Man, congrats on winning the battle. I know it's a long road.
Man, I'm 55 years old now. On the day I turned 21 I ran to the gun store and bought a Mark IV, Series 80 Combat Commander. For many years, that was the handgun by which all others were judged. I sure wish that I knew then what I know now. May be anecdotal, but I was at the range one day, some time ago, practicing with my Colt Officer's model. I went inside to get something to drink and the owner of the range, who I built a friendly relationship with over years, handed me a compact Kahr in .45. He said, "try this." I was thinking, wait, .45 in the light a$$ pistol? It was an eye opener for me. That little plastic gun shot smoother and with less felt recoil than the Colt did. Since then, I'd had many "plastic" guns. Fact is, the polymer transmits less of the subjective recoil impulse to your body. Whoda thunk.
My point is, if you're in a position to start over, so to speak. Maybe you should consider putting aside preconceived notions.
Heck, these days, I have two steel handguns. An STI Spartan 1911 (because everyone NEEDS a 1911) and a Ruger Mark II. The rest are plastic. The plastic toys are a lot less expensive too.