leprechaun50
Member
If he and his family can't accept you as you are there will be problems. Trying to solve them after marriage is a recipe for disaster. If you can't resolve these issues now it is time to end the relationship.
Unsure and looking for answers
- Thread starter Mandabear3109
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If he and his family can't accept you as you are there will be problems. Trying to solve them after marriage is a recipe for disaster. If you can't resolve these issues now it is time to end the relationship.
BullfrogKen
Moderator Emeritus
Well, again I'm not a relationship counselor. Like many married couples, my wife and I often have our disagreements and the struggles people have when going through life as a couple.
Some couples who come from different religious backgrounds are never able to reconcile their differences. And it really presents itself when the children are born.
Understand that there are some people who don't see politics as just politics. To some, it means as much to them as religion does to the devout. That's not necessarily a bad thing, because it's people like those who accomplish things like the Civil Rights Movement of the 60's. Only people who see such things as so distasteful will go through the ordeals it takes to change public opinion and civil rights violations that are institutionalized into law.
Perhaps your future in-laws are those kinds of people. I don't know. But it would be a good idea for you to find that out now, and see if you can come to terms with it.
Some couples who come from different religious backgrounds are never able to reconcile their differences. And it really presents itself when the children are born.
Understand that there are some people who don't see politics as just politics. To some, it means as much to them as religion does to the devout. That's not necessarily a bad thing, because it's people like those who accomplish things like the Civil Rights Movement of the 60's. Only people who see such things as so distasteful will go through the ordeals it takes to change public opinion and civil rights violations that are institutionalized into law.
Perhaps your future in-laws are those kinds of people. I don't know. But it would be a good idea for you to find that out now, and see if you can come to terms with it.
Mandabear3109
Member
Both of the statements really made me think, and I appreciate your insight. I do get the feeling, at least from our short discussion last night, that this is a bigger issue than I might have first thought. It could end up being a deal-breaker for him. One thing I can be happy of is that we are having this conversation now instead of after we are married (in a few years), but that does not really make it any easier.
allaroundhunter
Member
Amanda,
While I am not engaged, I have been in a relationship with the same girl for over 3 years now. It wasn't until about a year and a half into our relationship that the topic of firearms came up. Now, she knew that I had them, but she didn't know how many. She knew that I went out and shot them regularly, but did not know that I kept several loaded for defensive uses. When "the talk" did come up, she was a little confused as to my reasoning for some things but I told her what I thought and left it at that. She did not grow up around guns, and had never fired one before I took her out to my family's farm. She was not really scared of them, she just didn't know anything about them.
The best choice that I made was to take it slow and let her form her own opinions. I taught her how to shoot a little, but I didn't push it on her. I let her ask me questions about them or about gun politics in general whenever she wanted, but I didn't demand that she get up to date on everything gun related that our politicians were debating.
I think the biggest turning point for her was when she was walking up to her apartment and a man started running toward her. She pulled out her pepper spray but forgot to unlock it... Thankfully, just presenting herself as a fighter made the man run the other direction. After that, she decided that even though pepper spray may have stopped that attack, she would rather be able to defend herself with a gun.
Now she is my shooting partner, hunting buddy, and we pretty much share the same views on all things firearm-wise. She is still trying to determine her stance on the background check legislation that is being debated, but I have confidence in her
Firearms are a big deal to me, and I knew that it could be a potential deal-breaker in relationships.... I guess I just got lucky.
I do wish you luck, and as evidenced by this thread, if you need any other help we're here to do what we can.... But very few of us have the qualifications to make us the next Dr. Phil
While I am not engaged, I have been in a relationship with the same girl for over 3 years now. It wasn't until about a year and a half into our relationship that the topic of firearms came up. Now, she knew that I had them, but she didn't know how many. She knew that I went out and shot them regularly, but did not know that I kept several loaded for defensive uses. When "the talk" did come up, she was a little confused as to my reasoning for some things but I told her what I thought and left it at that. She did not grow up around guns, and had never fired one before I took her out to my family's farm. She was not really scared of them, she just didn't know anything about them.
The best choice that I made was to take it slow and let her form her own opinions. I taught her how to shoot a little, but I didn't push it on her. I let her ask me questions about them or about gun politics in general whenever she wanted, but I didn't demand that she get up to date on everything gun related that our politicians were debating.
