Dumbest criminals stories.

[Strings]

I recall hearing another story about a crook robbing a bank on the wrong time and date. Difference being the bank was across the street from the local Fed building, on Government payday, at lunchtime. way I heard it, there were 40+ different fed LEOs present...

 

[Strings]

I recall hearing another story about a crook robbing a bank on the wrong time and date. Difference being the bank was across the street from the local Fed building, on Government payday, at lunchtime. way I heard it, there were 40+ different fed LEOs present...

 

[sofltodd]

On stop stupid criminal story shop

http://www.dumb.com/dumbcriminals.htm

 

[VirgilCaine]

"A Russian supermodel leaving the bathroom of her trailer opened the wrong door and fell out of the vehicle onto a New York highway.

Who decided it was a good idea to have a second door into the bathroom on a freakin' motor home?
Personally, I want only one way into my motor home.
I would certainly consider suing the manufacturer if the exterior door was not clearly delineated with a bright shiny sign.

 

[aufevermike]

I had to change the address on my CCW permit 5 years ago at a State Trooper detachment. A tall lanky dude walks in and asks if he could have the "smoking pipe" returned to him that was confiscated. I kind a chuckled under my breath when the lady officer says "NO, I'm afraid not, it's being held as evidence", then the idiot asks "do you think I'll ever be able to get it back?" Her reply was a calm "probably not". I expected him to say , why not, but he finally walked out. I just couldn't believe it. Where do they get them and why do they send them here?

 

[Sgt Stevo]

Quick justice

Two guys tried to steal dogs from my buds kennel in Germany.

Adam heard the commotion, and found that the crooks had locked themselves in a kennel.

One had most his clothes ripped off, the other had hid behind him,as the rots tore into him.
They were not hurt real bad. But they both went to the hospital. Then Jail.

They broke into a GERMAN rot kennel. Outstanding.

 

[hksw]

"A Russian supermodel leaving the bathroom of her trailer opened the wrong door and fell out of the vehicle onto a New York highway.

Who decided it was a good idea to have a second door into the bathroom on a freakin' motor home?
Personally, I want only one way into my motor home.
I would certainly consider suing the manufacturer if the exterior door was not clearly delineated with a bright shiny sign.

I think that particular article of the story was slightly in error. It is my understanding that she asked where the bathroom was and was told a direction. There apparently was more than one door and she chose poorly.

http://www.hollywood.com/news/detail/id/3500351

Model Almost Dies in Door Mix-Up
By WENN| Friday, May 12, 2006

HOLLYWOOD - Supermodel Tatyana Simanava was almost killed yesterday when she mistook the exit door of a luxury bus for a bathroom door and fell from the moving vehicle onto a Brooklyn, New York City, highway.
The Belarus-born beauty, who was en route to a modeling appointment, suffered bruising to her right arm and jaw, but has not broken any bones.

She fumes, "I am not angry, but I would like that there are some changes made, that nothing like this can happen again.

"I am sure that the exit doors have to be locked and they have to be marked. There were no signs.

"I asked where the bathroom was and I was told it's down the stairs, there's a door.

"I opened the first door I saw, and I don't remember anything after that. My friends told me the bus driver saw me fall.

"Everybody said it is lucky that I am alive."

Linda Safir, who owns bus hire company On Time Elite, says, "I think that (the doors) are marked. I'm very confused as to how she could have done this."

Article Copyright World Entertainment News Network All Rights Reserved.

 

[HankB]

One of my favorite dumb criminal stories involved a guy with a concealed handgun attempting to rob a grocery store.

The concealed handgun was concealed behind his hand.

It went off.

He ran out, leaving a trail of blood.

When the police came, they asked the cashier if the robber had touched anything - they wanted to dust it for fingerprints.

The cashier pointed under the counter, where the finger the robber had shot off was laying.

Police retrieved the finger, printed it, and determined that the person who'd lost it had a police record.

They went to his home and arrested him within the hour.

 

[Hikingman]

So many criminals are living for the moment...not considering one-day ahead, and a conscience about hurting others - the ramifications/getting caught.

No conscience or a sociopath?

Sociopath - Antisocial personality disorder (APD) is a personality disorder which is often characterised by antisocial and impulsive behaviour. Maybe just learned behavior, drug induced, or a product of their environment? Let's cuff 'em, then keep 'em off the streets! Then, I'll get out my tiny violin...

