Dismayed and in a quandry!

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Pistol Toter

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I am dismayed, discouraged, and broken hearted with a problem that has me rethinking a course that was started many years ago. For a long time I purchased a modest collection of S&W revolvers, some fairly nice pocket knives with high quality carbon steel blades and good tools. I did all this with my sons in mind. My thinking was that as they got older and grew into manhood and as I grew older and less likely to use these items that they would be gradually relinquished to them; with the hopes that even my collection would eventually fall into the hands of grandchildren and great grandchildren. However, things are not at all going as planed and as a matter of fact are going the wrong way. I wrestle with a decision to liquidate my holdings; actually to keep some of these items from falling into hands that not only would have no appreciation but maybe ill used. Several of these are guns are in pristine condition, void of any blemish or even a cylinder turn line, no longer produced and are semi collectable. Others are not beautiful but would make fine shooters. The knives are still in the boxes they came in. The tools while used by me have never been misused and other than use, are new. Most of them are still serviceable for me and as such I will hold on to them for a while longer or at least as long as I can use them. If I liquidate my holding the proceeds could be used perhaps for another piece that would be carried by me or my wife or just simply banked to be used as needed or desired at a latter date. There are really no plans or thoughts for a dispersal of such funds. This is just a matter of what to do with items that were procured with a future plan in mind; that at this point is never going to happen. I guess my question is for those of you who are like minded and with more than a few grey hairs in your head. And may I say that I’m looking for the opinions of the over 60, those with sage and aged wisdom. In my situation what would you do?? Guys, I’m really struggling with this! Your wisdom and opinions are coveted.
P.T.
 
I'm not quite over 60 :) but here's my thinking...

I would update my will to ensure that the objects in question are sold rather than bequeathed upon my death. I would not sell them now, out of a caution that my Spawn might one day prove to be worthy of such things.
 
Yup - over 60 alright!
Hold on to em' Things may change in the future. If you see them now, you may end up regretting the decision. If you hold on to em', they can only appreciate more in value. If things continue to go down hill as you said, then when you do make the decision to release them you'll be able to get much more for them than present. Myself, I would hold on to them if I didn't need the money.
 
Without knowing the exact nature of your disappointment and willingness to abandon your original plan, I would say, liquidate your collection, utilize the proceeds to acrue items that can be enjoyed by you and your wife for the time remaining to you and not worry about the consequinces. Your original intentions were admirable but, if not likely to occur, then make use of what you have for your own good and enjoyment.
You can't always choose the future so some times you just have to roll with the punches.

Good luck.
 
I'm in a similar situation. I gave a nice shotgun and rifle to a nephew that I know appreciates them. Selling a few things I don't and won't use to convert into something the wife and I will use and enjoy. Everything else is described in an attachment to my will with instructions. It can be updated/changed with little effort.
 
I'm only 21, but here is my two cents :)

The two guns given to me by my grandfathers are my two most treasured guns, I will never sell or trade them no matter what.

For whatever reasons that you don't want to pass yours down, I'm sure that its probably for the better from what you stated. However- things change. They may soon turn over a new leaf and be on the path to being upstanding responsible gun owners. You may have a young man (or woman) move into your neighborhood that enjoys shooting that you could pass them on to...ect.

What I'm trying to say here is not to get rid of them because you don't want them to go to your sons, Pass them on to somebody else special or important in your life.

If that doesn't work out then sell away. Maybe then your sons might realize that they screwed up and missed out on a great opportunity.
 
PT-
Will or no will, you never really know what's going to happen to your stuff when you die, especially where family's concerned.

If you're truly concerned about your guns falling into the wrong hands I'd sell them now and enjoy the proceeds while you can. Maybe hold on to a couple of the old beauties in case things come around with the boys.

I admire what you tried to do for your boys. I've got four grown children, so I understand how tough it is. Sometimes all your good intentions go for nothing. Sounds like you did your best...you can't do any better than that.

