Minority Living with AntiGun Majority

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I was once given an ultimatum from a girl I was dating along the lines of "it's the guns or me."

My response is best summed up thusly:

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Back when I was dating, every woman I went out with was told in quite clear terms that I owned guns, shot regularly, and attended matches at least a few times a month. If they had a problem with that, they were free to leave.
 
Yeah, I haven't been in the dating game in quiet a while but it wouldn't take long for it to come up if I were. The first time she walked in my door it would be quiet obvious. And I would quote Curly Bill in a heartbeat if there was a problem.
 
Does anyone else have to deal with the same crap? Are 99% of the people in your life against firearms, and you feel that you constantly have to hide, argue, and defend your rights to your loved ones? If so, how do you deal with it?
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I've found it's much easier and less stressful to not hide the fact that I own guns, breed snakes, make my own wine, and occasionally ride a motorcycle from my family, friends, and coworkers. If they don't like it that's their problem, I don't make it mine.
 
^^^^ there ya go

One of the best comments about life in general was spoken to me by Foxy at his bar in the BVI

When asked how he was, he responded, "Today I am MOST excellent........and tomorrow, I'll be even better"...........

I thought that was a GREAT way to look at , and go through, life.........

If you can't say that is how your life will be under the circumstances you described, you need to alter a few things
 
Life's too short to live by other people's rules. Be your own man, unless you choose not to. Your choice.

2nd marriage. Lifetime partner. We respect each others' desires, beliefs. No BS, no controlling behavior, no grief. Two people who give each other the space they need. What could be simpler?

As far as how my family feels? They are family. Not citizens under my roof. And if they were, my house, my rules, or hit the highway. At 56, I've put-up with enough BS to last a lifetime. No more.
 
Like r1derbike said "life is too short". :uhoh: Find someone who enjoys the same things in life and holds the save values that you do. Never get in a relationship where you constantly have to hide anything or justify your lifestyle. :)
 
I would just ask the OP, which one can you live without: Your fiance or your firearms?

If it comes down to it and you have to choose, which is more important to you?

These are tough decisions, and if you can't make a compromise you will end up choosing one or the other. If your fiancee really does love you, she will compromise to your firearms ownership even if she doesn't get involved in it herself.

Your biological family you're stuck with, but the one you choose to spend the rest of your life with you still have a choice. Best of luck to you.
 
My .02

She may not have to like them, but she needs to get okay with you having them.

When My wife wasn't my wife, yet. one day I put all my guns over every seat in the living room.... she had to touch and move one in order to sit down. she found out that she didn't drop dead from the sight of a gun, nor from touching it. Up until then she wouldn't even be in the same room....literally. I've never gotten her to the range, but I take the kids.

Ask yourself that question, to me it would cause serious consideration if she's not open minded enough to get to the point where she'd be okay with you taking a future son to the range..... (And daughter....:))
 
Find people who view things in life as you do. Make them your friends. It is not unusual to have family that differs in political or ethical matters. You are stuck with family, but you don't have to let them dictate your lifestyle or happiness. You just have to LOVE them....possibly from a distance, or in limited quantities. However, it is EXTREMELY ill advised to marry into a relationship that will always made you sad or unhappy. A marriage made of that will not last. Find a mate who SHARES your likes and dislikes.
 
That's a tricky argument. I'd only use the fact I love guns and like it as a sport/hobby, etc. Otherwise it sounds like, "Well dear, I *have* to be proficient with a gun in order to protect us. It's not that I like them, but a necessary evil."
I mean, lets face it, if we didn't have guns, it's not like we'd practice weekly hitting fake intruders with a baseball bat, or practice shooting rabbits outside with pepper spray. Don't use the argument that it's a tool. Just flat out say it's something you love and enjoy.
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I like guns AND they're a tool.

There is simply NO reason in the world for me to give a violent predator the overwhelming advantage by NOT using a gun to defend myself.

Trust me, I make not the SLIGHTEST effort to conceal my interest in firearms. Anybody who visits me sees easily $1,000 worth of gun BOOKS on shelves, never mind the guns themselves.

The VERY central point of my comment was that anybody who feels that it's better to be a victim than to protect oneself with a gun (or anything else available) isn't somebody I want to spend an evening with, never mind the rest of my LIFE.
 