 

[zoom6zoom]

I would certainly consider suing the manufacturer if the exterior door was not clearly delineated with a bright shiny sign.

Probably wouldn't have helped in this case... models are known to be attracted to bright, shiny things.

 

[Templar223]

Deterrence requires more than a phone

How about the dirtbag who raped and killed the flight attendant who stopped at a rest area near Pontiac, IL on her way home from Chicago to Bloomington.

Yeah, raped and snuffed her in the ladies restroom. Left his cellphone under her body (oh, the Karma).

Regrettably, all of the positive attributes of fifty of that dirtbag would never make up for the wonderful young woman he killed.

And the irony:

Here at Guns Save Life, we put up Burma-style signs along Interstates proclaiming pro-gun messages.

A set of our signs were present, within sight of that rest area. They said

THUGS MENACING
A LADY ALONE?
DETERRENCE REQUIRES
MORE THAN A PHONE
GUNS SAVE LIFE.COM

Yes, she had a cell phone.

John

 

[Whitewolf 508]

Snow flake

Several years ago, this fool robbed a bank in my town right after a snowstorm. The police followed his footprints in the snow right to his house where he was counting the money......

My wife's company-loan office- was robbed by another mentally challenged individual. He told her manager to put the money in this paper bag. The manager handed him the cash bag. The robber left the paperbag containing his wallet and motel key on the counter. By the time he got back to the motel, he had guests wearing navy blue...He met the challenge and lost..

 

[HankB]

Another favorite "dumb crook" tale involves a guy siphoning gas out of RVs during the '70s oil embargo . . . he habitually started the flow via mouth suction (gas in lungs = bad) but one night he tapped into the motorhome's holding tank by mistake and got a mouthfull of . . .

Don't know if this next one about a "not so dumb" crook is true . . . but it should be!

An old man lived alone in Florida. He wanted to turn over his garden to plant, but it was very hard work. His only son, Bubba, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son describing his predicament:

Dear Bubba,
I am feeling pretty bad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging. If you were here, my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad

A few days later he received a reply:

Dear Dad,
For heaven's sake!!!!!, Don't dig up that garden!!! That's where I buried the bodies.
Love, Bubba

4 AM the next morning, F.B.I. agents and local police showed up and dug up the entire area, without finding any bodies. They apologized, to the old man and left. The old man received another letter from his son:

Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant now. That's the best I could do, under the circumstances.
Love, Bubba

 

[Strings]

thing is Hank, I've known guys that WOULD have thought of that second lil' story, in the same circumstances...

 

[Carl N. Brown]

One of our dumb crooks actually got listed in News of th Weird.
This very drunk "fugitive" led the cops on a slow speed car chase,
then decided to pull into a fast food place to order a sausage
biscuit (he was so wasted he had forgotten why he was in the
car in the first palce). He was arrested while making his order.

 

[p35]

I don't buy the one about the RV- sewage tanks only have a big drain outlet underneath them, nothing that could be mistaken for a gas cap. Too bad it's not true, though.

 

[Invisible Swordsman]

A couple of years ago we had a one of these mental giants walk into a local gas station/convenience store and ask the clerk if he was working alone. When the clerk replied that he was, the subject bent over, put on a mask, then straightened up and announced a robbery. Unfortunately for him , the clerk recognized him as a regular customer and gave the police enough information to arrest him in very short order.

 

[real_name]

Magic Brownies Land Man in Jail

A Murfreesboro man thought he had a friendly neighbor when he was asked if he wanted a brownie for a cup of coffee. The brownie, however, had a little more than sugar and flour in it.

“This is the first time. I've heard of anything like this,” Murfreesboro resident Monica Partin said.

Neighbors can't believe it and neither can police.

“Not every day you see a guy peddling his wares on a bicycle,” said Alvin Baird with Murfreesboro Police.

More than that, it's not every day those wares are so called "magic brownies."

“You have to give the guy credit for originality. Most drug dealers have a street corner staked out, but this guy got a bike and took his business on the road,” Baird said.

Police said the alleged peddler, 34-year-old Joel Paddon, approached a man and tried to sell brownies to him and his 17-year-old son.

That man called police and minutes later officers arrested Paddon and confiscated a bag of marijuana brownies, prescription pills and drug paraphernalia.

