Allright everyone, here it is.

Status
Not open for further replies.
Joined
Nov 19, 2007
Messages
30
Location
Land O' Lakes, Fl.
Here is my essay that I used a lot of YOUR information to write. thanks so much for all of it, and if anyone has anything I could add, or something I should take out, or if I said something wrong or rediculous, let me know!

Picture this: It’s 1776, and you and your fellow country men have had it up to your foreheads with the way your country is being run. Your tyrannical king has imposed unfair taxes on you without representation in the government, forced you to house troops that are working against you, and has made it illegal to do anything about it. That’s just to name a few grievances of the colonial men. So what do you do? You declare a Revolutionary War, because when government is governing without the consent of the governed, the people should have every right, and even an obligation, to rebel, according to one of our founding fathers, John Locke. Flash forward to 1787, when the Constitution was ratified by all states, giving a basis for the structure of our government, and rights to the people, including the Second Amendment; the right to keep and bear arms. Since that time, there have been many laws and acts passed that seem to infringe that right, such as the National Firearms Act of 1939, the Gun Control Act of 1968, and the Assault Weapons Ban passed in late 1994. Our Second Amendment has many purposes, making it incredibly important to our nation, and it is not to be tampered with.
When our founding fathers wrote the Constitution and Bill of Rights, they had a particular purpose for the Second Amendment. The reason for their rebellion was their unfair treatment by their own government. King George III made it illegal for anyone to bear arms against parliament, or oppose the government in any fashion. Our founding fathers were not about to let our developing country become what they so desperately struggled--and almost failed-- to get away from. The Second Amendment allows the people to rise up against the government in times of tyranny, and puts the government at the will of the people, not vice versa. Thomas Jefferson wrote “It is [the peoples’] right and duty to be at all times armed.” Also, former Supreme Court Justice Joseph Story, appointed by James Madison, wrote, “The right of the citizens to keep and bear arms has justly been considered as the palladium of the liberties of a republic; since it offers a strong moral check against the usurpation and arbitrary power of rulers; and will generally, even if these are successful in the first instance, enable the people to resist and triumph over them.” The Second Amendment is crucial to our nation if we expect to keep and exercise all of our other inalienable rights.
Many people think that a break-in, robbery, or other violent crime will never happen to them. True, it may not, but what if did? How could you defend yourself against a criminal, most likely armed, especially if you are a smaller person, woman, or an elderly or disabled citizen? By exercising your Second Amendment right, you stand a much better chance against an assailant. Criminals prey on the weak. They would most likely never try to commit a crime against a person who they knew owned and carried a firearm. Statistics can even prove that. According to “Morgan Quitno Press: State and City Ranking Publications,” Vermont has been ranked within the top five from 1994 to 2003 for the state with the lowest crime rate. Maine also falls within this category, as well as Montana, Idaho, and Wyoming being in the top ten. These states are also “open carry” states, according to www.opencarry.org, meaning that residents may open carry with or without a license, depending on the state’s jurisdiction. Washington DC, where guns are pretty much banned altogether, has an overall crime rate of 1,371.2 per 100,000 inhabitants, while Vermont has an overall rate of 112 per 100,000 inhabitants, according to www.infoplease.com. Apparently, guns help bring down crime rates. They are major deterrents for criminals and attacks on innocent citizens. These are just some of the many statistics that help prove another reason why our Second Amendment is so important to the people in our nation.
I can tell you from personal experience that shooting firearms is a fun and enjoyable experience. I know several people who make firearm sports a major event in their family. It is a sport that many people engage in, and there is a plethora of activities that people use firearms for, including hunting, target shooting, and skeet shooting. According to www.amfire.com, updated in
2007, 30-35 million Americans own firearms, and there are 15,343,300 paid hunting license holders, bringing in a total revenue of $525,753,481 for conservation. According to www.nra.org, there are millions of paid members, covering a diverse range of people of all ages, sexes, races, and religions. Through the National Rifle Association, those same millions of people participate in a variety of shooting activities. Millions of people use firearms for recreation as well as serious competition. In America, the Second Amendment protects a way of life for many citizens.
Our founding fathers knew what they were doing they created the Bill of Rights to our Constitution. Whether or not they knew the other effects that would come along with the Second Amendment than originally intended doesn’t matter. What does matter is that we have the ability to exercise our rights, and it allows Americans to feel safe, not only from criminals, but our own government, and gives many of us a hobby, or even a career. The Second Amendment is necessary for the survival of our country as a democratic republic, the people in it, and certain ways of life, and must not be infringed.
 
according to one of our founding fathers, John Locke.

John Locke was an English philosopher whose ideas had a profound influence on our Founding Fathers, but he isn't normally counted as being one of them since he died in 1704, well before the American Revolution. Alexander Hamilton, James Madison and Thomas Jefferson were some of the Founding Fathers who were most influenced by Locke and Voltaire.

I'll read through your essay and offer other comments as time permits.

ETA:

Your statement would be more correct if you simply left out "one of our founding fathers".
 