Imagine marrying a woman who hates your parents, or your faithful dog, or your way of life. Every day would be a struggle.

No way. Not I.
 
fiance says that when we live together,
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Living together is a major step in a relationship. Unless your families are totally opposed, you shouldn't wait until you get married to test those waters. A lot more than how you store your rifles will come into focus.

/I know not everyone will agree from a religious standpoint, but that's for another website...
 
A friend once told me, in regards to marriage: "If it's important to her, it should be important to you." You are considering getting married, and how she feels about firearms is important to her. Are you willing to make that sacrifice to change your views and perspective?

In the same way, the opposite is true too. If it is important to you, it should be important to her. Is she also willing to compromise her thoughts and beliefs? This could be about anything, from firearms to politics, religion, or future desires like children or where to live.
 
I bought my first gun in 1989, a Colt Peacekeeper .357, while stationed at Ft. Hood, Texas.

I brought it home with me to St. Louis while on leave, and my Mom had a minor hissy-fit about having a gun in her home.

We sat and talked about it for a bit, and I agreed to keep it unloaded, and made the point to her (she was NOT unreasonable) that an unloaded firearm was no different than a fork or knife (an inanimate metal object), and she relented to the point that as my collection grew, I was able to store some firearms with her during moves, job hunts, etc.

It turned out she never really had much against firearms in general, it was just that Dad would clean guns on the kitchen table, or living room coffee table, and leave gun-stuff scattered all over the table (and throughout the house!) even during dinner times (Dad is still quite a slob, even moreso since Mom and Dad divorced in 1972, and he's had 40+ years of bachelorhood to fully develop his slovenly habits).

So compared to the OP, I've had it pretty lucky.
 
Dad would clean guns on the kitchen table, or living room coffee table, and leave gun-stuff scattered all over the table (and throughout the house!)
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Yeah, I do this sometimes too and the wife hates it. Man, what is up with women? Sheesh!
 
Arkansas Paul said:
Yeah, I do this sometimes too and the wife hates it. Man, what is up with women? Sheesh!
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I don't ever recall my Mom complaining about this at all.

Of course, we cleaned our guns on the picnic table in the back yard and not the kitchen table.

:neener:

But the table itself would be politically incorrect today...it was made of real Redwood.
 
I guess I was one of the luckier ones. My fiance was not a gun enthusiast, but had absolutely nothing against them at all. Only thing better would have been one that was a gun nut like me. Later on in years she tried to handle a gun, so she could better protect herself, but her destroyed hands (long story) wouldn't allow her to manipulate even the simplest of guns. She now has to depend solely on me for her own defense. Only problem she has had with guns in all our 38 years together was the cost. Of course, as we're not talking about her clothes, are we?;)

Had she been a raving anti, I would have said goodbye rather early. Sorry, but I believe too strongly in defensive firearms to let anybody make me give them up.
 
Something else to consider OP: even if you eventually convert her or get her to agree to tolerate the firearms, once her family finds out (and they will), will she be prepared to deal with the backlash from her parents, siblings, etc?
 
I have to hide the fact that I own firearms from my family, and my fiance says she "hates guns" and is "scared of them."
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Walk away, lest you live life built on a foundation of lies.

Put "must love guns (for real)" on the dating sanity checklist. At the same level as "want kids" or "has herpes" level of honesty. No hopium, no change later, no teaching, they'll love it (after they state loathing)--none of that.

My two cents.

For what it is worth, marriage is survivable to an anti, but what price glory?
 
but I take the kids
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This brings up another thing, pre-kid it was just possession and location of storage. Post kid, it is about what skills/knowledge you can pass to your children without starting world war three.
 
If she is going to just throw down the gauntlet and you are just dating wait until you are married. I would ditch her like an old newspaper. There are going to be to many hard times and times when you just don't agree to spend your life with someone who has an "or else" attitude. If your partner isn't willing to look for common ground it's a hard road.
 
I would question my relationship if she is adamant about having NO firearms in the house when she knows you enjoy them. What else is she going to restrict for you in the future?
 
Let us know how it goes, unless you want to keep the resolution in house. Personally, I think such an important issue would be difficult to work through as it would take either surrendering a closely held view through fear of loss or revising a closely held view due to new information, which seems difficult, generally, for humans.
 
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