Tinpig
 
Thanks fellows. I just got another piece of bad news about an hour ago and I don't know that things will ever get any better. My wife and I tried to do the best we could, teaching them right form wrong, taking them to church, loving and caring for them. It seems as if all is flying apart. The wife and I just hold to each other and cry, pray and cry some more. I'm thinking that, I'm just gonna box them up get rid of the whole mess S&W Std Catalogs, reference books and all. Buy us a steak dinner, find a hole and crawl in. I just don't know.

Fireman, thanks for your thought also, but let me tell you, youngman, in the next 40 years views will make a number of changes. When I was 21, I had the same thoughts you have. My children are older than you. But, again I think you also.

Thanks Guys!!

P.T.
 
Pistol Toter

I have some pretty wacky kids too. I presume that one of your motivations for selling is to do some sort of "bailing out" of the kids, either literally or figuratively.

In my case the kids would not allow a gun to fall into the wrong hands or misuse them. They might stash them all in a damp storage room and let them rust to bits or they might sell them...legally...to buy video games and horror movie DVDs and star wars actions figures.

I might have to sell guns to pay to put one or more of them in a mental hospital (I am not kidding sadly) but so far so good on that one.

At any rate, I would hate to see you sell everything out of disgust. You deserve to continue to enjoy these things...sounds like you need some enjoyment and these things seem to have done the trick so far. If some must go to those outside the family, check with some old friends, old Army buddies, maybe you got some brothers or nephews or nieces or somebody who would cherish one of good old uncle Charlie's (that's you) guns. Heck, sell a fine piece to somebody like that at a more or less retail price and everbody wins...they get a top notch piece they can shoot, you get some cash, and you know the thing is appreciated.

Man I know the frustration of the messed up kid scene. Mine are just a mess and I am often fit to be tied. Got 'em all educated and...nothing.

At any rate, keep as many of those guns as you can man...you will regret selling...I do.
 
Wow, sorry to hear about this. I hope that you and your wife are not blaming yourselves. Do you have any other relatives, nieces, nephews, or good family friends that would be worth?

You mentioned church. What if you took some kid from the congregation under your wing who wouldn't otherwise have the opportunity? Just a thought.
 
TRGHPY makes a good point I think.

I never had parents like you, that thought of things to give to children, legacy, etc. My father was more worried about feeding his drinking and gambling vices than us kids.

But, I had friends, mentors, others that I crossed paths with over the years that shared their experiences with me and taught me all kinds of wonderful things.

If not for them I might have ended up like my old man.

Families can be made of more than just blood relatives, I'll just say that.

Whatever happens I wish you the best, and don't blame yourself. People make their own decisions sometimes, no matter what advice they were given.
 
My heart cries for you, PT. As a 73 year old man, looking toward my own demise: one that is coming sooner than later, I've shared your concerns about the disposition of prized posessions.
I'm fortunate at least in that I have sons and a daughter in whom I can take pride. Still, none of them have the interest in firearms and shooting that I have enjoyed all my life. I have taught them how to handle guns, and given them opportunities to experience shooting and hunting, but they show little interest in the sport as adults. My sons have expressed appreciation for the chance they were given to learn the disciplines that are so much a part of the shooting sports, although they've not cared to pursue them intensively as mature adults. I have passed on a few of my material treasures to each of them, items they can appreciate as keepsakes; and have provided instructions as to the disposition by sale of the rest, when I am gone. What else I have been able to bequeath to them of a less material kind: love of nature, self-reliance, honesty, and self-discipline, have been theirs to accept or reject, as their own choice and responsibility.
I might suggest that if you have items that have great sentimental value, that you gift them now to friends, or more distant relations, who might have more appreciation and be more deserving of them. Such gifts can be the best of memorials.
We do all we can, and that's all we can do. Sometimes we have to just write some things off, and move on. As a concerned parent, we sometimes are too willing to accept the failings of our children as failings of our own. Remember, everyone is responsible for himself, and himself alone, in the end; and in a hundred years, all our fears and cares will be forgotten.
I wish you well.
 
