Minority Living with AntiGun Majority

[Black Knight]

Ask her if someone is about to break in to her home what will she do? I'll bet she says call the police. If she does then you have her. She just said she would call someone with a gun. Then you can tell her that having her own gun would be quicker than the police. A gun in the hand beats 2 or more 5 minutes from now. If she won't defend herself would she defend you or your children? Seriously think about it.

 

[Njal Thorgeirsson]

My advice (from experience) is that words and logic dont work. Period.

But one thing does work, and that thing is a trip to your favorite shooting destination. Teach her the basics, then let her enjoy as much ammo as she wants. I have taken three anti-gun friends to the range and all three channged their opinions very quickly. The only way to learn that guns are fun and safe is hands-on experience

 

[Green Lantern]

I think your biggest problem right now is you're about to marry a woman who HATES something you LOVE.

I'm no great guru in relationships, but....THIS. /\

I do know a thing or two about having to put up with family members that I'd really rather avoid, it's not like you get to choose your family. Your spouse, on the other hand (at least here in the first world)....

I guess it would come down to how serious you are about firearms and being pro-2A. For me, it would be a relationship-ender. For others, it might be more like "he likes Duke, she likes Carolina." Choose accordingly...choose wisely!

 

[LeonCarr]

On the second date after meeting the lady who is now my wife we went to the range and shot handguns. We had a great time.

One night we were getting ready to go to a ritzy country club for dinner (NFL Quarterback Terry Bradshaw was eating there at the same time we were) and meeting my future in-laws for the first time. I took my S&W 442 Airweight, checked that it was loaded, put in my pocket holster and put it in my pocket. She asked if I was taking it to dinner. I said yes. She smiled, but did not object. 6 years later we are still married.

The moral of this story and the many stories in this thread is that marriages are based on truth and understanding. it sounds like the OP has many things he needs to workout with his fiance before making the ultimate commitment.

Just my .02,
LeonCarr

 

[dmazur]

I realize I'm lucky because I have a wife who generally likes the things I do, so we can do them together.

She started carrying a .380, then read they had lower odds of stopping an attacker than something with a little more energy and she asked if I thought she could handle a .45 ACP. I said, "Well, maybe."

Eventually, she picked an Officers Model and struggled with running the slide, and with controlling muzzle flip. (I warned her that smaller didn't make things better... ) But now she's quite happy with it and can shoot respectable groups at 10 yds.

She is quite happy with me doing all the reloading, and delights in my pained expression when she burns through yet another box of 50...

What's the point of all this? I can't imagine life with her as an anti-gun person. It sounds like some kind of slow torture.

Find another one...

 

[tarosean]

You should not be hiding anything!!! Guns are not immoral or illegal..

You need to talk this out with all of them in a calm rational manner.
If you cannot communicate with your future wife you are doomed. Marriage is hard work and full of compromises.

My 1st wife hated guns. While I could lie to you and say it was the reason we are not together anymore, it was not.

 

[Ignition Override]

My wife doesn't even like an ammo can (possible sharp edges) to be on the back seat of her car. But luckily she is a level-headed person and has a logical reason when she gets irked or angry.

If she had Not been a very rational person.....I never would have become serious about her when we dated. My active shooting/gun buying did not begin until we had been together about fifteen years.

Her father spent a 30-year career with the Army Quartermasters and was attached, by choice, to the 101st in all of their WW2 campaigns. Maybe this helped her to be very rational about guns.

Has the OP considered asking his fiance to go along for a chat with a minister or other type of mediator?

 

[Zach S]

If so, how do you deal with it?

I don't. Having dated a rabid anti-gun lady in the past, I wasn't doing it again. So, guns were normally second or third date material. Easier for both parties to walk away before it turned into a relationship.

In my experience, hiding anything from a woman is asking for trouble. Sneaking a new purchase by her is one thing, but an entire hobby? Good luck.

There's always been an ultimatum if the lady hates whatever. Guns, hot rods, motorcycles, etc.

