Why I love Arkansas

Status
Not open for further replies.
V

Vern Humphrey

Member
Joined
Dec 30, 2002
Messages
20,775
Location
Deep in the Ozarks
This story appeared in this week's edition of the Stone County (Arkansas) "Leader."

Timbo Hunters Tackle Tough Turkey

We wouldn't want to embarrass the fellas, so we'll just call them "Larry" and "Shawn." The story goes that Larry and Shawn bagged their bird and put it in Larry's Jeep, then the two were to drive in their separate vehicles to Timbo Grocery, where they could check the turkey. Larry was quite surprised during his drive to the store, when he looked in the rear view mirror to see the bird standing on the rear seat! He stopped at his house and managed to kill the bird a second time -- or at the very least he convinced it to play dead -- then proceeded to the store.

At Timbo, the usual crowd of loafers looked on as Larry was given his tag to tie on the bird, but just as he did this, the bird jumped up again!

Larry quickly slammed the door to prevent the escape of Super Bird in downtown Timbo. One can only imagine the havoc and tall tales that would have resulted, as if the story isn't colorful enough as is.

"That turkey was running circles in the back of his Jeep," one observer told the Leader.

Larry chauffeured his guest to the family hunting cabin, but showed it little hospitality after he attempted to assist the bird from the vehicle and it gave him a demonstration of the proper use of those spurs everyone wants to brag about.

After one last tussle with the well-armed bird, the hunters were finally victorious. We're assured the turkey didn't make an escape from the dinner table.

We haven't heard such a good story out of the Timbo gang since the kidnapping of Clayton the hog. We're glad to know life is still full of surprises out on Highway 66.
 
The first thing I thought of was the "Hunting T.K and Mike" videos. Good thing for him he wasn't in a pickup, or he wouldn't be eating turkey while he told that story. At least this one didn't get away for good!
 
The great thing about Arkansas is you don't have to watch videos -- you can see it done live.

For those who do not know the story of the kidnapping of Clayton the hog, he (Clayton) was in the habit of getting out of the pen and committing depredations on the neighbors' property. Finally one neighbor "took steps."

Clayton's owner sued. I was in the jury pool. Although not selected to sit on the panel, I (and all the other members of the pool) had to sit there while the judge and lawyers examined those chosen (so if one were rejected, he could be replaced with one of us.)

The judge asked, "Do any of you know either the defendants or plaintiff?"

One man raised his hand. "I know the defendants."

"Would that make you unable to render a fair verdict?"

"Wellll . . . I was at the barbecue.":D
 
Nice story Vern. I hadn't heard that story before, but the way you describe it, I can just see it happening. We crazy Arkansans...
 
"The Tennessee Stud was long and lean,
The color of the sun and his eyes was green..."

One story leads to another...

A neighbor up the road from the old family place outside Austin had some 300 acres, all high-fenced. He had an elk and some other critters, including a Russian boar.

The boar quite often went under the fence. He would then raise a ruckus and cause problems over a fairly large area.

One morning around 2AM, Doctor Granberry got a call from a neighbor:

"Hey, Doc, your hog's over here at my place."

"I'll get some help and be right over to get him. Thanks for calling."

"Oh, no hurry. Tomorrow will do fine. He ain't goin' nowhere."

I don't recall any mention of a barbecue, however...

:D, Art
 
In Arkansas, we wouldn't waste a perfectly good hog.

This story ties in with the classic Arkansas joke -- the Jones brothers and the champeen hog.

The Jones brothers stold the champeen hog at the state fair, hustled him into the backseat of their Model A and took off.

Now in Arkansas, we take hog stealin' serious, so the State Police had roadblocks up. The Jones boys came around a curve and saw a road block ahead. No way to turn around, so one of them draped his shirt on the hog, and the other one put his hat on the hog.

The two cops come up to the car. "Who air yew, and whure air yew goin'?"

The driver says, "I'm Jim Jones and these are my brothers. We're going home."

The other cop sticks his head in the passenger window and says "Who air yew, and whure air yew goin'?"

And Joe says, "I'm Joe Jones and these are my brothers. We're going home."

The first cop pokes his head in the rear window. "And who air yew?"

"OINK!" says the hog.

"Pass on," says the cop.

As the Model A disappears from sight, one cop says to the other, "I wouldn'ta said nothin' to embarrass him -- but that Oink Jones is the ugliest son of a buck I ever did see!"
 
Arkansas from a Child's view.

I was up and around the Fort Smith Area, friends came by with their son, and wanted to take in some of the "history and culture".

Fort Chaffee: "Mom, is that where that make Chapstick?"

Red Barn ( Steakhouse in a 'barn setting")
: "We going to eat in barn?"
later remarked, "Mom, dad, do horses eat steak?"

Packet House: (former Bordello from yesteryear, made into a restuarant, dad had used the term 'cathouse')

Kid is wanting to look at the stuff on the wall., take in all the decor...
The Matre'd asked if the kid had lost something, he was peering into the elevator, which was a private dining area for two.

"Yes sir, where are the cats? "
<Mom elbows Dad and replies> "Honey, the cats are upstairs so they do not get stepped on while folks eat downstairs".
"Oh, okay".

Hanging Judge Parker, Museum:

Kid is hearing a OK retired LEO give a really great history lesson to everyone as he shares with his family and all present.
He even speaks in a level where other kids can understand.
It was funny how all the kids, including this family's kid, grabbed parents hands and stood still and went into 'best behavior mode".

"....So that is why you eat your Spinach and mind your parents, Judge Parker really appreciated kids that minded..."

