Help my Wife understand need VS want

[btg3]

I cannot believe some of the responses to this thread. A rifle is a need. Period! You may need it tomorrow. We aren't God, we can't see into the future. So we prepare for the future. Everything we do in life is preparation. If someone broke into your house tonight, your pistol, shotgun, rifle, what have you would be a need. Your life would depend on it. As would be a rifle maybe next week or 20 years from now. We cannot know for certain. What are some of you smoking?

While some degree of preparation for the unknown is prudent, it can also be taken beyond absurdity. You may feel strongly that one cannot survive without a rifle, but there's billions of people that have survived a full lifetime without a rifle. They didn't need one and neither do most others.

However, make no mistake, that am solidly with those who WANT a rifle, or 2 ... or more!

 

[chetth]

Dude,

Do you want or need the following items; A fire extinguisher, airbag and seatbelts, Life insurance? You might want them now, but that is becuase when the NEED arises, it is way too late to correct the deficency. Think of the credit card commercial that would end with the words... "having the rifle when he needed it, priceless"

Chetth

 

[EBRDude]

Wow. How about I not show her this thread, as being called a selfish bitch would most likely decrease my odds of convincing her of anything. I don't need marriage advice(18 years with her), I don't need remarks about finances, I don't need much of what was posted here. I suppose I asked for it though. It is difficult for me to convey that this was light-hearted in nature. The basic information I wanted is how a pistol is a poor substitution for a rifle. If I wanted a $200 rifle VS a $5000 rifle, that is also my concern. Anyway, I appreciate the desire to offer me information. I will go back to my 90 posts in 4 years, with a better understand why I post little and read more.

 

[sm]

EBRDude,

I apologize if my post offended you and your wife.

I don't' meddle in other folks lives, the only exception is if the matter is a matter of safety.
Then any of us would do the responsible thing as suggest to someone , something is not safe.

You and wife have a relationship, in your case 18 years which is commendable.
Fact of the matter is, you two have been through so many of life's journeys, and have more life experience and knowledge , than many that replied have experienced or will.

I know this, I respect this.

Heck, it is normal to have times in a relationship,or marriage one needs to vent with the guys or gals.
That is why my poor attempt at humor.

When something is not right, sometimes it just takes time for things to pass, sometimes venting and sometimes humor.

Truthfully, the thought crossed my mind, your wife has a gun or gift card to a gun place for you to get a rifle.
Maybe a B-day, Anniversary , Father's Day gift and if you shut up, she can have her surprise for you. *smile*

You and the wife know what needs and wants truly are.

I once bought a used knick-knack, that did not mean a lot to me, but the lady really wanted that one.
Not new one , like it, that one.
Need or want, both.

It was some knick-knack just like her grandma had and that grandma is gone.
She, does not know what happened to the original knick-knack, still it was special to her.
I did not ask, pry or anything, just we got the knick-knack.
I let her be, and it was few days later she shared why and she appreciated me understanding the need and want aspects.

Respect.
Sometimes just old fashioned respect for another's feelings, and you and your wife know all about this.

Sending best.

Steve

 

[EBRDude]

No problem Man. I erred by not informing you all that this was not a fight or anything like that among my Wife and I, but simply me showing her I was not full of crap like I usually am when I want something. I am not offended, nor was she. Hopefully she will go shooting with me soon and better understand why I want/need guns in the first place. My Daughters are both excellent with EBR's.

 

[Nate C.]

I was going to suggest you tell her "Honey, you need to give in on this if you want me to let you back in the house," but after reading your follow-up post, that does not appear to be the guidance you were seeking!

Kidding aside, here is a suggestion: A rifle has more all-around utility than a handgun. The only exception to this that I can readily think of is concealability and incidents at extremely close quarters. In rebuttal, concealment is less of an issue in the home, and a rifle can likely avert a close-quarters incident.

I don't know beans about the particular weapon you referenced, so I will refrain from commenting on that.

