Divorce and guns

[Tony50ae]

Well here shortly will be filing for divorce. The soon to be ex moved out awhile ago. Caught her cheating and she basically wanted out. So Christmas kinda sucked. Now the guns are all mine and she is being fair overall with me keeping the house and stuff. At least that's a plus. Now this post has to do with a particular gun that was a Christmas present a couple years ago from her. She hid it from me until Christmas morning as we opened the other presents Christmas eve. It was a nice surprise! It was a brand new mini 14 that I wanted.

Time passed and we were busy, including buying a house this past year. So I never did get to shoot it. After all the drama happened I kinda lost interest in my guns for obvious reasons. Well a few months ago I got to shoot it at a friends house. Man it shot great with no hiccups and accuracy was good. I even used my 20 round magazines I bought to test them out. Perfect. So what's the problem? Well obviously the gun is tied to a happier time and to my wife. When I pull it out the safe it reminds me of that Christmas morning.
I wouldn't get rid of the rifle because of that, but wonder if anyone else here has had similar instances.

Also have a cowboy holster for my Ruger New Vaquero that she bought me for Valentine's day three years ago. I love it but same problem. I'm sure after a time it won't bring up those memories. Anyone else have any stories?


UPDATE! After all the replies I got, I have decided to keep the rifle. I really like it and even though right now the memory is painful, it was a gift given to me in a happier time. Thanks everyone for the replies, advice, and sympathy!

 

[mljdeckard]

Elton John was what I loved to listen to with my ex. I still love Elton John.

 

[EmbarkChief]

I hear you, I went through the Big "D" about 5 years ago. Kept all my firearms but one. A mint condition P7 PSP with brand new tritium sights. I had given it to her as a birthday present and figured she should keep it as she was about to be a single gal once again. I sure wish I had that pistol now, can't bring myself to pay what they are bringing these days to replace it. I did leave a standing offer to buy it back from her if she ever wanted to get rid of it.

 

[coyote315]

that sucks.

I know this barely compares, and I'll preface it with condolences for the end of your marriage. So, I hope this helps and i only offer it because you asked:
I went (back) to Iraq (again... these wars take FOREVER) and my well-intentioned young wife let my dog's heart worm medicine lapse for a couple months, not realizing the importance. Fast forward 6 months and I am home safe but, have to put my beloved pet down. Used my favorite carry .22magnum.
Bad idea.
Had to sell the pistol. After that it was forever linked to Stitch, and that sad event. Used the money to try out something new, a cathartic way to turn the old into a new start.

On a related note, I had an awesome rifle hand-built for me by a famous maker to specific (military replica) specs of my duty weapon. Found that after so many tours, it now took all the fun out of deer hunting to use it, clean it, hear it, etc... so, i "sold" it to a close friend who is basically holding it for me in case, as old men, I can enjoy it again and sell it back to me. Until then, he hunts with it and I enjoy my non-military 7400.

Either of those might inspire an option for you.

 

[fanchisimo]

While no firearms apply to this, I have a few little things gifted to me from ex's that while not pleasant to look at/use for a while, it eventually passes and you remember it as a happy time, not the unpleasantness that followed. If you start a new relationship, don't tell the new girl that the item was a gift from the old girl.

 

[Ms_Dragon]

I had a .243 at I still get weepy over losing during the "D".

I can only hope it's now in the hands of someone who loved and cherished it as much as I did.

 

[Rembrandt]

Best to place no emotional attachment on firearms.....rather think like "Spock", only in a pure logic and practical manner.

 

[psyopspec]

I went (back) to Iraq (again... these wars take FOREVER)

Always nice to see a fellow veteran of Operation Enduring Operation.

OP, sorry to hear about what you're going through. The decision to keep or get rid of a memento from a relationship is a personal thing that only you can really address. I still own a few reminders of some very tough and heartbreaking times in my life, but the solution for me was to tuck those things away in storage. It's still recent enough that I don't want the reminders laying about, but at the same time I'm not distracted by keeping that stuff. Plus, years from now it's likely to bother me less.

ETA relevant food for thought: I've gone the other way with it too. I like to think of myself as a rational person (who doesn't?). But still sometimes changing one thing for another can help in cases like this. In a tough breakup, I'd saved up the money for an engagement ring from a deployment. Relationship ended, and I had the cash tucked away. My first instinct was to do the totally responsible thing and put into savings. Then the newly single guy in me kicked in, and I took a chunk of it and bought a nice watch. I decided that since I wasn't using the money to buy her jewelry symbolizing love, I'd take care of me and use it to buy my dejected self a reminder that I was a somewhat successful guy with good taste. No regrets. So if you go that route, maybe consider a similar conversion.

 

[Aiko492]

i'm sorry, its a tough time. i am in the middle of one myself. Your heart tells you one thing but i think logic (at least mine) says if it is an emotional hangup-trade it for even another rifle (even the same one lol). A clean break from "stuff" is important, memories are forever but try to keep only the good ones, eject the painful ones.

