USMCRotrHed
Member
Why should Jack Bauer use the bathroom
He doesn't have to, he never eats!
He doesn't have to, he never eats!
Jack Bauer - Comedian
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KONY
Member
This was posted in the 24 Thread in the FN Forum
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.
Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. They are all Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer's vanity plate reads: IKIL4CTU.
Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
If Jack Bauer misspells a word, your dictionary is wrong.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact. In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times.
Jack Bauer managed to get a second bag of peanuts from the flight attendant even though the airline does not serve peanuts.
Men are ok with their wives fantasizing about Jack Bauer during sex; because they are doing the same thing.
Jack Bauer's house has an alarm system -- not to warn Jack of intruders, but to warn the intruders of Jack.
In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.
After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Chuck Norris admitted that he was gay.
If you're holding a gun to Jack Bauer's head, don't count to three before you shoot. Count to 10. That way, you get to live 7 seconds longer.
Your attraction to Jack Bauer in no way affects your sexual orientation.
Jehovah's Witnesses once tried to convert Jack Bauer. After four minutes of interrogation, they admitted Jack Bauer was God.
Due to Jack Bauer, no one looks forward to the weekend anymore, they look forward to the weekend being over, and watching 24 on Monday.
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer doesn't speak any foreign languages, but he can make any foreigner speak English in a matter of minutes.
Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
There are three leading causes of death among terrorists. They are all Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer's vanity plate reads: IKIL4CTU.
Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
If Jack Bauer misspells a word, your dictionary is wrong.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact. In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times.
Jack Bauer managed to get a second bag of peanuts from the flight attendant even though the airline does not serve peanuts.
Men are ok with their wives fantasizing about Jack Bauer during sex; because they are doing the same thing.
Jack Bauer's house has an alarm system -- not to warn Jack of intruders, but to warn the intruders of Jack.
In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.
After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Chuck Norris admitted that he was gay.
If you're holding a gun to Jack Bauer's head, don't count to three before you shoot. Count to 10. That way, you get to live 7 seconds longer.
Your attraction to Jack Bauer in no way affects your sexual orientation.
Jehovah's Witnesses once tried to convert Jack Bauer. After four minutes of interrogation, they admitted Jack Bauer was God.
Due to Jack Bauer, no one looks forward to the weekend anymore, they look forward to the weekend being over, and watching 24 on Monday.
Squawker
Member
Ok, my turn to add a few...
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
Jack Bauers calender goes from April 2nd to March 31st, no one fools Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Jack Bauer once double teamed a girl.. by himself.
Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball
Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
Jack Bauer has shot more men in the face than Elton John.
Jack Bauer knows Victoria's secret
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
When Kim Bauer lost her virginity, Jack Bauer found it and put it back.
Jack Bauers calender goes from April 2nd to March 31st, no one fools Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
Jack Bauer once double teamed a girl.. by himself.
Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
Jack Bauer once killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball
Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
Jack Bauer has shot more men in the face than Elton John.
Jack Bauer knows Victoria's secret
Texshooter
Member
- Joined
- Jan 22, 2004
- Messages
- 481
Have not seen the show since season 1, and did not see episode that is reference but,
If he grabbed a pistol from someone else, and that person did not carry one in the pipe, there would be no round ejected when he racked the slide, no?
There are folks, I understand, who do not leave one in the pipe. Their option I suppose.
And if you grabbed another persons gun, in a moment of crisis, would you rack the slide (even if just for effect), or take a chance there was one in the chamber?
If he grabbed a pistol from someone else, and that person did not carry one in the pipe, there would be no round ejected when he racked the slide, no?
There are folks, I understand, who do not leave one in the pipe. Their option I suppose.
And if you grabbed another persons gun, in a moment of crisis, would you rack the slide (even if just for effect), or take a chance there was one in the chamber?
HK's new slogan is "In a world of compromise, you'd better do what Jack Bauer says."
Jack Bauer despises Mossad because they're soft on terrorism.
Tom Clancy wrote a book called "A Month in the Life of Jack Bauer". Putnam's first edition ran to one million copies. Now deforestation is an issue even libertarians are concerned about.
Jack Bauer despises Mossad because they're soft on terrorism.
Tom Clancy wrote a book called "A Month in the Life of Jack Bauer". Putnam's first edition ran to one million copies. Now deforestation is an issue even libertarians are concerned about.
Browns Fan
Member
My favorite oneliner in 24 is when Jack says to this kid, "The only reason you are conscious is that I dont feel like carrying you!"
Dude, I was ROTF on that one!
Dude, I was ROTF on that one!
High Planes Drifter
Member
- Joined
- Feb 21, 2006
- Messages
- 1,204
A few more :
Jack Bauer can speak Braille
Jack sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled fighting and shooting abilities. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Jack Bauer beat up the devil and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
It is impossible to be raped by Jack Bauer because that would mean you did not want it to happen.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Jack Bauer says its beef, then it's freaking beef !
At birth, Jack Bauer came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Jack Bauer but Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer clogs the toilet even when he pees.
Jack Bauer frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the crap out of little kids.
Microsoft has released a new Anti-virus removal tool called Jack Bauer. The tool dares the virus to enter the machine.
Jack Bauer does not leave messages. Jack Bauer leaves warnings.
Contrary to popular belief, George Bush is a great speaker and rarely mispronounces words. He appears incompetent because he knows Jack Bauer is watching.
Chuck Norris wanted to fight Jack Bauer once. Once.
The gun did not go into battery because Jack Bauer did not want it to go into battery. You got a problem with that?
Jack Bauer can speak Braille
Jack sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled fighting and shooting abilities. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Jack Bauer beat up the devil and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
It is impossible to be raped by Jack Bauer because that would mean you did not want it to happen.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Jack Bauer says its beef, then it's freaking beef !
At birth, Jack Bauer came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Jack Bauer but Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer clogs the toilet even when he pees.
Jack Bauer frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the crap out of little kids.
Microsoft has released a new Anti-virus removal tool called Jack Bauer. The tool dares the virus to enter the machine.
Jack Bauer does not leave messages. Jack Bauer leaves warnings.
Contrary to popular belief, George Bush is a great speaker and rarely mispronounces words. He appears incompetent because he knows Jack Bauer is watching.
Chuck Norris wanted to fight Jack Bauer once. Once.
The gun did not go into battery because Jack Bauer did not want it to go into battery. You got a problem with that?
Zen21Tao
Member
I say that gun oops too. I was think "what a perfect time for a KABOOM" 
seeker_two
Member
Why is it that, when reading all these Jack Bauer one-liners, I keep hearing them in the voice of that guy who does 24, The Unit, and all those Allstate commercials?... 
mbs357
Member
Jack Bauer eats Unicrons.
Stevie-Ray
Member
Isn't that one of those ancient computers or sumpthin?
Snake Eyes
Member
But, but, I'm NOT married!
"Jack Bauer eats Unicrons."
Unicorns are mythical horses with a signle horn inbetween the eyes
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unicorn
Unicorns are mythical horses with a signle horn inbetween the eyes
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unicorn
mustanger98
Member
Unicron "is the planet sized Transformer."
Unicorn "are mythical horses with a signle horn inbetween the eyes."
I hope this clears up the confusion. And no, I do not watch the Transformers, although I did unfortunately watch them as a kid.
Unicorn "are mythical horses with a signle horn inbetween the eyes."
I hope this clears up the confusion. And no, I do not watch the Transformers, although I did unfortunately watch them as a kid.
seeker_two
Member
Jack Bauer eats planet-sized, one-horned, computers shaped like horses...
NOW is everyone satisfied?....
NOW is everyone satisfied?....
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