I joined that club about 25 years ago, long before I'd ever heard of "Four Rules" and before the internet was invented (or at least available to regular folks like us). I remember standing there in shock, ears ringing, a fresh hole in my wall, wishing I could have the last ten seconds to do over again.
I remember the shame and self-doubt. I never shared it with anyone up until a couple years ago, after joining this board and seeing that others had done it too.
Don't get me wrong. I did not take joy in others' misfortune, but it was a relief to find out I wasn't the only one who'd ever done it.
I've also done some other monumental acts of stupidity (non-firearms related, and no, I don't care to share), so I'm sure not going to beat you up.
I respect you for manning up and sharing your experience. Perhaps your post will help someone else can avoid "the experience".
Your wife may take a little time to come around, but if you have been as straight forward wiith her as you have with us, she will admire the fact that you realize what you did, learned from it and will not do it again.
I'm pretty sure it will be your last. I have read that some people have more than one, but (speaking for myself) I imagine that most of us are sufficiently humbled by the first one to want more than anything else never to re-live that experience.
Take that Lady to the range, get well acquainted, and enjoy each other's company. I think you will get along just fine.
BTW, I have seen an AD that nearly killed someone as a kid. The guy put a pistol he thought was unloaded to his head and pulled the trigger, just "messing around".
There is a big difference between an ND and an AD, and the difference is both simple and crucial. This was an ND, pure and simple.