Interesting essay about parents and schools.
Children and Behavior
First, let me focus on education. Now I’m not going to focus on falling math scores, the Regents recent refusal to raise the bar for math tests (because 2/3 of students failed the exam). We all know about this. Well, if you don’t know how awful the academics are, start paying attention. Those things are awful, but they aren’t damaging to a child (in a psychological sense). A child can learn math at some point. They can learn history and science, too. It may not bode well for our status as a nation, and supplying an educated workforce, but these problems can be overcome with hitting the books. What I want to address is a much more serious problem, that has lasting implications to a child.
Let me first address some anecdotal information regarding my own children’s experience with public school.
When my son was about two and a half, he was identified by a Speech Therapist as being “speech delayed.†This set us on a whirlwind of tests and evaluations to determine what the problem was. I’ve written about this before, but what I have not written about was what led up to us taking him out of public school, when he was 8 years old.
We were living in an upscale suburb of Illinois. David was in the 4th grade. He’d been in “special ed†for all of his schooling, in various school districts throughout the country (California, New Jersey, and Illinois).
His new teacher was a young, plucky thing, about 24 or 25 years old. She had a Special Ed credential. Since I’d been around in the Special Ed area for a while, I knew that Special Ed teachers were generally the cream of the crop. Special Ed teachers take additional course work, that’s much more difficult than the usual Education curriculum requirements. They also get paid more.
David had done well in previous years. He loved most of his teachers and was a willing and obedient student.
But this year David started to have real problems. He was upset quite a bit—a LOT more upset. The best way to describe it is to say that David was stressed out. We thought it might have been because the work was getting harder, and maybe David had reached his intellectual limits (with his diagnosis, we had no way of knowing, and knew that it was possible that this day might come). One morning he had a full-fledged anxiety attack when he remembered he’d forgotten to do a particular assignment. He freaked out and start crying and my attempts to comfort him and calm him had no impact. I told him I’d write a note to the teacher, explaining why he hadn’t been able to do his homework that night. That didn’t calm him either.
He kept telling me that if he didn’t turn in his homework that he’d move to “Level 2†and then he could not go on the field trip the following week. It was a field trip to a museum or something and he was really looking forward to going. The focus in the class had been working on parallel projects, leading up to this field trip visit--so he felt that his efforts would be wasted if he couldn’t go.
In trying to figure out what he was talking about, he explained a little bit more about the “point system†in his classroom.
David had mentioned this points program before, because often on Fridays he would come home with some sort of toy--a cheap, carnival type toy, which he purchased with his “points.†I assumed, because I work in the field of Instructional Design, that this was a rewards program.
I couldn’t have been more wrong.
When David explained it a little more, I called the teacher the next morning to get more information from her. This led to Kim and me making an appointment to go in to meet the teacher. When we arrived, not only was the teacher in the room, but the Principal and the school Social Worker were sitting in. We guessed we’d hit a nerve in the way we’d requested the meeting (and I was damn happy that Kim was there with me, otherwise they would have had me outnumbered. As an aside, NEVER go alone; always take someone with you, mother and father, or grandmother, etc., as an additional witness. Hire an attorney if you have to. NEVER go alone.)
The teacher began telling us about the program. She told us it was a “Boy’s Town†program. It goes like this:
Each child is given a half sheet of paper in the morning. It had a grid, with 15 minute increments, representing the entire school day. This was your point’s sheet.
On the board there was a list of actions and their associated points. If you remembered to say “thank you†you got 1 point. If you brought in your homework on time, you got 2 points, etc. At the end of the week you took your accumulated points to the point store and you got to buy something. I had no problem with that--so far, so good--a reward system (not unlike Gold Star programs we’re all familiar with).
However, there was a flip side to the point system and that is that it was also a punishment system. The points worked both ways. If you didn’t remember to say thank you, you had a point deducted. If you forgot your homework, you got 2 points deducted. If during the last 15 minutes you had not been paying attention (according to the teacher) or you were fidgeting, etc., you lost points. There were others, such as talking out of turn, which had minor deductions. There were other, more serious deductions, but you get the idea.