John Locke was an English philosopher whose ideas had a profound influence on our Founding Fathers, but he isn't normally counted as being one of them since he died in 1704, well before the American Revolution. Alexander Hamilton, James Madison and Thomas Jefferson were some of the Founding Fathers who were most influenced by Locke and Voltaire.

i'll inform my history teacher about her terminology, and change the eassay accordingly.:)
 
Flash forward to 1787, when the Constitution was ratified by all states, giving a basis for the structure of our government, and rights to the people, including the Second Amendment.

The Constitution was adopted by a convention of the states in 1787, and was ratified 1787-1788. The Bill of Rights (the first 10 amendments to the constitution), containing the 2nd amendment, was proposed by the first congress in 1789, with ratification completed by the states in 1791.
 
your essay is very good

rediculous is spelled ridiculous though, you may want to use a spell check before you give it to your teacher.
Thank you for visiting thr, I wish more young people would be as interested
in the truth.
 
gunsmith, Thanks, I had "tried" the thread search, but c*** in, c*** out, you know!:confused:

dredwinggirl13, great effort. There are some quality historians here as well as grammarians. If these guys can't help you, they sure won't hurt you! Good luck!:D
 
elrod

Another trick you can use is search by member.

Since she has very few posts, a search for just her posts would get you there quickly.

Useful when you're trying to determine what kind of background might lead to something a member is posting.

:)
 
Nice essay!

Shorter paragraphs with space between them would help in reading.

Run a spell check on it, and it's good to go!
 
A few minor changes, for grammar and flow:

Picture this: It’s 1776, and you and your fellow countrymen have had it up to your foreheads with the way your country is being governed. Your tyrannical king has imposed unfair taxes on you without representation in the government, forced you to house troops that are working against you, and has made it illegal to do anything about the situation. These are but a few grievances of the American colonists. So, what do you do? You declare a Revolutionary War, because when government is governing without the consent of its people, those people should have every right, and even an obligation, to rebel, according to one of our founding fathers, John Locke. Fast-forward to 1788, when the Constitution was ratified by all states, giving a basis for the structure of our government, and laying the groundwork for the Bill of Rights, including the Second Amendment; the right to keep and bear arms. Since that time, there have been many laws and acts passed that seem to infringe that right, such as the National Firearms Act of 1934, the Gun Control Act of 1968, and the Assault Weapons Ban passed in late 1994. Our Second Amendment has many purposes, making it incredibly important to our nation, and it is not to be tampered with.

When our Founding Fathers wrote the Constitution and Bill of Rights, they had a particular purpose for the Second Amendment. The reason for their rebellion was unfair treatment by the government forced upon them. King George III made it illegal for anyone to bear arms against Parliament, or oppose the government in any fashion. Our Founding Fathers were not about to let our developing country become like the one they so desperately struggled against, an endeavor which was nearly unsuccessful . The Second Amendment allows the people to rise up against the government in times of tyranny, and ensures the government serves at the will of the people, not vice versa. Thomas Jefferson wrote “It is [the peoples’] right and duty to be at all times armed.” Also, former Supreme Court Justice Joseph Story, appointed by President James Madison, wrote, “The right of the citizens to keep and bear arms has justly been considered as the palladium of the liberties of a republic; since it offers a strong moral check against the usurpation and arbitrary power of rulers; and will generally, even if these are successful in the first instance, enable the people to resist and triumph over them.” The Second Amendment is crucial to our nation if we expect the freedom to exercise our other inalienable rights.

Many people think that a break-in, robbery, or other violent crime will never happen to them. But what if it did? How could you defend yourself against a criminal, most likely armed, especially if you are a smaller person, woman, or an elderly or disabled citizen? By exercising your Second Amendment right, you stand a much better chance against an assailant. Criminals prey on the weak. They would most likely never try to commit a crime against a person who they knew owned and carried a firearm. Statistics offer proof to this argument. According to “Morgan Quitno Press: State and City Ranking Publications,” Vermont has been ranked within the top five from 1994 to 2003 for the state with the lowest crime rate. Maine also falls within this category. Montana, Idaho, and Wyoming are also in the top ten. These states are all “open carry” states, according to www.opencarry.org, meaning that residents may open carry with or without a license, depending on the state’s jurisdiction. Washington DC, where guns are more or less banned altogether, has an overall crime rate of 1,371.2 per 100,000 inhabitants, while Vermont has an overall rate of 112 per 100,000 inhabitants, according to www.infoplease.com. Arguably, guns help bring down crime rates. They are major deterrents for criminals and attacks on innocent citizens. These are just some of the many statistics that help prove another reason why our Second Amendment is so important to the people in our nation.