 

[gunshow]

EBR, you seem pretty defensive about not having much (if any) power in your own home. Clearly you've spent 18 years allowing her to have all the power. Don't you find it ridiculous to have to "lobby" for permission to merely buy a rifle (assuming you're not poor which would make it appropriate)?

You remind me of my brother in law (he has about as much power in his own home as you do). I've learned to accept that there are some guys who like achieving peace through surrender. It's short sighted, and brings a list of future consequences, but there's no convincing guys like this to stop begging for permission.

 

[Sage of Seattle]

Wow. How about I not show her this thread, as being called a selfish bitch would most likely decrease my odds of convincing her of anything. I don't need marriage advice(18 years with her), I don't need remarks about finances, I don't need much of what was posted here. I suppose I asked for it though. It is difficult for me to convey that this was light-hearted in nature. The basic information I wanted is how a pistol is a poor substitution for a rifle. If I wanted a $200 rifle VS a $5000 rifle, that is also my concern. Anyway, I appreciate the desire to offer me information. I will go back to my 90 posts in 4 years, with a better understand why I post little and read more.

You didn't need all this advice -- you asked for info on why a pistol wasn't as good as a rifle at controlling real estate. In the four years you've been ostensibly reading THR, you couldn't reference a million other threads answering that?

I guess it also raises a bit of ire in your fellow men when you casually mention that you've at one time purchased many relatively expensive rifles, sold them all to purchase newer ones to help cut down costs, and now your wife won't "allow unneeded expenses."

You might as well have started a thread with a story of "hey guys, my wife just sold my guns the other day." Effectively, that's just what happened and it's natural for many to be kind of upset over it, even if it didn't happen to them personally.

No, perhaps you didn't ask for this particular advice, nor maybe did you not really even deserve it, but it doesn't help getting all pi**y about it either.

I just recently got married myself; I hope to be married for eighteen years and beyond. But if I had already, during our marriage, bought many expensive rifles and I sold them to buy less expensive ones and was suddenly told "no" then there'd be a real problem with that. If you've already got the $2,200 bucks lined up, or had the money lined up, then I'd go out and buy it and deal with the fallout later.

As many others have said, this isn't a case of need vs. want. This is a case of simple respect for one's spouse.

You came to THR for a reason. Many THR members are extremely perceptive and well-spoken (like Steve above); since any of us can take "rifle" and substitute "car" or "legos" or "model 14th century sailing ships" then perhaps the rifle isn't really the problem?

If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. If we all missed entirely the point, then we've erred badly. But I ask in all gentleness and seriousness, that you think about what people have said.

 

[gunshow]

By the way EBR, not only are you the one who asked for this (as you recognized), but YOU named this thread with a phrase that conveys a reality you probably want to avoid: that you actually DO want a more appropriate level of power in your own home.

The title of this thread sounds like YOU are at the beginning stages of getting tired of asking for permission. Asking for ideas on this from a forum of strangers is a little desperate though. You're avoiding the necessary step of doing this:

My solution is to not bring it up at all and put the thing in layaway and pay for it slowly. Then one day it appears at the house.... she sees it and you say, oh I've had that for a long time. But then, my accumulation provides a lot of camoflage if you know what I mean.

 

[Avenger29]

The basic information I wanted is how a pistol is a poor substitution for a rifle

Okay.

A rifle is far easier to shoot well than a pistol due to the stability of the stock.

A rifle has a longer barrel than a pistol, giving the round a higher velocity. The longer barrel also gives you a better sight radius.

A rifle is far more powerful than a pistol. A rifle has a far greater range than a handgun. Not all bad guys stay in pistol range, and pistol range is limited to 50-100yds depending on caliber. And thats for a real good shooter. A rifleman with a minimal amount of training can make hits out farther than a pistol shooter, and with greater speed, accuracy, and ease.

 

[JerryM]

But when all is said and done, you asked how to help your wife understand want VS need. In my opinion she does understand, and so the question is how do you define the two?