If you managed to stay within a particular point spread each week you stayed at your current “level.†There were 4 levels, each with specific rights and privileges. At level 4 you got recess (play time) each day, both at the morning and lunch period. You also had other benefits, but for the most part, these weren’t major. At level 3 you still got recess, but you were denied other classroom rights. At level 2, you were on a type of suspension. You lost your recess period and had to stay in all day. You got to have lunch, but you couldn’t play afterwards. At level 1, the most severe, you were denied all play periods, were denied roaming privileges in the classroom (and weren’t allowed to play with some of the classroom activities, such as the computer, which these types of children really love). At both levels 1 and 2, you didn’t go along on class field trips.
David, who had been at level 4 for the first couple months of school, had gotten in trouble for something, that put him at level 3. His panic attack about his homework assignment was because he was worried he would be dropped to level 2 (and prohibited from going on the field trip) and since his points had been reduced over the last several weeks, he’s was scared to death this was going to happen. Since he was in a sort of meltdown, death spiral, he was unable to stay focused, was fidgeting more, all brought about by the stress of the program. The program itself was causing his disobedience and lack of focus problems.
The points for each child were posted on the wall chart. Each child’s points, as well as their level status, were displayed for all to see. When Kim and I inquired about this public display of grades (which is illegal) we were told by teacher and Principal, “Oh, no. This doesn’t apply to that law. These aren’t grades.†We got nodding heads from the Principal and Social Worker, assuring us that these weren’t grades. They might be used as the BASIS for grades, but they weren’t the grades themselves.
So, they’d found a weasel clause, and since these weren’t grades, they were under the radar of civil suits.
But there’s a little more to this that is important (and sorry this is taking so long to explain). These half sheets of paper, broken into these 15 minute intervals, were kept on the corner of the child’s desk at all times. Every 15 minutes, the teacher would go around to each child and either add or subtract points for their behavior for the last 15 minutes. If the child was mainstreamed in any other classes, left the classroom for lunch or recess, or to the bathroom, they were required to carry this piece of paper with them. If they forgot to take it with them, they’d have points deducted. Their other teachers and aids were required to participate in this program, and keep track if their progress, every 15 minutes. (Only the Special Ed children were involved in this program.)
This would mean that every minute of the day, no matter where they were, no matter if they were playing, peeing, or doing math, they were under constant scrutiny. There was never a lapse, never a break, and never a time when a kid could jump around, skip, throw a ball, or chat with his friends, without the ever watchful eye of Big Brother…err... the teachers and staff.
NO WONDER! David had an anxiety attack.
There’s more.
I asked about how the other kids were handling the strain and asked if David was the only child who appeared to be suffering under the strain. I was assured that everyone was handling it just fine, it was just MY son who was having a problem. And this was new—David hadn’t shown any problems with the program before.
So I walked over to their little classroom shame board, and took a look at the scores. There were a couple children in the “warning†zone of level 3, but most of the kids were at level 3 or higher (like David was). There was one little girl who was at level 1. I asked about her. I asked how she’d gotten at level 1. “Oh, well she has some real behavior problems. We’ve been working with her mother, but she has difficulty sitting still in the classroom.â€
Before I go on, let me just say that David’s Special Ed classroom was NOT a classroom full of juvenile delinquents. These were the misfit children who had some sort of learning disability. They didn’t have delinquency or violent behaviors, they were fidgety, restless, hearing impaired, sight impaired, or developmentally handicapped or delayed. A classroom of about 25-30 kids (some partially mainstreamed) who couldn’t completely handle the school outside of the Special Ed walls.
So, back to this one little girl. There had been a field trip a few weeks before. She hadn’t been allowed to go. When all her classmates were walking out the door to get on the bus for their adventure to the nature preserve or the zoo (whatever it was), this little girl had to stay home, in the classroom, all by herself—well, except for the teacher’s aid that stayed behind to watch her. Her mother had been aware of this, of course, and was doing her best to comply with this oh-so-effective, and oh-so-scientific method of behavior modification.
