Song I wrote about my 5" .500 (to the tune of "Zoot Suit Riot")

[John Ross]

I can't write music at all, but I'm pretty good with lyrics. Given that Karaoke discs provide a near-limitless supply of songs without the words, I've found music I liked and have written several songs that have left audiences howling, and usually one woman blushing furiously. (I'm dangerous when you put a pen in my hand...)

A friend suggested I write a song about my favorite gun. After getting over my initial reaction, I started thinking about it.

Anyway, here's what I came up with. It helps if you are familiar with the original song.

Ross Five Hundred

Lyrics by John Ross
To the tune of “Zoot Suit Riot” by The Cherry Poppin’ Daddies

Sixteen bar lead-in

What’s that thundering in the woods? A real belt cannon that delivers the goods
Balance and power and lots of blam; Am I its Daddy? Yes I am!
Ruger came to play, but they see they don’t know how
They’d best stay away from four hundreds at two thou!

Ross Five Hundred (Magnum!)
Throw down a half pound of lead
Ross Five Hundred (Magnum!)
Keep the front sight out of your head

Ross Five Hundred (Magnum!)
Throw down a half pound of lead
Ross Five Hundred (Magnum!)
Keep the front sight out of your head

(Spoken)
Fire, Jerry!

A tight-gapped, custom-made, pile-driver, man
Fast twist spinning slugs fast as it can
Cut me, Elmer, and you’ll understand
In my veins muzzle energy ran
The Performance Center says it was the factory’s finest hour
Now you dealers know where your shooters come for power!

Ross Five Hundred (Magnum!)
Throw down a half pound of lead
Ross Five Hundred (Magnum!)
Keep the front sight out of your head

You’ve got a Ross .500!
You’ve got a Ross .500!
You’ve got a Ross .500!

(Spoken)
It’s really nice
Shoot every day
Best grip it firmly
Don’t let it get away
It’s really strong
Comes up so well
Don’t let it bite you
It’s got stomp from Hell!

Oh, the Performance Center says it was the factory’s finest hour
Now you dealers know where your shooters come for power!


Ross Five Hundred (Magnum!)
Throw down a half pound of lead
Ross Five Hundred (Magnum!)
Keep the front sight out of your head

Ross Five Hundred (Magnum!)
Throw down a half pound of lead
Ross Five Hundred (Magnum!)
Keep the front sight out of your head

You’ve got a Ross .500!
You’ve got a Ross .500!
You’ve got a Ross .500!

(Spoken)
I think I’m about ready to shoot it…



JR

 

[bleachcola]

You have to sing it and put the video on YouTube. That's the rules.

 

[John Ross]

Working on it.

JR

 

[bleachcola]

You have to be behind a keyboard too. If you don't know how to use one, just use it as a prop.

 

[GUNKWAZY]

You have to be behind a keyboard too. If you don't know how to use one, just use it as a prop.

If you're goin' with props, you minus well be sportin a Flock of Seagulls Do...

Now I'm gonna be hummin that dang song all day. Thanks a lot.

Jeff (GUNKWAZY

 

[bleachcola]

Better than the Macarena.

 

[The Bushmaster]

And the curiocity just over come me and I had to waste my time to check this out. Couldn't believe some one would post something like this.

Oops...Forgot first rule on THR...No bad mouthin' the locals...Sorry moderators. Please delete as necessary...

 

[NG VI]

You have to sing it and put the video on YouTube. That's the rules.

You have to be behind a keyboard too. If you don't know how to use one, just use it as a prop.

Better than the Macarena.

All of the above apply in full! That is a ridiculous song you came up with, it better end up in video form online!

 

[bleachcola]

I can't believe somebody would choose to live in Ava, Missouri but you don't see me whining about it.

 

[John Ross]

I can't believe somebody would choose to live in Ava, Missouri but you don't see me whining about it.

LOL! I've given a couple of MG shoots in Ava for private parties. Great time, beautiful property, wonderful host.

I doubt Bushmaster was on the guest list, though...

JR

 

[Warren]

Why not Mambo .500?

 

[John Ross]

Why not Mambo .500?

What's a Mambo .500?

JR

 

[19-3Ben]

mambo #5

 

[PTK]

Fantastic! I love that song, and your new lyrics fit perfectly.

 

[Warren]

What's a Mambo .500?

You've not heard Mambo # 5??

It's how Lou Vega qualified for entry into the One-Hit-Wonder Hall of Fame.