Ever see a relationship decline after talking about guns?

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ShooterMcGavin

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I want to go on record, because I know most of you will make this clear in your response: ...I agree, if she can't stand that I have/carry a gun, I will happily move on.

Have you ever started, or hoped to start, a relationship with a girl, only to have it go downhill quickly when she found out that you own and/or carry a gun/guns??


My story:
I went on a date last weekend. It was a first-date and the first I have ever carried on, and she didn't have the slightest clue that there was a gun in our midst (success :) ) We went out to eat, hugged a few times, and cuddled on the couch for a while (with my full-size M&P40 at my 4 o'clock and her at 3 o'clock). I am very happy that the gun remained out of our minds. I have to add to this story... I don't see a real future with this girl, and I am not concerned about it in the least.

We just got off the phone. She told me that one of her friends was threatened recently, etc., etc. I mentioned that, personally, I think girls should carry pepper spray, a knife, a gun, or whatever they feel comfortable with. She told me that she could not carry a gun; she has shot one but would like to feel more comfortable. I offered to take her to the range. She asked if I have a gun, so I let the cat out of the bag. I told her that I had a gun on me for the whole night when we went out. She couldn't believe it. She gave the usual comments... "why did you have a gun with you?", "do you really think you need it?", "there are worse places to be", "it's West Seattle, it's not that bad". I explained my reasons and she seemed to listen. I explained that I have a license to carry concealed, but I could have done more to explain what that means. I wouldn't label her an "anti" immediately, but she does sound like the fear-propaganda has given her some serious questions about anyone who carries a gun :eek:

She talked about the chances of someone breaking into your house, claiming that it was very unlikely and that a gun would only escalate the situation, etc. I gave her a couple stats about "hot" break-ins and she changed the topic to accidental shootings. She said that the risk was not worth it. I'm guessing she means, the risk of someone being shot because "the gun just went off". I told her that accidental shootings were very rare, considering the frequency of gun-use (both good and bad). She responded, "I don't want to talk about this any more; I feel like we are getting into an argument". I said, "that's fine; I'd be happy to talk about it any time if you want.", and I changed the subject. She then had to get off the phone pretty quickly. I wonder if she still wants to head to the range some time. We'll see :)
 
Oddly enough, I had a conversation with a friend recently. They were under the impression that I felt I needed to go out and find a girlfriend. Which wasn't the point of the conversation. I recently got stationed here, so I don't know many people. I was saying to my friend that I needed to get out and meet people, but I wanted to go do things I enjoy most. When asked what that was, my reply was I absolutely miss shooting. Her reply, "You won't meet a girl at a gun range." Again, not the point I was making, but she did have a point. IF that was my primary goal then I would have a problem. However, once I do end up meeting someone I know the conversation about guns will not be fun. There are a lot of anti gun people in this area.

Wish you luck with your future experiences.
 
It is not just that she is intimidated by guns, its her basic philosophy about her willingness to defend herself. If she is willing to protect herself, that means she is probably willing to protect her loved ones. If this is true, then she would be worth having around. If not, then her philosophy lends itself to being a liability to those who are willing to defend themselves and funny enough... her. The fear of guns is not a big deal, guns are just tools. Given time any body with an indistinct fear of firearms can be brought around. Its the mindset that really counts.
 
The Wife

Many ..many years ago while dating my now wife I went to her apartment for dinner. She asked for my jacket and I thought now is the time. I took off my jacket and she saw my 45 on my hip. She was a little upset at that point so I took it out of the holster and placed it inside a table in the living room. At dinner she began with the normal questions why,how long and when do I carry . I explaned my reasons and after a while the issue was no longer an issue..
By the way she has had a carry permit for many years and is never without her Lady Smith 9mm . I think she is going to upgun to a Kimber 45. Guess thats why we been together for 26 years now ......
 
...chances of someone breaking into your house, claiming that it was very unlikely and that a gun would only escalate the situation, etc.
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I am getting a kick out of this statement. In an example I've used in other threads, I prevented my sister from being raped in our front lawn by two men-- in small town America.

I'm just imagining how her position on escalation would change as she is getting raped by someone who may well be carrying AIDS, Hepatitis C, or a host of other diseases-- and then have to have a rape kit to avoid carrying the rapists child.

Oh, but those things only happen to other people.


People who think like that are what I have always referred to as "Natural Born Victims." My sister is STILL one (Liberal College Professor--but still glad I saved her and approving of how I did.) You don't need that in your life. Over time, she would make you into one as well.


