Mixed Marriage ;-)

Welcome aboard Meesh! If you are in NE Kansas or here abouts (cant tell cause your location is blank) I would be happy to take ya shootin. I will be movin in a couple of weeks to Ohio (columbus area) so same holds true if your close to there.

Can't a female post here without someone hitting on her?

Reminds me of a friend of mine. She's looking at buying guns, her boyfriend is anti-gun and graduated college with an English degree. (On a side note, she has to stand up for him since he's fairly physically weak).

She wants to buy one for personal protection. I'd use the same logic here - if you are out late at night, alone, tell him he might sleep better knowing you're safe.

Don't let your daughter even know you have a gun. I've seen the situation when emotions run high in teenagers...my sister's the same age, I lived with her this past summer in an apartment I shared with her. She stole her ex-boyfriend's gun and I had to take it and return it before she did something stupid. Hiding all of my guns was the smartest thing I did this past summer.

Thanks for the welcome, and thanks all for the advice. And such quick responses! We'll figure it out I'm sure. It's going to take me some time to figure out exactly what I want to own and save the $$ for the safe, the gun, etc. Between now and then he may get more used to the idea. I'm glad I found this forum, been perusing many of the posts and you all seem extremely level headed and full of good advice. Thanks for making a newbie feel comfortable!
Meesh

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Well welcome to THR. I am glad to see somebody going about this the right way. So many people ask "What gun should I get?" Its nice to see somebody do the research, Don't worry he will come around it sounds like you have safety as a fore thought and that is good. Just keep shooting express you intrest in it often and express how fun it could be for both of you to do it together. It may take time but it will happen eventually.

Welcome to THR, Meesh. Nice to see another woman in the crowd. Testosterone fumes here can be overpowering at times, but on the whole it's a great forum Lots of friendly folks, and plenty of knowledge to absorb (I'm a new shooter myself).

I second the previous suggestion of the cornered cat website - for both you and your husband. It's written with women in mind, but the content is suitable for both sexes.

Where in VA are you? I'm in Alexandria.

You could always follow the tried and true tradition of suspending certain activities until you get what you want.

As far as a marriage is concerned, you pretty much hold all the cards in in regards to various aspects of your relationship.

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Umm, that little deal can go either way, depending upon libido levels. In my relationship with the ol lady, I'm the one with that power (holding those cards).

But seriously, if you slowly ease him into it somehow, he'd probably come to love it. In fact, if he's not that brave as it stands, this realization that he can harness and control such power as is in firearms can lead to some confidence, as can just the sense of accomplishment that comes from hitting the target. Slow and easy, suggestions here and there over time - keep working at it.

Ask him this question...

In the event of a home invasion what would you rather have to defend yourself and me with. A gun or a phone?

If he says a gun you're home free.

If he says a phone point out that the average response time for the police to reach a home in your area after a 911 call (assuming he can even make that call in the face of an imminent threat) is <insert time here - call the cops they'll probably tell you>. How much damage can be done in that amount of time?

If he hems and hahs just pull the ole "Don't you love me", ploy.

I second Dr. Tad's method. For a not-so-brave guy, a gun might help him feel more "in power".

Meesh said:

Thanks for the welcome, and thanks all for the advice. And such quick responses! We'll figure it out I'm sure. It's going to take me some time to figure out exactly what I want to own and save the $$ for the safe, the gun, etc. Between now and then he may get more used to the idea. I'm glad I found this forum, been perusing many of the posts and you all seem extremely level headed and full of good advice. Thanks for making a newbie feel comfortable!
Meesh

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Hi Meesh! I'm also a new female shooter. I think that you have the right idea in deciding to learn more first and I had a good time doing so. Still am. I tried many handguns at the range and found people very helpful. You can start taking the different defensive handgun classes for fun (& training of course) too. Once I get more proficient with my gun, that's what I'd like to do.

By then, maybe your husband will start getting used to a gun in the house. If you can, try to get him shooting a .22. I shot a friend's the other day and just laughed, it was so much fun and easier than the 9mm.

Some ranges let you rent a storage locker where you can keep a gun. That might be one way you can own it and not have to keep it in the house. Another might be to rent a storage locker at a storage place and keep it there. If you have a storage locker rental already, that might be a compromise and then keep it in a small safe.

I like the idea of him starting on a 22 LR. Also, if you have a female instructor who has ample assets, you might buy him a few privates. Amazing what men will do and learn to be around attractive women. All kidding aside, a female instructor might work out better as then it isn't a male to male ego thing.

i didn't read the whole thread, so if this mode of thought has already been presented, i apologize for biting off your style..

i'm a very rational thinker. I make decisions based on facts and reason. i push away irrational arguments like sin- have no part in that crap.

if a person won't follow logic, their opinions are void. going along with irrational, ignorant, emotional fears is irresponsible. you two have a responsibility to defend your home and family- if your husband cant take the lead on that, the duty falls to you. as much of a male-chauvanist as i am, I think you might just have to ignore your beloved and get a gun. sounds like he's not wearing the pants in the house anyway (no disrespect intended)- just keep it on your person when it's not in the safe, and you wont have to worry about your daughter (i'll say a prayer for her, as it sounds like she's having problems).

my musings, for what they're worth.

