old beer belly.
An 18-year-old doesn't like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys get up
early (to pee). If old guys are captured we couldn't spill the beans
because we'd probably forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank,
and serial number would be a real brainteaser.
Boot camp would actually be easier for old guys. We're used to
getting screamed and yelled at and we actually like soft food. We've
also developed a deep appreciation for guns and rifles. We like them
almost better than naps. They could lighten up on the obstacle
course, however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot
wall with rope hanging over the side , nor did I ever do any pushups
after training. I can hear the Drill Sergeant now, "Get down and give
me...er...one." And the running part is kind of a waste of energy.
I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.
An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning
to shave. To actually carry on a conversation. To wear pants without
the top of the butt crack showing and the boxer shorts sticking out.
To learn that a pierced tongue catches food particles. And that a
200-watt speaker in the back seat of a Honda Accord can rupture an
eardrum. All great reasons to keep our sons at home and to learn a
little more about life before sending them off to a possible death.
Let us old guys track down those dirty, rotten cowards who attacked
our hearts on September 11. The last thing the enemy would want to
see right now is a couple of million old farts with attitudes.