I'm "only" 50 but, I have two children who have little or no interest in my gun collection. Here's the two conclusions I've come to:

1. I'll most likely pass away before my wife. She will be left with the decision on what to do with my guns.

2. I won't care after I'm dead.


Dave
 
i was a pretty close to worthless son until my mid 30's. by the grace of god i finally grew up. maybe that will happen for you.i hope so. i will say that the best thing about my removing my head from my tail was the way it affected my dad and my relationship with him. best of luck and prayers to you and wife
 
Here is my two cents.

My Father might have already thought about this a time or two. Ive already decided that whatever he thinks best is how it's going to be done. That time will come someday. But not until then.

If it was ME and I had to deal with this, I will dispose of the entire collection such as it may be. I would keep one, two or three of the very best or treasured items for yourself and the wife. The rest convert to cash and bank for later.

When it is time for me to pass on, I will have to think what I will do with all the stuff. There is a folder with my name on it, the wife will read that folder and follow the instructions.

If both me and wife go, the funeral home has a similar folder. It gets updated from time to time.

At the moment none of my nephews and nieces prove worthy of owning the three firearms that we have. YET. It is my hope that one day if that day should come I think two of the Nephews will get the weapons each and the US Marine Corps gets one in particular. But not until after me and the wife are both gone.

To me, there is no greater problem than a family circling like sharks thinking that daddy is getting ready to pass on and is not yet ready to let go.

Too many times Ive heard stories from work where people are diagnosed with medical conditions that instantly takes away thier right to drive, own guns, make legal contract etc etc etc.

Some of these folks have seen it coming and made arrangements. Most have not seen it come on and now thier families sit in horror at all the icky guns or whatever it is that the house is filled with.

In swoop estate buyers smelling money and profits. Ech.

Think about who gets what. Write it down and make it happen. Everything else, sell, convert, donate or even turn over to LEO's for destruction.

But any way you choose to do it, take action but only... keep a few of the best items for yourself and wife for the memories or perhaps usefullness until you all pass on.

Good luck!
 
PT-

My recommendation:
Deal with this situation all the way thru first. Sell only if you have to have funds. This is a very, very emotionally taxing situation to be in, not just the current situation but the future plans as well. It's heartbreaking as a parent in many ways.
I think you should wait to make any decisions on disposal until this situation and your emotions are more stabilized. It could be a while from now. Situations that involve our children are always life changers for us, but at least wait until you can be focused on making a clear decision. If you jump now, you may regret selling later. Selling under emotional circumstances will not fix nor alleviate the situation and could cost you money. Others here have also given reasonable alternative actions.

Think about it and don't forget prayer.
 
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I am in pretty much the same situation and have the same worries and anxiety about the problem. I own quite a few firearms, along with quantities of reloading stuff, shooting gear, etc. None of my stepkids or grandkids have done one thing to deserve having this trove handed over to them. My wife has no idea of the value, which is considerable, and is easy prey for slick talkers (married me, didn't she? :D) I suppose I could sell a few, but I just like HAVING them, maybe some of you can understand that. Of course, when I'm dead I probably wont give a hoot about it anyway, but would like be able to leave without a bunch of loose ends dangling. I have a few friends, but not enough to make a dent in the collection. A puzzling dilemma, for sure.
 
I will say that unless you have some rare items or antiques, those S&W revolvers are probably not going to bring a lot of money, even new in the box, so you might not feel you are giving up your retirement funds.

One sale alternative is to put the items on consignment at a local gun shop. That involves you and the dealer setting the price you want, then he either takes a percentage of the final sale price or takes whatever he can get over what you want. I don't think the guns you describe will take long to sell if you put a reasonable price on them.

Jim
 
not over sixty.... but well over 40... and the youngest of four born to older parents, who were "old school".

Two of my siblings were "kicked out of the house" (they didn't mince words back then) for failing to accept the rules of the house. As the youngest, this was quite sobering to me.... which was as it was intended, I'm sure.

My parents loved all of us kids, and did their best to impart good values to us, but the rules of the house were the rules of the house.

Their love was not conditional....

Their moral standards were not negotiable....

