Serious question about choosing a woman and hunting

[GunGoBoom]

This is a question for the happily-married guys out there; and perhaps even the unhappily married and/or divorced guys can offer some insight as well.

Being single/ never married, I wouldn't mind having someone to share the remainder of my life with, and perhaps raising a munchkin or two. Anyhow, 36 yrs old, and there's a good reason why I've never taken the plunge before - I have very little to NOTHING in common with (seemingly) 99.9% of the chicks I meet. So I've had it in my head for the last 5 years or so that it's going to be all or nothing for me, meaning that I'm determined to either find a woman who shares a strong interest in 1 or more of my major hobbies, which includes camping/hunting/fishing (& shooting/owning guns), or stay forever a bachelor, cuz I figure that hey, what's better than a woman who'll go hunting with you and keep ya warm in the tent/camper? But several guys I've run this idea across say, nah, I don't want a woman who is interested in hunting. Accepting yes, but a hunter/outdoorsman herself, no, because I'll need my personal time away, and if she always wants to go, I'll not be able to decompress. But I'm not buying this. I think if you have a good intimate relationship, you'll enjoy your time together, and the more things you have in common, the better. So which is it? Thanks. I'm a complete dunce about relationships, but I'm sick of dating women who care zero about any of my hobbies/interests - I sure as heck don't care about typical chick stuff (social events/partying, traveling, gambling, decorating, clothes/shoes, makeup & hair stuff, etc.).

 

[SADshooter]

Core Issue is the Relationship...

I wouldn't be hunting today if I hadn't married the woman I did, since she owns the property I hunt on.

That said, she's an integral part of what makes it pleasurable for me. Hearing "Good shot, hon" and talking venison recipes is better than silence, especially next to a campfire. We're not totally on the same wavelength about everything. She's not as passionate about shooting as I am, but she's not far off. She won't hunt in the early morning hours, but she will dress my kills (with the infamous scalpel) if I wake her at a reasonable hour.

I've hunted alone since we've been married, but it's not as enjoyable as sharing the experience with my wife (and dog). But, then, we enjoy grocery shopping and running errands together, so we may be the exception. My wife also isn't heavily into the "chick stuff" you mention. I think that helps a lot. You should be prepared to tolerate some chick stuff, however, if you reasonably expect her to accept "guy stuff". Any relationship carries some obligation to compromise...unless you're clones, which seems a little boring, dare I say icky.

There's nothing wrong with needing/wanting personal time. We're both very much loners. But the experiences we share are far richer for the sharing, in my opinion.

Different strokes, but my experience (hard-won after many years) tells me that core compatibility trumps the other obvious reasons people fall into relationships.

So, enjoy being a bachelor until Ms. Right clonks you over the head and drags you back to her cave, but don't resign yourself to being alone.

 

[belton-deer-hunter]

it's all about you

i like mine becasue she allows me to do what i want to be happy she says if i kill it and clean it she will cook it and that works for me sshe does waht ever it takes to make me happy and i think i have found something with me only being 17 thisi s a big deal but it is all about the girl that makes you happy and that you both enjoy each other. and if you find that you are a lucky guy that is y i dont complain plus if the girl has never hunted before (like mine hasnt) it allows you to teach her about hunting and also allows you to teach her about guns and gun saftey makes a very nice thing for both you and her gives you a common intrest
just my oppion

 

[Polishrifleman]

10 years of communication and compromise

I like the outdoors, but I like to snow ski even more. Aside from liking to hang out with my future wife she needed to be able to keep up on ski's which she was actually better than me at the time we started dating. So she filled the highest bar I had a need for. What followed were some other great attributes that I hadn't planned on like being outdoorsy, not minding to get dirty, backpacking, not having to take a shower for 3 or 4 days, etc...

She won't hunt with me and that is fine, she doesn't get it. She loves to eat the game but can't see herself pulling the trigger. She really doesn't like guns but that was discussed prior to marriage that they were going to be part of our life and she needed to take courses on guns and there safety especially since we planned on and do have two small boys so she would know how to tell it if it was loaded, how to unload it, which end was the bad end etc...

I would love to spend time stalking around the woods with my wife, but it would be tough. Most of us men are selfish with our time in the woods, we like to burp, fart, cuss, tell great stories, smoke, drink, and go back to our primordial past just staring into a campfire late at night. If you were to throw a woman into that mix some guys would be jealous but others would go to the opposite extremes either becoming reserved compared to their regular antics and others would go the other way becoming complete obnoxious fools by using the excuse that this is how we do it and it was your choice to come hunting.