John
 
Well, now is your chance to help her to feel a bit more comfortable about guns and start to refute all that fear propaganda by showing her your a grounded, sensible individual.
Take her to the range sometime--not with with a 9 or a 45. Start with a 22lr at the 50 yard rifle range. Work up from there. Good luck!
 
A few years back, I had a picture of myself at a benchrest match up on a "meet and mingle" web page.

Got into a relationship. Turned out that she thought I'd protect her from an abusive ex-husband who had been some sort of reserve cop or something, and liked playing with loaded boomsticks and people, such as her and her kids. She equated guns with strength.

I didn't need the drama. Coupla dates/relationships later, and I think I've found someone - guns aren't special - they just are.
 
Probably 5 years ago I was dating a girl who had a problem with me hunting. I had never really mentioned guns or hunting to her until october came around and i started getting ready for deer season. I never really got her stance on guns but she was definetly anti hunting. Although I'd guess she's anti gun as well. Anyways that relationship didn't last too long anyways. And I didn't let her stop me from hunting.
 
...its her basic philosophy about her willingness to defend herself
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Canuck, I fully agree with everything you have said. However, I also think there is a middle ground. I think a LOT of people are "closely related" to anti-gun-types because that is all they have been told, but many of them have never asked themselves the important questions. They have never really been coerced to think about the reality of being in a self-defense situation. They have no reason to change, until they are taught, or something bad happens (which serve to teach them).

Over time, she would make you into one as well.
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I have to say, there's not a chance :)

Take her to the range sometime--not with with a 9 or a 45. Start with a 22lr at the 50 yard rifle range. Work up from there. Good luck!
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That's a very good point, and exactly what I had planned up.
 
I have to say, there's not a chance
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hehe... yep. I suspected that. But it would still make for a less-than-pleasant homelife.


Regarding the hunting side-note-- I've been down that road before with women in my past.

Being the story-teller I am, I always liked to tell the story of how I was walking in our woods and came upon one of the more majestic bucks I had ever seen-- except that he had starved to death. I then tell about how the months of January and Feburary are known as "starvation months" around here due to the lack of readily available food. I follow this up with explaining how a government management program we particiate in ALWAYS tells us to kill more deer that we need each year in order to keep the herds healthy.

I always explain that I am a hunter-- not a sportsman. I take no pleasure in killing anything-- in fact, it makes me sad to kill a deer. And yet I do it for food, and for the greater good. I expain that managing the herd to healthy numbers benefits all of the herd and it allows a noble creature to not die a suffering death.


If that doesn't work, I'll ask where she thinks that Big Mac she is eating came from. (this arguement gets harder with vegans--but I probably wouldn't be dating one anyway-- I'm not metrosexual enough-- I still have testostorone.) :evil:


John
 
Sheesh , W Seattle huh , well date a girl from this side of Puget Sound .as a matter of fact I got this friend whos looking for a nice guy ......
 
One thing I will always remember, when dealing with this conversation, is this:

Police Officer Marc Todd Atkinson
Phoenix Police Department
Arizona
End of Watch: Friday, March 26, 1999

Biographical Info
Age: 28
Tour of Duty: 5 years
Badge Number: 5930

Incident Details
Cause of Death: Gunfire
Date of Incident: Friday, March 26, 1999
Weapon Used: Handgun
Suspect Info: Three suspects arrested

Officer Atkinson was shot and killed after being ambushed by suspected drug traffickers. Officer Atkinson was driving a marked patrol car while following the suspects, who turned a corner, stopped their vehicle, and waited for Officer Atkinson. As he turned the corner the three suspects opened fire, striking him twice in the head, killing him. A citizen who witnessed the incident engaged the suspects in a gunfight with his own weapon, seriously wounding one. The other two suspects fled but were later arrested. Officer Atkinson is survived by his wife and six-month-old child.


Yes, a LEGALLY armed citizen stepped in (albeit too late, regretably) and got one of the suspects. That also led the arrest of the other two.
 
Was dating this one girl a few years back. Things were going quite well, had dated for a few weeks, until one night I got pulled over on a date. Tail lights were out on the car and didn't know it.

Officer walks up to the car and asks for the license and stuff. I sigh and state "Evening officer, I have a concealed carry license and have a pistol in a holster attached to the front of my seat, let me know what you want me to do". They had me get out of the car.

Officer and his partner are extremely friendly. He said loudly so my date could hear inside the car something like "We know people with CCW's are the good guys" and stuff like that.

Didn't matter. That was the last date with that girl. She was smokin hot but if she can't handle guns then she ain't stickin around.
 
