She made the decision to carry!!

[scotch handler]

i would like to ask a few questions in relation to a girl i know who decided she was going to ccw. here is some background. our city isn't the safest place in the world and there have been alot of shootings lately and on top of that her job requires alot of driving alone into unfamiliar areas and meeting and talking to unfamiliar people. she has her ccw and a walther ppk-s. on top of a firearms class, i have told her everything i can possibly think of to keep her safe and we have shot together numerous times. she follows the safety rules and respects her gun for the tool that it is. everything sounds good so far right? (and it is) this is my problem at the moment, she only carries when she feels like she will need it. when we talk about it she says that she feels wierd about it sometimes and she also said "i dont want people to notice i have a gun and think i am going to rob or hurt them." she obviously wants to protect herself and she enjoys shooting alot, so why the wierd attitude towards carrying? firearms are relatively new to her and i think thats the biggest issue for her. she doesn't have the experience with guns and i think there is still some deep routed fear. this is what i have told her so far, things like "well u never know when u will need it, its better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it", "if u knew u where going somewhere that u needed protection, why go there?", "most people tend not to notice if ur carrying or not because most people assume that others are good. thats why they dont carry and thats why they assume that no one else is either. they dont even look around to see who has a gun or not. if anything happens and someone "pulls" their gun out then most people are shocked and wonder "where did that thing come from."". i also told her that she isn't doing anything wrong by carrying. she has done everything she needed to do to make herself legal and it is her right. so now its your turn for some advice......what else can i tell her next time we talk? maybe she just needs experience to become more comfortable.

thanks for your time,
-Scotch

we also hangout alot and when we do she doesn't carry because she knows i am only without my ccw when i cant carry by law. should i allow her to rely on me because she knows i am carrying? or should she be carrying as well? (sorry for the edit but i forgot to say that)

 

[Abby]

I'd remember that CCW can be a dramatic change - not many people here are going to tell you this, but I'd say that her "easing into" carrying is OK. As long as she continues to "improve," or carry more as time goes on.

It took me several trips to WalMart before I really believed people weren't seeing the gun. Then I was OK going to the mall. Later it was movies and restaurants.

It can be a process. First you get the permit, and try it with whatever gun and holster you've got. Then you realize you need different pants. Then you realize you need a different holster. Getting the practice and the equipment right can take time.

I'd keep encouraging. Point out she looks good with whatever carry method she's chosen (particularly if it's on-body). We can be sensitive about that. Seriously, a line like, "you look great! Are you carrying? I'd have never guessed!" could go a long way.

 

[pax]

Abby is right on, especially the last paragraph.

It doesn't sound like a fear-of-the-gun thing, but like a confidence thing. The more time goes on without her getting 'caught', the more confidence she'll have.

You might be able to help the process a little by suggesting to her that you'd like her to carry when you're together, "... because I know you're a little worried about people finding out you're carrying, so you should carry around me and I will tell you if I ever see you printing or anything like that, so you can find the most secure and discreet way to carry." She may appreciate the extra set of eyes, if you phrase it right -- and that has the handy side effect of having her carry more often, which in turn will also help build her confidence.

pax

 

[nelson133]

Took someone out gun shopping yesterday and she got into a conversation with the counter guy at Gander Mountain about a carry license. He said that he had one but that he only carried when he thought there may be a problem. Back in the car, she wondered how he would know when there was going to be a problem, and what would happen if he guessed wrong.
Maybe I should have taken the psychic part of the carry class.

 

[tinygnat219]

Tell her congratulations! It's a big "mental" step to take. I considered it on and off for over 5 years. Finally, I just said "F" it and took an NRA course for Basic Pistol. Smartest gun move I have ever done. I was able to purge the mentalities and "what ifs" by the teachings in the class and accept that the law would be on my side if I ever had to use Deadly Force to defend myself.

The biggest change was accepting the fact that I might have to take a life to defend mine. If she doesn't accept this mindset, than she, or anyone doesn't accept this doesn't deserve to carry a weapon IMHO. The decision will have to be made in less than a second to use Deadly Force, and indecision or "what if" conditions will only get you killed as the perp will make the decision for you.

I also heartily reccomend Mossad Ayoob's book "In the Gravest Extreme" he goes into the mental portion a great deal, and it answered several questions for me.

For me, I had to start slow by carrying around the house, then stepping up for milk runs to the grocery store, then going to a movie and hanging out with friends with it. Now, I feel wierd if I DON'T have it with me when not going to work. I cannot imagine having this feeling over a year and a half ago when I didn't have my permit.

She also needs to practice with her carry gun, that means drawing and shooting it preferably with her carry ammo. Ammo might be expensive, but it's cheap considering that you are practicing to defend your life.