If you wanted a rubber stamp here it is obvious you did not get it. If couples want to discuss or argue about such things this is not the place for a rubber stamp, or marital advice. Many here are not married, and others can tell you how they handled it with their "ex." Some will tell you to ditch the wife and buy guns. Most of this is not helpful.

If you wanted to highlight the differences in the capabilities of rifles or shotguns VS handguns there are tons of information available.

How about you defining the two words, and tell us why you think buying an expensive rifle is within your definition of need and not want?

No offense intended, but what were you really looking for except a rubber stamp that you need the gun, and a less expensive one would not do? As part of that please state why you think that such an emergency is likely to take place.

Regards,
Jerry

 

[btg3]

Do you want or need the following items; A fire extinguisher, airbag and seatbelts, Life insurance? You might want them now, but that is becuase when the NEED arises, it is way too late to correct the deficency. Think of the credit card commercial that would end with the words... "having the rifle when he needed it, priceless"

Let's add to the list:
heart transplant
helmet to wear in your car (although some refuse for a motorcycle)
personal body guard
SARS vaccination
more than 5 shots for a CCW
attorney on retainer
red pumps with a matching belt (priceless, for the right occasion)

Because the need may arise?!

 

[ChrisAHF]

The way some of you guys are talking I think ill take my chances at the single life. My guns will never complain when I bring another gun home...

 

[JerryM]

[The way some of you guys are talking I think ill take my chances at the single life. My guns will never complain when I bring another gun home...]

You are listening to the wrong folks then. A gun will never hold your hand and help you through the valleys of life, or will it keep you warm with a great depth of love in the night.

Guns do not even approach the worth, happiness, or loving companionship of a good wife. I admit they are hard to find, but many look at "all the wrong places."

Best,
Jerry

 

[sm]

EBRDude wrote:
My Daughters are both excellent with EBR's.

Screeech!

Okay so far I count 3 females and one guy in this household.
Why does my gut tell me in EBRDude's household the family dawg is female and there are no sons?

EBRDude, oh puh-leeze correct me if I am wrong! *grin*

Listen dude, you are basically out voted (I gather you know how this works) and If I were you, I would check THR For Sale/ Trade sub forums to make sure your wife and daughters have not posted a thread:

What gun for EBRDude?

Because you might be up for sale or trade and don't know it! *kidding*

 

[copper4262]

ok - nowi im kinda lost - i looked at this thread one way when it first opened up - now im not sure what to think -

Here's the bottom line - you do need a rifle - i feel its a NEED- thats my personal opinion - Do you need a $2000 rifle?? no - if you want a rifle to have a rifle then you can get by with something cheaper - many of us have had to buy cheaper rifles to fill the need - i started with a $150 sks in tough shape -- my next was an SKS in excelant shape that i paid $300 for - i still have both - wouldn't give them up for anything(well - you know what i mean) i had to wait almost 9years before i could justify buying a new semi-auto rifle - yes - it took me that long - guess i had too many other "needs" to fill first - my SKS's did fine for me until i could afford to buy my AR - and yes- the AR's are available at a cheaper price tag than $2000 - sorry - im gonna have to say you dont need a $2000 rifle -

There's been a ton of opinions about the wife - and you know what - i dont know what to say to that - Iv been lucky that when i sell a gun my wife doens't try to take the money - i dont know if that is the case with you or not - if it is - -well then you might have some issues to work on - but either way - marriage is a joint venture and i dont think any man has the right to tell his wife whats what every time - Yes - i am the head of my household - i am an old fashioned guy with conservative religious beliefs - That still doesn't stop me from respecting my wife enough to make decisions together - i dont think any man should lord over his woman - marriage is a sacred union and both parties should respect each other - - OK - now im rambling again - LOL -
sorry - bottom line is this - you NEED a rifle - but get a cheaper one!!