Great advise thus far:
- get him to try .22lr (long rifle) pistols or rifles
- do not be sneaky about it with him
- take full advantage of your membership at the range

The one concern I had is what you said about you're daughter:

We have a 19 year old daughter living at home who is less than stable

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A gun safe is a must have, but a determined person living in the home will be able to defeat most safes (time + opportunity = access). I am not sure what you mean by "less than stable." Is that just a reference to normal teenage awkwardness or does she have some serious mental issues? Could your daughter be the reason your husband doesn't want a gun in the home?

don't jerk his chain

Withholding 'favors' is cheap manipulation, as is trying to make him jealous, and as is using the "don't you love me?" ploy. Jerk his chain and he'll resent it long-term. Wouldn't you?

#shooter advised you to not be sneaky. I would add to that, don't be manipulative either.

Forgiveness might be easier to get than permission, but then it may not be. Bringing a gun into the house without his OK might backfire on you. You have the right to possess firearms, but he has the right to leave you, too.

I agree with the advice to keep shooting at the range. He has no reason to object to that.

He might be more comfortable with a female instructor, but I wouldn't choose her by her "assets" either. That's just more cheap manipulation. I find it a little galling that you're getting so much bad advice in here to jerk your husband around.

Guns may make your husband physically nervous. They used to do that to me, and I've always been pro-gun. Habituation helps. I found that wearing both earplugs and earmuffs helped me a lot. It wasn't so much the recoil as the noise that bothered me.

You haven't told us WHY your husband objects to guns in the house, or what his response has been to the idea of gun safes.

Would your daughter be likely to try to break into a safe?

He shot six rounds and then said his arm hurt and sat the rest out. Our class included a month membership at the range with discounts on gun rentals, ammo and targets, so hopefully he'll try it again.

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If this has been addressed specifically, I apologize. First welcome to THR. Second, what were you and he shooting? There are numerous postings around here of guys taking their wives/girlfriends/little sisters shooting and handing them a snub nosed revolver or some such similiar gun that has lots of recoil for what can be small handed individuals. Try a larger framed 9mm or .22LR. I shoot a CZ P-07 and even the hottest load is easy on my hands. Just my thoughts on this subject. Good luck.

Meesh said:

Hi, new here. My husband and I took a gun safety and handling course followed by a trip to the shooting range. I loved it, he, not so much. I want to continue going and practicing and I am pretty sure I want to purchase a handgun when I feel I can comfortably handle one. Here in VA it's pretty easy to get a permit for concealed carry.

We have a 19 year old daughter living at home who is less than stable, but before I get a gun I intend to have a wall safe installed in our bedroom.

My husband is very much against us owning a gun. Until recently I was also fairly anti-gun but as I see it, if I lived in a country with strict gun laws and where hardly anyone carried a gun, I wouldn't need to carry a gun. But I live in a country where A LOT of people carry guns and a lot of people who want to harm me or my family carry guns.

And I really enjoyed the shooting range and seem to have a bit of a knack for it. I intend to go often and it makes sense for me to have my own gun once I decide which type I prefer (currently I like a revolver).

So, what's a gun-loving chick to do if her husband doesn't want a gun in his home? It is his home too after all, and I can't really see a way to compromise on this -- since I am the one who changed my attitude I kind of think it isn't very fair to him, but then again, I want a gun.

Advice?

Meesh

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We tend to see this question here a lot, but with the genders switched.

Ultimately, it becomes a question about boundaries, respect, and you still being your own person even though you are married, and JUST as entitled to have what you want as he is to have what he wants.

Putting in a wall safe sounds like an excellent comprimise. After that, he just needs to get over it, and he needs to accept you have found a new hobby.

Of course, if he runs out and buys a motorcycle, you'll just have to bite your tongue.

Now, onto one specific part

My husband is very much against us owning a gun. Until recently I was also fairly anti-gun but as I see it, if I lived in a country with strict gun laws and where hardly anyone carried a gun, I wouldn't need to carry a gun. But I live in a country where A LOT of people carry guns and a lot of people who want to harm me or my family carry guns.

Here's the deal. It really doesn't matter how many people carry guns, but the QUALITY of people carrying guns. Obviously if the quantity of guns was important, then a gunshow would be the DEADLIEST place on earth to set foot into.

Truth is, a bunch of honest men carrying guns gives you NOTHING to fear.

Now, on the other hand a SINGLE person with RAPE, MURDER, and MAYHEM on his or her mind, with a gun...that ONE person is a problem.

And we see time and time again, even in the countries with the STRICTIST gun laws, a single person with an illegal gun cuts a huge swath of destruction.

(we also see a single person with RAPE, MURDER, and MAYHEM on his or her mind manages it quite well without a gun. Boxcutters = plane into the twin towers, epidemic of knife violence in the UK. Crazy german goes on a 'school shooting rampage' with a flamethrower he made out of a garden chemical sprayer, Jilted lover plows her SUV into the line outside of a nightclub when her EX and his new girl are there)

Further, as we see in Virginia Tech (where there was a total ban on guns on campus) often the person bent on MAYHEM specifically seeks out an area where, due to laws, there is a very rare chance of the attacker meeting armed resistance. I mean, there is a reason Cho decided to walk into a VT classroom and start shooting rather than walk into the local Police Department and start shooting.

