Real mall ninja in my area.

[The Tourist]

I have noticed that when you try to pin these guys on specifics, they disappear.

A guy who did something can easily prove his whereabouts or credentials. And "war stories" don't cut it. I mean things like what company do you represent, are you a sworn officer, anybody we can call for verification, etc...

I've felt that smug sting, myself. Hey, it happens, the 'net is full of liars. But that's the point.

Send me a knife to sharpen or call Capital City Harley. You might not like me, but you're being told the truth.

And I would hold to that standard here. I don't like mall ninjas. I have never met one who isn't a Fife. But let's suppose there is one out there.

All he has to do is say, "I'm retired military/LEO, here are my credentials, call my boss." The argument is over instantly.

Personally if this guy who shoots at the sign of a "weapon" does have a superior, and that superior reads/lurks at THR, we ought to ask him to fire his subordinate. He truly is a trigger happy Fife.

 

[justin 561]

He also carries a bandoleer of live ammunition.

But no gun.

You never know, a AK-47 could fall out of the sky at anytime!

 

[divemedic]

He's a cop working an off-duty job.

Apologies. Don't know him. I see so many Security guards trying to pass themselves off as real cops...

Two of them:

I was at the gun show in Orlando, and I saw a guy wearing a blue Polo shirt with "Department of Homeland Security" on it, and he was wearing a gun belt with a handgun, cuffs, a Taser, spare mags, and an Asp on it. He had a badge and an ID on a chain around his neck. He was 5'6" and about 300 pounds. He waddled, rather than walking. I thought this odd, until I got a look at the badge. It said "Security Officer" and the ID said "Protection Officer." I knew then I was dealing with a "Mall Ninja"

The second was a call I ran to a reported auto accident. We were told that there were no injuries- confirmed by LEO on scene, and we were going for hazard control. We get there- no cops. Just a guy with a badge around his neck and a hat that read "Security." The best part? This neighborhood has no security guards. He was trying to direct traffic, and tell us what to do. He even stepped in front of a car and asked them why they were in this particular neighborhood.

Losers. "Welcome to the graduating class of Tuesday. You have passed both days of rigorous training. Here is your equipment: a flashlight, and in case of real trouble, a pouch of quarters to call the REAL cops."

 

[Ragnar Danneskjold]

I was at the gun show in Orlando, and I saw a guy wearing a blue Polo shirt with "Department of Homeland Security" on it, and he was wearing a gun belt with a handgun, cuffs, a Taser, spare mags, and an Asp on it. He had a badge and an ID on a chain around his neck. He was 5'6" and about 300 pounds. He waddled, rather than walking. I thought this odd, until I got a look at the badge. It said "Security Officer" and the ID said "Protection Officer." I knew then I was dealing with a "Mall Ninja"

It's a shame many of them don't realize that getting in shape is not only good for them, but it would make the act a lot more believable.

Of course if they were in shape, they might have a shot at the real thing. Hence they are where they are.

 

[hoji]

It is as pointless for me or anyone else to try and explain to some of you that not all private security guards are 400 lb wannabe mall ninjas. If you spent more time in the craphole section 8 housing complexes, power plants, major technology manufacturing centers, casinos, and other infrastructure sites, as well as federal buildings, you would see the ones who are not halfwits, as opposed to going on your mall walking and seeing the lowest common denominator.

But hey, you all know everything. I mean with the breaking of arms and tossing in fountain fantasies, who is the mall ninja?

 

[divemedic]

Let me say that I am sure that there are some professional, intelligent security guys out there. The problem is that the cop wanna be tacti-cool morons are soo o common and outspoken as the professionals quietly go about their jobs that we only notice the morons.

 

[hoji]

Let me say that I am sure that there are some professional, intelligent security guys out there. The problem is that the cop wanna be tacti-cool morons are soo o common and outspoken as the professionals quietly go about their jobs that we only notice the morons.

Just like the only cops you see on youtube are JBTs with no regard for the Constitution.

 

[TexasSkyhawk]

If you spent more time in the craphole section 8 housing complexes, power plants, major technology manufacturing centers, casinos, and other infrastructure sites, as well as federal buildings, you would see the ones who are not halfwits, as opposed to going on your mall walking and seeing the lowest common denominator.

I spent twelve years in craphole neighborhoods and housing projects and so on working as an undercover federal narcotics agent.