I can tell you from personal experience that shooting firearms is a fun and enjoyable experience. I know several people who make firearm sports a major event in their family. It is a sport that many people engage in, and there is a plethora of activities that people use firearms for, including hunting, target shooting, and skeet shooting. According to www.amfire.com, updated in
2007, 30-35 million Americans own firearms, and there are 15,343,300 paid hunting license holders, bringing in a total revenue of $525,753,481 for conservation. According to www.nra.org, there are millions of paid members, covering a diverse range of people of all ages, sexes, races, and religions. Through the National Rifle Association, those same millions of people participate in a variety of shooting activities. Millions of people use firearms for recreation as well as serious competition. In America, the Second Amendment protects a way of life for many citizens.

Our Founding Fathers knew what they were doing when they created the Bill of Rights to our Constitution. Whether or not they knew the ancillary effects that would come along with the Second Amendment other than originally intended doesn’t matter. What does matter is that we have the ability to exercise our rights, and it allows Americans to feel safe, not only from criminals, but from our own government, and gives many of us a hobby, or even a career. The Second Amendment is necessary for the survival of our Nation as a democratic republic, her people, and certain ways of life, and must not be infringed.
 
One thing that popped out at me was the overuse of the phrase "according to" when referring to websites. Try phrases like "as cited by", "states", or "claims". (However, "claims" has a somewhat negative connotation, so that should be reserved for when you want to slightly undermine the subjects credibility... i.e. save it for any "claims" made by Sarah Brady)


May I inquire as to what grade level this essay is for?

ETA: I just realized the 13 in your SN.. If that's your age, than this essay is fan-freaking-tastic! I assumed it was a junior or senior level high school assignment!
 
Previous Post

For pertinent personal details, see this post.

She's 18, but still not clear on the grade level.

Good to see the lady getting an early start on the finer things in life.

Welcome, dredwinggirl13, glad you're here.
 
I'm 18, and in the 12th grade. This is for my AP US gov class.

Thanks for all your input thus far, I'll change the essay accordingly. It does not go unappreciated. :D
 
I'm going to suggest a couple of additions to your first paragraph dredwinggirl that gets real specific on actions that demanded a 2nd amendment (if I may be so bold)
Picture this: It’s 1776, and you and your fellow country men have had it up to your foreheads with the way your country is being run. Your tyrannical king has imposed unfair taxes on you without representation in the government, forced you to house troops that are working against you, and has made it illegal to do anything about it.[The previous year on April 19, 1775, the Kings men marched on Lexington and Concord with the express purpose of disarming the colonials in those towns. Shots were fired as they did in fact take powder and arms from local storage warehouses. Later that year, they refused to let colonial citizens leave Boston town which lay in seige, without first turning over their weaponry and then refused to allow the now disarmed citizens egress.] That’s just to name a few grievances of the colonial men. So what do you do? You declare a Revolutionary War, because when government is governing without the consent of the governed, the people should have every right, and even an obligation, to rebel, according to one of our founding fathers, John Locke. Flash forward to 1787, when the Constitution was ratified by all states, giving a basis for the structure of our government, and rights to the people, including the Second Amendment; the right to keep and bear arms. Since that time, there have been many laws and acts passed that seem to infringe that right, such as the National Firearms Act of 1939, the Gun Control Act of 1968, and the Assault Weapons Ban passed in late 1994. Our Second Amendment has many purposes, making it incredibly important to our nation, and it is not to be tampered with.
There was a very specific reason for the 2nd amendment. Lives were lost on both sides. Warfare resulted over governmental disarmament of the populace. Never let anyone forget that very important fact. Ever! This is the night of the historic Paul Revere ride "To Arms, to Arms, the British are coming!"
 
Here's another thought...
So what do you do? You declare [Independence from that Government, resulting in] a Revolutionary War,...
Excellent writing. Clean up, edit and maybe resubmit for our reading pleasure. Hopefully your work will result in other student's learning facts they've never been exposed to during their time in public schools.
 
Wow...I just got a school lesson. I wish I would have listen more back when I was in skewl.
I do know many of the basic, but not most of the IMPORTANT details.
 
Nicely written. Appears you might be a recent convert, glad to see it - don't forget to tell your friends.

I did notice you used 'experience" twice in one sentence, you could probably lose the second one. ONe thing I have noticed over the years is that when someone is presenting in an "informative" manner; that the better ones use a basic format of: tell them what you're going to tell them, tell them, tell them what you told them.
might not work for this essay, but I have seen it used in many venues as an underlying guide.

Also I don't hink I saw any mention of Homer Simpson.

“guns are for family protection, hunting dangerous or delicious animals and keeping the King of England out of you face”

HJ Simpson
 
dredwinggirl,with regards to the part in your essay where you say

"Many people think that a break-in, robbery, or other violent crime will never happen to them. True, it may not, but what if did? How could you defend yourself against a criminal, most likely armed, especially if you are a smaller person, woman, or an elderly or disabled citizen? By exercising your Second Amendment right, you stand a much better chance against an assailant. Criminals prey on the weak"

Take a look at the following blog.you may want to use some of the phrasing to accentuate that particular point.

http://munchkinwrangler.blogspot.com/2007/03/why-gun-is-civilization.html

Very well written essay regardless...;)
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top