It sounds like you should find someone who likes the outdoors. Hunting is a bonus, and if she likes to hunt some things will have to change but not everything. Make sure you communicate about hunting and chopping down trees and anything else that might make her uneasy prior to marriage. You can't cover it all but try your best. Take her on a weekend camping trip see how she does. Hunting is one of those things that is a fine line, you are out there to enjoy nature and God's great creations but are willing to end somethings life at the same time.

Good luck and hopefully you will find a love you can live with the rest of your life. Never forget to communicate!!!!!

 

[pax]

< -- female, married 18 years

Every relationship is different.

You need "together" time and "apart" time to have a healthy relationship.

Different couples fill their "together" time in different ways. Some fill it with hunting.

Different couples fill their "apart" time in different ways. Some fill it with hunting.

What's more important than whether she hunts or not, is whether you're a good match to begin with, and whether you are both willing to really work at being utterly honest with yourselves and each other.

***

Oh, and if you're really serious about this finding a life mate thing, stop calling women "chicks." It's rude, and it betrays a lack of respect for women. Since you want to find a woman who respects you for who you are and what you do, it's foolish to start out by being disrespectful to her -- even if you don't know who she is yet.

pax

 

[SteveS]

What's more important than whether she hunts or not, is whether you're a good match to begin with, and whether you are both willing to really work at being utterly honest with yourselves and each other.

Excellent advice. I have been married for almost 10 years, have worked as a marriage counselor, and know plenty of people that have been married for 30 + years.

While it is important to share common interests, it is more important to share common values. My wife and I enjoy a variety of activities together, though hunting is not one of them. She is supportive of my hunting and it has never cause a conflict. There are things that she enjoys doing that I do not, but that does not cause conflicts.

We do agree on issues related to child-rearing, money, religion, where we want to raise a family, etc. If we did not, then there would be a great deal of tension and conflict.

 

[halvey]

Find a women who likes the outdoors. Even if she doesn't like to hunt, she probably will try it or at least be ok with you doing it.

Remember though, it can all change once you have kids. Some women, once they have kids, go 100% for the kids. My guess is many will not want to hunt then, but at least will be ok with you going. Tell her upfront you WILL hunt every year no matter what. I know too many guys with a safe of unused guns once they had kids.

Then, make sure she'd be ok with the kids hunting and fishing. if you got them going, she'll go to.

And finally, don't force her to go with you. Ask, go at her pace and more likely she'll get into it.

 

[dakotasin]

ggb- as w/ anything in marriage, there's a lot of compromise.

my wife occasionally goes small game hunting, and scouting for deer w/ me - but she no longer hunts big game. i like to occasionally have her along when i'm hunting pheasants and shooting prairie dogs, but i am soooooooo glad she doesn't hunt big game w/ me.

the biggest thing, as mentioned, is for her to accept your hobbies, and support your hobbies - which doesn't necessarily mean being an active participant all the time.

if my wife were to continue to hunt big game, i would probably pick up another species and/or season... part of why i hunt is for some good, quality me time.

in a nutshell... i like it that my wife hunts w/ me once in a while, but am very glad she isn't like my labs, and waiting at the door for me at the buttcrack of dawn w/ a gun in hand, panting to get out w/ me.

 

[Atticus]

I'll answer it this way. My wife hunts shoes at the mall. A few years ago, I was checking in a deer, when a nice looking woman walked into the check station (alone) to check her deer. She was wearing a pair of well worn Carhartt's and brown Redhead work boots. Her strawberry blond hair was pulled back tightly in a pony tail. She had ice blue eyes, that flickered to reveal, a warm and kindly, yet strong, spirit. She smelled faintly of the autumn forest. Her voice was soft, yet firm and revealed a strong sense of pride and character. Manilow droned on in the background. It was November 15th, 2000 at 1:32 pm. We were ships that passed in the day. Sigh.... Sorry, I can't help you.

 

[scout26]

{climbs into asbestos lined nomex flame suit}

GGB, I second what pax said; Don't be sexist, broads hate that.

J/K (while quickly ducking as Mrs Scout does her Paul Konerko/Frank Thomas impersonation with the skillet.)


Seriously, as someone who is not much older then you (40 !!!! holy crap, how did that happen !?!?!?) but, has been married for errr, umm, ahh, October 87, carry the one over, subtract, cosine?!?!? how that get in there ???? emmm, been married lets' see, 4 years Active Duty Army to include Operations Desert Shield/Desert Storm/Provide Comfort, 7 years Army Reserve, one mobilization for Operation "Wag the Dog/Lose the Dress !" aka Desert Fox, two kids (11 yo daughter and 5 yo son) so that makes for a total of 18 years. What was the question ??? Oh yeah !!!!.

