Sir Galahad
member
So ya wanna buy a gun, huh? Yeah, don't we all! Well, if this is your first time to the gun shop, you won't know what to expect. So here's a lesson for ya in different clowns that hang around in there you might meet there. Just so ya know. Ok, so you're ready to get you a little somethin'-somethin'. A fowling piece, a coffee grinder, a heater, a gat, a piece...You know, a gun. So you go in and ask to see the _______on the shelf over there and what do you hear? Sometimes a reply from one of these characters who were just waiting for you to pick that _____ so they could throw in their two cents uninvited.
1.) THE COLD WARRIOR---This is the guy that when you're looking at an SKS, Makarov or an AK, chimes in with, "Whaddya want that COMMIE gun for?! Why don't you buy a REAL gun!" Now, you'd almost swear this guy is a bunco steerer for the company that makes the gun he'll say you should buy. Watch out for this guy. Don't let him guilt you into buying something else. Because he has a SKS at home. But he can't figure out how it comes apart for cleaning. So he's on a crusade to steer people away from those "commie guns".
2.) THE ATF (Anti-Tupperware Fanatic) AGENT---This is the committed die-hard 1911 nut who thinks all polymer-framed handguns are complete POS and how did the world get by until 1911? You'll find this guy drooling over Kimbers and Les Baers and crossing himself every time his gaze accidently falls over a Glock. You'll hear this guy say things like, "Whaddya want that plastic toy gun for? Get a real gun made out of steel!" Truth is, though, he has every custom 1911 on the market but stil can't hit a watermelon at ten paces with any of them. He once hit a watermelon at ten paces with a buddy's Glock and it's been a sore point ever since.
3.) THE CERTIFIED CROCK ARMORER---This guy has been to every armorer class given by every manufacturer that gives them. Except, he thinks that at those classes he was somehow endowed with X-ray vision into the inner workings of firearms whose makers don't offer armorer classes. "Awww, that thing is a piece of crap! The instructor at the ________Armorer Class said so! You'd be nuts to buy that piece of crap! Buy a ________and I can tune it for you!" Except this guy is a hack and couldn't tune a mouth harp. You'll know this guy's work by all the vise marks on the frame of guys shooting _______that let this guy tune their guns.
4.) THE COMMANDO----THis guy is usually the one who swears everything not an AR-15 is a worthless POS. He goes into tirades about how he needs a weapon he can "...depend on when the chips are down and the SHTF..." And how in a tactical situation, he'll need to be laying accurate cover fire for his team. You wonder what kind of a neighborhood this guy lives in and just what is entailed when this guy runs out to get a carton of milk for the wife (that is, for the 10% of this personality that are married; most women cannot deal with this guy because he's so psyched about that firefight he's itching to get in, they wonder if he's not hiding some deficiency elsewhere.) Truth is, this guy has never been in the military (but he did go see the recruiter his senior year!!! But, they weren't "hardcore" enough for him.) SWAT does NOT "consult" this guy on tactics. But let him see you admring an AK, and you'll hear all about how you'll be found dead with that AK when civilization collapses and his "team" (that would be the other guys at the vienna sausage cannery where he works) is running the show and attracting all the hot babes because he has an AR (of course he has to wait for Armaggedon Lite to happen for the hot babes to show up because in the meantime they're too busy being nauseaus from reading his cumbersome attempt at poetry while trying to woo them. Sample petry: "Yer butt is lak the butt of me AR, and I kin see us goin far, when the werld falls to pieces, I will rool and yew will be mah qween. Luv Bud." After Armageddon Lite, the babes won't be looking for him to be his "qween". They be asking to borrow his AR to bump themselves off in desperation at being left alone in the world with this guy.)
5.) THE CRITIC---This guy doesn't discriminate. He hates all guns. He's not an anti, because he likes guns. He just thinks they're all POS. "That's a nice Weatherby!" "AHHH, it's a POS! Way overpriced!" "WHAT!?! You're thinking of buying that Smith and Wesson! AHHH, they're all POS these days!" "What?!? You bought a H&K?!? You dummy! Those things are complete POS! You should've saved your money!" "Ah, Ruger revolvers are junk. I heard they're actually made in Zimbabwe. You should buy a Smith. What's that? NO! I never said that! I never said Smith was crap, I said the NEW ones are crap! Buy one made before 1898." "Ahhh, what do you know? The Hawken rifle was a POS! Everyone knows that! So was the Winchester! Better rifles were coming out of Persia and everyone knows that!" And what kinds of guns does "The Critic" own? One H&R .32 revolver, a .25 automatic, and a single shot shotgun his dad left him.
6.) MINUTE OF MORON---This is the guy who, when you're just looking for a rifle you can have fun with, decides to do the "hard sell" on you even though he doesn't work there. "That _____is very inaccurate. The trigger is a POS. You don't really want that. You need a _______. Why, with a ______, you could part the beard hairs of a flea at 2 miles. The trigger will be so light that if you flatulate, the atmospheric change will cause the trigger to go off. It only costs $18,000. Don't be stupid and buy that hunk o' crap you're holding. Take my advice---you will if you're smart--- and buy the ______." Yeah, this guy has the ________. But he never shoots it. It'll "depreciate" if he shoots it.