I think the biggest turning point for her was when she was walking up to her apartment and a man started running toward her. She pulled out her pepper spray but forgot to unlock it... Thankfully, just presenting herself as a fighter made the man run the other direction. After that, she decided that even though pepper spray may have stopped that attack, she would rather be able to defend herself with a gun.
Now she is my shooting partner, hunting buddy, and we pretty much share the same views on all things firearm-wise. She is still trying to determine her stance on the background check legislation that is being debated, but I have confidence in her
Firearms are a big deal to me, and I knew that it could be a potential deal-breaker in relationships.... I guess I just got lucky.
I do wish you luck, and as evidenced by this thread, if you need any other help we're here to do what we can.... But very few of us have the qualifications to make us the next Dr. Phil
Mandabear3109
Member
allaroundhunter: That last post of yours really helped to clear up some things. It's nice to see that although you two do not have the exact same beliefs, you are able to have a relationship that supports your opinions. I hope that mine can be that way as well, though after last night's conversation, I'm not so sure. It almost turned into a full-blown fight, but I held my tongue until I had enough information to debate effectively. If he does want someone who beliefs exactly as he believes, then that may no be me because I only like to make opinions of things after hearing some from both sides, which makes me come across as agnostic to any controversial topics at first.
Edit: I don't want to be bullied into anything that either he or his family believes just because that is what they believe. I want to form my own opinions from my own research, and I want him to be open to the possibility that I may come to a different conclusion without seeing it as a personal attack.
Edit: I don't want to be bullied into anything that either he or his family believes just because that is what they believe. I want to form my own opinions from my own research, and I want him to be open to the possibility that I may come to a different conclusion without seeing it as a personal attack.
BullfrogKen
Moderator Emeritus
Mandabear3109 said:
Or perhaps you might wind up mellowing him out a bit.
I know I was far more absolutist in my opinions in my 20's. With maturity, I still hold that there are lines not to be crossed, but I do have more tolerance for opposing views and don't seek to persuade everyone in my life to agree with me.
His parents . . . hey, only you can say whether his family is one you want to marry into. Many young people don't look beyond the two of them and their intense love when getting married. The family you're both marrying into will become a factor once that wears off and the two of you are deciding how you'll live your lives.
I love my wife's family, and they enrich our marriage.
Some in-laws do just the opposite.
I'm just sayin'. You need to find that out for yourself.
BluesDancer
Member
- Joined
- Oct 19, 2009
- Messages
- 146
Hello,
I sort of just breezed through this thread, but I wanted to say that it is not a bad thing to not have an opinion on a topic that you don't know much about.
I think that having no opinion or no stance can be more mature than taking a stance on something based on incomplete information or taking a side when you haven't adequately thought about or researched a given topic.
For example, I do not have an opinion/haven't taken a side on whether or not the Palestinian's deserve a state of their own in the middle east. It's not that I don't care, but I simply do not know that much about the issue and I feel that having an uninformed opinion is worse than having no opinion.
Hope this helps...
I sort of just breezed through this thread, but I wanted to say that it is not a bad thing to not have an opinion on a topic that you don't know much about.
I think that having no opinion or no stance can be more mature than taking a stance on something based on incomplete information or taking a side when you haven't adequately thought about or researched a given topic.
For example, I do not have an opinion/haven't taken a side on whether or not the Palestinian's deserve a state of their own in the middle east. It's not that I don't care, but I simply do not know that much about the issue and I feel that having an uninformed opinion is worse than having no opinion.
Hope this helps...
Byrd666
Member
I understand where he/they are coming from. In a very simplistic form, they are standing for, and fighting for the WHOLE Constitution. Not just the Second Amendment. If Obuma and his cronies get their way, and do find some way to repeal the Second Amendment, what's next? The First, the Fifth, etc. And unfortunately I and quite a few others I know, both Republican and Democrat, and more than one Liberal see that as a real possibility. Being a responsible gun owner and carrier my self, I also choose not to frequent or support those businesses that ban or dis-allow concealed carry. I believe it is a small but, very loud voice of millions saying to the government and those business owners that We, The People believe in our Second Amendment Rights and will stand and fight for them and not let a "Hitler" destroy our country.
floydster
Member
Dump the idiot, teaching and logic are not his forte, you are trying to learn, he is telling you, you are a traitor--it will only get worse from here, don't take the chance.