Hope this helps! It's great that she has a friend like you to talk to about this. Encourage her to carry with you around and see if either of you can spot where the pistol is being carried. Shoot, develop a code phrase if printing or the pistol is exposed. This makes it easier to "disappear" to a bathroom or other discrete corner to fix the problem.

 

[scotch handler]

thank you all for your input. i will deff encourage her to carry with me and compliment her when she is doing so. here is another question. what are considered the best ways for females to carry on the body?? i carry IWB but i am also a male.
thanks in advance
-Scotch

 

[Bobo]

scotch handler asked,

"what are considered the best ways for females to carry on the body?? i carry IWB but i am also a male."


My answer:
I recommend this site to anyone especially to women:

http://www.corneredcat.com/Holster/straighttalk.aspx

Bobo

 

[critter]

I congratulate both of you on her progress so far. Just please remind her that if she could either schedule or predict WHEN an incident is going to happen, she could STAY HOME that day. You have to be prepared ALL THE TIME. There are no SAFE times or places.

 

[CliffH]

My wife's the same way, only carries her revolver when she feels like she'll need it. She does carry her Surefire & pepper spray all the time.

She is getting more comfortable with carrying and she is carrying more frequently. I don't pressure her other than to occasionally ask if she's going to carry when she's going out alone, maybe once out of 5 or 6 trips is as often as I'll ask. She's a grown woman & can make up her own mind, figure it's not my place to try to make her carry.

I do worry, but again, it's her choice. At least she is carrying more often.

 

[scotch handler]

how does she carry? and how do other females on this forum carry? i did read alot on cornered cat and it was super helpful, but i would also like to hear from the women on this forum and what they find the best. on body or in purse?
thanks again
-Scotch

 

[crebralfix]

When she looks at a target at the range, does she see a target or does she see a 200 pound horny felon charging her with a knife and evil in his eye?

It sounds like she needs an introduction to MINDSET. She needs to sit down and ask herself: Can I shoot someone? Can I kill them? What will I do if I am hurt? Until she has a clear answer that's been emotionally sorted out, she'll always be a "convenience concealed carry permit holder".

Look for a course like this: http://www.fpftraining.com/courses.html#dhs1

***

If it's concealed, how is anyone going to know she's carrying?

Get on www.warriortalk.com and search for "concealed versus covert carry".

***

Remember, these things develop in SECONDS.

The gun needs to be carried on her body in some way. It should be accessible in a very quick way. Digging through a purse is NOT a fast draw. Strong side or appendix carry is the way to go. Crossdraw is also an option.

If she is engaged at five feet or less, she's in deep trouble if she's rummaging around looking for her gun. Her eyes should be up. There are techniques for handling (or at least slowing) an attacker that close. Most likely, the gun should NOT be her first choice. A knife may be more appropriate (or a kick/punch if she can generate the power required)...anything to create distance and time.

She also needs to learn how to verbally spar and get off the X. "X" (as in "X marks the spot") is the target zone and the goblin has a plan for her on that "X". By moving, she has already ruined one of the goblin's plans. The movement may gain her a few precious seconds...perhaps enough time to deploy a folding knife or get a shot off.

***

RE: last question:

She should be carrying at all times. She should also have a folding knife. Even if she cannot have a gun in some locations, a 2-3" folding knife can make rape expensive. Think how many rapes could have been stopped with a simple folding knife from Spyderco or any other quality manufacturer. She'll need to learn a bit about knife fighting and get into shape (knife training is an excellent workout).

knifefighting.com. I attended one of Sotis' classes and it was very good.

 

[inkhead]

Most of the women I know, associate guns with violence. While most of them will admit the are good for safety, and even go so far as to come try it out at the range... It might not be fear, it often makes women feel like the 'odd one out', or 'my girlfriends might find it in my pursue or ask about it' (these are responses I've been given by females.

Sometimes it isn't fear of carrying the weapon, so much as it is the fear of what other people think. In most circles of girls if you were intelligent, and packing heat, people would still view you as the 'strange girl' and maybe treat you differently. I think maybe that's what your friend is afraid of, because it sounds like she is comfortable with her firearm.

 

[inkhead]

I don't see a knife stopping a rape. (Wonder where were could get real hard stats) I know this sounds wrong, but if I think about myself as the rapist, and think about a female pulling a knife.. I just don't see her stabbing me or coming at me without me havin time to yank it away. And if she does get a stab, it better not miss killing me because, the rapist would probably get angry and end up stabbing her to death.

Besides if you put a knife in your pocket, and some rapist grabs you (usually with a weapon) he's probably not gonna leave your pants on/or near you. And unless you hid the knife.. Well if your going to be raped, I don't see hiding the knife anywhere on your person without clothing.

I'm not saying giving up is right, because it's not. It just seems like from a realistic standpoint, that odds are very low with a knife.

 

[crebralfix]

inkhead:

Take a knife fighting class. I suspect you'll change your mind.