I only recently obtained a license and a CC revolver (at age 56).
My wife is not comfortable around guns. I have convinced her that it makes sense to have one in the bedroom when we are sleeping as a defense against home invasion. But she does not want me to carry when we are together outside the home. I know...it isn't logical. My wife reacts emotionally to most things - not logically. We've been married 32 years, and that's just the way it is.
My reason for carrying has a lot to do with my desire to be able to protect her if need be. My intent is to make her feel more secure. But she insists she feels less secure. She agrees that I am a responsible, loving husband - so it's not me she is afraid of. I've made many of the arguments about how we are safer if I am proficient and armed. But as I said - logic is not going to win the discussion.
We are a team that tries to make decisions we both can live with. For the first 30 years of our marriage, I had not expressed any particular interest in carrying a gun. So I have agreed that if my carrying causes her to feel less safe and less secure, I will not carry when I am with her unless and until she agrees that it is a good idea.
Unfortunately, it is hard to reconcile her feelings with my belief that self-defense is more feasible with the proper tool. Carrying without telling her is not an option, because we both consider mutual trust to be important.
If I had been armed when we met (in 1974), it would have been understood that I would continue to carry. She could have made her choice to be with me based on that information. Ironically, one of the first times we spent the night together (hey…it was the 70’s), we were rudely awakened by an idiot friend-of-a-friend who thought it would be hilarious to burst into our room brandishing a handgun. Not funny. That incident probably didn't help with her fear of guns.
My strategy now is to show her that I respect her feelings, and continue to train and carry when I am not with her. I also point out incidents in the news that had a good outcome because the good guy was armed, or would have had a better outcome if the good guy was armed. As we all know, these news stories aren’t hard to find. And they do make an emotional impact on her. I hope she will come around eventually if I am patient and respectful.