My advice, choose now, or choose later.

 

[okiewita40]

In the 25 years I have been married to my wife she has never liked guns. She grew up with her dad and brothers hunting. When I got home in 2010 I bought a rifle. The wife objected. She asked what it was for I said deer hunting. She said she liked deer meat. So I still have my rifle.

Then came a shotgun. She didn't like it. I said it was for home defense and hunting. She has gotten used to it. Then came my CCW pistol. She took offense to it. I said that being an LEO for the last 13 years in the prison system I have a lot of people that are not happy with me.

Now she still dislikes the pistol. But it is my house also. Since both of our kids are out of the house. Once I finish my man cave. All the guns will be put in there.

It can work out. But you will have to use logic and stand your ground. Best of luck to you.

 

[Deanimator]

1. Most of my family is anti-gun. I couldn't care less what they think about what I do, gun related or otherwise. Be my human shield or shut up. I don't make the slightest effort to hide my interests.
2. I wouldn't marry somebody who thinks that I should let her and me be robbed, raped or murdered. That's usually sign of other psychopathologies.

 

[Davek1977]

I love my wife. How she feels about things is VERY impotant to me, and there are few things I'd ever insist upon that she was deadset against. However....wheil we were still in college and dating, she learned I was a gun owner, even though i didnt currently have any in my possession. This upset her to a degree, and she actially said that if we were going to be together, she didnt want there to be guns in the house. I was shocked, but calmly explained I was a gun owner well before I ever met her, and, well, if need be...would be well after she was a memory. She didnt like this but her basis for her dislike of guns was ignorance....she simply had zero exposure to them growing up and grew up in an all female household. There came a time a rifle of mine needed some repairs done, and was suddenly in my possession rather than tucked away at my parents. She was uncomfrotable at first, but I made her sit down and listen while I explained the working of the rifle, explained the basic gun safety rules, and told her I'd welcome questions rather than be annoyed with them. Today, we have several guns in the residence, and she actually fears NOT having access to a gun moreso than one being present.

 

[coyote315]

I once had a Ph D'd acquaintance of the family who was fairly anti-gun explain that she had an ignorance (not stupidity, just unenlightened) based phobia of pistols because of her similar-to-your-fiancee-'s upbringing. She would hyperventilate at the presence of a pistol!! I found this out quite awkwardly when we were both independently visiting my parents and I casually laid mine on the counter to be more comfortable drinking my coffee... I asked her if she worked with complex pieces of equipment every day in her lab, to which she replied, "of course." So, we tried an experiment that we designed together. She came over one day and relaxed visiting, and I then took her into the next room where i had a 1911 completely disassembled on a towel, parts well spaced out. We then went over each part together and assembled the machine slowly, discussing function and safety etc.
By the time we were done, she was much more at ease. By the end of the day, she was enjoying shooting my wife's buckmark .22 at a steel flapper.
She by no means is a handgunner now, but her phobia is cured and she understands the realities of a firearm and it's inherent safety as an inanimate object.
YMMV, but adapt to your situation perhaps?

 

[GBExpat]

All my family is antigun, and so is my fiancee. I have to hide the fact that I own firearms from my family, and my fiance says she "hates guns" and is "scared of them." ... <snip> ...
Does anyone else have to deal with the same crap? Are 99% of the people in your life against firearms, and you feel that you constantly have to hide, argue, and defend your rights to your loved ones? If so, how do you deal with it?

Really? C'mon, Praxidike, it is time for you to Grow A Pair and become a Man.

First thing, if you cannot "convert" the Fiance, lose her ... or you will lose her at a later time and have to give her at least have of all of your stuff.

Second ... time to come Out of the Closet with your family. Hopefully, they will get over the shock & learn to live with it but, if not, that is part of Life.

I wish you the best of luck!

 

[12131]

Something's got to give, or this relationship won't end well.

 

[valnar]

Have a talk, have an argument, get heated BEFORE you get married. Do it now, as uncomfortable as it might be. Once you are married, arguments like that have a lot more at stake.