Mrs Scout doesn't hunt, but she will cook what I bring home. Not much of shooter either. Only occasionally goes to the range with me and the kids and then will shoot the Marlin Model 60 in .22LR, will only shoot shotgun occasionally (but I have no doubt that she would ventilate any goblin breaking into the house, with or without me there.) Her definition of camping is "Which way to the air conditioned cabin with indoor plumbing ??" But she will suck it up and go "tenting" as a family ('cause she knows the kids really enjoy it) once a year for a long weekend, I just have to bring her coffee on demand.

She is defintely NOT the outdoorsy type.
Case in Point: To quote Mrs. Scout, as my then 4 year old son presents to her while she is relaxing in the bathtub, with all the pride and enthusiasm your typical 4 year old boy can produce, an exceptionally large nightcrawler wiggling and curling through two extremely muddy, grubby little paws: "Just how did I end up in this family ??..... DON'T YOU DARE DROP THAT IN MY BATHTUB!!!!"

However, she supports my addication/hobbies (shooting, reloading, hunting) and getting the kids involved. It's a win-win-win. The kids and I head out to the range on most Sunday afternoons. She gets a few hours to herself to do whatever she wants (like Scrapbooking) [Homer voice] BOOOORING !!!! [/Homer voice]. The kids and I get to spend some quality time (and they suck up lots of fresh air and sunshine which really wears them out, especially as I have them trained to scrounge shotgun hulls for re-loading ). My Daughter and I get an extended weekend in the for Spring Youth Turkey Hunting and one day in the fall for Pheasant hunting. I also get my one week of deer camp/male bonding with my family and friends sans women and children. This is the first year my son has gone out with me for Archery Deer Hunting, (it's really more walk through the woods and see what we can see, find a tree to sit under, eat some snacks, take a short nap while wrapped up the poncho liner I brought with and then [quiet whisper voices] "Hey Dad, look Turkeys !!", "Where do you see turkeys, Robert ?? " "Over there in the corn".....Sure enough not more then fifeteen feet a away are four tom turkeys, coming out the corn field, crossing the trail to get into the woods. And me without an archery turkey tag. :banghead: :banghead:

Mrs Socut and I also enjoy going to either the DuPage or Elgin Symphony Orchestras, maybe see a movie that has both dialogue and at least one explosion, shoot-out or car chase. Two or three times a month we get together with another couple who has kids the same age as ours for dinner either out at a kid friendly restaurant or at one or the others home. Mostly we just like to hang out together and spend time with our kids in our neighbor hood.

Anyhoo, its about respect, working together and communication.

I highly recommend that you stop looking for Ms. Right.


Let her find you. That's how it worked for me.

 

[Bottom Gun]

When my lady and I met, she had never shot a gun or hunted before but she had an open mind and was willing to give it a try.

I took her target shooting on one of our first dates and she took to it right off.

Now we camp, shoot, hunt, fish and ride ATV's together. She has her own guns now, shoots both rifle and pistol, and has become such a crack shot we can compete with each other when we shoot.

I really enjoy having these common interests with her. Our mutual interests have helped us form a bond which I never had before with other women who never cared about my interests.

 

[1911 guy]

It's about mutual respect

Like others have said, it's not really about whether she'll like to hunt and fish, but her acceptance of you doing those things and you understanding her willingness or unwillingness to join you. My wife is a case in point. I told her when we were first dating that there would always be guns in my house and she needed to know how to be safe around them. She was accepting of this and learned to shoot and be safe. She doesn't like to hunt much anymore, but still shoots sometimes. She knows I'll introduce our son to the outdoors and shooting sports when he's old enough and he'll have the same options she did. Learn to be safe, pick it up as a hobby if he enjoys it. So really, it's not whether my wife and I hunt together, it's enjoying the time we do spend together and respecting each others personal interests and not trying to control each other. Most women who play the "not in my house" card have nothing against guns or dead animals, they have something against their husbands posessing a set of testicles. Likewise a man who insists their mate do or not do certain things usually have nothing against the activity, but are trying to assert their manliness in a totally wrong way. If a relationship has a solid foundation of mutual respect and common values with a shared interest or two thrown in, success is likely. If one of those shared interests is firearms, great. If not, that can be your "alone" or "out with the guys" time and other things will take up the together time.

 

[birddog]

18 years ago, I married into a hunting family. I'm still happily married, and hunt almost every day from mid-October through December, even if it's only for a few minutes after work before dark. My wife now only hunts two or three times a year with me, but still enjoys it. Without her understanding, the countless roadtrips, night-time bloodtrailing (which she joins in on since she's the best at spotting blood of any of my hunting partners), hours and days away from home, dirty boots in the doorway, dead deer hanging in the shed, pheasant feathers in the corner of the kitchen, and smelly, wet hunting dogs sharing our bedroom...well these things might be a nuisance to someone who doesn't understand. Choose wisely. I did.

