Telling wife how many guns you actually own

[rdhood]

First wife: I scuba dived, cycled, built RC Airplanes, WANTED guns, etc., etc., etc. By the end of that marriage, all I could do was cycle 2 hours on a Saturday morning. That women destroyed ALL of my hobbies, one by one. She couldn't even stand for me to exercise one hour by myself three times a week. She wanted complete control of our money and my time for her purposes.

Second wife: completely different. She is excited that I have built a few guns to uniquely fit her. She has done a couple of Appleseeds with me and can shoot. Yes, she says: do you really need another one? So I consider carefully new purchases. She is not into guns the way I am, but she is more than tolerant. I can also workout, build airplanes, and scuba dive (and finish the upstairs attic, and work on the house, etc).


To the OP: I heard stuff like that from my first wife. If she is willing to start drawing lines now to put restrictions on you ("you are choosing XXXXX over me?"), then it will only increase until she has made you over in the image that she has for you. Once you start capitulating to the "XXXX or me" argument, you have lost it all. Tell her how many guns you have. Get ALL of this business out in the open NOW, before you have kids, and let the chips fall where they may.

 

[mattk]

My wife knows exactly how many. Now there is some debate over who owns the Browning Hi Power Practical. Although. I owned before we met, she claims its hers.

 

[Grassman]

My wife really has no idea how many guns I have, and she doesn't really care. As long as she gets her bi monthly hair do, and weekly nail salon visit, she's happy.

 

[RetiredUSNChief]

Another historical note:

My wife and I are in our later 40's...at least until later this year, when one of us turns 50 (groan). In the years we've been married, my wife's opinions and views have changed pretty significantly on many things. In some ways, she's been a study of contrasts.

For example, politically speaking she was very liberal two decades ago...but her beliefs were traditionally conservative and family oriented. Like I said...a study in contrasts. Brought a great deal of frustration for a long while, until a brother of mine laughed at my frustrations and told me not to worry...her views will change as she grows, and she won't even realize it. True that.

Anyway, back in the first year of our marriage I remember some discussion we had with respect to guns and gun control. She had made a comment along the lines that she would turn my guns in under whatever circumstances we were discussing at the time. (She probably doesn't remember this conversation at all, now.)

I told her that if she was going to make a unilateral decision on something like that with respect to my property, then she might as well pack up and leave, too.

There is more at issue in something like this than just one's rights with respect to owning firearms. There is an element of explicit and implicit trust that MUST exist between a couple and you simply cannot violate that by unilaterally imposing your will at the expense of what the other holds dear or valuable. Whether that be with material property, matters of faith, emotionally, or whatever.

We have each put our foot down on various things...but even then it had to be worked out between the both of us.

You've evidently still very young in your marriage, and this is a time of great discovery, probably of some things the both of you SHOULD have already discovered before getting married. Regardless, use those first few years of marriage wisely to continue that path of discovery before you commit to starting your own family. In the eyes of your future children, the two of you should be one unified front. If you can't work this out, better you should discover this before complicating the picture with children.

 

[Fremmer]

I would tell you how to properly sneak new guns into your house to keep you out of trouble, but that would be too effective and it would constitute bad advice about marriage (on a firearms board, lol).

So I'll stick with advising lots of apologies and buying her stuff. It's worked for countless generations of husbands who cameth before thee.

 

[buck460XVR]

As I said in my first post....this is about more than guns. This is about trust and the respect of your partner and their values. The reason 50% of marriages fail is because folks don't consider this enough before they tie the knot and/or can't work their way thru it later on in the relationship. Because "puttin' your foot down" and "wearin' the pants in the family" works for some, don't mean it will work for all, especially because it doesn't necessarily respect the partner or their values...it probably just intimidates them and they accept it. This happens more so with folks who have the mindset that they will lose what they have by not submitting. This goes for both men and women.

Getting marriage advice from a gun forum is like getting reloading recipes from folks you don't know without verifying them with published manuals. Makes for good conversation, but isn't the smartest thing in the world.

 

[Arizona_Mike]

My wife passed away a couple years ago so it's not an issue for me right now. However, I don't even know how many guns I own.

Mike

 

[hardluk1]

My wife owns 7 of her own. She knows the safe code and most of her's are in there too and I don't care if she knows how many we have but she does have a running list with serial numbers in the bank CD box. .

 

[W.E.G.]

I'd be more worried if she knew I had as much free time as it had to take to write the OP.

 

[Davek1977]

I choose to be honest with my wife. If I can't be...I shouldn't have married her, is my way of thinking.

 

[Zeeemu]

Never mind.

 

[bottom shelf]

To answer your question directly, yes, even under those circumstances I would provide the information. I see no reason not to. Plenty of excuses not to, but no reason not to. If it would make her more comfortable, I'd do it.

What experience do I base that on? Getting married at the age of 18, and still being married 40 years later.

 

[TUBBY1]

I don't know the exact number of guns I have or have given to my sons, but the amount of ammo that I've aquired is more telling. I don't keep these things from my wife but after 40 years we know when it doesn't matter or shouldn't. Almost all has been at one time mentioned or aquired with funds squirreled away over a long time.she on the other hand can bring clothes or shoes with more regularity. The difference is I still have and use my (guns) purchases. Somethings are more timeless than fashion. If your relationship needs deceit your working to hard on something that's probably doomed anyway. Fess up but only if called out. Don't ask, don't tell.

 

[scaatylobo]

Sorry but

But I just avoided the mess you seem to have gotten into by explaining to my wives [ yes ,on # 3 now ] that I own guns and shoot and will continue to do so until I die.

If they had a problem with that they should have said so,and no they didn't.

Funny but I don't know the exact #,so pardon me if that is not shared.

 

[witchhunter]

I have never lied to my wife. We might argue, sometimes I win, sometimes she does. But I see trouble on your horizon like several others here. We have all had this happen and recognize the MO. The way I see it, I never lied, cheated or stole. I can hold my head up, no matter what happens. Good luck there youngster!

 

[tompt]

Show her this thread. You explained your perspective well. You seem like a careful analytical thinker, so I assume your wife is one too.

There's a lot of good stuff here. Anyone without a firearms background, who read it with an open mind, would come away with a better a understanding of firearm owners.

You asked friends for advice and it was provided. Lay it out for her to see. Full and without censors. Open, honest, communication doesn't always work, but it's the only that ever works in the long run.

 

[Kurt S.]

I'd like to clarify on my previous comment.
It is of vital importance that you be completely honest.
Cupcake may be the woman of your dreams. I hope so. Be honest and be willing to give up a lot of things, because I guarantee that you are going to face this, given your original posting.
You are in a great position as far as I am concerned. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders- you have an opportunity to decide what you want in a marriage and what you are willing to concede and compromise over.
Just be honest and be able to manage any anger that comes up. Yours and hers.

 

[hso]

At 5 pages of personal relationship advice, ranging from good to awful, there's not much that hasn't been said so there's not a lot of point of this thread going on.

Get professional counciling assistance, work it out yourselves, be dishonest, or let it fester. Yep, that about covers it.