“It scares people away from this area. It keeps people from wanting to rent apartments here,” Murfreesboro resident Betty Partin said.

Although police aren't sure who Paddon's intended clients were, the worry is with the neighborhood kids.

Police admit it's hard not to laugh a little at this case, but the charges against Paddon are anything but funny.

“Maybe he took a small business class, who knows?” Baird said,

Paddon now faces three separate drug charges, for the brownies, the prescription pills and the drug paraphernalia.

According to the police report, Paddon works as a janitor at First Presbyterian Church in Murfreesboro.

 

[Crosshair]

Haven't had pot brownies since high school. Ah, that story brings back some memories.

 

[shark40sw]

This is one of my favorites. Mostly because I know for a fact it's true as i was there to see it with my own eyes.
About 10 years ago I was training with a jutsu instructor who worked the door with me at one of our local nightclubs. We didn't have much money back then so we used to train at his house, outside weather permitting. So here we are, 6 doormen, (I'm the smallest at 5'10", 200lbs) covered in grass stains, dirt and blood (our own). When this grubby looking idiot runs into the back yard and comes to a screeching halt as he sees me and my training partner. As soon as we lock eyes he turns and starts running back the way he came. Of course we start running after him.
As we round the front of the house I hear someone from up the street behind me yell "stop that guy. He just stole some woman's purse". At this point I'm about 6 maybe 8 feet behind him and closing. He turns to look where I am and doesn't see one of the other guys come at him from the blind side. A text book clothes line if ever there was one. I think the only reason he didn't get a more sever beating was because we were all falling over each other to get our share of licks in.
When the first cop showed up, motorcycle) he just walked up to him and laughed at him. "I was actually off duty and heading home. When this came over the radio I just had to come see for myself". The two guys in the wagon were just as sypathetic. They just pointed at him and laughed. Took his picture as we held him down in a double arm bar (whineing quite loudly I may add). The paper heard about it and did a story that was picked up by the wire service and printed in papers all over North America. I still have the clippings to prove it. Just proff posative that once in a while, if you pray every day, God will in fact toss you a bone now and again.

 

[Strings]

I have one similar, shark...

Eau Claire, WI. Local SCA fighter is walking to fighter practice, wearing his steel suit, with helm and weapons in a duffle bag. As he passes an alley, he hears a would-be rapist ask a woman "No knight in shining armor to save you, b****!". I think everyone can figure out the rest...

 

[mbs357]

LOL

 

[Deanimator]

Many years ago, when I was in highschool, I used to work as a messenger for a photographic developer in Chicago.

One night on the way home from the Dan Ryan train station, on the 79th St. bus, a drunk started causing a commotion, swearing loudly and acting out. The driver stopped at a bus stop and another drunk got on. The driver told the second drunk that if he got the first drunk off of the bus, that he'd ride for free.

Sure enough, the second drunk clocked the first drunk, laying him out in the aisle. He then grabbed him by the cuff of his pants and dragged him down the front steps of the bus, leaving him lying dazed on the curb, with his pants down around his ankles. The second drunk then got back on, and got his free ride.

Another Chicago bum story:

Back in the '60s and '70s, the city used to license blind people to run newspaper stands all over the Loop.

While walking across the street from city hall on a photo delivery run, I saw a bum threaten a blind guy in a newspaper stand. He was demanding money from the blind man or something, and the blind guy just kept telling him to go away. Finally, the bum started a fire in a garbage can next to the stand. The blind guy started shouting for help. Downtown Chicago is always full of cops and Federal agents, so in a couple of seconds, a Chicago PD Lt. and Cpt. walked up and asked the blind guy what was going on. He told them about the bum and the fire. They turned to the bum and told him to come along with them. He refused and tried to resist. At that point, the two cops went to his sides, grabbed him by opposite shoulders and cuffs of his pants, and "body surfed" him face first into the concrete several times, after which he was much more cooperative...

 

[MLH]

Where's

LAWDOG?

 

[trapperjohn]

David Zaback attempted to hold up H&J Leather & Firearms Ltd

Zaback, who had fired three times, was shot three times in the chest and once in the arm. He died in the hospital about four hours after the shooting.

The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics.

ok, maybe I'm just stupid, but did he die at the scene or in the hospital 4 hours later?

talk abot concise journalism.