Do make sure it is a safe and not a lock box. Concealing it behind a picture is not going to do much, my 15 year old knows where I stash everything, so the more protective the container the better. Another thing you might want to do is take her shooting. It puts a reality to the power of a firearm, builds respect for what it can do, and will more than likely help you gals bond. So many kids (lets face it she is not a kid to much anymore) see guns in movies and think very little of them, till they shoot one. Revolvers are great but pack a bit of kick. Might consider a 9mm, or a .40, try a few out before you commit. Consider availability more than stopping power at this point, what good is a gun no matter how big a bullet is if you can't practice. Most of all have fun and be safe, hubby will catch on.

Hello Meesh and welcome. There are some who wish to lighten the moment so it doesn't seem so dreary. I'm sure your husband has auto insurance for his car. How many accidents has he been in? Did he know when he woke up and got out of bed that he would be in an accident sometime that day? No he didn't, well a gun is the same as that insurance. You can own one and go your entire life and never have the need to fire it except on the range. Although it is also true that you could buy one today and tomorrow be involved in a life threatening home invasion or an attack on the street somewhere. You never know when that insurance policy is going to pay off.
Go to the Defensive Carry forum and contact Limatunes or Bunny. These are two women who have firearms in their homes. Limatunes has a little one at home and Bunny only became interested in firearms early this year and just passed her NRA Instructor's Course. I'm sure these ladies could help with ideas. Good luck, stay safe

Meesh,

Hold off on the gun purchase until you both are comfortable with the idea. Keep going to the range and do your best to drag him along, maybe a quick 1/2 hour of shooting before dinner, movie or something like that. If he doesn't want to shoot that's fine but if you keep going, I think he'll come around.
I get bored if my wife drags me shopping or someplace where there is nothing to do, but anyplace with an activity and I'm going to jump in or provide top notch support. Maybe you can even get him to reload for you, you said he was handy!

Keep shootin' Thanx, Russ

Akodo: Big round of Applause. Bravo. Bravo!!

Meesh, glad to hear you're interested in firearms & approaching subject in a very thoughtful & rational manner. If you search here on 'wife' you'll get scads of threads on this same topic, just reversing the genders. You may find additional ideas that'll help. Ditto on the corneredcat website - it's a fantastic resource.

I have a couple of kids at home as well. What I've read discussed, and has made me feel the most comfortable, is the plan that there are only two safe places for a firearm: in the safe or in a holster on my body. When you progress to the point of buying your own (and safe), you can start experimenting with holsters & methods of carry w/in your house. No need for a carry permit at this point.

I ride a motorcycle, and I *always* wear a helmet. It's a good analogy for why a rational person might choose to carry a gun. I never *plan* on having an accident; but when the day comes when it becomes really, really clear that I'm about to NEED my helmet, it's far too late to turn around & retrieve it from that shelf on the garage.

Discovering that today is the day when you NEED your gun is the same kinda thing.

Keep an open mind about what sort of gun you'll have. Odds are, you'll wind up moving through two or more makes/models/sizes/calibers as your needs evolve from basic learning, to regular target shooting, to home defense, to perhaps concealed carry.

Enjoy the journey.

I live in houston so looking up crime stats is easy. Don't know where you live but you could look up some stats for your immediate area and show them to him. It is much more effective to find something relevant. Mine was showing my wife that there had been no less than 10 murders and 20 rapes at an apartment complex right behind her favorite Taco Bell. For something like that you need a interactive mapping site.

Here is a free one for Houston http://houstoncrimemaps.com

This one has a pay for more thing and it is eye opening.

http://www.crimehouston.com/

Meesh-

One argument I've had good results with is to point out to fence-sitters that if you are truly against violence in all forms-- and guns, as instruments of violence-- you wouldn't even be willing to call the police. The police, after all, are people with guns.

If you're willing to have gun violence done on your behalf but are not willing to get your hands dirty doing it yourself, that's a simple case of unexamined hypocrisy.

I'm not a plumber, but I'm glad to be able to say I can fix my own toilets and sinks. I like to be self-reliant in repairs of that nature. Owning a gun is simply one step in acquiring the toolset/skillset to become (somewhat) self-reliant in self-defense, which itself is just another dirty job.

There's no logical reason to hold a grudge against the tools involved...

Meesh said:

My husband is very much against us owning a gun. Until recently I was also fairly anti-gun but as I see it, if I lived in a country with strict gun laws and where hardly anyone carried a gun, I wouldn't need to carry a gun. But I live in a country where A LOT of people carry guns and a lot of people who want to harm me or my family carry guns.

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You mean, if you lived in a country with strict gun laws, you would NEED to carry a gun, as there would be more criminals, and more people illegally carrying guns...

also, a .22lr will make him want to play with guns

both of you should visit these 2 websites below, seek the truth and you shall find it.

http://www.a-human-right.com/

http://www.corneredcat.com/