Mystery: Aprons and Women.

[sm]

Mystery.

One of the greatest wonders of the world is older than the Pyramids. This mystery is still unsolved and I personally do not think it will be ever solved.

Aprons and Women.

Throughout the history of civilization women have worn some kind of apron. I know what you are thinking “Men wear aprons too, like bakers, and machine shop folks”.

Yes men do, difference is a guy never has what he needs in a garage full of toolboxes – much less an apron. Women have this ability to have “just what is needed” and to pull like a rabbit out of a hat that item.

Somewhere about Puberty something kicks in. Not there when falling out of mom’s high heeled shoes. About the time they get caught using mom’s expensive lipstick and seen running out the door with one of mom’s tops. This “something” kicks in. They put on an Apron and “poof’ some sort of ancient, mystical, women only “something" kicks in.

I first noticed this phenomenon when I was wee brat. My maternal grandmother was alive until I was five, and could hang out a whole big load of wash on the clothesline with the clothespins from an apron. There was always a band-aid for an injury I had, a bobbin for the sewing machine, a hankie, a tissue, .38spl rounds and .22 ammo, a pair of pliers, a salt shaker…

Mom had this mystery as well. Now I had already peeked into grandma’s apron after she went to bed, I snuck out of bed to look. Nothing in it, but all day long – out of that apron was produced whatever was needed. Must be a “grandma thing” I thought.

Mom washed her apron, took it out of the washer, and pulled out 2 clothespins on the way to the clothesline. We walked to the store, come back and it was dry, and she has not put the thing on – out comes a hankie to get the milk off my upper lip.

Then the neighbors had daughters, from 4 to 8 years older than I. I would work on a bicycle, and lo and behold, they had a match to light the glue for fixing a flat, or a spoke wrench. I have a toolbox and none of my tools appeared when I needed one, but these aprons always had what I needed.
I thought I had them one day, needed a spark plug wrench for the lawnmower…she had one, the one with both sizes depending on which end you use.


So I get bigger and start shooting. Women, big or little, young or old, made no difference. Guys would have vests or shell pouches and run out of shot shells, the women never did.

I get to instructing ladies, I would put two boxes of shells in my shooting pouch, and I would run out of ammo and – you guessed it, my student would have to give me a shell from an apron - because - well, student had not gotten to the part of getting equipment and aprons just work.

I have seen a fella with a parts box and a new to him shotgun, the retention for magazine plug was missing from a pawn shop buy…
Up comes a lady “not sure if this is what you need, but you are welcome to it"- yes of course it was always the correct one. They seem to have spare bolt handles for semi-auto shotguns and “O” rings too.

Dove hunting, the ladies come out and many wear an apron. Guy get wrapped around the axle about shotguns, ammo, camo, doo-dads and such. Ladies just grab whatever gun handy, get in the truck wearing an apron and limit out...

Women have any and everything to do with shotguns, shells, bug dope,water, dog treats and you name it in that apron.

The guy in the Big SUV pulling a trailer with a sporting goods store packed - still has the wrong ammo...

Of course the lady whom just got into the truck wearing an apron and didn't even have a gun case for her gun has everything the guy needs in her apron including the ammo for his shotgun.

I still ain't figured how she had 32 ga ammo that morning...

One day we had kids shooting BB Guns, .22 rifles and single shot shotguns. One young man in his haste to get to the range, forgot his 10/22 magazines. His mom dropped him off on the way to taking the other smaller kid to a B-Day party. Typical hurry and get one kid dropped off and be somewhere else.
I am the only guy and I have ladies wearing aprons, from teenage to geriatric.

“Here sweetie, now you can shoot your gun”
There I was about to call someone or leave to go buy one and here comes a 60 year old lady with two 10/22 mags, and her grandkids shoot Marlin 60s and single shot .22 rifles.

I’m a guy; I just hang close, and watch the mystery. I do not care what gun, what ammo, staples for staple guns, bottle opener, knife, extra ear plugs…anything to do with shooting – the ladies had it.

I was stupid the first time in running to my truck for a long screwdriver to tighten a stock bolt on a shotgun, by the time I got back – the bolt was tight and the kid was shooting again…that is another mystery, I cannot get a long screwdriver to fit in a tool box and a apron can carry one.

I was given a neat apron to wear while at the range while cooking and all. I am thinking “aha”, got an apron and I too am prepared for anything. Nope, aprons don’t work for guys. I put the oven mitt in the pocket, it was right there, I need it two seconds later and all I have are empty apron pockets and “here you go” a lady hands me a mitt and the spatula that was “right there” on the grill.

I thought the apron would work for me shooting. Nope. I put two extra mags for a 1911 in the darn thing and I pull out speed-loaders for a K frame.

Maybe shotgun shells work for me. I dump a new box of 20 gauges, I mean yellow shells – I cannot mess up – right?

They had turned green and said “.410” after I only shot two shells.

So once again, I am handed 20 ga shells from a lady, wearing an apron. She of course just happens to have the correct size nut for one missing for the trap thrower in the trap house, and extra 75 watt light bulbs for the low house too that burned out.

“Can’t see in the dark, need light to see, didn’t you listen to your momma growing up?”

*sigh*


Aprons and Women.

 

[Technosavant]

Must be a side effect of women and purses.

There is an interdimensional portal in the bottom of a woman's purse. This is how they can shove all manner of items (wallet, makeup, feminine items, .38spl snubby) into absolutely tiny spaces. However, this portal loses effectiveness as the woman ages. This is why you see women carrying microscopic purses in their teens but eventually work their way up to duffel bag sizes- the portal won't allow that much storage anymore, so a larger bag is needed.

Interestingly, when a man gets his hands on said purse, the portal seems only to offer up used Kleenex and feminine products- that has to be the best security system in the universe.