Believe me, I have been around the world many times--good luck, everyone deserves to be happy, and this is not where you are going.
Believe me, I have been around the world many times--good luck, everyone deserves to be happy, and this is not where you are going.
Mandabear3109
Member
I do see how it could be expanded to his defense of the whole constitution. If they take away one right, they will try to do the same for the others. But as BluesDancer above you said, it is better to not have an opinion than to have one based on false information.
I could go one step further and say that part of the problem behind people being for or against topics such as 2A (though one could replace this with any other big ticket item in the media) is the two-party system that demands that one must choose between one choice or another choice without acknowledging all the variation in between. Even if I am on the pro-2A "side", I can still have different views than another person on the same "side."
Mandabear3109
Member
Though I appreciate your relationship advice, that is not really the question at hand. One difference of opinion does not mean that we are doomed, and I can excuse some of the things he said to me given recent events in our state of residence.
barnbwt
member
- Joined
- Aug 14, 2011
- Messages
- 7,340
-Gun enthusiasts are as close to their hobby/cause as teeth to lips; it is a major part of who they are
-Gun owners are under assault in the form of blunt political action and libel that preys on the uninformed majority
Therefore, gun rights supporters feel we are in the midst of a somewhat existential crisis where our very way of life is under coordinated attack --and yet you said you are on the fence about it.
That's not to say you are wrong to speak your true feelings on the matter, or that his reaction is necessarily unwarranted. Mainly its a sign that he has been afraid to bring up what is obviously a deeply personal issue to see your opinion on the matter. I'd work that front when you choose to bring up the topic again. Gun-guys are typically shy to bring up the topic with lady-friends (especially if we have grown to accept "radical" views) since women (and the general public) are typically uninterested-to-revolted by the topic. It's easier to avoid it until an awkward argument arises
(that's thinkin' like a man!)But keep in mind that this topic is extremely dear to him, and if you give him the impression you do not respect that importance, he will take it as a personal affront. Hopefully you can get him to realize you are not unable to form an opinion, but only that you wish to learn more about the subject first; ask him to take you shooting, and keep abreast (as much as you care to) with events in the shooters' world.
It's possible, especially seeing as you are in Colorado, that he was offended that you seemed to have an ambivalent attitude to what is a grevious injustice in your state government. Sort of like how many hot-heads would have reacted on September 12th if you had said you were unsure of the terrorists intentions, and that you needed more time to determine if their cause was evil. Even if that assessment is accurate, it is still frustrating/infuriating to those who's minds are more than made up.
Yeah, there are far more important parts to any relationship than this one issue (you, for example
). I think you'll be okay if you go into the topic with him again, since you now know how important it is. That's the main source of strife I've had whenever contentious topics come up; one side doesn't percieve the gravity of the discussion, and the other sees it as insult. Approach the topic knowing it will be a "heavy" discussion, and all should be well (unless of course he actually is a jerk --I kid, I kid...). Be clear from the get-go that you will not tolerate intimidation in the discussion (we often mistake that for being "persuasive" and need to be reminded).Let us know how "Round 2" goes.
TCB
(Gunnies tend to be running faucets when we wax philosophical, so it may be easiest to tell him you support his cause, and never speak of it again
)
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Mandabear3109
Member
I was in no way saying that I was against guns, despite this being what he heard. I was just trying to get him to see that I am unsure on the issue. I would rather upset him by saying that I am on the fence than tell him something that could potentially be false and have it come back to bite me later.
My comments on this relate to what I said above about not wanting to declare an opinion before having all of the information necessary. Just because it may be the easier option does not make it the better option in the long-term.
MandaBear, welcome to THR.
I know alot of people are knocking your fiance for his behavior, and that may well be deserved, but it's important to remember that to alot of progunners, their Second Amendment rights are civil rights. And people can get funny when they feel their civil rights are under attack.
I've heard recently that asking someone why they need an AR 15 is akin to asking Rosa Parks why she needs to sit at the front of the bus. One would have to wonder if the "national dialogue" would be calm and reasonable if Congress were dabating say, reinstituting segregation or taking franchisement away from women.
So even to those who don't view gun ownership as a civil right, I think it's important for them to realize that millions of Americans do, and how that might affect the conversation. Maybe that perspective will help you understand your fiance's behavior a little better.
