Setback, the wife STILL doesn't get it.

Status
Not open for further replies.

ZeSpectre

Member
Joined
Oct 10, 2006
Messages
5,502
Location
Deep in the valley
Took me a while to decide about posting this.
As many longtime readers know my wife has gone from slightly gun-phobic to gun neutral with a lot of tolerance. Here and there she says and does things that make me thing she's starting to "get it" where firearms and personal protection are concerned...then we have nights like last night.

I'm down in the "man cave" (a detached building behind our house) happily prepping some brass and listening to the radio-scanner when an announcement comes on about two closely spaced "sexual assaults" in the local park. Police are searching for the subject and the sweep is moving towards the golf course (and incidentally towards MY house).

So I pop back into the house to let my wife know, and to secure the front and side doors and the front windows that would provide easy access from our front porch. Meanwhile my wife has picked up the cordless phone and brought it with her out to the couch where she goes back to grading papers.

She doesn't seem upset and the house is pretty secure so I tell her I'm going back out to the shop to finish this batch and clean up.

She says to me "Okay, but leave the dog in here with me".

The DOG? Our 51 lb mutt who'd only stop a robber by leaving a slippery puddle of pee all over the floor? (I know some of your dogs would be plenty of protection...mine doesn't work in that field <grin>)

I must have given her "a look" because she said "what, I have the phone here with me".

The PHONE? So now she's hedging her safety on the DOG and the PHONE?

Oh good GOD, Confirmation of two sexual assaults, the search headed towards our house, and where is her firearm? Downstairs, locked in the vault, with empty magazines sitting next to it. You know, the same place it stays unless I hint we should get some range time in. And she's STILL not even remotely thinking that this is one of those times where having it close to hand might just be a good idea.

:banghead::banghead::banghead:

We've had many discussions about personal safety. She does go to the range with me and practice once in a while. In fact she's a decent shot and would probably be darn good if she had any interest in the matter. But having a firearm handy for personal defense.....just NOT a part of her thinking at all.

So I locked up the shop and stayed inside with her for the rest of the evening.

<SIGH>

(thanks for letting me rant here)
 
I think you'd have more to complain about if she did the same thing if you weren't home and clearly packing. Besides, YOU know your dog's a wuss, and SHE knows the dog's a wuss, but the rapists do NOT know the dog's a wuss. He's really not a total zero in the defensive summary.

Just keep on keepin' on. You've already come a long way.

Springmom
 
but the rapists do NOT know the dog's a wuss
Heh, yeah, I guess I'm just already used to the fact that the entire neighborhood knows that our dog is a wuss.

you'd have more to complain about if she did the same thing if you weren't home and clearly packing
True enough, she has come to assume that I'm armed whether she can see it or not (and usually she can't see it, even at home).
 
im banking on the fact that she suspected you would be in some entrenched fighting position in the yard. sandbags and all.

I bet she thought that if the bad guy got past you and your arsenal, then theres no hope left. :evil:

She'll get it sooner or later my friend. Good luck.
 
My first thought while reading your post isn't that she doesn't get it, but rather that she's just not in that frame of mind to think SD/HD right away.

I think maybe had it occured to her in the moment, she might have taken it more seriously and armed herself.

Some folks take their queues from others. You don't seem bothered, she doesn't get bothered. As it was, maybe it seemed to her like a casual mention from you. You didn't send up a flag in her mind, so it didn't occur to her that more action was required.


-T.
 
True enough, she has come to assume that I'm armed whether she can see it or not (and usually she can't see it, even at home).
Well, your biggest concern might be when you're not home then.
An alarm system might be a good investment.(You can probably get one for less than the cost of a 1911.)

Heh, yeah, I guess I'm just already used to the fact that the entire neighborhood knows that our dog is a wuss
If it happened that close, the perp could live in your neighborhood. With it being 2 in a row, it could even be some local gang of them.

im banking on the fact that she suspected you would be in some entrenched fighting position in the yard. sandbags and all.
::) lol. That may have actually been the case, feeling safe because you were home and probably armed.
 
Well in all seriousness, if she is not comfortable using it to defend herself/family, it SHOULD be in the safe...

Keep working on here Ze, she'll come around eventually!

Bflobill_69
 
It just takes time, my wife was the same & to an extent, still is. Find a couple of woman-centered or at least woman-friendly books to read. Armed & Female by Paxton Quigley & The Gift of Fear (along with Protecting the Gift) by Gavin DeBecker would be a good start. DeBecker is an anti so you might want to get those from the library like I did. No money going his way. Might also try to print some stuff off of www.corneredcat.com for her to read. Most of those articles are short & sweet.

You might also consider heading to the vault yourself & loading up her gun & bringing it to her. If she sees that you're that concerned about it it might spark something.
 
Z
just keep doing what your doing. she will come around, mine did.
15 years ago she was an anti. took about 5 years to educate her.
today she carries daily both gun and knife. Has taken instruction and practices regularly. keep the faith my friend.
 
I'm kind of in the same boat. When I'm home, my wife doesn't seem to have a worry in the world. She seems to feel safe even when I'm outside. I put a biolock pistol safe in the den where she can get to it quickly if she needs it and now she seems to be much more concious of the possible need for it. I also get her to open the safe regularly and retrieve the weapon just to make sure she remembers which finger opens the safe.
 
"...Here and there she says and does things that make me thing she's starting to "get it" where firearms and personal protection are concerned...then we have nights like last night..."

I've got a similar situation. The wife has gone from skeptical to more accepting, but not ready fro her own CHL. Several instances of violent crime have been nudging her towards my position. She actually knows how to get to my XD9, load a magazine and chamber a round.

That said, when I grab the Bersa or XD out of my console (IWB) and put it away, I get "the look"...