Well, if this describes anyone reading this, well.....
1.) THE COLD WARRIOR---This is the guy that when you're looking at an SKS, Makarov or an AK, chimes in with, "Whaddya want that COMMIE gun for?! Why don't you buy a REAL gun!" Now, you'd almost swear this guy is a bunco steerer for the company that makes the gun he'll say you should buy. Watch out for this guy. Don't let him guilt you into buying something else. Because he has a SKS at home. But he can't figure out how it comes apart for cleaning. So he's on a crusade to steer people away from those "commie guns".
2.) THE ATF (Anti-Tupperware Fanatic) AGENT---This is the committed die-hard 1911 nut who thinks all polymer-framed handguns are complete POS and how did the world get by until 1911? You'll find this guy drooling over Kimbers and Les Baers and crossing himself every time his gaze accidently falls over a Glock. You'll hear this guy say things like, "Whaddya want that plastic toy gun for? Get a real gun made out of steel!" Truth is, though, he has every custom 1911 on the market but stil can't hit a watermelon at ten paces with any of them. He once hit a watermelon at ten paces with a buddy's Glock and it's been a sore point ever since.
3.) THE CERTIFIED CROCK ARMORER---This guy has been to every armorer class given by every manufacturer that gives them. Except, he thinks that at those classes he was somehow endowed with X-ray vision into the inner workings of firearms whose makers don't offer armorer classes. "Awww, that thing is a piece of crap! The instructor at the ________Armorer Class said so! You'd be nuts to buy that piece of crap! Buy a ________and I can tune it for you!" Except this guy is a hack and couldn't tune a mouth harp. You'll know this guy's work by all the vise marks on the frame of guys shooting _______that let this guy tune their guns.
4.) THE COMMANDO----THis guy is usually the one who swears everything not an AR-15 is a worthless POS. He goes into tirades about how he needs a weapon he can "...depend on when the chips are down and the SHTF..." And how in a tactical situation, he'll need to be laying accurate cover fire for his team. You wonder what kind of a neighborhood this guy lives in and just what is entailed when this guy runs out to get a carton of milk for the wife (that is, for the 10% of this personality that are married; most women cannot deal with this guy because he's so psyched about that firefight he's itching to get in, they wonder if he's not hiding some deficiency elsewhere.) Truth is, this guy has never been in the military (but he did go see the recruiter his senior year!!! But, they weren't "hardcore" enough for him.) SWAT does NOT "consult" this guy on tactics. But let him see you admring an AK, and you'll hear all about how you'll be found dead with that AK when civilization collapses and his "team" (that would be the other guys at the vienna sausage cannery where he works) is running the show and attracting all the hot babes because he has an AR (of course he has to wait for Armaggedon Lite to happen for the hot babes to show up because in the meantime they're too busy being nauseaus from reading his cumbersome attempt at poetry while trying to woo them. Sample petry: "Yer butt is lak the butt of me AR, and I kin see us goin far, when the werld falls to pieces, I will rool and yew will be mah qween. Luv Bud." After Armageddon Lite, the babes won't be looking for him to be his "qween". They be asking to borrow his AR to bump themselves off in desperation at being left alone in the world with this guy.)
5.) THE CRITIC---This guy doesn't discriminate. He hates all guns. He's not an anti, because he likes guns. He just thinks they're all POS. "That's a nice Weatherby!" "AHHH, it's a POS! Way overpriced!" "WHAT!?! You're thinking of buying that Smith and Wesson! AHHH, they're all POS these days!" "What?!? You bought a H&K?!? You dummy! Those things are complete POS! You should've saved your money!" "Ah, Ruger revolvers are junk. I heard they're actually made in Zimbabwe. You should buy a Smith. What's that? NO! I never said that! I never said Smith was crap, I said the NEW ones are crap! Buy one made before 1898." "Ahhh, what do you know? The Hawken rifle was a POS! Everyone knows that! So was the Winchester! Better rifles were coming out of Persia and everyone knows that!" And what kinds of guns does "The Critic" own? One H&R .32 revolver, a .25 automatic, and a single shot shotgun his dad left him.
6.) MINUTE OF MORON---This is the guy who, when you're just looking for a rifle you can have fun with, decides to do the "hard sell" on you even though he doesn't work there. "That _____is very inaccurate. The trigger is a POS. You don't really want that. You need a _______. Why, with a ______, you could part the beard hairs of a flea at 2 miles. The trigger will be so light that if you flatulate, the atmospheric change will cause the trigger to go off. It only costs $18,000. Don't be stupid and buy that hunk o' crap you're holding. Take my advice---you will if you're smart--- and buy the ______." Yeah, this guy has the ________. But he never shoots it. It'll "depreciate" if he shoots it.
Well, if this describes anyone reading this, well.....