The old Smith & Wesson Model 10 looked over his new batch of recruits, “so all you maggots want to be duty pistols?!?!” He stops to one side of the long row of various alloy and plastic automatics.
“You will all become duty pistols…” the old Smith shouted “you will be sweat on, you will be bled on, you will live in a rough holster, you will be dropped, you will be abused, you will be left unclean for weeks at a time after firing, you will be neglected, unloved and uncared for. You will be subjected to all of this and you will be expected to work 100% of the time. You will not fail, you will not falter, and you will serve your owner and be ready at his beck and call.”
The old smith steps over to a new Sig 226 “You, pretty boy,” the Smith began “you’ve got a lot of slick ads in the magazines, do you think you’re special?”
“No Sir!” The Sig replied keeping his eyes straight forward.
“Do you think you will be loved?!?!” The Smith continued “Maybe you think you will get engraved?!?!”
“No Sir!” The Sig replied.
The Smith diverted his gave over the whole group “Now listen up you grab triggered, malformed pieces of alloy and plastic crap, you will be issued to a man who did not pick you, does not like you and will only carry you because he has to. You will be neglected by the very ones you serve and you will be feared by those on the street. You may have lint, dust and at times even coffee spilled upon you. You will be kept in the crappiest holster the department can afford and you will like it. You will be fed the most foul, malfunctioning, crap ammo that this fine nation or subsidiary can produce at the cheapest labor using the cheapest material and you will eat every, single, stinking, round and you will ask for more.”
The Smith eyeballed a new Glock 17, “you will not rust, you will not falter, you will not ask for much and you will received less than you ask for. DO YOU MAGGOTS UNDERSTAND ME?!?!?”
“Yes Sir!!!” The pistols replied.
“You maggots will have the luxury of experiencing first hand what collector’s pistols only read about!” The Smith warned “you will not be pampered and kept in a safe. You will not be named, you will not be wiped down and you will not be lovingly cleaned or shown off. Your best friends will be a disposable can of mace and an overworked and cranky baton.”
The Smith turned his attention towards a Smith & Wesson automatic “You there, you think you’re a Smith, do you think you’re like me?!?!”
“No Sir” The Smith Auto replied.
“Dang straight” the old Smith replied “but you will be, you will be used, you will be abused and you will be sold at a discount or melted down as the thanks for years of faithful service. You will be the stuff of gun-lore and be depicted in magazines next to expensive folders no cop could ever afford. Yet it will not be you, it will be some sexy 1911 that is TRYING to live up to the reputation you will have set forth as duty weapons. Do not be confused, you will do the work and THEY will get the glory.”
The old Smith then stood before all of them. “Good luck! Dismissed!”
“You will all become duty pistols…” the old Smith shouted “you will be sweat on, you will be bled on, you will live in a rough holster, you will be dropped, you will be abused, you will be left unclean for weeks at a time after firing, you will be neglected, unloved and uncared for. You will be subjected to all of this and you will be expected to work 100% of the time. You will not fail, you will not falter, and you will serve your owner and be ready at his beck and call.”
The old smith steps over to a new Sig 226 “You, pretty boy,” the Smith began “you’ve got a lot of slick ads in the magazines, do you think you’re special?”
“No Sir!” The Sig replied keeping his eyes straight forward.
“Do you think you will be loved?!?!” The Smith continued “Maybe you think you will get engraved?!?!”
“No Sir!” The Sig replied.
The Smith diverted his gave over the whole group “Now listen up you grab triggered, malformed pieces of alloy and plastic crap, you will be issued to a man who did not pick you, does not like you and will only carry you because he has to. You will be neglected by the very ones you serve and you will be feared by those on the street. You may have lint, dust and at times even coffee spilled upon you. You will be kept in the crappiest holster the department can afford and you will like it. You will be fed the most foul, malfunctioning, crap ammo that this fine nation or subsidiary can produce at the cheapest labor using the cheapest material and you will eat every, single, stinking, round and you will ask for more.”
The Smith eyeballed a new Glock 17, “you will not rust, you will not falter, you will not ask for much and you will received less than you ask for. DO YOU MAGGOTS UNDERSTAND ME?!?!?”
“Yes Sir!!!” The pistols replied.
“You maggots will have the luxury of experiencing first hand what collector’s pistols only read about!” The Smith warned “you will not be pampered and kept in a safe. You will not be named, you will not be wiped down and you will not be lovingly cleaned or shown off. Your best friends will be a disposable can of mace and an overworked and cranky baton.”
The Smith turned his attention towards a Smith & Wesson automatic “You there, you think you’re a Smith, do you think you’re like me?!?!”
“No Sir” The Smith Auto replied.
“Dang straight” the old Smith replied “but you will be, you will be used, you will be abused and you will be sold at a discount or melted down as the thanks for years of faithful service. You will be the stuff of gun-lore and be depicted in magazines next to expensive folders no cop could ever afford. Yet it will not be you, it will be some sexy 1911 that is TRYING to live up to the reputation you will have set forth as duty weapons. Do not be confused, you will do the work and THEY will get the glory.”
The old Smith then stood before all of them. “Good luck! Dismissed!”
