Letter Critique please - Reponse to college open letter

[tmajors]

The President of Boise State University just sent an open letter out about security and safety on the BSU campus. Here is the orginal letter and my response:

Original letter here

My proposed response:

President Kustra

Thank you for your open letter about security measures at Boise State University. I am a perspective student at BSU this fall so security on campus is an important issue for both myself and my wife, even more so after the recent events at Viginia Tech. I am a licensed concealed carry permit holder in the States of Idaho and Utah. By having a State issued Concealed Weapons Permit I have proven to the State that I am a law abiding, upstanding citizen. I have had a Concealed Weapons Permit in Idaho for ten years.

I have several years of gun safety training starting from eight years old in Boy Scouts. As an adult I participate in the Civilian Marksman Program (CMP) and the International Defensive Pistol Association (IDPA). I also have taken many hours of lecture and hands on gun training courses offered by law enforcement departments as well as civilian training offered by many privately owned gun ranges and the National Rifle Association.

This brings me to the security proceedures and policies of Boise State University. While the policies sound good on paper, the reality of the matter as proven by the shooting at Virginia Tech, is that none of these precautions prevented the horrible acts commited by a student.

In your open letter you stated, "Each of us individually is in some regard responsible for our collective safety and security." Part of my individual responsibility of safety and security includes my ability to carry a sidearm concealed where ever I am allowed to carry.

As far as I am aware Boise State University policy is that guns are not allowed on campus, even by law abiding, legally carrying citizens. Cho Seung-Hui violated Virginia Tech school policy by having a gun on campus. His victims did not violate this policy. His victims were disarmed by policy, while he ignored that policy.

One student of Virginia Tech is Wayne Chiang. Wayne Chiang was incorrectly identified on Fox News as the possible shooter. Wayne Chiang is a gun enthusiast and a Federally licensed gun collector. Wayne does not carry a sidearm to school because of Virginia Tech's policies, though the State of Virgina allows Wayne to carry in other places. I am not saying Wayne himself would have stopped the tragedy, I am only using him as an example as a student that is a legal gun owner.

Had Wayne Chiang, or any number of legal concealed carry permit holders, been allowed to bring legally carried sidearms to school this terrible tragedy might have been prevented, or the impact would have been greatly lessened.

The recent shooting at the Salt Lake City Trolly Square Mall was stopped by an off duty police officer who had a concealed weapons permit. It should be noted that Trolly Square also has a "no guns" policy that Sulejmen Talovic completely ignored before starting his rampage.

As part of your review of safety measures, emergency policies and procedures please consider that there are many legal gun owners who could or would have the ability to stop these kinds of atrocious acts if we were allowed to carry our sidearms on campus. Idaho enjoys some of the lowest violent crime rates in the nation in part because of our ability to legally carry and use firearms for our protection, defense, and security.

Thank you for your time and understanding,

 

[budney]

Super piece of work! The only bit I would change is for grammar and flow; I'd say, "starting in the cub scouts at age eight."

--Len.

 

[tmajors]

Yea techinically cub scouts is eight, but cubs are part of the scouting program. Maybe change Boy Scouts to "the Boy Scout program".

 

[jfh]

good content, IMO, needs reorganization

and I would try to make it more like a letter for a politician--

1. After your introduction, make an introductory statement of your primary point.

2. Support that primary point with three (no more) contentions.

3. Summarize your point.

4. Sign it.

It should be about one-third as long as it is. Be precise.

...Jim H.
a former HS English teacher.

 

[Librarian]

Shorter would be better.

And that should be "prospective" rather than "perspective".

Not a bad draft.

 

[budney]

Yea techinically cub scouts is eight, but cubs are part of the scouting program. Maybe change Boy Scouts to "the Boy Scout program".

Call me a grammar nazi, but the part that bothers me is "starting from eight in..." I think it should be "starting at eight in..." (not great) or "starting at age eight in..." (better) or "starting in ... at age eight" (my preferred).

--Len.

 

[TCB in TN]

Here is the letter I sent to both of my State Reps.

The sad occurrence of the VT shootings brings to light a serious deficiency with both our public schools as well as our universities. They are supposed 'Gun Free Zones". Places where law-abiding citizens are disarmed, and as demonstrated by this as well as several other atrocities, are places filled with perfect victims. As a teacher I am continually asked to do all that I can to protect my students, and yet by law I would be just as helpless as they in the face of such an attacker. I ask that you remedy this problem. Give me the tools to not only teach but to also protect my students. I have held a Handgun permit for several years, and were I to be able to legally carry on school grounds then perhaps in a situation such as this I or some other like me would be able to stop it. As it is we are relegated performing actions that are mere window dressing, lock downs are fine unless the offender is armed, then we can only lock the door, and shield the students and HOPE that the danger goes away. Some people will call for banning or further infringement of our 2nd Amendment rights, I on the other hand ask that you take action that will enable rather than victimize. After all, actions such as further restrictions and bans on certain weapons sound good on paper and make some naïve people “feel” safer, but they will never be effective until you can “ban” the evil that have always been in the hearts of some men. Allow me the opportunity to truly protect my students.