SHE WAS EIGHT YEARS OLD!
Her sin was that she was unable to remember to say please and thank you to the goddamn Gestapo. She couldn’t sit still and remain docile when she was supposed to and she liked to jump around and expend some energy, and that didn’t fit in with their utopian fantasies of drug laden, docile drones. She was a kid with SPIRIT and they were doing everything in their power to BREAK her spirit.
Those [fornicating] bastards. edited for automatic censor
We had David taken off this little mind ???? they were playing with the kids and reminded them that 20 or 30 years prior adults were working under similar conditions (in sales hot houses) and were collapsing. Adults weren’t able to maintain the constant pressure and were either dying of strokes and heart attacks or they went completely nuts. But kids were being put under these same pressures. Kids, mind you, that did not have the delinquency and dangerous behaviors the program was designed to address, such as those children under State care in Boy’s Town. This program at Boy’s Town was designed for violent children and this was a “last chance†before juvvy.
Think about what that would be like. Think about your boss having a little sheet of paper on the corner of your desk. Every 15 minutes, he checks to make sure you are behaving and working the way you are supposed to. Imagine going out to lunch and having to take your timecard with you, and having the cafeteria staff able to write you up if you laughed too loud, or didn’t say thank you after you’d paid for your tray. Yawn? 2 points deducted. Personal phone call? 5 points deducted.
At first, when we told them David was no longer to participate with their little reindeer games, they told us they’d get back to us, after they’d had a chance to figure out how one child, in a classroom of 25, would not be under the same requirements. We clarified that little nonsense immediately. “I don’t think you understand. We are not ASKING you to consider our request. We are TELLING you, that right now, as of this minute, David is not going to be included in this program. EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY. IS THAT CLEAR?â€
That was a little clearer. They made their usual smug, holier than thou, “another whacky parent we have to deal with†face and nodded their heads in agreement.
I could go on and on with other anecdotal stores, that happened to us, and other parents. But suffice to say, that they lied. THEY LIED. And if that isn’t clear, or you think this is an usual situation, you would be wrong. THEY LIE and they lie a lot. I called a few of the other parents I knew and they, too, reported that their kid had been acting strange recently—that they were frequently stressed out, emotional, and acting like something was wrong. Similar stores of crying about homework, unable to sleep, moodiness were common reports. They were unaware of how the points program worked and planned to call the school the next day to have their kid removed from it, too.
I heard that the Special Ed teacher was eventually fired. The Asst. Principal had taken over her classroom, until a permanent teacher could take her place. I have no idea what happened—I don’t really care, I just hope that teacher is never in front of a classroom again, responsible for the lives of children.
I’ve never forgotten about that little girl who didn’t get to go on that field trip. The day I heard about, I cried for about an hour. I couldn’t understand how adults, who were supposed to be qualified and knowledgeable about developmentally challenged kids, could do something so horrible, mean, and spiteful to a child. I sobbed for her. She’ll never get over that—being abandoned and punished for being a kid. She’ll probably always wonder why she has feelings of anxiety and distance from her classmates and a suspicious lack of trust for authority figures.
But, they’ll probably just put her on Ritalin, as they do with so many other children like her, so she won’t notice, or care. If they can’t break their spirit by brainwashing, there are always the drugs.
There are a couple more lies, that unless you seek out the truth, you will easily miss. Start asking other parents about their experiences with the school. Ask them if their kid is on Ritalin or if a teacher ever recommended it (or a school nurse or social worker). If you have a boy, and he is being recommended to attend speech therapy, physical ed assistance, or any other type of “special†services†start asking around. What you will discover, if you really start inquiring, is that you are not alone. Just about every parent you will talk to will have some experience with this.
