orangeninja
Member
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2003
- Messages
- 3,117
So there I was sitting in my basement in the total dark, breaking down my AR 15 fitted with the flash suppressor and bayonet lug. I knew that the government had been reading my brainwaves for years now, so I was wearing my tailor made tinfoil hat. I knew that at any moment the U.N. would send tanks down my street, but everyone thinks I’m crazy, they’ll see. I had been listening to white noise on the T.V. for years and my keen intellect had deciphered a sophisticated U.N. communications network broadcast to “those who know”.
Suddenly I heard a noise from upstairs and to the untrained ear it sounded like my furnace kicking on, but I knew better, it was one of those U.N. scout commandos creeping into my house. It was time for decisive action. I slammed the magazine to my AR 15 home and stealthy moved from my chair towards the stairs in a low crawl. Step by step I crawled up the stairs when suddenly I stumbled upon a booby trap, disguised as a skateboard, expertly placed for the express purpose of sending me hurtling to my doom. Fortunately I was prepared for such an event and as I fell backwards 10 feet or so, I pulled the trigger to my illegally modified AR spraying the ceiling and door where the U.N. commando was.
Unfortunately I shot left foot in the process, but I was prepared for such incident and dumped a packet of black powder into the wound. I then lit my cigarette lighter to cauterize the foot and stop the bleeding, however shoe, sock and pants lit on fire, I knew that I was being sighted in by U.N. snipers so I hopped on one foot towards my weapons stash. I then stopped, dropped and rolled to put the flames and was able to kick my smoldering pants off. It’s a good thing I was wearing my tactical black briefs that night. I broke into a crate of flares, lit them and threw them to strategic corners of the basement to provide some illumination as I drew out my trusty Les Baer .45. Somehow the U.N. had managed to set fire to my house. To the untrained eye it would appear that one of my flares did so to make it look like and accident, yeah, and Oswald shot Kennedy.
I hopped over to the nearest window and used a SOG tactical knife to punch out the glass. I then pulled myself out of the window cutting myself on the glass, I was ready for this type of pain however and called upon my advanced training gained from the Elk Horn Local Militia to keep me going. About that time the U.N. sent special agents to grab me, they were disguised as firemen, but I stayed them off with a quick burst from my trusty Les Baer. The police then began to arrive and I told the first one about the disguised fireman however the officer tackled me before I could tell him about the conspiracy. I used my advanced Ju-Jitsu training and was able to successfully place my left arm behind my back which to the untrained eye would look like I was in an excruciating arm lock, I had the officer right where I wanted him and began to roll over, tearing every tendon in my shoulder just as planned. I then heard screaming, I knew I had hurt that officer good, until I realized that the screaming was my own. I fought back by repeatedly striking the officer’s fist with the right side of my head, any minute now he would become fatigued and I would have the upper hand.
I wrenched my body to one side successfully breaking free of the officer and made my run for it, a specially trained U.N. K-9 was in hot pursuit and I knew it would catch me, so before the dog knew what happened I threw my crotch into his jaws. As I distracted the dog with my genitals I planned my next cunning move. I rolled to my left which tore my crotch from the dog’s mouth and began to run for the house as it burned. The dog was upon my back and I knew the U.N. would not shoot their own K-9. However I had been gotten; I must have been slipped a knock out drug because in the next instant I was unconscious.
Upon waking up I found myself in a hospital surrounded by secret government agents wearing white. I was tied to my bed and unable to move, I had them right where I wanted them.
Suddenly I heard a noise from upstairs and to the untrained ear it sounded like my furnace kicking on, but I knew better, it was one of those U.N. scout commandos creeping into my house. It was time for decisive action. I slammed the magazine to my AR 15 home and stealthy moved from my chair towards the stairs in a low crawl. Step by step I crawled up the stairs when suddenly I stumbled upon a booby trap, disguised as a skateboard, expertly placed for the express purpose of sending me hurtling to my doom. Fortunately I was prepared for such an event and as I fell backwards 10 feet or so, I pulled the trigger to my illegally modified AR spraying the ceiling and door where the U.N. commando was.
Unfortunately I shot left foot in the process, but I was prepared for such incident and dumped a packet of black powder into the wound. I then lit my cigarette lighter to cauterize the foot and stop the bleeding, however shoe, sock and pants lit on fire, I knew that I was being sighted in by U.N. snipers so I hopped on one foot towards my weapons stash. I then stopped, dropped and rolled to put the flames and was able to kick my smoldering pants off. It’s a good thing I was wearing my tactical black briefs that night. I broke into a crate of flares, lit them and threw them to strategic corners of the basement to provide some illumination as I drew out my trusty Les Baer .45. Somehow the U.N. had managed to set fire to my house. To the untrained eye it would appear that one of my flares did so to make it look like and accident, yeah, and Oswald shot Kennedy.
I hopped over to the nearest window and used a SOG tactical knife to punch out the glass. I then pulled myself out of the window cutting myself on the glass, I was ready for this type of pain however and called upon my advanced training gained from the Elk Horn Local Militia to keep me going. About that time the U.N. sent special agents to grab me, they were disguised as firemen, but I stayed them off with a quick burst from my trusty Les Baer. The police then began to arrive and I told the first one about the disguised fireman however the officer tackled me before I could tell him about the conspiracy. I used my advanced Ju-Jitsu training and was able to successfully place my left arm behind my back which to the untrained eye would look like I was in an excruciating arm lock, I had the officer right where I wanted him and began to roll over, tearing every tendon in my shoulder just as planned. I then heard screaming, I knew I had hurt that officer good, until I realized that the screaming was my own. I fought back by repeatedly striking the officer’s fist with the right side of my head, any minute now he would become fatigued and I would have the upper hand.
I wrenched my body to one side successfully breaking free of the officer and made my run for it, a specially trained U.N. K-9 was in hot pursuit and I knew it would catch me, so before the dog knew what happened I threw my crotch into his jaws. As I distracted the dog with my genitals I planned my next cunning move. I rolled to my left which tore my crotch from the dog’s mouth and began to run for the house as it burned. The dog was upon my back and I knew the U.N. would not shoot their own K-9. However I had been gotten; I must have been slipped a knock out drug because in the next instant I was unconscious.
Upon waking up I found myself in a hospital surrounded by secret government agents wearing white. I was tied to my bed and unable to move, I had them right where I wanted them.
