Hi Annie!
As others have noted, steel frame versus alloy will make a big difference. If this is the "superlight" critter in the 10.5 ounce range (fairly pricey!) the recoil may be pretty nasty. That seems unlikely as it's your first gun and they're a bit hard to find.
If steel, even if it's a 5-shot it'll be pretty easy to control.
Another factor is the grips. Wood or other firm grip will be the worst, although not bad in a steel gun. Rubber that still leaves a strip of metal up the back will be better, while rubber that covers the rear of the grip frame will be the least harsh - but might lead to a grip size bigger than you're comfortable with due to trigger reach and easy concealment.
Finally, my opinion is that your initial learning with the gun should be with the mildest ammo you can get. That will be any of the 148grain "target wadcutter" loads. They're easy to spot as the nose is very flat with no "rise" up out of the shell. Shoot at least 100 rounds of these first, 200 would be better, they'll let you get used to the gun with no fear whatsoever.
Remember that if you're doing things right, each stroke of the trigger should lead to a bang that is unexpected, so it's critical you don't flinch in anticipation of the shot. Worst case, if the gun is light for the loads, there will be a bit of pain on each shot. You have to get to a point where you know it's coming but you competely "don't care" about what's coming. You only care about sight alignment and a smooth trigger stroke. That degree of self control is what makes the experience of target shooting a "Zen-like experience".
For defensive carry, I'd consider one of these four loads:
* 158grain plain un-jacketed lead hollowpoint +P by Winchester or Remington, with a slight preference for Remington but they're hard to find.
* Winchester's 130grain +P jacketed hollowpoint. Nice BIG hollowpoint, expands well out of 2" barrels.
(You probably have one of these above...if not you've got "Silvertips" which are really aluminum jacketed. Not optimal but will do more harm than harsh words
.)
* The "Gold Dot" 125grain +P as loaded by Speer (easiest to find), Black Hills, Georgia Arms or any number of others. The projectile is made by Speer and sold to smaller ammo houses.
* The Gold Dot 135grain +P, which is thus far a "Speer only" item and very, very hard to find. It may be the very best snubbie 38Spl+P load ever developed.
There's a fifth and sixth but they're real rockets and only for experienced shooters in steel guns: the Buffalo Bore 158grain lead hollowpoint and Gold Dot 125grain loaded hotter than any others. Available mailorder only, 'cept for a few large gun shops stocking it. See also their website at:
http://buffalobore.com/ammunition/default.htm#38spl
This stuff is "king of the hill" in terms of 38+P...only by using recently developed gunpowders have they been able to hit these performance levels.
Not for beginners. Not for aluminum alloy guns. I have a really nice specimen of Charter Arms from the late '70s, mixed steel and aluminum construction, I won't run those BufBores.