One of the comments people make when they visit our house is, “your kids are so quiet.†They are really amazed by this. Our kids talk in calm voices. They sit together and laugh and play. They watch TV and chatter, but they are reasonably quiet about it. They go outside and rough house, they knock each other around quite a bit, and they have their moments of energy expending. They’re KIDS. Kids do that. However, one of the most remarkable things about homeschool kids is that they aren’t like tightened springs, ready to BOING the minute they leave the school. If your kid comes home from school and is loud, bouncing off the walls, full of energy, talkative, emotional, moody, or depressed, etc., it is because the school is ????ing with their heads. That is not a normal mode of behavior, on a regular basis, for children. They should be engaged in school, exercised at play time to expend some energy, and they should be emotionally and intellectually engaged to exhaust their brains. If that isn’t happening—if they a bored, controlled, unable to wiggle or play, talk or laugh, they are going to get home and EXPLODE. Which is why, you might think our kids (or homeschool kids, in general) are sooooo quiet. They aren’t quiet. That’s NORMAL. And if your kid wasn’t being abused all day long, your kid would be calm and happy, too.
Start talking to other parents--especially parents with boys. If the school tells you your kid needs speech therapy (be honest, you know if your kids has real problems), tell them to ???? off. If they start telling you that your son is below the class average, ask if that is the girls and boys or just the boys (reading ability, hand writing skills, etc. anything that requires small motor skills and the ability to sit quietly for extended periods). Then ask other parents in the classroom if they’ve had similar discussions. If the school recommends that your child take drugs, such as Ritalin, tell THEM to take it. Best case, GET YOUR KID OUT OF THERE.
Teenage angst problems are NOT NORMAL. There are early warning signs that the teenage years are going to be difficult, but most children (upwards of 90%) do NOT have parent issues when they are teenagers. For most, healthy teenagers, there is some minor separation anxiety issues, but most kids rely quite heavily on their parents during these years, because they are learning how to become adults, and recognize and respect their parents as role models. Problems left unchecked will result in tenage problems—they are existing problems that will be magnified in the teenage years. If someone says to you, “Oh, that’s normal teenage rebellion†keep that person as far away from your kid as you can, and start doing some serious soul searching to figure out what has happened to this kid, that has been ignored.
And quit with the Ritalin or anything like it. Get your kid OUT of the school that needs him to be medicated to be docile. That is NOT normal.
Children and Behavior
First, let me focus on education. Now I’m not going to focus on falling math scores, the Regents recent refusal to raise the bar for math tests (because 2/3 of students failed the exam). We all know about this. Well, if you don’t know how awful the academics are, start paying attention. Those things are awful, but they aren’t damaging to a child (in a psychological sense). A child can learn math at some point. They can learn history and science, too. It may not bode well for our status as a nation, and supplying an educated workforce, but these problems can be overcome with hitting the books. What I want to address is a much more serious problem, that has lasting implications to a child.
Let me first address some anecdotal information regarding my own children’s experience with public school.
When my son was about two and a half, he was identified by a Speech Therapist as being “speech delayed.†This set us on a whirlwind of tests and evaluations to determine what the problem was. I’ve written about this before, but what I have not written about was what led up to us taking him out of public school, when he was 8 years old.
We were living in an upscale suburb of Illinois. David was in the 4th grade. He’d been in “special ed†for all of his schooling, in various school districts throughout the country (California, New Jersey, and Illinois).
His new teacher was a young, plucky thing, about 24 or 25 years old. She had a Special Ed credential. Since I’d been around in the Special Ed area for a while, I knew that Special Ed teachers were generally the cream of the crop. Special Ed teachers take additional course work, that’s much more difficult than the usual Education curriculum requirements. They also get paid more.
David had done well in previous years. He loved most of his teachers and was a willing and obedient student.
But this year David started to have real problems. He was upset quite a bit—a LOT more upset. The best way to describe it is to say that David was stressed out. We thought it might have been because the work was getting harder, and maybe David had reached his intellectual limits (with his diagnosis, we had no way of knowing, and knew that it was possible that this day might come). One morning he had a full-fledged anxiety attack when he remembered he’d forgotten to do a particular assignment. He freaked out and start crying and my attempts to comfort him and calm him had no impact. I told him I’d write a note to the teacher, explaining why he hadn’t been able to do his homework that night. That didn’t calm him either.
