pendentive,
All requirements can be met with almost any pistol that has a safety. In particular I'm thinking of the Para Ordnance LDA line of guns:
Manual Safety, Grip Safety, carried with a full magazine and nothing in the chamber. The manual safety can be engaged whether or not the gun is cocked. The slide can not be retracted to charge the pistol if the manual safety is engaged.
1. Release the safety.
2. Rack & release the slide.
3. To boom or not to boom (presuming you have a firm enough grip and your finger near or on the trigger).
Here's an example in .45ACP that shows the manual safety, grip safety, and slide release side of the pistol:
HERE
No fooling around with empty charge holes in the cylinder, no trick triggers
requiring an appropriate holster to avoid accidental discharge when snagged on something in your pocket (Glock comes to mind).
The "Carry" versions are small and powerful. Expensive, too. The LDAs have a very nice trigger pull.
I had a Carry and have a Carry 12. I sold the Carry (6+1 Rnds) and kept the Carry 12 (12+1 Rnds). I'm a big guy and the Carry 12 at 7-inches OA is easy to conceal.
I believe my reasoning on the original LDA selection may have been similar to your own, I wanted to force myself to accomplish two deliberate actions, give myself time to think or reflect on the seriousness of what I was doing before actually pulling the trigger. I also was relatively unfamiliar with the handling of different, available guns designed to include personal defense.
However
I have since come to believe that I am capable of proper employment of a fully charged revolver or pistol with safe and proper gun handling using a gun well designed for my intended purposes (which also include target shooting).
If you really think you don't need to draw and fire, don't. That's the real safety and no gun comes with it. If you're the kind of person who is determined to us a gun only as a last, legal resort, you won't. If you haven't done so already, putting a couple thousands rounds down range will certainly illustrate the deliberate nature of action required to discharge a gun even if it's already in battery.
So, to my mind, that sort of takes the pressure off having a chambered round in a pistol or revolver. At the same time, given good judgement and a reliable gun, why have to go through two actions when having only one might save a life, including your own?
That thought opens up what other posters have already pointed out: small DA revolver, small DA pistol, the P-7 series of "squeeze cockers" (my favorite and probably the safest to carry with "one in the pipe"), and my own suggestion of the Para Ordnance guns, above, can all be carried safely if you are safety conscious.
If you spend time at ranges that rent what you might consider, or if you have friends who'll give you trigger time on this or that, you may narrow the field before purchasing something.
I didn't. I have at least one of each DA revolver, SA/DA revolver, LDA, and P-7s. It's more fun that way.
Spend, shoot, learn...