 

[Gunnerboy]

I just experianced the same sort of thing, i bought alot of guns while being with the significant other and yeah... sold almost my whole gun collection due to memories.

 

[Teachu2]

My ex wanted the horse I had bought, and I wanted the .38 Airweight - and neither of us got what we wanted. When the dust settled, I had to board the horse (and sold it) and she lost the gun in a burglary. Like she needed it for protection - her personality was enough!!!

 

[oldbear]

Tony, I've been through more than my share of divorces, so I think I understand how you are feeling. It's amazing what will trigger an emotion, both good or not so god.

Don't do anything rash, take your time and think everything through before you act. As for the presents your Ex has given you. Let me suggest that you put them aside for the time being then when you are ready take them out and enjoy them for what they are.

Best of luck.

 

[Tony50ae]

Thanks everyone. I had thought about selling the rifle to buy another gun. Especially now as I am sure I could get at the least what was paid for it. But I sure like that rifle! It is accurate and even when you heat up the barrel it still holds point of aim. That thicker barrel helps I am sure. I use to have an older mini that when that barrel got warm, point of arm would change nearly an inch at 50 yards.

We were suppose to go shoot it together but that never happened. But in the end I think I will keep it. We intend to at least remain acquaintances and on decent terms. So the rifle won't be tied to a nasty end to our marriage. And hey, it's not the rifle's fault!

Oh I agree these wars do seem to take forever! I deployed twice in the National Guard for Iraq/Kuwait.

 

[larryh1108]

As a man who has been there, the saying "time heals all wounds" is true. If you really like how it shot, put it away for a few years and when you start to remember the good times instead of the bad, bring it back out. If it didn't shoot exceptionally well or it didn't flip your switch then parting with it is no big deal. However, every now and then you get a gun that just feels right. Keep those. They are hard to find.

 

[USAF_Vet]

Another guy here who went through the "D". We were stationed in Turkey and she decided she wanted to go back home. And so she left, and took 90% (at least) of the household items with her. I never saw a single bit of it again. Stuff from my childhood on up tot he day she left, all of it never to be seen again. I imagine most of it wound up in a yard sale or goodwill or a garbage dump.

It sucks, but what few items I have left from our time together, I still have. Not because they remind me of her, but because they are practical and useful. If you can't separate her from the items, in this case your Mini 14 and a holster, get rid of them and get something to replace them.

The world keeps spinning.

 

[Fremmer]

Put it away for a year, and then take it out, it won't be so bad in a year.

Edited to add: and shoot it with a new hottie, you and that rifle will be just fine!

 

[Onward Allusion]

Man, I feel for you. I went through something similar with the 1st wife, but I ended up selling pretty much my entire collection save for a few collectibles and a few FIE's which I couldn't unload unless it was at a police buy back. Let me tell you something, I regret it to this day. I know it's just one Mini 14 for you, but if you enjoy shooting it, it will bring you happier memories.

 

[doc2rn]

I like to think of it this way, the rifle will bring you far more good memories. Put it away for another day. I often have given Ex's a handgun from my collection, as they are becoming single again. Often times they call and just want to talk, some things remind you of people, and that can be a good thing. I parted with all of them on favorable terms, except one.

 

[rondog]

I wish I could have a "D"......not possible until the grandson we're raising is legal age and on his own.

 

[WinThePennant]

Hmmm... I guess I'm just built different. I never get dewey-eyed over anything related to physical possessions.

 

[Akita1]

I wish I could have a "D"......not possible until the grandson we're raising is legal age and on his own.

Now THAT's funny Rondog. Thanks for lightening the moment - even if it's true…

OP, sorry for your situation - been through it myself and even when people play nice it still sucks. Sometimes it's just necessary. So, tell your guns it's not their fault, that mommy and daddy still love them and give them a great big hug. Then bring them to the range and play. All will pass, and everything will be right with the world again…and you'll still be their daddy no matter what happens. Relationships fail, guns perform.

Or just trade them in and get new ones!

 

[Sheepdog1968]

In 2001 I needed, wanted a very nice lamp for my family room. It was $500. After nine months of restraint and to see if I really wanted it I bought it. Less than a week later I was laid off from a job. It suddenly felt like an expensive purchase when there was no income. I'm looking at this lamp right now and kind of chukel and actually see it as my liberty lamp as I left a bad job and life has been better since. Your memory over the rifle will change over time.

 

[Ehtereon11B]

My ex-fiance bought me a Ruger SR9c for my birthday when I got back from overseas. I bought the firearm from her for $250 because I knew what she did to her previous exes firearms. It involves super glue. It is now my wife's concealed carry. It is perfectly fine to enjoy a weapon given to you by a former significant other. It is better to remember all your range trips anyway.

 

[NavyLCDR]

I only wish I had such problems. My now ex-wife sold a collection of 13 guns (family assets) while we were separated and after she filed for divorce while I was deployed to Iraq to pay the retainer on her pit bull divorce lawyer. But the good news is that I only have 1 year left now on the $3,250/month alimony.

 

[Grassman]

Sell it, fast. That's all I can say.