I know from experience that people who are young and in love tend to avoid arguments for fear of upsetting the other. Do it now. Hash it out. Either you'll come to an understanding, or you'll find out just how much she hates guns (and possibly other things about you too!) If you don't think you'll have any arguments or disagreements when you are married, you are in for a surprise.

I wouldn't marry somebody who thinks that I should let her and me be robbed, raped or murdered.

That's a tricky argument. I'd only use the fact I love guns and like it as a sport/hobby, etc. Otherwise it sounds like, "Well dear, I *have* to be proficient with a gun in order to protect us. It's not that I like them, but a necessary evil."
I mean, lets face it, if we didn't have guns, it's not like we'd practice weekly hitting fake intruders with a baseball bat, or practice shooting rabbits outside with pepper spray. Don't use the argument that it's a tool. Just flat out say it's something you love and enjoy.

 

[JustinJ]

That's a tricky argument. I'd only use the fact I love guns and like it as a sport/hobby, etc. Otherwise it sounds like, "Well dear, I *have* to be proficient with a gun in order to protect us. It's not that I like them, but a necessary evil."
I mean, lets face it, if we didn't have guns, it's not like we'd practice weekly hitting fake intruders with a baseball bat, or practice shooting rabbits outside with pepper spray. Don't use the argument that it's a tool. Just flat out say it's something you love and enjoy.

I'd say guns are a reasonable and effective defense strategy, relative to shooting rabbits with pepper spray. I don't drive a tank to work for safety but I do wear my seatbelt because the cost of the security it provides is relatively cheap and proportional to the risk. There are plenty of people who are not passionate about guns but still keep one or more for defense. However, I agree, if the OP is also a gun lover this should be a huge part of what he communicates. Ultimately he has to try and come to an understanding with the lady, decide to give up guns, or bail.

 

[valnar]

Agreed.

Nobody goes around saying they love their shovels, and that would sound silly to an anti. While it's true that the 2nd amendment protects our rights to defend our self, and that somewhat makes it a tool of necessity, it's usually a bad argument against your spouse.

So for the OP, I just suggest you use the tactic as you stated. You love shooting.

 

[Queen_of_Thunder]

I would suggest that you have a sitdown and be honest with your soon to be SO. Otherwise it will become a source of trouble in your marriage.Better to find out now rather then later.

 

[Cee Zee]

Look it's your life but speaking from someone with 37 years of marriage under my belt I can say without reservation it's way better to be on the same page with the person you're going to marry. Just to be honest I wouldn't marry someone that tried to tell me how to live. I would never leave guns where a kid could get at them but when my kids were little I always had access to a couple of SD guns and the kids didn't have access to them. Of course no situation is perfect including a safe. But it was my job to protect my children and "fight them off" is no real way of doing that. Sure it would be better if no one in the world owned guns and all the big bad animals would have get togethers and sing songs around the campfire but that ain't the way of the world. I couldn't have lived with myself if I had let my kids get hurt without even trying to protect them in a way that had a chance of working.

I suspect you love your fiance but you have a very significant difference in your view of the world. Expect it to be a problem eventually. I'm sorry to say that and I don't mean to meddle but that's how it is. Everything becomes an issue eventually if you live long enough. Just wait until someone breaks into your house and you get to thinking what if you had been home or what if you had come home in the middle of the break in. I just went through that with my daughter. She was renting my house and she moved out of it because someone broke in. She got back almost everything but you will never get back that feeling of security. For me it was two armed robberies I sat through as a victim. Staring down the barrel of a gun when you don't have one is a freaking helpless feeling and I hate it especially considering the way I was raised. We were prepared to protect ourselves. My mother held off a rapist with a shotgun. My grandfather held off a gang of kidnappers to keep my uncle at home. He used a shotgun too. My father gave me a shotgun when I moved out on my own. I gave the same shotgun to my daughter. Yes it got stolen and yes she got it back. The point is that you might very well want to be able to protect your children when you have some and your wife's wishes might not mean as much to you in the face of that. I would think long and hard about this if I were you. My wife knows the value of guns and is training with them herself. I made sure we were on the same page on just about everything before I decided to marry. If you let your wife tell you how to live you'll end up resenting it. Maybe she won't be able to tolerate guns. Maybe you won't be able to tolerate being told how to live. I'd think hard about it. Marriage is for life if you do it right.