 

[H&Hhunter]

Well let me tell ya...My wife does what I tell her and likes it BY GOLLY!


UHHhmmm,

As long as she never reads this I'm going to be OK!

My wife is a ranch girl from Northern NM and while her dad had a rifle all the time he wasn't really a "gun" guy. Just used a rifle as a tool mostly like many ranchers you'll meet. And he wasn't a hunter at all.

I took my wife hunting for the first time in NM on a White Sands Oryx hunt. She is a veterinarian. In any case we jumped a big bull and he trotted off my wife having been around animals her whole life (both wild and domestic.) and instinctually knew that a whistle will often stop a not too frightened animal. So that's what she did and the bull pulled up to look back and I shot him.

She was very emotional at first and was a bit shocked at the "violence" of it all, the sound of the bullet hitting the bulls shoulder the bull flipping over ETC. She'd never seen any wild animal killed with a high powered rifle.

When I turned to look at her she had tears misting from her eyes. I thought at first that this was not GOOD. But I gave her a hug and told her it was alright I'll take care of it and we'll get out of here.

Much to my surprise she followed me out to the dead bull and without prompting began to open the gut and perform a post mortem necropsy. The speed and efficiency with which she worked was amazing I guess they do learn a thing or two in vet school.

While we are down cutting the bull open a game warden shows up who turns out to be a game biologist as well. Before you know it these two are dissecting the bull, following the wound channel, examining the spleen and taking note as to how it had released it's blood flow to try and salvage the animals rapidly failing cardio supply, she is taking tissue samples for the biologist explaining the workings of every organ and generally enjoying herself doing what she does best.

About an hour later I'm sitting on the tailgate thinking OK I'd like to get this bull out of here TODAY.

While my wife is not a hunter she loves to go along and help out as do my two daughters. My wife does have an interest in hunting but is afraid that she going to wound something and not get it killed. I don't push the issue I figure she'll hunt, or not, if she's ever ready to do so.

One thing you do have to worry about with an outdoor spouse however, She stole my Styer Scout rifle! Yes it's true! I took her out shooting about 3 years ago and I made the mistake of letting her shoot the scout rifle. Before I knew it she was banging 6" steel at 300 yards every time.

On the way home from the range she informed me that I had plenty of rifles that she was taking that one and that I could still "use" it from time to time if I asked her first!

Beware of these women they'll steal your rifles!!! And they'll steal your heart.

One thing you need to remeber is this, when you go hunting with your lady friend let her be a lady. Just because she sheds a few tears or takes interest in things that you don't doesn't mean that she is not interested. It simply means that she is a lady. Embrace that and try to be understanding.

 

[Fat_46]

I grew up in a non-hunting family. It wasn't until college that I started hunting. That being said, my wife is a better hunter and outdoorsman (outdoorsperson?) than I am. Her dad has taught hunter education for 22 years. In fact, the first "father-in-law/son-in-law" activity we ever did was go to the range for an afternoon. Being that I grew up in treeless North Dakota, the patience my wife and father-in-law have shown teaching this flatlander how to scout, move, and hunt in the woods have been some of the best memories I have ever made. My wife even went so far as to buy bigger blaze orange clothing when she was pregnant, just to get out in the field during Minnesota's gun deer season. Now that we have a 3.5 YO daughter, the whole family does the hunting/outdoors thing. My daughter and I have spent the last several weekends (when I've been home from business trips) using up last year's venison by making jerky. We have discussed at length what it means to go hunting, and why (at least for us) its MUCH more than just filling the freezer.

My advice? I have none...just wanted to brag!

 

[Lennyjoe]

My wife grew up in the hills of WVA. Was fed venison and home butchered beef most of her adolescent life.

Funny thing is, she won't touch venison now. Won't hunt it either. Said she had no choice but to eat it in her youth and now that she can decide on what to buy/eat she prefers beef. Has to have USDA stamped on its butt before she will consume it.

As for hunting. She has gone with me twice. Both times in a large box stand in an area I hunted in Georgia. Both times she got the itch and attacked me. Didn't see much outside of the stand if you know what I mean. (maybe I should take her more often)

She loves to camp and fish as long as I bait the hook. She loves to shoot guns but wont shoot anything other than paper. No desire to actually shoot something out in the woods.

As for time out in the field, she never complains if I go out hunting. Only request is that if I don't plan an extended hunting trip that on the weekends I save Sunday for family time. So that gives me all day Saturday to hunt or fish.

 

[dxkj21]

My father hunted a lot when we were kids, weekends, after work if it was light, etc...

My mother fought with him all the time about it, because he would spend his free time out hunting instead of with us kids, they ended up getting divorced (my mother leaving him) after us kids were out of the house.

Just make sure whatever woman understands how much time you spend hunting first