Sad thing is that a lot of folks who've been brainwashed by the media will assume that the situation would not have occurred if the citizen had not been armed.

Be gentle, folks...
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Actually, in this case specifically, the media was all in favor. Witnesses reported the occurrence as such:

Officer attempted to pull over car with suspected drug dealers/gang members.

Car lead officers into an ambush by turning a corner and quickly getting out and prepairing.

Officer drove right into it without any warning or chance.

Media actually reported that, as a result of the actions of the citizen, these criminals were stopped. That there was no chance they would be able to cause further harm as a result of the citizen's actions.
 
Was dating this one girl a few years back. Things were going quite well, had dated for a few weeks, until one night I got pulled over on a date. Tail lights were out on the car and didn't know it.

Officer walks up to the car and asks for the license and stuff. I sigh and state "Evening officer, I have a concealed carry license and have a pistol in a holster attached to the front of my seat, let me know what you want me to do". They had me get out of the car.

Officer and his partner are extremely friendly. He said loudly so my date could hear inside the car something like "We know people with CCW's are the good guys" and stuff like that.

Didn't matter. That was the last date with that girl. She was smokin hot but if she can't handle guns then she ain't stickin around.
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Getting pulled over with a CCW can be interesting.

I was driving home one night when a car sped up along my side. As they pulled along side me I noticed one leaning out of the passanger side with arm cocked back. As they threw the object in their hand I gassed it. The, unopened, beer can hit my cab support/door (instead of my window and head). My passanger immediately wanted me to grab my gun. I said no, get on your phone and call the police. I proceeded to follow the car into an apartment complex. I really wanted to see the license plate.

While I was following them, I did put my gun in my holster at my side. Once in the complex, they stopped and piled out of the car. Two where yelling something at me. I stepped out of the truck, and ducked as another unopened beer flew by. I, very calmly and strongly, suggested they stop throwing the beers at me since I will consider it a threat on my life. With, some rather unpolite words, one grabbed another beer. That is when I actually did pull my gun, aimed down still. They all ran off.

Well, the conversation with the police went something like this:

"Why did you follow them?"
To get the license plate # and location.
"They said you pulled a gun on them"
Yes I did, after they continued to assult me with blunt projectiles.
"Where is the gun now?"
In the holster behind my seat.
"Do you have a CCW?"
Yes I do.
"Okay, well have a nice night."
 
I didn't need the drama. Coupla dates/relationships later, and I think I've found someone - guns aren't special - they just are.
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But, to someone who didn't grow up in 'gun culture', guns hold more significance. They're not something everyone has; they're not something behind the front door to shoot pesky squirrels and crows with, or in the back of the cab for stray/ferral dogs. To most people, guns do symbolize power.

And regardless of the symbolism attached to guns, they really are power. Not in and of themselves, but the hands of someone with the willingness to use them, power is demonstrated. Joe Hunter isn't made powerful by his firearms, necessarily. They're just something to kill animals to him. But a firearm owned and wielded by someone who understands the power of exercising - and restraining - the power of death does wield power.

I'm not criticising your statement to ditch the woman with the emotional problems, not in the least bit, but guns certainly
 
I think the best thing you have done it tell her right away you have a license to carry it. Most girls will be very afraid, because if you carry a gun, she will think WHy? Is he a criminal? Or is he with criminals involved? Or was he in the past? Or why is he afraid of his live and carries a gun?

If you are not a cop, etc, they will see you like a criminal if you have a gun with you at all times.
 
I'll always remember some kind of newsmagazine feature on online background check websites a while back. The part that stuck with me was their female subject reveiwing a date's personal information online and saying "well thank God he doesn't own a gun." (being MA, you need a permit to own anything)
 
---------quote----------
a gun would only escalate the situation
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This drives me crazy.

A crack head tries to slit your throat, a rapist breaks in to your bedroom, a kid snatcher comes trying to grab your child... sorry, they are the ones responsible for the "escalation."

People who talk about "escalation" are trying to say "if you just give them whatever they want, there is a chance they will let you live." Sorry, I am a husband and a parent. I am responsible for the safety of my family. I don't have the option to "give them whatever they want."

Maybe if I let some perv run off with my child they'll let me live? No, thank you: that is a situation that definitely calls for all the "escalation" I can bring to bear.
 
Shooter,

I have to agree with you, I don't see a real future with her either that allows to to keep your sanity.

I guess I'm getting too old and cranky. I no longer have the patience or inclination to explain my actions to other supposed adults. You either have a problem with my gun toting or you don't. I couldn't care less and you're more than free to hit the road if you don't like it.
 
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