Dumbest criminals stories.

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real_name

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Here's mine, from today's news.

EAST ST. LOUIS, Ill. (AP) -- A 40-year-old East St. Louis store owner is conscious and talking after being shot in the head during a robbery early Monday.

Police say three men wearing masks went into the man's store and shot him, and then ordered him to open the cash register.

When the man said he couldn't open the register because he couldn't get up, the men allegedly hit him with a weapon and tried to open the register themselves.

When they couldn't get it open, police say they took a large amount of liquor and then fled.

The store owner was found by customers. Police say he is in serious condition at an area hospital.

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That's not dumb, that's just vicious. :fire: Shame someone didn't come in, armed, and get them.

My favorite "dumb criminal" was someone who tried to rob a gun store in S. Florida...with a sharpened screwdriver.
 
I remember a story a little while ago about the guy who tried to rob the bank with a gun, put it down on the counter so he could get the money, and then the teller picked it up and he ran away. :D
 
We had recently a couple of young hoodlums breaking into summer camps and stealing goods. But apparently one of them left his cell phone in one of the cottages. this was their second time caught and were on probations. hope they get a few more years this time around.

Quite a few years ago in anchorage and guy walks into a bank with a note to give him some money. The teller then says " I need to see some ID" he hands it to the teller. the teller then sends the guy out with some money but he didn't ask for the id back and the cops were at his appartment before he even got there.
 
guy either in Olive Branch MS, or Memphis TN (nearly ajoining towns) robbed a bank by writing the stickup note on the back of his welfare check stub... which of course contains name & address. :evil:

dumbest (and unluckiest) criminal i am aware of who is also the first "true darwin award canidate" i ever heard teh story of was the guy who decided to break into a Chruch's chicken inone of the poorer parts of Memphis by climbing onto the roof and dropping down one of the larger of the vent shafts... opening shift found him the next morning, stuck in the vent, dead, with his feet in the fryer. not even the terminally stupid should have to go like that...
kinda ruined business at that chicken place for a while too.
 
location: Brookland section of NE Wash DC
date circa: 1968, end of month


2 or 3 (can't quite remember exactly) bad actors enter Bank.
at lunch hour
a few blocks from the precinct house
on payday
yell this is a stick up
surprise, surprise


Guess they were used to knocking over welfare mommas
 
Buddy of mine is a P&P officer. He had an offender walk in for a monthly visit carrying two pounds of crystal meth in his pockets.
 
There was a convenience store Videotape w/ sound on a TV show once.
Might have even been call "dumbest criminals".

A young inner city kid walks into the convenience store with a .22 rifle,
and tries to hold it up. Half way through demanding the money, he says to the victim, "oh, wait, hold on" and then proceeds to try and jam 9mm
cartridges into his unloaded .22... :neener:
 
My personal favorite was the tale of a burglar that broke into a hardware store by chopping a hole in its roof. He got inside, couldn't get in the safe, then couldn't get out of the building. In his own words, 'because I forgot to have a way to climb back out.'
He's in a HARDWARE STORE. Full of Ladders.
He's in a HARDWARE STORE, full of hammers, with big plate glass windows.
 
My favorite was a story out of the 70's about a gal who owned a liquor store in Dallas. She always wore miniskirts.

One day two gentlemen tried to hold her up, and she reached under her miniskirt, pull two snubbies and shot them both d e a d. Made national news. She was a celebrity "Annie Oakley", la di dah.

The DUMB criminals were the two who came in to rob her less than two months later.

dejavu...


Two more for the meat wagon...
 
My personal favorite is also from the show Dumbest Criminals in which two fellows from Utah were caught counterfieting pennies. Every other day they were depositung thousands of dollars worth of pennies to the same bank. When the Authorities raided the house they rented they found a couple of hundred plastic garbage cans full of pennies.
 
I don't know if this is true...

But I read about a guy that entered a bank, and while casing the interior, wrote his stickup note on the back of a withdrawal slip. As soon as he finished, though, a uniformed policeman walked in, and up to the tellers.

Losing his nerve, the robber left, and decided to rob a different bank, across the street. He handed the stickup note to the teller, demanding all of her money. Noticing that the note was written on the other bank's withdrawal slip, the quick-witted teller said, "Sir, that note's no good here. You have to go to 'XXX' bank, across the street, and hand the note to them."

Grumbling coarsely, the would-be robber left, and walked back to his original target, where he was met by the police... that had been called by the teller in the second bank.
 
Detritus said:
guy either in Olive Branch MS, or Memphis TN (nearly ajoining towns) robbed a bank by writing the stickup note on the back of his welfare check stub... which of course contains name & address.

dumbest (and unluckiest) criminal i am aware of who is also the first "true darwin award canidate" i ever heard teh story of was the guy who decided to break into a Chruch's chicken inone of the poorer parts of Memphis by climbing onto the roof and dropping down one of the larger of the vent shafts... opening shift found him the next morning, stuck in the vent, dead, with his feet in the fryer. not even the terminally stupid should have to go like that...
kinda ruined business at that chicken place for a while too.
Click to expand...

Hey Detritus,

How about changing the name of the city to protect the innocent? It is already hard enough living here!!:D
 
One fellow walked into a gun shop that used to be just down the road from where I currently live. First bad move was to try to kick the owner's collie, the second was to try to pull his pistol out of his hip pocket. By the time he got the pistol displayed, he was in a four-way cross-fire lineup with the owner, two of his hired help, and one of the local LEO's. The collie wanted to emasculate him. I submit for your consideration...
 
we all have Memphis stories...
Click to expand...

esp. when (like me) you come from a family where 70-80% of the family lives within 100 miles of the place.