Sincerely,

 

[Sage of Seattle]

tmajors,

you reminded me of an article I read a while back concerning firearms on the BSU campus. Here's the text copied from the amazingly annoying Arbeiter website (annoying in all the crap it loads, or, more accurately, tries to load).

Also, read Laurel's comments. I first noticed her on opencarry.org (OCDO) and think she's doing an excellent job of being pro-carry. I would also encourage everyone to post over on OCDO, regardless of whether or not you think open carry is good or bad.

I myself have considered attending BSU this year or next, but I think I might just check into distance learning and give my money to another university (in SLC Utah for example) that supports law-abiding citizens protecting themselves. I would, of course, write a letter to Mr. Kustra informing him of the reason why I would choose not to spend money at BSU unless there is more of a firm policy change.

Brian Wood
Guest Opinion
Issue date: 8/21/06 Section: Opinion


I could be recognized for many noteworthy accomplishments. I bought my home at 21, I am an Eagle Scout, I earned a Congressional Medal from the United States Congress for community service and I am a National Merit Finalist.
I find myself in the news not for a personal achievement, or even for something illegal, but rather for the simple fact that I legally carry a gun. I am the man with a gun as reported in the July 26 issue of The Arbiter.
First, several corrections to the original article. I live in Boise, Idaho, not Florida. I was carrying one legally concealed weapon and one fully exposed firearm. My gun wasn't "hanging out from under my shirt" but rather it was in a holster on my belt with my shirt tucked in (exactly how many Law Enforcement officers carry their sidearm).
In July I was detained by Boise Police Department officers for carrying a gun at BSU.
I had broken no law. The officers disarmed me. Through the entire incident I was very cooperative, polite and reasonable. Even so, the three primary officers were very unpleasant and unprofessional.
It became obvious that this wasn't about whether I had broken a law or not; they were just bent out of shape that I would dare to carry a gun. They tried to intimidate me by saying that I was trespassing and that my concealed weapons permit was invalid (both statements are false).
When I told them I am a firearms instructor they doubted me and treated me with disdain. One officer even said "you aren't even in the same league with us." This statement sums up their condescending attitude. As they left, an officer returned my guns with and incredible display of unsafe gun handling.
Do I hold resentment against law enforcement? I don't. My family has a long history of military and law-enforcement service. My uncle Harvey holds the national record for being the oldest living active-duty sheriff.
I work part-time at a nationally recognized firearms training institute where most of my colleagues are law enforcement.
This is why I am concerned about Boise PD's unprofessional handling of this particular situation - because unprofessional law enforcement officers give the rest a tarnished name.
This event was handled in an unsafe and unprofessional manner, so, I would like to extend an offer to the three primary officers involved. I offer my firearms training services to you free of charge. I will work with you personally to bring your firearms safety, gun-handling and marksmanship up to industry standards.
To the officer who said that I am not even in the same league as him, there is nothing honorable about such a statement. I would like to give you the opportunity to prove it publicly.
I challenge you to a shooting competition open to the public, particularly BSU students.
Contact the Arbiter to obtain my contact information.

 

[bogie]

And the bogie-hack'n'slash-quickie-edit-job...

Thank you for your open letter about security measures at Boise State University. I plan to attend BSU this fall so security is an issue for myself and my wife, especially in light of events at Viginia Tech.

Security measures at BSU are impressive, but in your upcoming review, I respectfully request that you consider allowing qualified students to legally and responsibly carry concealed weapons on campus.

Like many other students and prospective students, I have had a concealed weapons permit in Idaho for ten years, with significant training.

In your open letter you stated, "Each of us individually is in some regard responsible for our collective safety and security." Part what I see as my individual responsibility for my family's safety and security includes my ability to carry a sidearm concealed whereever I am allowed to carry.

As part of your review, please consider that there are many legal gun owners who could stop these atrocious acts. Idaho enjoys some of the lowest violent crime rates in the nation in part because of our ability to legally carry firearms for our security.

Thank you for your time and understanding,

GO BRONCOS!

 

[-terry]

As the writers always say (while rolling their eyes), "Everybody's an editor."

 

[bogie]

Well, that's because a lot of writers NEED editors.

Rule #1) Get to the point.

Rule #2) See #1.