My very best friend in this world, friends since jr high in fact, took his own life in Sept. of 2009. We were reloading buddies, shooting buddies, etc. When I had my back injury and subsequent surgery(Im disabled now) I was right about to move. I obviously couldnt. My friend showed up with three other guys(two of them I didnt even know, he worked with them) and each had a pickup truck and two had trailers too. THey moved everything I owned in one day, with my wife helping, they even put everything in the right room, etc. He was my brother, not a friend.
A lot of bad stuff had been on him lately, he was was spending a lot of time at my house because of all of it. He moved back in with his "ol' lady." He stopped by my house the night he died. Hung out for a while, talked about this and that. He was dead 30 minutes later. I was the last stop. I had no idea. I cried for hours asking myself why I didnt see it! Why didnt I see it and stop it!! Truth is, I couldnt, and that took a long time to really sink in.
After the investigation the police released his gun that he used(his favorite in the world, an XD45) to his parents, who dropped it off to me. I take it out, every Sept 19 and shoot it. I also use it in IDPA, which is what he bought it for.
Its hard man, real hard. You dont say it to your man-friends, but you realize that you really do have a lot of love for them when something like that happens. Talk to him all you can. Make sure to let him know that his death would be tragic to your life. I cant help but think that if my friend would have known what it would do TO ME he might not have done it.
And to your friend directly: I know we dont know each other, but its not worth it man. Take a look at your buddy that posted this, he cares a lot about you. You arent alone! Use him as your crutch in these hard times, thats what a best friend is there for!