Drew down on a loaf of bread...

[jlbraun]

No, really.

I'm a light sleeper, and I live in an apartment by myself. Around 2am this morning, I'm awakened by a sliding CRASH! in my apartment. Needless to say, I sit bolt upright and grab my Sig out of the safe, and put my cellphone earpiece in, with 911 on the speed dial. I sit there in bed with the Sig trained on the door, waiting for any further noise. After about 3 minutes, I yell "Get out of here!". No response. OK. Whatever happened, it's over. I come out of the bedroom, cell phone and pistol at the ready. I turn on all the lights, check the door. It's locked, and all the windows are intact. What the...? Oh.

In the kitchen, I had left some fresh challah bread dough to rise overnight on top of the fridge. As the dough rose, it unbalanced the metal pan it was in just enough to tip it off the rack on top of the fridge and crash six feet to the floor.

The next morning, I killed, baked, and ate the intruder after chopping him into slices.

 

[Zen21Tao]

The next morning, I killed, baked, and ate the intruder after chopping him into slices.

That's one way (the Dahmer method) to dispose of the evidence.

 

[WeedWhacker]

I'll bet that was fun trying to figure out how the bread made it to the floor through a sleep-fogged brain.

I see one problem with your scenario, though: you violated the five-second rule! For shame!

 

[Lupinus]

the heat killed the bugs and the dirt added both texture and flavor?

 

[geekWithA.45]

The next morning, I killed, baked, and ate the intruder after chopping him into slices.

That is exactly the sort of irresponsible rhetoric the forces of organized gun bigotry will use against us.

 

[jlbraun]

the heat killed the bugs and the dirt added both texture and flavor?

You, sir, are insulting the floor of my kitchen. I keep it quite clean.

 

[Lupinus]

I have heard that it is safer to eat off of the average bathroom floor then it is off of the average kitchen floor.

 

[TallPine]

What caliber for bread?

 

[oneshooter]

You neglected to say if it was white, wheat, or pumpernickle bread!!!

Oneshooter
Livin in Texas

 

[Cosmoline]

Are you sure the bread didn't GO EVIL on you?

 

[Preacherman]

The explanation is simple. It's Memorial Day weekend, and you're armed, so you're having a throwback to the US forces in World War 1. After all, weren't they called "doughboys"?

 

[ABTOMAT]

You guys laugh, but if you're ever unprepared when the load of bread starts shooting you'll be sorry.

 

[atlctyslkr]

My cats are notorious for knocking things over at night. They love to knock over pots and pans set out on the counter to dry. If I ever hear a crash and then don't here a pathetic meow then I'm coming down there!

 

[Mal H]

That's got to be a rude awakening when JBT's crash into your deep sleep! Good thing you didn't loaf around, but instead decided to rise to the occasion and take the matter into your own hands. Going off half-baked in cases like that can lead to serious consequences. I don't mean to butter you up, but you obviously handled the otherwise sticky situation with convection.


[JBT - Just Bread Trays]

 

[armedandsafe]

I now know why you are called MAL H

Pops

 

[Mortech]

ROTF +100 Mal

 

[mbs357]

It sounds like justice has been served.
...and...
Revenge is a dish best served cold.

 

[Manedwolf]

I do not think that bread dough would make for a very good ballistics test.

 

[Bainx]

Drew down on a loaf of bread...

Feel good about it weedhopper

This morning, my wife woke me up and asked me if I had a gun. We were in Maggie Valley, NC with a domestic dispute in a motel going on at 1:00 in the morning.
She has never asked me if I had a gun until this morning. So help me God.

 

[zoom6zoom]

I assume your first thought upon seeing it was....

"Doh!"


At yeast you got a rise out of it!