I'm relying on the "water wearing down the rock" method...

Good Luck!

Jeff B.
 
We've had many discussions about personal safety.

I feel your pain. I went through similar things with my Ex when we were married. Eventually I bought her a Stun-gun and while she did carry it, she put her foot down at learning to use it. She wanted to believe that nothing could happen to her.

Our daughter, on the other hand, is one heck of a pistol shot at age 12...
 
Your wives own guns?

*sniff*

What's the word?

Kwitcherbichen... I'm where y'all were a few years ago, where my wife still doesn't want to admit I carry, thinks I don't 'need' to, etc. etc. Yours may stay in condition white to pale yellow when you're home, mine just says "guns are baaaaaaad" and returns her head to the sandbox.

Keep plugging away, you're way ahead of me. I'll say it, I envy the position you're in. You've made progress, don't get disheartened now!

gp911
 
...mine just says "guns are baaaaaaad" and returns her head to the sandbox.

Keep plugging away, you're way ahead of me. I'll say it, I envy the position you're in. You've made progress, don't get disheartened now!

I'm in that same boat. You are miles ahead of us Z.

The only progress we've made in the last year is that my wife no longer thinks I'm a psychopath for carrying a firearm, and admits to feeling safer because I do.

We're a looong way from her owning or even shooting one.

The day I get her to the range to shoot a .22 will be a huge breakthrough. I'm confident it will happen some day if I'm patient.
 
Difference between your wife and mine:

Happened about an hour ago.

Commotion outside. I just got home from work. Armed as usual (open). Heard woman's voice "please don't do this, stop.." etc over and over. I put my shoes back on and headed outside. Be a good witness and intervene if someone is in danger was the mindset.

Wife grabs the phone and comes to the window. "What's going on?" Don't know, could get ugly. Stay with the phone. If I say CALL THEM, do it. Hear her run back in the house.

Hear something hit the floor of the porch behind me. "What was that?!" "Just the empty speedloader I dropped. I got a full backup and I got your back."

I love that woman. She went and grabbed my GP100 from the safe and loaded it up and grabbed a spare reload.
 
ZeSpectre, she does get it.

I'll bet she's saying to herself, "Hey--if something stupid happens, I have a lightning fast, iron chewing, fireball breathing steely-eyed missileman here happily loading ammunition. I pity the fool who tries anything near THIS house...hope their insurance is paid up--but who's going to clean up all the blood? ;):D
 
Difference between your wife and mine:

Happened about an hour ago.

Commotion outside. I just got home from work. Armed as usual (open). Heard woman's voice "please don't do this, stop.." etc over and over. I put my shoes back on and headed outside. Be a good witness and intervene if someone is in danger was the mindset.

Wife grabs the phone and comes to the window. "What's going on?" Don't know, could get ugly. Stay with the phone. If I say CALL THEM, do it. Hear her run back in the house.

Hear something hit the floor of the porch behind me. "What was that?!" "Just the empty speedloader I dropped. I got a full backup and I got your back."

I love that woman. She went and grabbed my GP100 from the safe and loaded it up and grabbed a spare reload.

I have no doubt that with a mate like that, you're ready to face the fires of hell with two ice cubes and a teaspoon.

Sir, you'll do to ride the river with. You're a good neighbor.

And your wife is worth her weight in DIAMONDS, not just gold. Well met, sir and ma'am!
 
Zespectre and I are in similar situations.

My wife is along the lines of she simply doesn't like handguns.

When I go to the range, every once in a while she asks to come along as well. When that happens, I grab her favorite .22 rifle, a brick of .22 and pull her along with a smile.

She is a natural flincher. If there's a loud noise, she flinches. At the range, this really becomes apparent, and she REALLY doesn't like recoil. So, I have adopted a bit of a setup of guns for her that she can handle:

.22 Pistol, Browning Buckmark.
.32 S&W Long Charter Arms Snubby Revolver with .32 S&W Long Wadcutters.
.357 686 with a 4 inch barrel, with an incredible trigger loaded with .38 SPL Wadcutters.
Anything more, and she goes from: "I can handle this if I know what it is" to "No way, and you are sleeping in the doghouse tonight".

To her credit, she's fired all the major pistol calibers I own, up to .44 SPL. However, I didn't even try with .44 Magnum as I thought it was a lot of gun for ME to handle. She saw me shoot it once and said "No way, and you are sleeping in the doghouse tonight".

Rifles are another story. She likes the accuracy of the rifle, but dislikes the weight, and recoil. I introduced her to my KT SUB 2000 in 9MM (didn't like), then I introduced her to the M-1 Carbine. Ahhhh, it turns out she likes.

All this is from when we got married, she was virulently anti-gun. That's changed to "out of sight out of mind and I like .22s"

She has also agreed to take a basic pistol class. I got the bright idea that maybe a neutral 3rd party wouldn't encounter her basic stubbornness and could get a point across where I might have difficulty doing so. She's agreed, and we are just looking for a weekend to do it.

Baby steps, baby steps.
 
Well, it is coming along I imagine just takes time. I didn't have the staying power to convert a woman which is one of the thousand or so reasons why I married the way I did.

Of course it could be she just wanted you out of the tool shed for a while? Never can tell for sure with most women they can be a most devious little bunch when they put there minds to it. Guess millions of years of genetics has taught them how to make us do things.

Not to rub it in any but... The wife now wants to get a semi-automatic rifle in some type of .30/ 7.62 caliber. She really likes the M1 Carbine her father brought up a couple of weeks ago but I don't see the point in a cartridge in a rifle that does not produce the energy of at least 1200 ft/lbs at the barrel... oh shoot I think I just rubbed it in.... Moving along... nothing to see here.... :D
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top