Cap guns typically shoot more accurately with lighter loads.
20 grains FFFg is plenty for Cowboy action with 44s (15 grains FFFG is plenty for 36s) & helps preserve the gun.
Load more if you want, but for banging steel, you don't need it.
When I was target shooting .36s 30 years ago, the top guys were shooting 12 trains FFFg.
Remember, every time a round ball slams into the forcing cone, it puts pressure on the frame-arbor attachment.
Less pressure = longer life, IMHO
Brass-framed guns seem to loosen more quickly, which is why light loads are always recommended for them.
A cylinder loader's main advantage is the ability to produce consistent pressure on the loads.
They also let you compress more if you want to, but that is not their main reason for existing.
Wedges should be finger-tight if fitted properly.
You should be able to remove with thumb pressure of perhaps a tap with a screwdriver handle.
If you have to "pound" them out, consider doing a little fitting.
Just my 2 cents on the topic.
--Dawg