orangeninja
Member
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2003
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The gun shop owners guide to success
1.) Be nice. Niceness includes things like occasionally smiling (that diagonal line that curves up at the ends of your lips….yeah…that’s it) and saying things like “how are you today sir?” when a customer walks into your shop.
2.) Customer = pronounced “kust-oh-mer” are those bi-ped creatures walking upright around your facility, they somewhat resemble hairless apes, but with money.
3.) Money = green papery things that you exchange for guns, which I know, seems kind of silly to exchange green paper for wood, steel and plastic guns, but this paper is good for other things, like buying food. No you can’t eat the money or screw it, but it can lead to that if you have enough…so get as much as you can.
4.) Guns = are what you sell. You don’t have to hang on to each one or price it as if you were related to it. Remember, the goal is to get the gun out the door with those bi-ped creatures with money.
5.) Store = what you own. A place where strangers (kust-oh-mers) walk in at any given time that the door is unlocked. Relax, they are not infringing upon your “me-space” or sanctum, remember, these are the guys with the green papers, so try not to get pissed off when one wanders into your domain.
6.) Knowledge = those useless facts you have memorized that drive your wife more nutty than the streaks in your underwear? Yeah, that’s called knowledge, note that this is different than your opinion. For instance, many customers would like your “knowledge” about a gun, like where it’s made, the caliber, warranty, etc. What they don’t want is your opinion on 9mm vs. .45 and such unless solicited. Remembering this can lead to many more green papery things.
7.) Opinions = usually best kept to yourself unless solicited (asked) for it. When asked for your opinion, a bi-ped , (kust-oh-mer) has demonstrated a measure of trust, try not to blow it by suddenly becoming animated or talking down to the hairless ape with green papery things in front of you. It will destroy said trust and they will take their green papery things with them.
8.) Females = are also (kust-oh-mers) and usually will not enter your shop in the hopes for any type of sexual encounter, staring at them and making crude comments will not increase your chances, but may lead to a loss of green papery things. Also, females, (you may denote them by your sudden unease or urge to stare at their chest when one appears before you) do not automatically just want a revolver. They have mouths that move up and down with noise coming out. If you listen very carefully, that noise sounds an awful lot like words. Just pretend as if they are words and respond accordingly, you will be surprised at how well this secret Jedi trick works.
9.) Hello = this is a common greeting in America and shows someone that you have acknowledged their presence. This is especially important in getting green papery things, I recommend you try this phrase…”Hello”…. Now practice it over and over with those “smile” things we talked about earlier and say that word whenever someone enters your shop.
10.) Hygiene = Tobacco juice is rarely used as an aphrodisiac in modern civilization, so try to keep the appearance of it to a minimum.
If you follow these 10 simple steps, you too could be a success at owning a gun shop.
1.) Be nice. Niceness includes things like occasionally smiling (that diagonal line that curves up at the ends of your lips….yeah…that’s it) and saying things like “how are you today sir?” when a customer walks into your shop.
2.) Customer = pronounced “kust-oh-mer” are those bi-ped creatures walking upright around your facility, they somewhat resemble hairless apes, but with money.
3.) Money = green papery things that you exchange for guns, which I know, seems kind of silly to exchange green paper for wood, steel and plastic guns, but this paper is good for other things, like buying food. No you can’t eat the money or screw it, but it can lead to that if you have enough…so get as much as you can.
4.) Guns = are what you sell. You don’t have to hang on to each one or price it as if you were related to it. Remember, the goal is to get the gun out the door with those bi-ped creatures with money.
5.) Store = what you own. A place where strangers (kust-oh-mers) walk in at any given time that the door is unlocked. Relax, they are not infringing upon your “me-space” or sanctum, remember, these are the guys with the green papers, so try not to get pissed off when one wanders into your domain.
6.) Knowledge = those useless facts you have memorized that drive your wife more nutty than the streaks in your underwear? Yeah, that’s called knowledge, note that this is different than your opinion. For instance, many customers would like your “knowledge” about a gun, like where it’s made, the caliber, warranty, etc. What they don’t want is your opinion on 9mm vs. .45 and such unless solicited. Remembering this can lead to many more green papery things.
7.) Opinions = usually best kept to yourself unless solicited (asked) for it. When asked for your opinion, a bi-ped , (kust-oh-mer) has demonstrated a measure of trust, try not to blow it by suddenly becoming animated or talking down to the hairless ape with green papery things in front of you. It will destroy said trust and they will take their green papery things with them.
8.) Females = are also (kust-oh-mers) and usually will not enter your shop in the hopes for any type of sexual encounter, staring at them and making crude comments will not increase your chances, but may lead to a loss of green papery things. Also, females, (you may denote them by your sudden unease or urge to stare at their chest when one appears before you) do not automatically just want a revolver. They have mouths that move up and down with noise coming out. If you listen very carefully, that noise sounds an awful lot like words. Just pretend as if they are words and respond accordingly, you will be surprised at how well this secret Jedi trick works.
9.) Hello = this is a common greeting in America and shows someone that you have acknowledged their presence. This is especially important in getting green papery things, I recommend you try this phrase…”Hello”…. Now practice it over and over with those “smile” things we talked about earlier and say that word whenever someone enters your shop.
10.) Hygiene = Tobacco juice is rarely used as an aphrodisiac in modern civilization, so try to keep the appearance of it to a minimum.
If you follow these 10 simple steps, you too could be a success at owning a gun shop.
