Telling wife how many guns you actually own

[M2 Carbine]

Trust is one of the most important things in making a marriage last.
If you can't be truthful about something as petty as how many guns you own, you two are heading for trouble.

Sounds like you both have to do some maturing.

 

[vamo]

I know you said you guys have separate finances but the fact is guns are freaking expensive. I wonder what her response would be if you were buying something cheap she objected to.

 

[AlexanderA]

Don't lie to her. On the other hand, don't unnecessarily volunteer information. Actually, you have the perfect arrangement because your FFL friend is keeping the guns until you get out of the service. Thus you avoid the problem of having to sneak the guns into the house. (Once you have a critical mass of guns, one more doesn't make any difference. Mine seem to multiply on their own.)

 

[TRX]

I'm not exactly sure how many guns I own... I have about a dozen in various stages of construction, some of which have no clear ATF spec on when they turn from "parts" to "firearm."

I have a bunch of AK receivers that are legally "guns", though they're just bent sheet metal and I don't have kits to complete them. I have a Maadi-Griffin project that will probably turn from "parts" to "gun" when I cut the locking lug slots in the receiver.

 

[Arkansas Paul]

Derek is correct in that we can't really know your exact situation and as such, our suggestions should be considered with that in mind.

However, I think there is something that applies to every relationship.

Don't hide anything. It will eventually come out and the minor disagreement you may have if tell her up front will pale in comparison to what will happen if it is compounded by you being secretive about it.

If you're spouse wanted to know whenever you bought a new gun for the reasons my wife stated, even if you've agreed to have separate checking accounts as long as mutual expenses are paid for, you make sure all needs are provided for, and you give to the other person liberally, would you also provide this information?

If your wife asks you a simple question like that and you refuse to "provide this information" you may as well go ahead and pay an attorney a retainer fee because you're gonna need one sooner than later. And those guns you're hiding from her will likely be half hers when her attorney gets done.

My wife probably couldn't tell you the exact number I've got but if she asked, I'd tell her.

 

[Madcap_Magician]

One thing I hate is the "Guns are just inanimate objects!" complaint.

That just turns the argument into "Yes, they are!" "No, they aren't!" ad nauseum. There is no way to win that.

You stating that something is so will have zero meaning to her if she thinks the opposite.

One reason gun rights activists lose so many arguments is because they think that the facts matter more than emotion.

They are confusing the way things should be with the way things are, and concluding that when the facts don't match the theory, the facts should be thrown out.

The fact is that the overwhelming majority of people in this country (on both sides of any argument) value their emotions as much or more than their reason when making value decisions, and failing to understand that dooms you to losing any arguments.

 

[Tinpig]

I've been married 46 years and I don't believe in secrets, but sometimes a little "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" goes a long way in keeping things running smoothly in a marriage.

My wife sounds very much like yours. She's a wonderful person, wife, and mother, but she's just not comfortable around guns. That's fine. My sons and I don't talk about them in front of her, I keep them all locked up and out of sight in our house, and I don't clean them on the kitchen table (when she's home.)

But neither do I ask her permission nor feel the need to inform her when I carry, or go shooting or buy another gun. We both work hard, we contribute equally to the expenses, and what I do with anything I have left over is ultimately my business.

It's good to find this out now, but it shouldn't be necessary to choose between a good woman and your guns. Find a way to compromise and have both.

Tinpig

 

[DM~]

I grew up with guns, i knew guns/hunting would be with me the rest of my life. NOW, when dateing girls, why would i get serious with any girl that didn't like guns or hunting, or think like i do??? That would just be setting myself (and her) up for nothing but problems for any future we would have together.

I worked out ALL gun/hunting related issues LONG before i got serious with my better half and if "anyone" doesn't do that, then they are destined to have to live with what THEY created!!

Either i can afford the new gun i want, or i can't. If i have the EXTRA money to make the purchase, then no big deal! IF, i can't, i shouldn't be looking to buy it in the first place, that is, not UNTIL i have that extra money in my hand.

DM

 

[Newcatwalt]

So far this is an excellent thread with a lot of well thought out advice.

As for myself, my wife knows how many firearms I own whenever she wants because all she has to do is ask me. She also knows which one of my friends I trust to sell them for her if anything ever happens to me and she needs or wants to sell them. She also knows which ones I always keep loaded and which ones I don't. She knows these things because I trust her and she doesn't begrudge me my one hobby and lifelong enjoyment.

I don't see any harm in your wife knowing how many firearms you own. What she does with that information is where it will get "interesting". With what little I personally know about you, or your situation, it seems to me that you and your wife need to sit down and resolve this issue - better sooner than later.

Best of luck with this....

 

[jcwit]

My wife and I have none of the problems you relate to.
I trust her completely, as she does me.
She has an inventory of all my firearm collection. Its all on paper as its impossible for me to remember them all.

Things work much better when both are trustful of each other, and at the ages of 70 and 64 it just makes sense.

 

[HankR]

What Sam said in Post # 7.

Of course, this conversation should take place way before you even think about getting married. It's still probably better to have it now than later. Just be prepared to accept whatever her stance is and do what you need to do next.

 

[Fremmer]

Welcome to marriage. My favorite part was when you analyzed her statement from a philosophical standpoint, lol. Man, that's going down a dead end path for sure.

You might as well learn to tell her that she's right and how you're sorry. And then either do what she wants, or match her with an expensive gift every time you buy a gun.
Good luck...