I know alot of people are knocking your fiance for his behavior, and that may well be deserved, but it's important to remember that to alot of progunners, their Second Amendment rights are civil rights. And people can get funny when they feel their civil rights are under attack.
I've heard recently that asking someone why they need an AR 15 is akin to asking Rosa Parks why she needs to sit at the front of the bus. One would have to wonder if the "national dialogue" would be calm and reasonable if Congress were dabating say, reinstituting segregation or taking franchisement away from women.
So even to those who don't view gun ownership as a civil right, I think it's important for them to realize that millions of Americans do, and how that might affect the conversation. Maybe that perspective will help you understand your fiance's behavior a little better.
leprechaun50
Member
Mandabear, You have gotten a lot of advice from a lot of the members here and it is an awful lot to digest at one time. Judging from your coming on this forum shows that you are willing to listen to all sides. Also judging by your replies you are a very levelheaded person and I feel confident that after reflecting on your situation you will make the choice that is right for you. I think that it is safe to say that we all wish you all the best.
danez71
Member
Mandabear
Me and my wife have been together for 20 yrs now. When we 1st met, she wasnt anti gun but was visably nervous around them and for the most part, didnt think any but cops should have guns but understood and accepted the 2A. She knew I had a couple at the time. Accepted it. But didnt embrace it... and again, visably a little nervous if I ever took one out of the safe.
Personally, I think you do have a pretty good take on guns. You have your opinions and you are also willing and able to be open. And I comend you on searching for info/fact rather than blindly making a less-fence-sitting opinion.
Your fiance needs to be a little more like you. Open. Willing to discuss.
My wife now has a concealed weapons permit. She doesnt carry... well, rarely. She does know how to shoot; now. Guns arent really her thing. And I'm fine with that. But she'd use one if she needed to and occassionaly just for fun.
We were both open and accepting.
Keep going down your path. You'll be fine.
Me and my wife have been together for 20 yrs now. When we 1st met, she wasnt anti gun but was visably nervous around them and for the most part, didnt think any but cops should have guns but understood and accepted the 2A. She knew I had a couple at the time. Accepted it. But didnt embrace it... and again, visably a little nervous if I ever took one out of the safe.
Personally, I think you do have a pretty good take on guns. You have your opinions and you are also willing and able to be open. And I comend you on searching for info/fact rather than blindly making a less-fence-sitting opinion.
Your fiance needs to be a little more like you. Open. Willing to discuss.
My wife now has a concealed weapons permit. She doesnt carry... well, rarely. She does know how to shoot; now. Guns arent really her thing. And I'm fine with that. But she'd use one if she needed to and occassionaly just for fun.
We were both open and accepting.
Keep going down your path. You'll be fine.
BullfrogKen
Moderator Emeritus
Sambo, to be fair that's like a white kid from Boston in the 60's asking a black person from Birmingham why a black person in the south would make such a big deal giving up a seat on a bus.
She has no context why the fight matters.
It's a little presumptions for gunnies involved in the civil rights movement over guns to expect a non-gunnie to feel the emotion of the fight, let alone even have an opinion yet.
It's a real art to get someone who doesn't own a gun, and never really thought about the issue of gun rights, to see your point of view. The fact she's neutral on the matter speaks a lot to her character given the anti-gun sentiment of pop-culture.
She has no context why the fight matters.
It's a little presumptions for gunnies involved in the civil rights movement over guns to expect a non-gunnie to feel the emotion of the fight, let alone even have an opinion yet.
It's a real art to get someone who doesn't own a gun, and never really thought about the issue of gun rights, to see your point of view. The fact she's neutral on the matter speaks a lot to her character given the anti-gun sentiment of pop-culture.
miller.lyte
Member
Manda,
since this thread has largely been very informative and respectful towards you and your fiance, perhaps you may want to show him this thread so he can see for himself where you and other gun enthusiasts really stand. That may give him some perspective he may not get elsewhere.
Just a thought. Good luck to you both.
since this thread has largely been very informative and respectful towards you and your fiance, perhaps you may want to show him this thread so he can see for himself where you and other gun enthusiasts really stand. That may give him some perspective he may not get elsewhere.
Just a thought. Good luck to you both.
It's more than a 2nd Amendment issue. Allowing them to infringe on our Second Amendment rights allows them to infringe on nearly everything else.
