Overkill and Balrog,
To answer your questions, first I have shot .357, .41 and .44 magnums for many years, but only the .357 now. I carried several different .357 magnums on duty as well.
I find the recoil of the GLOCK 43, RUGER LC9, S&W Shield and KAHR CW9 excessive. When I shoot, I want to be able to go through 100 rounds at a time in order to keep my skills up.
I have shot all the above and found them to wear on my hand at the 50 round mark. The exception is the RUGER which I gave up shooting at 15 rounds. It was just not worth the effort and was painful.
It has to do with how the recoil was spread out by the grip. The "thin" 9m.m. pistols are just too thin for comfort in my hand.
Oh, the most painful recoil I have experience recently was with a 9m.m. MARAROV. It was awful and I could only fore 30 rounds before I had to switch hands.
On the other hand, yesterday I was shooting a STOEGER 8040 and included some 155 grain ammo that was doing at least 1100 fps. It was not painful, but the recoil was noticeably heavier than the 180 grain ammo I also shot. I have fired this pistol up to 120 rounds at a time without discomfort.
It is all about how the pistol grip fits your hand and transmits the recoil impulse.
Jim