 

[Spinner]

Great googley moogley!!!

My Grandma had one of those mystery aprons and dang if the thing you needed wasn't in there somewhere there was a way to make do without!! Here was me thinking it was some mystical power possessed only by my Gran and it turns out its an apron thing.

Ya know, I think the world started to go to hell in a handbasket when apron wearing started to go into decline. Seems that's right about the time that global warming started to become an issue too ...... coincidence??

Spinner

 

[sm]

My ex rarely carried a purse. It was a small one, very light, and if one lifted it - would swear it was empty. It had everything in it.
She was a nurse and wore her nurses jacket. Only carried in a lunch, no purse, just her IDs, some folding dollars, and if for some reason she needed it had a locker.

Now I expected scissors, tape, pen and ususal items found in a nurse's jacket.
Still she would come in from work, there I would be reloading and be looking for the dental pick to get a pellet out the collet on a MEC 9000.
"Here honey" and somewhere in that nurses jacket [ Apron] was the pick.
She would go get a shower, I would look in that jacket, and see a pen, scissors, a band-aid.

Stepson had found a garage sale fishing reel, I was thru reloading and now checking out a reel, it needed a screw for one missing. Wife would come in - "I'm going to wash this scrub jacket, a kid got sick on me and wear another..."
She emptied the pockets and "say I have a screw in my pocket, put in with the other junk stuff it might come in handy".
It was not in the scrub jacket 5 seconds before, and now it fit the reel.

She would have the day off, no purse remember, just ID and keys and bare miniumum. Wearing a oversize shirt for a jacket [ apron] . I mean I watched her get dressed in them jeans and T shirt, he ID in pocket and keys in hand.
Shirt had just come out of the dryer to remove wrinkles.

"Here honey - this is an "O" for an 1100 is it not?"
She had 3 "appear" from that shirt pocket, I was trying to recall where my spares were for a 1100 I was going to clean and put back for a buddy of mine after we go back from running errands and going to the grocery store.
How'd she know? How'd she do that?

Summertime and she is in short and T-shirt. We were just about to cook, and being the way we were ...got a bit frisky with the boy gone. She had one pocket on that T shirt, I checked, empty, one back pocket in the gym type shorts, it was empty. I got her apron and checked the thing, I reached into the pockets empty, I even had it upside down and shook it...nothing.

She walks out to the grill with me, and I had forgotten the nut had come undone from the handle. "This one fit it?" Where did that nut come from? It fit.
She had not been out of my sight?!?.

Just us mind you getting ready to cook on the grill. I went to get charcoal out of the garage, her with me the whole time, still we had been together flirting, I make a comment I need to get a allen wrench for another MEC reloader I was rebulding for a buddy...you guessed it, she produced one from the apron.

About 2am she gets up to tinkle, she comes back to bed and with the evil chuckle women do - "driving you nuts isn't it...how I had what we needed earlier this evening?"
I pretended to be asleep, I got poked in the side, " I know you are awake, and it is driving you nuts".
"Going to tell me?" I asked"
"No" <slight smirky laugh>

How does a women pull a box of 28 ga shells out of a apron that just came out of the dryer?.

I asked the dog, he was watching this too.

"Don't look at me, I am a male dog, and waiting for a treat to be pulled out next. Not my place to ask "why" - just "got anymore"".

Should have known the dang dog would have the best logic about how to handle this Mystery.

 

[foghornl]

sm, Spinner & TechnoSavant:

Thanks for the warm reminders.

My Mom & both 'Grams' have long since gone on to the next world, but I too remember the "Magic Aprons". No matter what was needed, it just appeared out of those pockets.

I think that "hole in the time-space continuum thing" at the bottom of the pocket/purse has GOT to be it...

 

[sm]

Typical of Southern Ladies, taking the laundry out to the clotheline , and there being a single shot shotgun of somekind out at the line with them...liable to be a Revolver in that apron too.

Dove season and I go to visit some folks, had persmission to hunt on their property.
Lady is 71 years old.
Husband, son, DIL and the kids went to hunt 2 hrs away, basically a kid's hunt and BBQ.

Doves are all over their property, I show up, and she has cleaned house, and started a roast. Now doing the laundry. Bird pooped on some laundry - she grins, looks at me, grabs that single shot .410, and - naturally has shells in the Apron.

We ended up easing past the clothesline, and she went 15 doves with 15 shells. Country Girl , raised right and could shoot - period. I too limited out, with a 28 ga. I used 13 shells, "men - just got to show off..." I reminded her I knew of skeet shooters that could not shoot a .410 as well as her.

I had tossed a box of 28 ga into my shell pouch, and had a extra box of .410s in there as well.
She had 18 shells in that apron, 15 for doves, and 3 for clothesline, duty.
Naturally she kept that box of shells, and then while I used bucket to tote the doves, she used her apron to tote back some as well...
"This old thing needs laundering too..."

Another mystery, women can own something for 5 seconds and it is "this old thing".

Folks get back, a front came thru and the hunting was poor. Still the BBQ and social gathering was great.

71 year old Lady was fixing 30 doves, and just a grinning..."I cleaned house, did the roast, did laundry, made the beds, limited out on doves, and fixed the squeaky door on the shed out back".
Ya'll clean up the kitchen and don't forget to sweep and mop.

Oh- Pa, no napping until you reload me some .410s with that #8.5 shot- the good stuff with high antimony."

Pa reloaded Ma 4 boxes of "her" per loads.
I mean it was dove season and all....

 

[Vic303]

Great SM, I love it! Thanks for a nice thread.

 

[SiG Lady]

It's about my purse...

The purse must weigh ten pounds but it has all the magical qualities of both the Loaves & Fishes Incident and the legendary aforementioned apron phenomenon. My co-workers now come to me first when they need 'something'........