 

[Teachu2]

Yes, I'd tell her. I'd emphasise the way they hold their value, and how easy they are to convert to cash, and how they become family heirlooms. I'd also point out that I don't expect to be able to always have the freedom to acquire them that I do at the moment, because the expenses of buying a house and having a family will take priority when the time comes. Until then, the money gets invested in guns.

Of course, don't say that unless you truly mean it. If you intend to spend every last bit of your discretionary income on guns, cars, boats, or other "toys", tell her that up front. She needs to know if you plan to be her husband, or just the guy she married.

 

[Arkansas Paul]

I worked out ALL gun/hunting related issues LONG before i got serious with my better half and if "anyone" doesn't do that, then they are destined to have to live with what THEY created!!

I agree. You picked him/her.

 

[danez71]

Along the lines of a few other posts......


Telling her its an inanimate object is as effective her telling you its an inanimate object.

After all, if its just an object, why are you so putting it so high on your priority list?

The answer is because she, nor you, truly believe its the equivalent of dryer lint.


When you tell her that's its an inanimate object... or if she said that to you... what is really happening is that her ( and is she said it to you, your) feelings/value system/perception is being trivialized.


You need to address her emotions and THEE WORST WAY to do it is to trivialize them.

When I met my wife should was neutral but leaned anti. She accepted the 2A but she didn't really understand why people needed/wanted guns outside of police and military. She was visibly nervous if a gun was outside the safe. But that's not the case anymore.

My wife is proof that her perception can be changed. I did it over years with facts that addressed her emotions while not trivializing her emotions.


Remember, her feelings are as valid as yours even if they are misguided. If you think otherwise, you're in a bad spot all the way around.


You need to address her feeling by 1st acknowledging that guns are far more dangerous than drier lint and therefore also acknowledging that her feelings are as valid as yours.

Once that happens, striking a balance is already 1/2 way done.


To anser your question....
My wife doesn't know the exact # I have however, she doesn't ask either.

BUT... she has also known every time I have bought or sold a gun.

 

[wally]

THE QUESTION: If you're spouse wanted to know whenever you bought a new gun for the reasons my wife stated, even if you've agreed to have separate checking accounts as long as mutual expenses are paid for, you make sure all needs are provided for, and you give to the other person liberally, would you also provide this information?

In my case its moot, as she did the database of my inventory for insurance purposes. As to what guns and ammo I buy, she doesn't ask me, and I don't ask her how much she spends at the hair & nail salons.

Separate spending accounts is the first step on the road to martial bliss .

 

[mavracer]

My wife knows how many guns I have, well she could get real close heck I'd have to stop and add it up.
It would seem to me you have two separate issues that you need to address.
One Is the wifes feelings toward guns the second is your trust issue. I can help with that.
If you don't trust her enough to be honest you're probably not going to stay married, when you get divorced the courts will let her know what your assets are including how many guns you own. It's a lot easier and cheaper to be honest.

 

[tdstout]

Short and simple answer is to tell her. As long as she doesn't try to hold it over your head, then there's no reason not to tell her.

 

[Highcaliber]

I'm a lucky man. My wife likes the shooting sports. I quit counting HER guns after about dozen or so. But more to the point , NO SECRETS in a lasting relationship. Interests don't always need to be shared, but info about those "interests" should never be withheld.

I can find half-truths and lies of omission on the street, I don't want ANY of that in our household. 32 years together and counting. YMMV.

 

[berettaprofessor]

Apparently, she is placing guns ahead of you also.

This. Time to draw a line, buddy, for better or worse, or throw in the towel. I have a friend who had everything he wanted in life, married late and in haste, and is slowly losing everything because he married a pouter who never, ever compromises. It's a sad thing to watch.

 

[claiborne]

"Sometimes the juice ain't worth the squeeze"

Truer words I have never seen!

 

[bandur60]

Post #33 & #42 hint at what I don't see in the OP --- you haven't been FORBIDDEN to add to your "inventory", wife just wants to know when you buy another "asset." Where's the objection?

Montana boy, going on 34 years with a Long Island girl --- I buy guns, she buys recipe books; guess which we have more of?

Other than those comments, no advice as such from this corner.

 

[Calibre44]

As far as my wife knows ... evry gun I buy strangely costs £100. She never questions it because she's not interested which suiits me fine

 

[torqem]

One, I aint buying new ones. Two, I can afford it or I wouldn't buy it. Three, it's really nobody else's biz, as long as she is not shortchanged regarding my time or finances. But yes, the gun/hunting (or other hobby) thing should have been all worked out long before the wedding day. My guns mean way too much to me to have some lawyer, etc, tell me that I have to sell them. I don't let the gov't know what I have (or where they are kept). So far, she's totally cool with the set up. Given how much I have improved her life, that's a very wise attitude for her to take. She's a third worlder, and when she gets US citizenship, I am going to have to be a lot more careful. She's 40 years younger, you see.

 

[Old Dog]

larry1108 in post #23 made a point that bears discussion -- it may not be all about the guns, but rather, if you're keeping one facet of your life somewhat secretive, are there other secrets out there?

My wife doesn't particularly care if I buy another expensive gun, but if I don't disclose this, and she finds out later without me having volunteered the information, she almost immediately goes into to the "What other stuff are you keeping from me?" mode ...