What's your experience with these places?

Didn't run into too many mall ninjas there--didn't run into too many uniformed credentialed law enforcement types there either. If there were real, effective security there, then there wouldn't have been much of a need for my and my folks to be there, now would there?

So that dog don't hunt.

Casinos? Vast majority of their security--especially senior security--are retired FBI and IRS CID agents, with surprisingly, a large number of retired military NIS/OSI/CID types as well.

Again, trained, proven, educated professionals. I doubt anyone here thinks of them as "mall ninjas."

Federal buildings? Generally the security is handled by GSA. Around the magnotometer and courts and USA's office, that security is provided by CSOs (Court Security Officers) who are deputized United States Marshals. I've yet to mee the CSO who wasn't a retired cop or gov't investigator of some sort. I know two are who retired CIA officers from the Directorate of Operations (a mall ninja's absolute wet dream job).

Major power plants? If they have a contract with DOE, or if they're nuclear (in which case they're regulated by DOE), then most of their security is ex-military.

Anyone remember the old Pantex plant in Amarillo, Texas? They built/disassembled nuclear warheads among other things. Their security team was made up almost entirely of former SEALs, PJs, Rangers/Special Forces, and recon Marines. I knew a lot of those guys as it was a very plumb job to go after when you decided to discharge from the service.

Mall ninjas are just that--mall ninjas. They are not professionals, they are not respected, they are of inconsequential value. They satisfy an insurance requirement and that's about it.

Jeff

 

[Ragnar Danneskjold]

You seem somewhat bitter SkyHawk

 

[dm1333]

hoji

Quote:

This is EXACTLY the kind of talk and rhetoric that defines "mall ninja-ness" perfectly.

Whatcha gonna do if one of my old scroungy-ass undercover partners come through your "high risk" metal detectors and sets it off? Or one of the boys from MacDill or Eglin or Homestead up to see the rodent with big ears and decides maybe a ring is due for their lady?

You try throwing THEM down on the floor and waving your little pistol at them, you'll be walking awful funny and awkward-like until someone takes you to a gunsmith-turned-proctologist . .

.

yep, couldn't agree more

+1000!
__________________

 

[hoji]

I spent twelve years in craphole neighborhoods and housing projects and so on working as an undercover federal narcotics agent.

What's your experience with these places?

Didn't run into too many mall ninjas there--didn't run into too many uniformed credentialed law enforcement types there either. If there were real, effective security there, then there wouldn't have been much of a need for my and my folks to be there, now would there?

So that dog don't hunt.

Casinos? Vast majority of their security--especially senior security--are retired FBI and IRS CID agents, with surprisingly, a large number of retired military NIS/OSI/CID types as well.

Again, trained, proven, educated professionals. I doubt anyone here thinks of them as "mall ninjas."

Federal buildings? Generally the security is handled by GSA. Around the magnotometer and courts and USA's office, that security is provided by CSOs (Court Security Officers) who are deputized United States Marshals. I've yet to mee the CSO who wasn't a retired cop or gov't investigator of some sort. I know two are who retired CIA officers from the Directorate of Operations (a mall ninja's absolute wet dream job).

Major power plants? If they have a contract with DOE, or if they're nuclear (in which case they're regulated by DOE), then most of their security is ex-military.

Anyone remember the old Pantex plant in Amarillo, Texas? They built/disassembled nuclear warheads among other things. Their security team was made up almost entirely of former SEALs, PJs, Rangers/Special Forces, and recon Marines. I knew a lot of those guys as it was a very plumb job to go after when you decided to discharge from the service.

Point being that they are ALL PRIVATELY EMPLOYED SECURITY OFFICERS now.

Plenty of experience in section 8 housing before I got my Wildland Conservation/Land Management Ranger position. The complexes our company handled were horrible before we went in.

As hamstrung as we are{as far as actual arrest authority goes} we arresetd for 42.01s, and felonies{ag assault,auto burglary were the most common}issued CTWs, and made it a point to write down every license plate { if a unit was getting 25 - 5 minute visits per night} and the unit they went to. Turned information over to Local PD.

But the point is the private company I worked for would get compliance for 10-12 hours {however long the shift was} per day , everyday. We had enough composure, presence, and will to get it done.
Night time dealing became non-existant. Zombies looking to score went away, domestic violence went down and the crime rate in general dropped.