I go back through there at least once a year for two reasons, it's the first Corky's i run into on the drive East, and we have not yet (and likely won't) been able to persuade my Grandmother to move out of Oakhaven. if only the airport had taken in about a half mile more down winchester.:rolleyes:

BTW wasn't the last dumb crook story out of memphis a woman trying to arrange a hit over mistaking a 5-10 pound block of Queso Blanca cheese for Cocaine??
 
real_name said:
Hypoluxo, we all have Memphis stories...
Click to expand...

Aw, now you guys are piling on. That's not right!

Detritus said:
I go back through there at least once a year for two reasons, it's the first Corky's i run into on the drive East, and we have not yet (and likely won't) been able to persuade my Grandmother to move out of Oakhaven. if only the airport had taken in about a half mile more down winchester.
Click to expand...

Next time you are here, let me take to to a friend's joint on Madison Av in midtown, call the BBQ Shop. So, much good BBQ here, it is hard to pick a favorite.

Detritus said:
BTW wasn't the last dumb crook story out of memphis a woman trying to arrange a hit over mistaking a 5-10 pound block of Queso Blanca cheese for Cocaine??
Click to expand...

Here's the whole story...

An aspiring model wants to go to the kind of modeling school that costs 8 thousand dollars.

She was apparently hanging out at a house where four guys lived. At the house she saw a bunch of bags of white stuff that she thought was cocaine.
She allegedly hatched the brilliant plan to pay a hitman to kill the four guys who live in the house so she could sell the coke to get enough money to go to modeling school.

Unfortunately, the white stuff in the bags was NOT cocaine, it was queso fresco: CHEESE.

And the guy she tried to hire to kill for the cheese was an undercover cop.

So, while we are dogging Memphis' criminals...

Memphis police say brazen drug dealers are behind bars after a sting operation called "Operation Blue Crush". All is quiet at 3293 Rosamond. That's because the alleged gang members who took over the house are in jail. Police say the suspects were so bold they advertised the fact that this was a crack house. When they were open for business, they'd flip an address sign over that read "Crack house."

Anyone looking to relocate?
 
thought i'd been re-named "Operation Blue Crapshoot".... least i remember either the commercial appeal or channel 3 carrying a story about folks criticising the effort as so hit and miss as to be a joke, when i was there in march.

memphis is pretty much THE city that made me decide to look into concealed carry, too many of the places my wife and i like to visit wen up there are in or ajacent to neighborhoods that i'd not want to be in after dark and unarmed. then again as i said my grandmother lives in a neighborhood many consider "unsafe" but i feel comfortable there for some reason.
 
Last year a couple of gangbangers from Atlanta got the bright idea to pull an armed robbery on a small store.

They drove away from Atlanta, to outside of Athens, GA., where they wouldn't be recognized.

They decided to rob a 'Mom & Pop' type grocery store. 'Mom & Pop' were grandparents, and looked like an easy mark.

Gangbanger #1, hit Pop in the head with hit 9mm pistol, and it went off.

Mom pulled her .380 and started shooting. Pop got away from Gangbanger #1 and grabbed his .9mm pistol and started shooting. I don't know what Gangbanger #2 was doing during this.

Gangbanger #1's 9mm jammed as he and Gangbanger #2 took cover behind a freezer.

Mom & Pop kept shooting. The Sheriff of the county said it was 'justifiable homicide.'

Gangbanger #1 and #2 went back to Hotlanta in boxes!!


Dontcha just love it when a plan comes together???
 
My favorite one is where a prison escapee used a pay phone to call directory assistance. Instead of dialing "411", he mistakenly dialed "911" and hung up when the police answered. When a police cruiser came to investigate the hang-up, the guy was still on the pay phone. He ran when he saw the police, so the police chased and caught him. Before they could even ask him why he ran, he admitted to being an escapee.
 
My favorite was a story out of the 70's about a gal who owned a liquor store in Dallas. She always wore miniskirts.

One day two gentlemen tried to hold her up, and she reached under her miniskirt, pull two snubbies and shot them both d e a d. Made national news. She was a celebrity "Annie Oakley", la di dah.
Click to expand...

....why can't I find a woman like that?

I am reminded of a story about a man who tried to hold up a bank teller with a knife.
Problem was, it was a drive through teller...he was on foot...and of course there was that thick pane of glass between them...

Next one I remember is the bad guy walking into a gas station. Brings his gun up to the clerk in 'cool-style' and somehow drops the gun on the counter...then the clerk grabs it and points it at the bg. ^.^
 
I've never seen it. Just seem to recall that as part of the early reports. I remember reading about the incident when it first happened ... maybe in Shooting Times, back when they had a "Dumb Crook Lineup" a few years ago.
 
Another Arkansas story. Owner of a convenience store/gas station/check cashing establishment shows up at about 4:30 AM one day to open up. Two crooks meet him as he exits his truck. One crook has a 9mm and one with a shotgun. "Give us the money!" Owner says "Ok. here it is right here in the truck" whereupon he pulls out a .357 from said truck.

All three open up. Shotgun blast misses. One 9mm round slightly wounds owner. Rounds from .357 seem to be ineffective except that the perps decide global warming has gotten WAY too hot and beat feet. Crook with shotgun is in the lead but very frustrated. Decides to get off one more shot for good measure-over his shoulder. CENTERPUNCHES his buddy just a few feet behind! DRT!

I'm not too sure they are looking too hard for him as he seems to be doing well in chlorinating the gene pool.
 
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