When we are young and passionate, it's easy to have a knee jerk reaction to the world around us. In a way, that reaction helps us feel more secure in an uncertain world. It's not always right, it's not always the best way to handle things but it's what humans do.
He has a right to his feelings. You are not responsible for those feelings, nor does he have the right to act on those feelings especially in an inappropriate way. That said, if you love him, think about how you would want him to respond if the situation were reversed and apply that to your choices.
When I was 22, I passionately loved my liberties and freedoms and I too had my knee jerk moments. The passion isn't any less but now I try to act rather than react and I've gotten much better at it. But it's taken decades of practice and I still don't always get it right. Fortunately, I have a loving and caring wife who accepts me the way I am, yet still see the good in me.
Take time to study the issue and develop your own testimony of what our liberties mean to you, to your future progeny and the future of our nation. Tell your fiance that you need to do this and that you must own the answers you find.
You're a smart, discerning woman. You'll uncover the truth
When we are young and passionate, it's easy to have a knee jerk reaction to the world around us. In a way, that reaction helps us feel more secure in an uncertain world. It's not always right, it's not always the best way to handle things but it's what humans do.
He has a right to his feelings. You are not responsible for those feelings, nor does he have the right to act on those feelings especially in an inappropriate way. That said, if you love him, think about how you would want him to respond if the situation were reversed and apply that to your choices.
When I was 22, I passionately loved my liberties and freedoms and I too had my knee jerk moments. The passion isn't any less but now I try to act rather than react and I've gotten much better at it. But it's taken decades of practice and I still don't always get it right. Fortunately, I have a loving and caring wife who accepts me the way I am, yet still see the good in me.
Take time to study the issue and develop your own testimony of what our liberties mean to you, to your future progeny and the future of our nation. Tell your fiance that you need to do this and that you must own the answers you find.
You're a smart, discerning woman. You'll uncover the truth
larryh1108
Member
These are your words. It was what I was thinking in your original post. You have to consider many things, going forward.
He and/or his family may be of the kind of people that feel either you are on "their side" or you are "the enemy". This goes way deeper than the gun debate.
You will come upon many issues in your relationship.... who you will vote for, abortion, religion, how to raise children, and many other topics that are touchy and personal. Some people, male and female, feel that their partner has to feel the same way about something or they are a traitor. It's called control. Some people have to control. If this type of "opinion" goes further than the gun discussion then you have to ask yourself if you wish to be married to a person who has to control how you act, think and feel or if you are "on his side". The fact that his family is as strong-minded as he is tells me he grew up in an environment like this. Just be wary. I see red flags all over the place.
BluesDancer
Member
- Joined
- Oct 19, 2009
- Messages
- 146
Very good point Mandabear. I really couldn't have said that better myself! In my opinion one of the real problems in this country. You can have different views than another person on the same "side"; unfortunately, many don't see it that way. Or, many don't want to see it that way.
The ability to be a free thinker is one of the great things about this country. The ability to figure out what you believe, what you value, having opinions about issues of importance (economic, social, political) and being able to clearly define how you arrived at those opinions based on beliefs/values/logic, etc is a wonderful element of a free society.
Unfortunately I think too many people have opinions but couldn't give you a good argument why or even how they came to that opinion. Hardly in line with the whole idea of an "informed populace" as a basic tenet of our republic. As Ben Carson said, to educate is to liberate...
FROGO207
Member
Mandabear
Welcome to our corner of the world.
I am sure that it took a lot of courage to hit submit reply on that first post--for that I commend you.
After seeing the things that happened in Boston this afternoon it has to be even more obvious that the individual is absolutely responsible for their own well being and personal protection. I want every tool I can obtain to allow this to happen. I also want you to have that same choice if you so desire. That is why I support the 2ND amendment and try to stop all further infringements to it always! I am sure a free thinking person, as you seem to be will draw your own conclusions and support what you believe to be the best answer---or for that matter blend of answers.
It seems all decisions based on emotions end up being poor at best. The anti's are good at that.
Welcome to our corner of the world.
I am sure that it took a lot of courage to hit submit reply on that first post--for that I commend you.