:D
 
That is an old Arkansas tradition. I remember when my kids saw "The Black Stallion." There is a terrifying scene (some of it shot from water level) where a ship burns. They were very impressed.

"Dad, what would make a ship burn like that?"

"It could only be one of two things -- either somebody didn't flush the toilet after using, or they left the cap off the toothpaste.":D
 
Arkansas, along with other "notables" such as being the Rice Captiol of the world...which means SKEETERS! We have mosquitos that can stand flat-footed and french kiss a chicken.

Folks come down to hunt, fish...and we make jokes about Yankees. I mean when I up north, I get chided about talking 'funny'.

Dove Hunting and some folks down from up north, brought the kids to hunt, and our heat is a surprise, add a new word "humidity".

Doves were flying then quit, before they started back up,..."These skeeters are awful, arrrgghh!!!!" the kids start in, the ones slathered in Bug Dope.

"Well if you kids had written Grandma a return letter as you were supposed to, the skeeters would have left you alone" - Mom & Dad.

Next day, we hunted a different spot, and the weather cooled a bit, some breeze , less humid. We were covered up in doves, the kids even took a limit. Hardley any skeeters...

"Wow! we wrote our letters last night...".

We had to make a small town post office run before we could have lunch...

"What is the fastest way to send these to Grandma?"

Small Town Post Offices are great..."We have a crop duster headed that way, I'll take care of it " :D

I guess you had to be there, seeing two kids craning necks at a BBQ joint to see a Crop Duster and "I hope he doesn't lose our letters....".

Moms and dads have to call grandma and let her in on the deal...seems a crop duster landed on grandmas gravel road and made a delivery .

"Really, was it the yellow plane?" Of course kids are gonna ask grandma later in the week via phone call.

They included Dove feathers too...now the fishing part is a whole nuther 'perience.

Seems the tube of crickets mom tossed to dad, well dad missed catching it.
The beautiful black lab in my boat, just leaps and retrieves it, swims to their boat, and gives it back.

"Yeah, we train dogs to retrieve ducks, doves and cricket tubes down here".

"Cool!"

:D
 
Yeah, sm, we've got some fair-sized skeeters in Texas, too. But what are really rank and mean are some of the danged rattlesnakes.

My grandfather's farm equipment, when I was a kid, was all horse-drawn. One time a rattler struck at a horse, missed, and hit the wagon tongue.

That tongue swelled up so bad we cut two cords of firewood out of it!

:), Art
 
My grandfather's farm equipment, when I was a kid, was all horse-drawn. One time a rattler struck at a horse, missed, and hit the wagon tongue.

That tongue swelled up so bad we cut two cords of firewood out of it!
Click to expand...

Here in Arkansas a rattler struck at my Cousin Ostie and missed. He hit an oak tree. It swelled up, and Ostie cut it down and hauled it to the sawmill. They cut enough boards to make a house for him.

But when the swelling went down, the house shrank and Ostie was crushed to death inside.;)
 
We do things different here in the South...:D

Crickets.

Folks come down from the land of Quiche, to dove hunt.
First evening "what is that noise?"
"Crickets"
"Crickets, if you don't start listening to them, they are not a nusiance"
"How do they make that noise"
"Rub hind legs together".

Next morning this bunch was dragging, I mean no energy, could not hit squat. Seems they hard time sleeping, seems they imagined a 2, 3, even 4 foot critter rubbing hind legs together.

"Yeah we use 'em for bait too"
"What! you cut 'em up or what".
"No, just use as is, our fish growing bigger than ya'lls"

WE finally just picked a cricket up and showed them one.
Sure had fun stringing them along for a bit first.

:)
 
I growed up twixt the Arkansas river bottoms and the Ozarks. They was some folks they said the skeeters was big enough to fly off with a yearlin calf. That's an exaggeration. It most always took two or three skeeters with a critter that big.
 
"But when the swelling went down, the house shrank and Ostie was crushed to death inside."

Ayup. Some folks don't understand about coming in out of the rain, and others...

Ah, Arkansaw.

:), Art
 
Arkansas Sieve

Private Jet had flown me down for a quick business jaunt and folks said to bring back Shrimp. I brought back a bunch. You don't understand, BUNCH!. I mean we just gave up on figuring by the pound " just give me all them " . Pilot / Bodyguard "you know the plane does have a weight limit?" Hey it was a 6 passenger jet jobbie, I figure all them shrimp could not weigh as much as 4 folks. Just he and I and..."we can't take off, I'm tossing you overboard and keeping the shrimp".

We made it. Now to do a Southern Shrimp Boil. Another pot fried... HUGE Pot and I said "self, scooping them things out gonna be a pain, and missing one be a sin.

Put a smaller washtub in the bigger one and when done, just lift out, put another batch in.

Only problem...

I take off down the property and folks getting the fixin's ready think nothing of me just heading off in someone's truck , shotgun and tubs. Shotgun blasts, return with the sieves. :)

Too busy eating to discuss if #1 or #4 buckshot is best, they both work and folks make to much out of some matters anyway.

These come in right handy, been known to make these for other folks, other events too. Scattered from TX to FL.

Now you know what them things are.

:D
 
Man, this is some good reading. I know I just committed a sin by raising a lazurus thread, but come out, it smelleth good.

I couldn't help but hear the state song, Arkansas (You Run Deep In Me) in my head. It's a "goosebumps" song.
 
Who's "Jimmy Driftwood?" He any kin to "Tommy Treehugger?"
Click to expand...

Man, oh man. He was a folk singer who died about ten years ago. He lived up in north Arkansas for most of his life even after he got all famous. You've probably heard some of his songs and would recognize them if you heard them.

I doubt he was kin to any Tommy Treehugger, but you never know.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top