He kept telling me that if he didn’t turn in his homework that he’d move to “Level 2†and then he could not go on the field trip the following week. It was a field trip to a museum or something and he was really looking forward to going. The focus in the class had been working on parallel projects, leading up to this field trip visit--so he felt that his efforts would be wasted if he couldn’t go.
In trying to figure out what he was talking about, he explained a little bit more about the “point system†in his classroom.
David had mentioned this points program before, because often on Fridays he would come home with some sort of toy--a cheap, carnival type toy, which he purchased with his “points.†I assumed, because I work in the field of Instructional Design, that this was a rewards program.
I couldn’t have been more wrong.
When David explained it a little more, I called the teacher the next morning to get more information from her. This led to Kim and me making an appointment to go in to meet the teacher. When we arrived, not only was the teacher in the room, but the Principal and the school Social Worker were sitting in. We guessed we’d hit a nerve in the way we’d requested the meeting (and I was damn happy that Kim was there with me, otherwise they would have had me outnumbered. As an aside, NEVER go alone; always take someone with you, mother and father, or grandmother, etc., as an additional witness. Hire an attorney if you have to. NEVER go alone.)
The teacher began telling us about the program. She told us it was a “Boy’s Town†program. It goes like this:
Each child is given a half sheet of paper in the morning. It had a grid, with 15 minute increments, representing the entire school day. This was your point’s sheet.
On the board there was a list of actions and their associated points. If you remembered to say “thank you†you got 1 point. If you brought in your homework on time, you got 2 points, etc. At the end of the week you took your accumulated points to the point store and you got to buy something. I had no problem with that--so far, so good--a reward system (not unlike Gold Star programs we’re all familiar with).
However, there was a flip side to the point system and that is that it was also a punishment system. The points worked both ways. If you didn’t remember to say thank you, you had a point deducted. If you forgot your homework, you got 2 points deducted. If during the last 15 minutes you had not been paying attention (according to the teacher) or you were fidgeting, etc., you lost points. There were others, such as talking out of turn, which had minor deductions. There were other, more serious deductions, but you get the idea.
If you managed to stay within a particular point spread each week you stayed at your current “level.†There were 4 levels, each with specific rights and privileges. At level 4 you got recess (play time) each day, both at the morning and lunch period. You also had other benefits, but for the most part, these weren’t major. At level 3 you still got recess, but you were denied other classroom rights. At level 2, you were on a type of suspension. You lost your recess period and had to stay in all day. You got to have lunch, but you couldn’t play afterwards. At level 1, the most severe, you were denied all play periods, were denied roaming privileges in the classroom (and weren’t allowed to play with some of the classroom activities, such as the computer, which these types of children really love). At both levels 1 and 2, you didn’t go along on class field trips.
David, who had been at level 4 for the first couple months of school, had gotten in trouble for something, that put him at level 3. His panic attack about his homework assignment was because he was worried he would be dropped to level 2 (and prohibited from going on the field trip) and since his points had been reduced over the last several weeks, he’s was scared to death this was going to happen. Since he was in a sort of meltdown, death spiral, he was unable to stay focused, was fidgeting more, all brought about by the stress of the program. The program itself was causing his disobedience and lack of focus problems.
The points for each child were posted on the wall chart. Each child’s points, as well as their level status, were displayed for all to see. When Kim and I inquired about this public display of grades (which is illegal) we were told by teacher and Principal, “Oh, no. This doesn’t apply to that law. These aren’t grades.†We got nodding heads from the Principal and Social Worker, assuring us that these weren’t grades. They might be used as the BASIS for grades, but they weren’t the grades themselves.
So, they’d found a weasel clause, and since these weren’t grades, they were under the radar of civil suits.
But there’s a little more to this that is important (and sorry this is taking so long to explain). These half sheets of paper, broken into these 15 minute intervals, were kept on the corner of the child’s desk at all times. Every 15 minutes, the teacher would go around to each child and either add or subtract points for their behavior for the last 15 minutes. If the child was mainstreamed in any other classes, left the classroom for lunch or recess, or to the bathroom, they were required to carry this piece of paper with them. If they forgot to take it with them, they’d have points deducted. Their other teachers and aids were required to participate in this program, and keep track if their progress, every 15 minutes. (Only the Special Ed children were involved in this program.)