 

[bdickens]

Hmmm, reminds me of someone who once said -- ask yourself what things you'll want to find in your second wife -- and marry her instead. You may never get the chance to meet her later on and it will be a painful and costly road to get you there if you ever do.

Great advice!

I went ahead and married the woman I would have run off with.

 

[HankR]

The entire concept of being rabidly "anti gun" has just never made much sense to me. Can a person be "anti automobile".. or "anti chain saw"??

Well stated. "Antis" are not "anti gun" -- they are anti-freedom and against individuals taking responsibility for their own safety. They want the state to be the only one that can protect you, so that you will have to rely on the state.

I love my wife. How she feels about things is VERY impotant to me.... if we were going to be together, she didnt want there to be guns in the house. I ... calmly explained I was a gun owner well before I ever met her, and, well, if need be...would be well after she was a memory.

This. And she has to mean it when she agrees. In my experience, women sometimes agree to things thinking that they will change you "later". Make sure she knows that she is not going to change you in this regard.

 

[Sniper66]

Hey Praxidike, As a retired psychologist and having counseled 100s of couples and having been married more than once, I speak from a mountain of experience. It is critical that you respect her views and feelings, but is is no less essential that you insist she respect yours. I would strongly advise that you immediately cease hiding your preferences and views from your family and your fiancee. Learning to live comfortably with differences, while being clear about your own is the hallmark of healthy living. Part of that is accepting that not everyone will agree with you and that's not only OK, but essential. Of course gun guys like us scratch our heads and agree with you, but that won't help you. If your fiancee cannot bring herself to respect your passion for guns, I don't predict much success in your marriage.

 

[JTHunter]

Praxidike - YOU have a PROBLEM.
If (and I stress IF) you can get your fiance to an OUTDOOR range to practice with a .22, make sure you have GOOD set of hearing protection. This lady might be frightened by all the loud noises (does she cringe from thunder?) Or, if you can get to a range when it is relatively quiet, even better.

IF you can't get her to even TRY, then do the SMART THING and do NOT make yourself miserable 2-3 years from now. Get another g/f!!

 

[Claude Clay]

Are 99% of the people in your life against firearms

quite the opposite actually...
i'll let in some otherwise intellgent people who have yet to
mature, but to be unable to relax around 99% of the people
you hold dear is to be false to yourself

 

[Ashcons]

Praxidike, I know a random forum poster (or about 50) won't persuade you to change your plans, but this issue is a ticking time bomb; one of you will have to give on this and if you believe in self-defense with a firearm while she doesn't (and is so afraid of them that she doesn't want them in the house), it's going to be a very tough thing to work through as you will either be forced to give up something you have a belief in, she will have to change her preconceptions and/or live with something that she is irrationally afraid of, or some combination of those two extremes. You could always lie to her and hide your guns in the house, but that's no solution and a breach of trust. Best of luck to you; there are a handful of non-religious beliefs that are diametrically opposed and pro/anti firearm views is one. Either the gun is an evil, violent thing that should not exist, or it is a tool that can be used for many things, most important the defense of self, family, and community in the gravest extreme (although there are a lot of people who care little enough to go one way OR the other).

My wife's mom's side of the family consists 100% of anti-gun types who think a gun is nothing but a liability to the owner. Her dad's side of the family and all my family are pro-gun ownership or neutral (as in they don't seem to care one way or another and have expressed no opinion on the matter), whether or not they own guns themselves. My wife loves shooting with me, even though she doesn't get all excited about firearms like I do.