After seeing the things that happened in Boston this afternoon it has to be even more obvious that the individual is absolutely responsible for their own well being and personal protection. I want every tool I can obtain to allow this to happen. I also want you to have that same choice if you so desire. That is why I support the 2ND amendment and try to stop all further infringements to it always! I am sure a free thinking person, as you seem to be will draw your own conclusions and support what you believe to be the best answer---or for that matter blend of answers.
It seems all decisions based on emotions end up being poor at best. The anti's are good at that.
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Indifferent
Member
I don't if anyone else said this, but I think its awesome you are going the distance and searching for yourself and for answers, even if they are or are not of the same opinion I am.
JTHunter
Member
Hello Mandabear and welcome to THR.
Good for you in your search for information. Remember - "Knowledge Is Power."
So "enlighten" yourself.
Here is one point for you to consider. Many people moan about how the Second Amendment wasn't meant to cover fully-automatic machine guns (true "assault rifles") or even the semi-auto rifles like the Ruger 10/22 and the AR-15 style of weapons. The Second Amendment's wording is a little ambiguous and for good reason. It states "to Keep and Bear Arms" without specifying what they meant by "arms". The writers were smart enough that, with technological advances, "arms" would change over time.
Their concern was that "We the People" would be on a par with the government (we no longer are) considering the battles for independance they had just fought. They didn't want a government to become so powerful that it could put "We the People" back into subservience and slavery. They wanted the people to be a "free" people and to do that, "the People" MUST be able to defend themselves.
Self-defense is one of the most basic tenets of Life. All organisms fight to defend themselves and Humans are no different in that respect. Our over-riding difference is that we can choose to give up our lives to defend someone OR something else, be it a place, another person, or an idea. (Think about what YOU would do if someone was trying to hurt you child.)
You may never have to USE a gun to defend yourself but, as I said earlier - "Knowledge Is Power" - at least you will have the ability should the need arise.
There are other forums where you can find more information as well as other opinions. These include: OpenCarry.org; GunRightsMedia.com; and Gunsnet.net. Good luck in your quest for "knowlege".
Good for you in your search for information. Remember - "Knowledge Is Power."
So "enlighten" yourself.
Here is one point for you to consider. Many people moan about how the Second Amendment wasn't meant to cover fully-automatic machine guns (true "assault rifles") or even the semi-auto rifles like the Ruger 10/22 and the AR-15 style of weapons. The Second Amendment's wording is a little ambiguous and for good reason. It states "to Keep and Bear Arms" without specifying what they meant by "arms". The writers were smart enough that, with technological advances, "arms" would change over time.
Their concern was that "We the People" would be on a par with the government (we no longer are) considering the battles for independance they had just fought. They didn't want a government to become so powerful that it could put "We the People" back into subservience and slavery. They wanted the people to be a "free" people and to do that, "the People" MUST be able to defend themselves.
Self-defense is one of the most basic tenets of Life. All organisms fight to defend themselves and Humans are no different in that respect. Our over-riding difference is that we can choose to give up our lives to defend someone OR something else, be it a place, another person, or an idea. (Think about what YOU would do if someone was trying to hurt you child.)
You may never have to USE a gun to defend yourself but, as I said earlier - "Knowledge Is Power" - at least you will have the ability should the need arise.
There are other forums where you can find more information as well as other opinions. These include: OpenCarry.org; GunRightsMedia.com; and Gunsnet.net. Good luck in your quest for "knowlege".
justice06rr
Member
Welcome to THR and glad you found this site for advice.
It defitely seems you have a good grasp on things and have a very level-headed approach to the issue. Many issues can be very sensitive, like politics, religion, and guns. its actually a good thing that this came up now so you can get yourself informed and decide for yourself where you stand. You are still young and impressionable, and from what you already posted regarding the issue of guns, it seems you are on the right track.
Good luck in your continued search regarding the 2nd Amendement.
Something to think about regarding the subject: do you rather have a gun or a bat to defend yourself and your family if that burglar breaks into your house at night?
It defitely seems you have a good grasp on things and have a very level-headed approach to the issue. Many issues can be very sensitive, like politics, religion, and guns. its actually a good thing that this came up now so you can get yourself informed and decide for yourself where you stand. You are still young and impressionable, and from what you already posted regarding the issue of guns, it seems you are on the right track.
Good luck in your continued search regarding the 2nd Amendement.
Something to think about regarding the subject: do you rather have a gun or a bat to defend yourself and your family if that burglar breaks into your house at night?
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