This would mean that every minute of the day, no matter where they were, no matter if they were playing, peeing, or doing math, they were under constant scrutiny. There was never a lapse, never a break, and never a time when a kid could jump around, skip, throw a ball, or chat with his friends, without the ever watchful eye of Big Brother…err... the teachers and staff.
NO WONDER! David had an anxiety attack.
There’s more.
I asked about how the other kids were handling the strain and asked if David was the only child who appeared to be suffering under the strain. I was assured that everyone was handling it just fine, it was just MY son who was having a problem. And this was new—David hadn’t shown any problems with the program before.
So I walked over to their little classroom shame board, and took a look at the scores. There were a couple children in the “warning†zone of level 3, but most of the kids were at level 3 or higher (like David was). There was one little girl who was at level 1. I asked about her. I asked how she’d gotten at level 1. “Oh, well she has some real behavior problems. We’ve been working with her mother, but she has difficulty sitting still in the classroom.â€
Before I go on, let me just say that David’s Special Ed classroom was NOT a classroom full of juvenile delinquents. These were the misfit children who had some sort of learning disability. They didn’t have delinquency or violent behaviors, they were fidgety, restless, hearing impaired, sight impaired, or developmentally handicapped or delayed. A classroom of about 25-30 kids (some partially mainstreamed) who couldn’t completely handle the school outside of the Special Ed walls.
So, back to this one little girl. There had been a field trip a few weeks before. She hadn’t been allowed to go. When all her classmates were walking out the door to get on the bus for their adventure to the nature preserve or the zoo (whatever it was), this little girl had to stay home, in the classroom, all by herself—well, except for the teacher’s aid that stayed behind to watch her. Her mother had been aware of this, of course, and was doing her best to comply with this oh-so-effective, and oh-so-scientific method of behavior modification.
SHE WAS EIGHT YEARS OLD!
Her sin was that she was unable to remember to say please and thank you to the goddamn Gestapo. She couldn’t sit still and remain docile when she was supposed to and she liked to jump around and expend some energy, and that didn’t fit in with their utopian fantasies of drug laden, docile drones. She was a kid with SPIRIT and they were doing everything in their power to BREAK her spirit.
Those [fornicating] bastards. edited for automatic censor
We had David taken off this little mind ???? they were playing with the kids and reminded them that 20 or 30 years prior adults were working under similar conditions (in sales hot houses) and were collapsing. Adults weren’t able to maintain the constant pressure and were either dying of strokes and heart attacks or they went completely nuts. But kids were being put under these same pressures. Kids, mind you, that did not have the delinquency and dangerous behaviors the program was designed to address, such as those children under State care in Boy’s Town. This program at Boy’s Town was designed for violent children and this was a “last chance†before juvvy.
Think about what that would be like. Think about your boss having a little sheet of paper on the corner of your desk. Every 15 minutes, he checks to make sure you are behaving and working the way you are supposed to. Imagine going out to lunch and having to take your timecard with you, and having the cafeteria staff able to write you up if you laughed too loud, or didn’t say thank you after you’d paid for your tray. Yawn? 2 points deducted. Personal phone call? 5 points deducted.
At first, when we told them David was no longer to participate with their little reindeer games, they told us they’d get back to us, after they’d had a chance to figure out how one child, in a classroom of 25, would not be under the same requirements. We clarified that little nonsense immediately. “I don’t think you understand. We are not ASKING you to consider our request. We are TELLING you, that right now, as of this minute, David is not going to be included in this program. EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY. IS THAT CLEAR?â€
That was a little clearer. They made their usual smug, holier than thou, “another whacky parent we have to deal with†face and nodded their heads in agreement.
