Things to consider:
1. Adequate Penetration with good expansion (sectional density and bullet construction will play an important role)
2. Avoid bonded bullets / Barrier Blind bullets due to over penetration and potential collateral damage to loved ones
3. Cartridges using low flash powders, your wife doesn't want to be blind after firing the first shot in the dark.
4. You've done the best you can with a forward ported flash hider, better would be a suppressor that lives on what I presume to be an AR pistol
5. Find 2-3 candidates that meet the above requirements and go do some real world testing of your own with some simple 12"x12" 2x4 frames with sheetrock both sides and a some water jugs behind and see how they perform (i.e. penetrate, expand, flash signature by shooting at dusk/night)
6. Active hearing protection, electronic muffs, best yet suppressor
The characteristics of the 5.56 that helps is that it's a light bullet whose path gets disrupted rather easily, which helps in over penetration into rooms housing loved ones, but one needs to make sure they understand that some self-defense ammunition for the 5.56 is for punching through barriers which is what you don't want.
I'm sure you-tubers have done some novice tests that will get you in the right direction.