We had to stand on our own two feet and take responsibility for our choices....

As time went on, my brother went through the prodigal son cycle several times. Each time he came home and said he wanted to kick the habits and go back to school, he was welcomed with open arms. When he later refused to live up to his commitments and violated the rules of the house, he was again asked to leave.

But you know what.... by God's grace, we all survived long enough to come around and today each has become a contributing member of society.

So regardless of what happens to the guns, I'd encourage you to keep your heart open to receive your son again, should God grant him repentance.

Firearms present a significant complication due to the laws of the land.

Perhaps your son has been convicted of a felony and is thus no longer eligible to posses firearms legally. There was a story a year or so ago, where a guys nephew was a felon, and when he took him in to help the young man out, it led to big trouble.... and when the nephew got ahold of one of the uncles guns and threatened to kill somebody, the uncle had a safe full of valuable guns confiscated by the police and was in jeopardy of being prosecuted himself for knowingly giving access to firearms to a felon ... simply by letting him live in his house.

Again, if your son is involved in criminal activity and knows of your collection, he might gain access to your guns and commit a serious crime with them. I gather from your tone that this would greatly trouble you.

In the long run, guns are nice, but they aren't everything. I'd say sell off everything accept what you think is prudent to keep for you and your wife's personal protection.

I pray your son "sees the light" and comes around to his senses. You may still be blessed to pass on a legacy to him..... though be it one without firearms.
 
Well I'm not even 1/3 there but I have something that may add

I have a half brother who is 37 his maternal grandfather gave him a near mint single action colt ( peacemaker I believe haven't looked at it in 6 years) now my brother is some what anti has the mentality of if they don't live in the country why do they need it (my dad wasn't around much after the devorce as he was stationed in a few different countries thank god I grew up around guns) but this gun is one of his most cherished items. It was the gun his grandfather carried daily for years and his trust in it ment alot to my brother and still does


I understand that something bad has happened that shouldn't have and I'm deeply sorry but these sound to be items that have given you alot of joy. I'd say give it a few weeks before you do anything and even then pick one or two to keep and then take your wonderful bride some place romantic and relaxing. Not knowing the size of the collection it could be anything from a nice dinner to a trip to Italy what ever remember the collection wasn't ment to be just for you but for others too. Do something for you and your wife
 
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I feel for you.....

P.T. - Nothing will make you feel better than giving.

Whether it's time, love, an organ donation (kidney, bone marrow, etc.), $$$, or yes - guns... (in that order :rolleyes:)

I've been given a firearm as a gift from a friend, & it means more to me than all of my other weapons.

That said, I've been left nothing by my Grandfathers (both have passed), & don't hold it against them as my folks are to blame for me not being close to them.

I'm in the same kind of situation as you, & I feel your distain.

I've been thinking about giving away a number of my most cherished possesions, to members on this forum, who live close enough to me for a FTF transaction.

I'm not here to tell you what you should or shouldn't do with your collection of valuables, only telling you what I plan to do with mine.

Finding someone on this forum (a fellow firearm enthusiast) who is deserving, & giving to them as a gift, something I cherish, lets me know deep in my heart that my "gift" will be "cherished" by someone else with the same interests/loves as me.... :D

Hang in there Brother!!!
 
In a peculiar way I understand your feelings.

Today I learned my granddaughter is not my granddaughter. My son moved out when he got the results of the paternity test.

You just cope. That is all you can do - just cope.

I will say the same words I told my son and myself - "Be strong and do what is right."

It is not easy, but you have to do it. Be strong and do what is right.

I wanted to know and hold and be part of my legacy's future before I died. I thought I did. Now I know I don't - at least not yet.

Do what I'm doing right now. Just suck it up and deal with what you have tomorrow.

But over and above everything else - do what is right.

At the moment I have no idea what that is, but I will do my best to find some sort of clarity.

I can say this. I feel cheated. The eyes I looked into are not of my blood, but they are still the same eyes. I still feel a part of them.

Life sucks at times. When it does we have to go with our gut and do what is right.

Best I've got.
 
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