Even got positive feedback from the local PD{ a real rarity in private security}
Not all private security guards are "mall ninjas} just as every DEA agent is not that moron who shot himself in the leg{only one professional enough}

 

[Regolith]

You seem somewhat bitter SkyHawk

I would be too if one of them had outed me during an undercover narcotics operation (as per one of his previous posts).



Don't have much experience with security types myself. The only ones I see with any regularity are the University security guys, and the only time I've had to deal with them was once when I needed a door opened late at night, and once or twice when I was up working late either trying to get the student newspaper finished up and sent to the printer or when working on a project for a class. Every time they just made sure I was supposed to be there and then asked politely to make sure the doors were shut when I left. Most of them are students themselves, and I've yet to run into a mall ninja type amongst them.

 

[Threeband]

I am STILL waiting for a photo of that van.

 

[dogtown tom]

This thread brought back memories of summer 1993...

I'm a teacher, so I get summers off (unless I'm working a soccer camp or teaching summer school). Occassionally I'll work a temp job, 'cause frankly- sitting on my butt is boring and I like $$$.

Summer 1993 I couldn't pass the Texas Shopping Center Covert Licensing Exam so I found a summer job as a "security officer" at Enron in Houston. Yeah, THAT Enron. Once I get there I found out that I'll actually be an employee of a private contractor and not Enron.

First and foremost my "mission" was protection of property. Although earlier shifts got to escort the ladies to the parking garage, all I got to do was walk floors 26-50+ of the Enron Building and turn off coffee pots.

My "uniform" was a navy blue sportcoat and grey slacks. Which is good- I'm not into the uniform thing. So not so much the typical Mall Ninja outfit, more like a car salesman. I was told the chicks dig that look.

They refused to issue me a Glock, Tec Nine, 8 cell MagLight or even handcuffs. Other "officers" said a small flashlight was all I would need. But I did get a big a$$ed radio to carry around. I still don't get that 10 Code crap. If you want to know where I'm at- ask me "where you at?"

Occassionally I would get to sit at the lobby desk and "buzz" people in through the doors. You can't imagine that kind of POWER! Even Ken Lay had to wait for me to let him in. (well, IF he had shown up at 3am he would have)

I have to brag- I did stop one crime in progress. Sitting at the lobby desk trying to stay awake at 3am, I see lights from an approaching car in front of the building. They can't see me, I'm sitting behind a massive granite counter that is about four feet high. The car stops, four guys jump out and have the doors and hood of a new Chevy pickup open and have cut the alarm so quick it only chirped once! I (in a very calm voice) scream "AAAAAAHHHHH THEY'RE STEALING CAAAAAAARRRRRSSSSS!!!!!!!" over the radio. As I'm keying the mike I'm also standing up- now they see me and jump back into their car and take off, leaving a hammer, slim jim and some other tools in the Chevy.

Ten minutes later, no cops. Turns out our "supervisor" thought I was kidding and didn't dial 911. I did get a $25 savings bond as a "reward".

Working that 11pm - 7am shift that one summer screwed up my sleep habits for YEARS!

BTW- no one I worked with acted like a ninja- more like James Bond with the whole coat and tie thing. But everyone WAS ex military (except me).

 

[KiltedClaymore]

"WHERE IS THE VAN!!!!!!"

-Dane Cook

 

[Threeband]

The Van! The Van!

This thread has drifted shamelessly.

We want to see the Van!

 

[KiltedClaymore]

"vanstock" anybody?

 

[slabuda]

1. Retired military looking to supplement their pension. As far as they're concerned, they're pullin' CQ for 8 hours.

'

Dude that is so funny!!!! CQ sucks, especially when you ned to pull it in the barracks because the airmen are being stupid (translate to not cleaning up their mess or being smart enough to get caught by Sgt.)

But hey, you all know everything. I mean with the breaking of arms and tossing in fountain fantasies, who is the mall ninja?

 

[TexasSkyhawk]

You seem somewhat bitter SkyHawk

Even got positive feedback from the local PD{ a real rarity in private security}
Not all private security guards are "mall ninjas} just as every DEA agent is not that moron who shot himself in the leg{only one professional enough}

Sigh.

Yeah, still a bit pissed off that so many clueless mall managers, car lot dealers, etc continue to scrape BELOW the barrel (not even the bottom of it) for what passes as "security" simply to satisfy insurance requirements.