I could go on and on with other anecdotal stores, that happened to us, and other parents. But suffice to say, that they lied. THEY LIED. And if that isn’t clear, or you think this is an usual situation, you would be wrong. THEY LIE and they lie a lot. I called a few of the other parents I knew and they, too, reported that their kid had been acting strange recently—that they were frequently stressed out, emotional, and acting like something was wrong. Similar stores of crying about homework, unable to sleep, moodiness were common reports. They were unaware of how the points program worked and planned to call the school the next day to have their kid removed from it, too.
I heard that the Special Ed teacher was eventually fired. The Asst. Principal had taken over her classroom, until a permanent teacher could take her place. I have no idea what happened—I don’t really care, I just hope that teacher is never in front of a classroom again, responsible for the lives of children.
I’ve never forgotten about that little girl who didn’t get to go on that field trip. The day I heard about, I cried for about an hour. I couldn’t understand how adults, who were supposed to be qualified and knowledgeable about developmentally challenged kids, could do something so horrible, mean, and spiteful to a child. I sobbed for her. She’ll never get over that—being abandoned and punished for being a kid. She’ll probably always wonder why she has feelings of anxiety and distance from her classmates and a suspicious lack of trust for authority figures.
But, they’ll probably just put her on Ritalin, as they do with so many other children like her, so she won’t notice, or care. If they can’t break their spirit by brainwashing, there are always the drugs.
There are a couple more lies, that unless you seek out the truth, you will easily miss. Start asking other parents about their experiences with the school. Ask them if their kid is on Ritalin or if a teacher ever recommended it (or a school nurse or social worker). If you have a boy, and he is being recommended to attend speech therapy, physical ed assistance, or any other type of “special†services†start asking around. What you will discover, if you really start inquiring, is that you are not alone. Just about every parent you will talk to will have some experience with this.
One of the comments people make when they visit our house is, “your kids are so quiet.†They are really amazed by this. Our kids talk in calm voices. They sit together and laugh and play. They watch TV and chatter, but they are reasonably quiet about it. They go outside and rough house, they knock each other around quite a bit, and they have their moments of energy expending. They’re KIDS. Kids do that. However, one of the most remarkable things about homeschool kids is that they aren’t like tightened springs, ready to BOING the minute they leave the school. If your kid comes home from school and is loud, bouncing off the walls, full of energy, talkative, emotional, moody, or depressed, etc., it is because the school is ????ing with their heads. That is not a normal mode of behavior, on a regular basis, for children. They should be engaged in school, exercised at play time to expend some energy, and they should be emotionally and intellectually engaged to exhaust their brains. If that isn’t happening—if they a bored, controlled, unable to wiggle or play, talk or laugh, they are going to get home and EXPLODE. Which is why, you might think our kids (or homeschool kids, in general) are sooooo quiet. They aren’t quiet. That’s NORMAL. And if your kid wasn’t being abused all day long, your kid would be calm and happy, too.
Start talking to other parents--especially parents with boys. If the school tells you your kid needs speech therapy (be honest, you know if your kids has real problems), tell them to ???? off. If they start telling you that your son is below the class average, ask if that is the girls and boys or just the boys (reading ability, hand writing skills, etc. anything that requires small motor skills and the ability to sit quietly for extended periods). Then ask other parents in the classroom if they’ve had similar discussions. If the school recommends that your child take drugs, such as Ritalin, tell THEM to take it. Best case, GET YOUR KID OUT OF THERE.
Teenage angst problems are NOT NORMAL. There are early warning signs that the teenage years are going to be difficult, but most children (upwards of 90%) do NOT have parent issues when they are teenagers. For most, healthy teenagers, there is some minor separation anxiety issues, but most kids rely quite heavily on their parents during these years, because they are learning how to become adults, and recognize and respect their parents as role models. Problems left unchecked will result in tenage problems—they are existing problems that will be magnified in the teenage years. If someone says to you, “Oh, that’s normal teenage rebellion†keep that person as far away from your kid as you can, and start doing some serious soul searching to figure out what has happened to this kid, that has been ignored.
And quit with the Ritalin or anything like it. Get your kid OUT of the school that needs him to be medicated to be docile. That is NOT normal.