Dont argue with your wife about the purchase - i like the idea of putting the gun on law-a-way - but dont hide it from her - tell her your willing to give up a few fast-food meals out or some other little luxury you have - put that money towards the gun each month - who knows - maybe you will be able to afford the $2000gun - if not it shouldn't be long till your taking a sweet cheap AK out to the range - and you wont have the hassel of trying to justify it to either her or YOU

Just my Humble Opinion

 

[gunshow]

A gun will never hold your hand and help you through the valleys of life, or will it keep you warm with a great depth of love in the night.

I gotta tell ya, give your gun a chance.

 

[feedthehogs]

Give your wife a little more credit. She sees the difference between having a gun for home defense and buying something to have it.

If your really concerned about home defense and a long gun then buy a shot gun.

If you have property and a varmit problem, then buy a rifle that's practical for 300, 400 dollars.

That abomination is good for nothing except to brag to others that think its good for something that you have one.

 

[EBRDude]

I am the lone male in a house of females. Even my Labrador is female. Anyway, I was not being pissy, just caught a bit off guard by some replies. This may have been my fault for not being more clear. The issue was not the cost of the rifle, but the need for a rifle.
My OP may have not been clear to you all, but it was clear to me(funny how that works). I wanted backup on the difference between a rifle and a pistol as it pertains to social situations gone bad. Anyway, I think you will find I am likable, and on your side in most things. I apologize if my thread has caused any issues.
I will post a less inflammatory topic next time, like why the 10mm is King of pistols cartridges.

 

[Projekt]

EBRDude, Im with you. I was actually looking at the topic and said Hey! I need my wife to look at this too!! But after "certain" peoples responses it looks like they rather give you marital advice rather than GUN advice. Your original post was fine. These people just railroaded it to put their personal beliefs and opinions in public eye. Relationship advice, and Life coaching isnt something i expected. I don't know, i guess i get upset when people try and cram their ideals like its the law and facts, along side of knowing whats best for you and your wife without even knowing you. How about a PM just asking him if he would like to discuss thost topics further rather than putting this poor guy on the spot to reply publicly about his personal life?

Simply put:

I will NEED a rifle for protection in the event of a disaster. I WANT a rifle now, so when i do NEED it, I wont WANT it.

 

[John828]

I will NEED a rifle for protection in the event of a disaster. I WANT a rifle now, so when i do NEED it, I wont WANT it.

I think the above quote almost sums it up without all the marital advice.

A pistol is easy to conceal and a good last resort firearm. It is better than a club.

A shotgun is better at close range self defense and will "speak" more authoritatively than either a pistol or a rifle.

A rifle is more of a precision tool unless you just like spreading ammo. Then I guess it is just a long range shotgun.

 

[EBRDude]

Thanks for the support Projekt, et al.
I live close to Knob creek, so this fall I may make a shirt that says "Need" for me, and "Want" for my Wife. Then you all can pick us out in the crowd.

 

[EBRDude]

If I had wanted to irritate people, then I would have invited them to read my webpage and asked for advice on the content.
Anyhow, thanks for the well meaning posts and info. This is STILL my favorite gun forum.

 

[sourdough44]

You better get going. I recently ordered my 2nd gun safe. Squirrel away lunch money if you have to.

 

[Threeband]

JerryM said:

The rifle is probably never going to be "needed" in the true sense of the word...
What are the odds of it ever being needed?

You don't need a fire extinguisher either. I've had one gathering dust for 12 years.

You don't need seat belts in your car. (Mine have NEVER done me a bit of good, though I ALWAYS wear them.)

You can get a Marlin 336 for a few hundred bucks (a Best Buy/ "Redneck" Assault Rifle). It will last 100 years and more. I spend that much in a couple months for cable tv and high speed internet, and that money is GONE forever.

You can spend that much going out to dinner and a show, and that money is GONE forever. The Marlin (or Remington 870) will still be going strong long after everyone reading this is long gone.

Ultimately, you might want to make a reasoned and defensible decision and ACT on it. You might not want to spend too much of your life accepting limitations imposed by another's irrational fears and emotions.