It gets old having these idiots coat-tail you around places, tell you how much they want to be a DEA/FBI/ATF/USBP/US Marshal type, but because of a "bum knee" or "an old wound from the military" that the "government just wouldn't take them."

Spare me. I got shot three times in the service and I still passed the physical. It's normally because these numbnuts have the IQ of a dead houseplant or because they're a good one hundred or more pounds overweight . . . that's their obstacle.

Also got old having them continuously burn your cover. Finally, we just quit telling them who we were unless absolutely necessary--then promised them arrest and disappearance via the black helicopters if they burned us in any way.

And EVEN THEN. . .

Good ones? Absolutely. But they are not what I call "mall ninjas."

They are security professionals. Big difference, as I thought I explained earlier.

I've worked with part-time pimple-faced college kids who wore a ugly light blue shirt and tin-pie badge who were better to work with than a lot of my own agents. Likewise, I've worked with corproate internal security folks that were BETTER than most of my own agents.

Better pay does attract better quality.

But do know that there IS a difference between a mall ninja and a security professional.

I've never had a security professional try to arrest me, but I have had mall ninjas try.

Clear enough?

Jeff

P.S. That bozo agent who shot himself? Most of us wished he had been showing the kids how not to look down inside your barrel instead. . . He was to us what that Baltimore slob cop is to everyday police officers.

 

[Big Boomer]

Still waiting for the picture of that van!!!

 

[arthurcw]

Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van! Van!

 

[lloydkristmas]

I have exhausted my resources and poured over countless apocalyptic threads in an attempt to establish an official formula for calculating the likelihood that you are a mall ninja.

(b) +/- (B^2 x (3+A-Cy)) / 2(X)-h
Where "b" is the number of ATI products you have on your shotgun or SKS. (Go ahead and multiply this number by 2 if your SKS has a scope). "B" is the number of items in your "tactical disaster inventory" that were originally marketed for airsoft wargames. "A" is the difference between the actual number of magazine pouches your airsoft vest has and the actual number of magazines you own. Go ahead and square "A" if you have ever watched anime porn. "C" is your waist size and "y" is the number of days you have spent in real live combat. This number should cancel to zero so dont worry about it. Then we divide by 2 times "X" which is typically defined as the number of quarters your boss gives you in case you need to call the real police. Lastly, we will use "h" to refer to the number of times you have secretly wondered how cool it would be to slip on that full scale Boba Fett costume in your moms basement and live out your zombie-killing dream in style. Dont forget to carry the 1.

 

[esmith]

"WHERE IS THE VAN!!!!!!"

Wheres the van!!!! The van was supposed to be here!!! Booom boom crash mush! You! Me! Us!

--I want to see that!

classic.

 

[LiquidTension]

Wow.

Well, the extra paycheck isn't that big

Upon further consideration, I guess I don't really look like a mall ninja. Standing 6'01" and 193lbs is only marginally overweight instead of GREATLY overweight

Oh yeah, since no one else has mentioned it - where are the pics?

 

[Monkeybear]

My mom was a security guard for the building of a very large investment company. Basically she got paid a lot of money to report the events of the day, perimeter the building at set intervals and generally be courteous to anyone around her. Two things she always complained about were people who worked with her that thought they were cops and people who were rude to her because she wasn't. Often she noticed they acted pretty similar. That same swagger if you will.

One issue she dealt with on a regular basis was people parking where they should not, mostly bikes next to the doors or cars where they would block things. Lots of reasons why those spots were restricted but more importantly it was her job to ask you to move. She would simply say it was requested by the building owners that no vehicles be parked near the entrances and most normal people would just re-park in the garage. If you didn't she alerted the supervisor who would just have it towed, as was policy, and make a notation of the event in her report. She told me about this when I asked her if she had any authority. She said she did not but didn't feel like she needed any, she was just made sure things were like the building owners wanted and when they were not they used their authority to rectify it.

You own a Harley, or you don't.

You had to bring that into it didn't you. Harley bikes are OK, I guess. Nothing special about them unless you have a tendency for elitism. A very good family friend of my fiance's owns 4 Harley dealerships that I have personally been to as well as a couple of other dealerships. A fine gentleman who offered to make me a wonderful deal on a nice Harley. I bought a Honda.