JamesBeat said:
The conversation part was the most surreal aspect of the whole thing. They were PEOPLE. It's so easy to neglect that side of things when you're planning for scenarios, intruder/s are a dark shadowy figure in the imagination, but in real life, they are people with faces and voices. They will say things that you don't expect and what they say may surprise you and even make you change your plan.
It's easy to think 'I'd just shoot them', but what if your intruder started crying or pleading with you? What if you lit them up and discovered they were a young teenager?
Hey James, welcome to America, I'm an ex-pat myself so I know some of what you're talking about. Although it's been 10 years since I was in the UK, I still have family there, although personal defense in a non-discussable topic. You did well, but here's some personal critique, you can take it or leave it.
Ok What you're describing in the section quoted is a delay in your
OODA loop.
Mentally you were confused by two things
- They were people
- Other concerns leaked in
In that situation you need to focus on the now and let later wait, you can deal with it later, if there is no later then you needn't worry about it.
Firstly lets talk about people, yes the couple who were trying to break in were indeed people, its no surprise. However they were also apparently criminals who had threatened to cause possibly lethal violence on you. So first thing is dehumanize, they are your enemy, and they want to do you possibly deadly harm, if you are killed or disabled, then what will they do to your now undefended girlfriend. This is something you need to work at before the situation arises, so you can turn it on when needed. You can sort out any remorse later if needs be.
Also learn that during commission of crime the perpetrator and victim do communicate both verbally and non-verbally (being punched in the face is a very strong non-verbal communication), you were surprised by this and it scrambled your OODA loop, it might have even been deliberate on their part (not that there's much hope they know the theory, but they may well know a practical application or two).
Their age, gender, ethnic heritage, is all irrelevant, if they are there to do you harm then they are the enemy and must be stopped or they will stop you. It doesn't matter if it's a 250lb 6'5" wrestler, or a 85 pound 15 year old girl with a revolver. It's you or them, then make your choice.
Secondly lets talk priorities. Self defense is about managing priorities, if you're in fear of death remove the threat, if the threat is removed, then worry about after the fact, like injury, if that is removed, criminal charges, if that's removed then worry about inconveniences like being arrested, if that's removed then worry about the after effects, like feeling insecure. What happened in your case apparently is that these priorities got muddled, you were worrying about too many things at the same time, like: -
- I might get killed
- I might get injured
- I might go to prison
- I might get arrested
- I might get questioned
- I need information that the police might need to find and arrest these people
Do not worry about injury if death is a serious probability.
Do not worry about prison if serious injury is a serious probability
Do not worry about minor injury of prison is a serious probability.
etc.
Now other than mentioning your girlfriend phoning the police, you don't mention any concerns for her safety, now that could be because of two things. She isn't that important so you weren't concerned about her, or you managed that fear. Sorry if that seems brutal, but I'm being honest. What caused that to be a non-issue in your experience only you know, so analyze and learn from it.
Training, yes it's important, as the saying goes "we don't rise to the occasion, we sink to our level of training". So good training is important, in your case even more so, since you've already experienced a dangerous situation, and can extrapolate the situation based on your new training. Generally when people are trained, while it's real nice and all, and they can learn tactics and skills, whether they are of any real use to you is solely dependent on you at the time they're needed.
Unfortunately until you "see the elephant you never know" however you have seen the elephant to a degree, so you can mentally work through the information provided by training and see how you would apply it to the situation. Word of caution on this though, reality is rarely the same as a mental exercise, do not be taken off guard if at some point when you get into another situation, that it does not play out how you've mentally prepared. Yes we all have plans and tactics, but don't think you've covered every possibility, so do not be confused or deterred when it doesn't play out how you expect.
One final word of warning, criminals, or attackers are not stupid (contrary to a lot of peoples belief) they will only act when they feel that they have an unfair advantage, so learn from your training, but do not over estimate your abilities, nor under estimate your enemies, you have training, and they have experience, the combination of the two is extremely potent. If I had to choose I'd take someone who has both over someone who has one, I'd take someone with experience over someone with training and I'd take someone with training over someone who has nothing. So while it's a huge advantage over nothing, it is not a panacea, over-estimating your training as a strength often leads people into a belief to the point it is an active weakness, and when the rubber hits the road, they will quickly lose faith in both themselves and their training (since they over estimated themselves and under estimated their opponent), this means that rather than their training being an advantage, it becomes a handicap.
Anyway my opinion. HTH
